∞ ∞ ∞
Claire stood beside her rental car. The freshness of the day was still quiet outside. It would take a few hours to wake the wren, to bring the seagull searching for food, and for the sun to begin baking what leaves still clung to the branches. Sounds of the gentle surf made her homesick. For what home, she didn’t know.
“I’m going to catch the next ferry out.”
He held onto her hand as if he wouldn’t surrender it for her to journey back home. “Why?”
“Because I don’t want to take the same one as you. I don’t want to ride it knowing you’re pulling off and going in a different direction. I’m going to sit at that coffee shop, at the window we sat at, and think about you. I’m going to take a napkin from the dispenser on the table and write down everything I want to say to you right now but won’t. Then when I ride the ferry over to the mainland, I’m going to release the napkin into the ocean. And as I watch it being dragged off farther from the boat, I’ll know my feelings will go with it. I can’t take them home with me. It would be the death of my future with Alex.”
Colin pulled her into his arms and pressed her close to him. “Claire, I love you.” He moved his lips to her ear. “Do you remember when I first told you that?”
She closed her eyes. A tear fell on her cheek. “Don’t tell me that in the daylight.”
“Why not?” He didn’t release his hold.
“Because then I’ll know it’s not just a dream.”
She broke from his hold and got in her car. She sped out before she could look once more into his blue eyes.
Chapter Eighteen
The Unexpected Visitor
It’d been two weeks since Frieda’s funeral. Claire returned on Sunday evening to a frigid reception from Alex. He’d gone in the middle of the night to pick up Pearl from the sleepover. She’d become homesick and needed to see her parents. When he’d gotten the call from the friend’s mother, he checked to see whether Claire had called to check on their daughter. After trying several times to get in touch with her, he fell back to sleep.
She explained about the storm and how the ferry had stopped working and there was no electricity or cell phone service, but he still had a distance about him. Maybe it was her own paranoia. She couldn’t be sure and she couldn’t press him about it. She didn’t want to know his concerns—she couldn’t lay any he had to rest. She had her own keeping her awake at night.
Colin had tried calling her several times. He’d even texted. She quickly deleted everything and sent him a final answer to respectfully leave her alone. She thought it’d done the trick when she saw her phone blink with a new message a week later. It was Colin, again.
“Please call me back. I need to talk to you.”
She deleted it and went back to the computer keyboard and worked on finishing up a report for her team at work. The ringing phone startled her. It was Colin. She took a breath and answered it.
“Hello.”
“Hey, I’m glad you picked up. I was beginning to wonder if I was leaving messages on someone else’s phone.”
She took a deep breath and looked around her office. Talking to him made her uneasy. It didn’t matter that the sound of his voice pushed a flutter of butterflies through her stomach. “Colin, you need to stop calling and texting. I can’t talk to you.”
“I need to see you, Claire.”
“Absolutely not.” Her spine snapped erect and the butterflies drowned in boiling stomach acid. “Are you crazy?”
There was a knock on her office door. “Hold on a sec.”
The little college-aged receptionist popped her head in. “There’s someone here to see you, Claire.”
“Tell them I’ll be right with them.” Claire held her hand over the phone receiver. “Colin, I have—”
She stopped when his head peeked behind the girl standing at her door. “Surprise.”
Her breathing stopped. She was frozen. The phone was suspended in her hand next to her ear. Her attention redirected to the girl. “Janet, thanks.”
The girl moved out of the way to let Colin by. He obviously didn’t wait like normal people did to be announced and escorted back.
“Colin, what are you doing here?” She pulled him inside and shut the door. The girl peered over her shoulder as she walked away.
“You wouldn’t call back, Claire. I had to see you.”
God, she wanted to hear that so badly. She hadn’t stopped thinking about him since she drove off that morning. His blue eyes stayed pressed inside her memory, blinking like a neon sign in her mind.
He touched her hand. She laced her fingers in his and inhaled the scent of his aftershave—Eternity for Men. Those butterflies resurfaced and gave her a feeling of euphoria.
“We can’t do this. We said our good-byes at the beach house. You must stop calling me. It’s torture. What if Alex found my phone? Colin, you have to stop. I’ll die if you don’t.”
Her words hurt him. His joyful eyes turned sad. “Can we go somewhere and talk? Please.”
“Colin, Alex works in this city. A few blocks from here. What if he sees us? What if one of our friends sees us and asks about you?” Her heart raced.
“Then my problem’s solved. We’re found out.”
“Get serious.” She pulled away from him.
“I am, Claire. He’s not going to see us. Just take me somewhere. Anywhere.”
“Fine. Come on.” She grabbed her coat and they left for a nearby coffee shop. If anyone caught them, last time she checked it wasn’t a crime to drink coffee.
She placed her coat on the back of her chair as he pulled it out for her to sit. Her nerves were a jumbled mess inside. The last thing she should do is mix caffeine with this scenario. She even thought the barista had made a call after he wrote their names on their beverage cups. Colin ordered for her, laughing that he knew her favorite. She tried to keep it professional, pulling at the top button of her pea coat. Was he calling Alex now? Did he know her from Alex going there every morning and showing pictures of his family to everyone who worked there?
“So what is it, Colin? What did you fly to New York to tell me? We ended it. It’s over.” Her voice was low and she glanced in both directions while declaring it. She thought she recognized someone who’d just come in.
“It’s not over for me, Claire. I’ll never rid you of me.” He pushed his cup out of the way and leaned on the table to get closer to Claire. “You’ll always live inside me.”
“Colin…” she chided. “Keep your voice down.”
He grabbed for her hand. She was unable to recover it. He was persistent. “You are the last thought in my mind before I go to sleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up.” He paused. She stopped resisting. “Do you know I purposely leave open the shades before going to bed because I want the sun to wake me up the same time it wakes you? I remember you telling me you didn’t sleep with shades on the windows. I remember everything about you.”
She enfolded her other hand on his. Everyone in the coffee shop disappeared. This was her swan song. The last dagger to her heart. Hearing him say how he bore her in his soul would certainly end it for her. Not having any control over the past decisions and too much over future ones.
“Colin.” She took his hand in hers and cradled it. The gesture was as natural to her as drawing breath. “You’re making this the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life. I can’t love you anymore. I can’t hear you love me. You can’t love me. It’s as easy and complex as that. The sooner you come to grips with it, the better. It’s like trying to resist the sun from rising. It’s going to rise no matter what we think, what we want…it’s just the way it is. I won’t tear my family apart. Pearl will have enough to deal with than to be the kid in school who has a scandalous mother who left her dad for another man.”
“Another man?” He pulled away. “I thought I meant more to you than just another man.”
She lowered her voi
ce and turned to see whether anyone was looking at them. “You know what I mean, Colin. You know what you mean to me. But that will be of little use to the people we claim to love. Alex doesn’t deserve this. Not after he’s loved me unconditionally.” She knew the sacrifice and hurt he dealt with by not being Pearl’s biological dad. “I won’t and can’t do it to them. Please understand. All you’re doing by insisting we admit to ourselves that we’re still in love with each other is killing me. Just let me try to find some kind of happiness in the life I have now. Without you.”
He pressed his back against the chair and lowered his head. “The last thing I want is to bring you heartbreak, Claire. I only wanted to be with you. It’s the only thing that makes sense in this world. You are what makes sense.” He pushed at his cup, again. “But, I would rather endure the sadness of not being with you than have you endure it by upsetting the life you have now. I concede, Claire. Alex wins.”
“It’s not about winning, Colin.”
“You don’t sit in my seat, Claire. He’s clearly the winner if he gets to spend his life with you.”
She stared at the wood grain on the table. Slowly other noises became audible around her. The guy behind the counter was shouting to the back they were out of scones. And a little girl was crying because her Danish had dropped on the ground. Colin rested his chin on his hand and looked out the window. Claire’s heart was flat-lining.
“Well, hey. I’ll get going. I’ve got a flight to catch.” He stood and kept his eyes averted from hers.
Her weak knees supported her to stand. She clutched at her stomach. “Okay. Well, I guess I’ll see you later.”
It was something she had to tell herself so she didn’t cry, knowing it was the last time she’d sit across from the table and see his blue eyes.
He smiled and looked at her. “See you later, Claire.”
“Yeah, be safe, Colin.”
She watched as he left the shop and got swallowed in the crowd on the sidewalk. He was undetectable as the swarm of people flowed past. She looked down at his cup and empty chair and felt the most incredible emptiness. Again.
Chapter Nineteen
The Mix-up
“Alex, I don’t want to vacation at the beach house this year. I want to take Pearl and go to Hawaii. Renee just got back from there and she was telling us at work how beautiful it was there. They have waterfalls and Pearl would love the leis they give you everywhere you go.” She hugged the back of him as he tied his tie in the mirror.
“And they have that snorkel thing you’d love. You go in this little personal submarine and can see all the exotic fish. Now come on, you know what pictures you could get and show off at your golf matches?”
“Claire, you don’t take show-and-tell at golf matches.”
“Yeah, well then why does Harvey Picarello bring pictures of his safari hunts?”
“Because that’s manly, I guess. Pretty fish aren’t exactly something you show off.”
Claire was laying it on thick, using the beautiful waterfalls and snorkeling expeditions as reasons to not go to the beach house. She hadn’t been back there since Colin and she got trapped there, four years ago last fall. She’d managed to come up with an excuse every summer not to go with his dad and mom, but she feared her reasons were going to fall short this year.
“Honey, you know Dad is looking forward to this. Mom wants to spend time with Pearl other than once a month at Sunday dinner. She’s at the age now that Mom wants to show her how to make brownies and fly a kite.”
“Fly a kite?”
He kissed her forehead and walked over to get his shoes from the closet. “I don’t know. Whatever. She just wants to spend time with her this summer. It won’t kill you to go and spend some time with them, will it? You and Mom get along. Just do this for me?”
He gave her those eyes. Those eyes that told her whatever he was asking for was small in comparison to anything she wanted and didn’t get from him already. He’d already given her his undying devotion, which incidentally she in no way, shape, or form deserved. And he never once questioned her about any time she’d have to excuse herself from him after they made love. She always felt so guilty lying in his arms and thinking of only Colin.
“Okay, we’ll go then.”
He smiled with relief.
She’d agreed to do something that would prove to test her whole being—and his.
∞ ∞ ∞
“Alexander, whose car is that?” Evie asked her husband, pointing to the black BMW parked in the driveway at the beach house.
“I’m not sure, dear. But we’ll find out in a second.”
He got out of the SUV and walked around to the back of the home. Alex helped Claire and Pearl out of the back and opened the hatch to get their bags. Claire took Pearl’s hand and walked her to the backyard.
The day was perfect. The sun glistened on the water and a gentle breeze blew. The water pushed against the sand in a melodic fashion, leaving a lip of foam behind as it carried back out to the ocean. Light shone off the top of the boathouse, having caught the reflection of the bright sun.
Alex carried the bags inside and heard talking in the living room. He walked to see who it was.
“I just can’t believe this is happening. I called your mother and told her I was coming this week.”
Mallory stood, wiping her eyes and shifting from foot to foot while she talked to Alex’s dad.
“I’m sorry. She never told any of us that you were coming, or we’d have not come. I promise you, Mr. Prescott.”
“Ah, that’s all right, Mallory. It is what it is.” He swatted his hand. “And call me Alexander, will you? I’m your uncle, for goodness’ sakes, not some total stranger. Although with our dysfunctional family tree, I’m sure it feels like it.”
“Okay,” she said, barely able to muster a grin. Something was obviously troubling her.
“Where are your folks? Are they here yet?”
“No, it’s just me and Colin. They stayed home. Dad’s not feeling well. That’s probably why Mom forgot about you coming. Dad’s been in and out of doctor appointments for a month now. Mom’s really stressed out.”
“That’s all right. And I’m sorry to hear about him.” He rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head back and forth. “We’ll have to figure something out. This is something we’ve been planning for some time. We’ve finally talked the kids into coming this summer.”
Mallory picked up a glass and plate from the coffee table and stacked them in her arm. “You can stay. I’ll take my kids and stay in the guesthouse. There’s enough room for everyone else to stay in the main house.”
Alex’s stomach became pinched. He did not want to share a house with Colin and his wife. For no amount of money. He’d rather get a room at the Hyatt. It wasn’t the plan, but this certainly wasn’t the plan.
“Dad, we can go and get a room at Mission Point. It’ll be fine. You and Mom can stay here.”
His mother walked in behind him, carrying her overnight case over her shoulder. She took the sunglasses off her eyes and set them onto her head. “What’s going on? Who’s here? Alexander?”
“Mallory, dear,” he answered. “She’s come up this week to stay. She says Colin is here, too, with his family.”
Mallory backed up from the doorway leading to the kitchen. “Hi, Mrs. Prescott. Colin’s at the market now. He’s got all the kids. He’ll be back in a bit.”
“Hello, dear.” She shook her head. “I don’t understand. I called Melanie and told her. What in the world happened in between then and now? Did she forget?” Evie looked outdone, placing her case on the ground and sighing very loudly.
“I told Mr., I mean Alexander, you all are perfectly welcome to stay. Mom and Dad stayed in North Carolina. It’s just me and my two children. Colin brought Emily and Maribel, but I’ll stay in the guesthouse.”
Evie glanced at her husband. He didn’t say a peep. “Well, I guess that’l
l be fine. Are you sure you don’t mind? I know it’s in the middle of the woods. Which is why I don’t particularly care for it. It gives no real waterfront view and it smells musty in there.”
“Not at all. I can see the water from the top floor. And anyway, I won’t be in the house as much as I’ll be outside with the kids, probably.” She looked at Alex. “Where’s Claire, Alex?”
“She’s outside with Pearl. I think she might’ve taken her to see the beach.”
“I’ve got to go and see her.” Mallory brushed past him on her way outside.
When he heard the door shut, he walked over to his mother. “Listen, Mom, I’m not going to stay a minute in this house with Colin, let alone a week. I won’t do it.”
“Oh, Alex, he’s never done anything to you. Besides, I’m here to spend time with my granddaughter. I don’t care what he chooses to do with his time here. And you heard Mallory. It’s not like everyone is going to be spending their time indoors. There’s the beach, downtown—we can charter a boat. Please do this for me. I’ve waited a long time to have this trip with Pearl. She’s growing up so fast and it feels like I’ve missed most of it.”
He hated when she looked so desperate. She was such a good mother. He knew how hard it must’ve been when his sister died shortly after birth. Having Pearl, he wondered how a parent could ever get over something like that. He couldn’t begrudge his mother this time with her.
“Okay, Mom. But, if that guy starts to grate on my nerves just once…”
Evie pinched her son’s cheeks. “You’ll smile and think to yourself, ‘I’m doing this for my mother.’” She smiled and gave him an endearing look.
“Sure, Mom. Anything for you.”
∞ ∞ ∞
Claire shielded her eyes from the sun and squinted to see who was running toward her. It was Mallory. Oh my gosh, what was Mallory doing here? She last talked to her three weeks ago on the phone. She was preparing for their vacation to Florida. Jason’s parents were hosting them for a two-week stay at their home. She’d been excited to get away and have one-on-one time with her husband. His parents never got to spend time with their grandchildren and Mallory and Jason could take advantage of the free babysitting and go out a few nights on their own.
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