by Karin Baine
He hadn’t been in this position before. Sure, he’d done his fair share of counselling families in the course of his job, but this was different. Jessica needed physical and emotional support and he wasn’t sure he was capable of giving one without the other. If he kissed her, it would take them to a level beyond friendship and he didn’t want that when she was so emotionally vulnerable.
He should really confess his sins and put her off from wanting anything from him at all, but he didn’t want to do it here in the dark where they could barely see each other’s faces.
‘Thanks.’
Rob fumbled with his keys to get the engine started and break the tense atmosphere he’d created. ‘I don’t live far from here if you want to go grab a bite to eat? Your day has been every bit as busy as mine and we don’t want you passing out again, do we?’
* * *
‘I suppose...’ Jessica’s judgement where men were concerned was apparently still completely out of whack to have mistaken a compliment as a come-on. For a split second she’d imagined he was going to kiss her, only to find the hungry look in his eyes was for a snack, not her. She’d told him the very thing which had defined everything about her and she took his non-reaction as another snub.
If it wasn’t for her growling stomach and an evening dwelling on her misfortunes alone to look forward to, she might well have declined the invitation.
She knew she’d made the right call when they drew up into the driveway. The large chalet-style bungalow was more of a family residence than the trendy bachelor pad she’d pictured him in. It was a new build and, with the acres of empty fields surrounding it, probably more expensive than a luxury apartment in the city.
It was immaculate inside; the order and precision he displayed at work clearly extended here too.
‘Make yourself...er...comfortable and I’ll see what we have in the way of food.’ Rob led her through to the living room.
‘No problem. Give me a shout if you need a hand with anything.’ She took a seat on the shiny black leather settee. Everything in the room looked as if it had just been unwrapped. He’d been here five years and the place still didn’t feel lived-in. Despite Rob’s devotion to his wife’s memory, there were no pictures of her around, no personal artefacts visible anywhere. As if he was in denial about what had happened. It wasn’t healthy.
Rob returned carrying a few paltry grocery items which did not have the makings of a gourmet meal. ‘We have tinned soup, eggs, some sort of vegetables, and I’m sure I saw a packet of sausages that are only days out of the best-before date in there somewhere too. Sorry, I didn’t think this through. I could whip up an omelette if you like?’
‘There’s no need. I love tomato soup and it means we can be eating in less than five minutes.’ Soup had been one of the few things she’d been able to stomach during her illness and she related it to a comfort of sorts. She was ready for it after the day she’d had.
‘As you wish.’ Rob gave a sweeping bow and backed out of the room but Jessica was keen to spend more time in his company. Especially with this playful side of him.
‘Wait, I’ll come and help.’
The kitchen resembled something from a show home with its marble worktops, oak units and state-of-the-art gadgets. Her whole apartment would probably fit into one corner of it too. ‘Are you telling me you have this to cook in and your diet is that of a penniless student?’
‘Give me a break. I haven’t had a chance to shop yet this week.’ Rob poured the thick red gloop into two bowls and set the timer on the microwave.
Jessica wasn’t buying it. The kitchen was so pristine, either he never used it or he had an army of woodland creatures under his command keeping it spotless. The size of this house would emphasise anyone’s loneliness and she didn’t understand why he would move here in the first place after losing his wife. She found it hard enough at times to fill the silence in her poky dwelling space, never mind this sprawling country estate—population one. At least she had her mother to visit when the loneliness became too much. From her restricted view of Rob’s situation, it felt as though he was punishing himself by living in this vast empty space, as far from human company as he could get. Somehow she’d achieved VIP status which allowed her access inside his hallowed sanctuary.
‘I’m sure you have a lovely view from here.’ Although, without the light pollution of traffic and civilisation, all she could see at the moment was eternal darkness.
‘Aye. It’s the perfect spot if you’re fond of fields and sheep.’
Or brooding.
As beautiful as Rob’s house was, this kind of isolation was never going to help his situation and Jessica had learned long ago it wasn’t healthy to hold back on what she was thinking. Dinner could wait but if she didn’t get this out now she’d burst. ‘Do you really think Leah would want you to hide away out here for the rest of your life?’
Rob braced himself against the worktop, his back still towards Jessica and his hackles well and truly raised. ‘You don’t understand.’
‘You’re right. I don’t. So explain to me why you’re so damned hard on yourself.’ After everything she’d shared with him, he should be able to trust her with his story. Unfortunately, trying to get information out of him was like banging her head off a solid, muscly brick wall.
* * *
The beep from the microwave barely registered for Rob as he was forced to turn around and confront the demons he’d grown tired of hiding from. ‘I couldn’t save her. I failed as a doctor, a husband...I wasn’t there for her when she needed me the most.’
He’d been so caught up in his work, in saving other people’s lives, he hadn’t been there to protect the ones who mattered most to him. If only he’d shared the excitement of his daughter and joined the shopping expedition for her first day at school instead of dwelling on the argument he’d had with Leah at home, he might’ve prevented the tragedy.
Rob caught himself before he blurted out about Mollie, and how he’d failed as a father too. One shameful secret at a time. He didn’t want Jessica to judge him or pity him any more than she did already. It wouldn’t bring his family back. More than that, the memories he had of Mollie were his alone now and he wouldn’t share her with just anyone.
‘It wasn’t your fault. It was an accident, something you could never have foreseen.’ Jessica’s naivety about the situation made her kitchen psychology all the more infuriating.
‘We’d had a stupid row the night before and I was still stewing over it. Otherwise, I would’ve been with her when the so-called joyrider ran into her. I might’ve prevented it.’
They’d only been together a few months when she’d fallen unexpectedly pregnant and, if Rob was honest, Mollie was probably the reason they’d married so quickly. It had been Leah’s decision to put her career on hold at the time but Rob would’ve supported her, whatever choice she’d made. That had made her deception all the harder to swallow. There’d been no need to lie to him about what she was doing or where she was going when he would’ve done whatever it took to make her happy.
They’d loved each other but he’d got the impression she’d started to resent him and Mollie for stifling her dreams. She clearly hadn’t been content as a stay-at-home mum and he hadn’t seen it until it was too late. The discrepancy between what Rob had thought was happening whilst he was at work and the reality of how Leah spent her time only came to light when their daughter had become cranky and out of sorts. In the end the truth had come from the mouth of his baby and turned his world upside down. The lack of communication between him and Leah, his ultimate failure as a husband to recognise that his wife was troubled, had cost him everything.
‘The accident might have happened regardless if you were there or not.’
‘Maybe, maybe not. I don’t know what Leah’s state of mind was when she took off in the car and they never cau
ght the other driver. I’ll never know how the accident happened and that’s the killer. There’s that small chance I could’ve prevented the accident, or saved her if I’d been at the scene.’ And saved Mollie too.
‘It’s a terrible thing to have to come to terms with, but you can’t blame yourself when you weren’t driving either car.’ Jessica’s simplistic view didn’t leave any room for survivor’s guilt, or crippling thoughts that he could’ve somehow changed fate.
To this day the sight of policemen in the department still brought that lurching fear in his stomach that they were coming to deliver life-shattering news.
‘Unfortunately, bad things happen to good people. Don’t you think I’ve spent a lifetime trying to find someone to blame for my problems? Did I get sick because of something I or my parents did? No, it’s just one of those awful things sent to test us and make us stronger human beings. You can’t spend for ever letting the accident consume you. It’s not your fault.’ Jessica said those words his mother had played on repeat until he could hear them no more. It didn’t mean anything when newspaper headlines were there to remind him that he was the doctor who couldn’t save his own family.
Jessica cupped his face in her hands, insisting he look at her. ‘It’s not your fault and you deserve more than this half-life you’re living. This tragedy happened to you, not because of you. Trust me, I know the difference.’ Jessica was as passionate as ever, defending him from his inner turmoil. He wanted to believe she was someone he had an affinity with. For a little while he wanted to escape from the inside of his head and let himself feel something other than the guilt he carried with him on a daily basis.
‘It’s not your fault.’ She repeated the mantra and kissed him on both cheeks. Something he’d been too afraid to do to comfort her in case she read something into it. As usual, she acted without any of the introspection he got bogged down into before every single move he made.
‘It’s not your fault.’ She kissed him on the mouth. Perhaps she thought if she said it enough he’d start to believe it. How different things would be if he could share in her delusion and imagine he was nothing more than a lonely man who needed comfort. That he had permission to feel something more than the immense sadness which engulfed his heart.
He closed his eyes and tried to block out the past to focus on the present. On the soft pressure bearing down on his lips, her exotic scent tickling his nose and that taste of excitement on his tongue.
When he thought she was moving away, he went with her, keeping their mouths fused together to prolong the moment for a while longer. She relaxed into him and Rob revelled in the warmth and comfort of her embrace. He rounded his hand over her backside and brought her flush against him to meet him at every contact point guaranteed to fry his brain for good.
‘Jessica...if we don’t stop this now...’ His voice was ragged with desire but he didn’t want to go any further and live to regret it.
‘What? We’ve both been denying ourselves this for too long.’
Jessica went to work on the buttons of his shirt, exposing his bare skin to the cold air and her warm mouth. His nipples hardened, along with other stimulated parts of his body, as she trailed kisses over his torso. With every touch, he was hurtling away from his pain. Jessica was a better cure than a kilo of chocolate and overtime any day.
He fought to think straight as she licked her tongue around his nipple. ‘I don’t want to get into anything serious.’
‘Me neither.’ She paid more attention to what she was doing rather than what he was saying.
‘I mean it. I don’t go in for anything more than one night with anyone.’ He wanted to establish boundaries before they were past the point of no return.
She stopped what she was doing to look him square in the eye. ‘I get it. Neither of us wants to get involved. That suits me fine. Right now I’d say one night of unbridled passion will get this thing out of our systems. In a few weeks’ time I’ll move on with nothing more than fond memories.’ Trust her to verbalise her feelings so succinctly when he was struggling to find the words. He no longer had to worry about her agenda and there were no more barriers to stop him giving in to impulse just this once.
He drew her back up along his body so he could lose himself in the taste of her again and forget all the reasons they were so wrong for each other. Here and now, they were simply two lost souls clinging together, finding comfort in each other.
With his lips and tongue meshed with Jessica’s, Rob finally released the passion he’d been holding back for so long. He slid his hand under her silky white shirt and cupped her breast, brushing a thumb over her nipple to bring it to attention. That small indication of her arousal launched his own into hyperdrive. He trailed kisses along her neck and unbuttoned her shirt with his free hand, exposing more of her body for him to tend.
Jessica’s moans caused another rush of blood through his veins and called to his inner caveman. He yanked her bra aside and latched his mouth around the pink tip straining to greet him. She was soft and hard, spicy and sweet, so wrong and yet so right.
Fuelled by lust and adrenaline, Rob tugged Jessica’s jeans and panties down out of his way. Clearly in as much of a hurry as he was, she kicked them off and returned the favour by unzipping his fly to let him spring free. He was on board a runaway train now. Even though he wanted to enjoy the sights, he was eager to get to the final destination. As he contemplated how to delay the journey, Jessica hopped on board and took control. With her arms around his neck, her legs hooked to his hips, she anchored herself to his erection.
Rob shuddered, fighting the instant gratification as they forged their bodies together. Jessica groaned into his ear and almost finished it then and there. He stilled inside her, adjusting to the tight heat taking hold of him, before he moved again. He backed her against the kitchen worktop, resting her butt on the edge so he had her where he wanted her.
With Jessica clinging to him like a second skin, he drove into her and found his sanctuary. Every thrust drew a gasp, pulling him closer to the edge of sanity. He’d denied himself so long, he gorged on this feeling of fulfilment without respite.
She raked her nails over his scalp, riding his demons out with him. She seemed to gauge what it was he needed, what this meant, and kept pace until he was hurtling to the finish line. Rob’s breath came in pants as the pressure built up inside him to bring this to an end. She clenched her inner muscles around him, squeezing him into immediate surrender. He poured inside her, releasing all of his frustration in a primal scream. Although he might repent his actions at a later date, for now Rob didn’t have a care in the world.
CHAPTER SIX
JESSICA MADE IT back to solid ground on shaky legs and adjusted her shirt to at least cover her top half. Rob had literally taken her breath away. Although she’d always had an inkling of that fire behind the ice, she’d never expected him to be so impulsive, so hot-blooded. Everything about this was reckless and wild and everything she’d wanted to get out of her system. The trouble was, she couldn’t wait to stoke the flames of passion again. Now she knew how great they could be together, once would never be enough for her. The spontaneity of what had just happened showed that he genuinely desired her above all else at this moment in time, but Jessica demanded proof that this was more than a temporary lapse of judgement on his part.
The doubt was already clouding his eyes as he rebuttoned his pants. She slapped his hand away.
‘What the—’
‘I’m not done with you yet.’ She hooked a finger into his waistband and pulled him close for a lazy kiss.
‘No?’
‘We agreed on one night. One full night.’
She led him towards the door, in search of that elusive bedroom. Rob stopped in the doorway, a dead weight she couldn’t hope to move without his cooperation. She knew he was debating whether or not to follow.
Rob unhooked her finger and took her hand in his. ‘Then what are we waiting for?’
Brass bands heralded her triumph, white doves soared into the sky, and the sun broke through the gloom with the news. Jessica had definitely got her groove back on and she couldn’t wait to dance the night away with her sexy new lover.
* * *
Now the initial frenzy had passed they faced each other across the vast expanse of Rob’s king-sized bed in awkward silence. She was worried they’d lose momentum if they had too much time to think about what they were doing. Her hands trembled as she removed what little there was left of her clothes. Standing here naked before him was different from getting frisky still half dressed. She didn’t have her pretty clothes to express her femininity for her. She was leaving herself open to scrutiny and Rob wasn’t just a random hook-up she wouldn’t see again. It mattered what he thought of her. She wanted him to want her.
When it came to getting value for money, she knew she was getting a good deal. Rob worked out, a lot. From his rounded biceps to his sinewy thighs, and everything in between, he was built for pleasure. She looked forward to uncovering every toned inch.
‘Heels on or off?’ She strode over to him with her hands on her hips, exuding a confidence she worked damn hard to convey. The business she was in had taught her to hide any weakness beneath a layer of bravado. Her body had let her down in the past and there was no better way to hide her insecurities than to strut around in nothing but a pair of shoes.
‘Definitely on.’ He made a guttural sound as he all but rugby tackled her onto the bed. Jessica shrieked, secretly delighted he found her visual stimulation irresistible. With Rob covering her body entirely with his, she was able to relax a little, but there was definitely an air of born-again virgin as she lay beneath him. It had been a while since she’d slept with anyone, never mind someone she’d swapped personal sob stories with. It brought the emotional element to intimacy she usually did her best to avoid. She arched up off the bed, keen to quieten that wounded part of her, and embraced this for what it was. A night to remember.
