Her head turns to look at me, and the flash of heat and condemnation in her eyes smacks into me. "That's kind of a surprise," she says just as bluntly.
I scratch at the back of my head, trying to figure some way to diffuse her, but I'm distracted as Woolf pulls our suitcases out of the back of the truck and casually says, "After you get settled in, we need to talk about the funeral arrangements. We have some decisions to make and we need to choose a date. Governor Hayes will be attending, so we're going to have to get that information to him so his security detail can get set up."
I wince again and can feel the burn of Casey's eyes on me. Yeah... my dad was very close friends with the governor. As a land, cattle, and oil baron, my dad had a lot of political friends.
Taking our suitcases in hand, I trudge up the front steps to the long porch that sprawls a hundred feet in each direction. "Give me a few minutes and I'll meet you in dad's office," I say over my shoulder to Woolf. And then with a curt, "Come on, Goldie," I decide to get her up to my room where I can confront the beast.
Casey is absolutely silent as I lead her inside. I imagine she's at a loss for words as she takes in the immediate fact that there's far more to the house than you can see from the front. Inside the foyer, there's a balcony of polished timber logs that overlooks the interior of the house that falls away down the butte. Below us is the great room, which is furnished in dark leather, mahogany, and rustic art, with two massive fireplaces, one on each end. The east end of the room is a floor-to-ceiling glass wall that overlooks the valley where some of the horses are grazing and the Teton mountain range in the back, along with the lazy curl of the Snake River that borders it. I cringe when I hear Casey's gasp. Ordinarily, I'd be proud of the fact she finds beauty in what she sees, but I'm afraid it only means she's going to be more pissed at me that I was hiding all of this.
I lead her down a staircase into the great room but take an immediate left down a hall that leads into the wing that holds my old room. Mom had it redecorated when I left for the Marine Corps, removing the twin bunk beds and rodeo posters I'd tacked all over the walls, trading it in for rustic pine furnishings, dark burgundy walls, and masculine plaid fabrics. I think I've stayed in this room maybe twice since I got out of the Marines.
Casey follows me into the room, immediately walking to the windows that overlook the Tetons. I drop the suitcases, close the door behind me, and wait patiently for her to say something.
She doesn't make me wait, turning slowly from the windows to face me. Her face is filled with confusion and distaste. "Why did you lie to me?"
I shrug my shoulders and offer, "I guess I was trying to avoid that look on your face right there."
It's not a good answer, I know that. It's evasive and slightly condescending, but fuck... I'm a little off my game here what with just finding out my father died.
"And what look would that be?" she grits out.
"Judgment," I say bluntly, completely on edge and poised defensively. "Don't try to deny you're not right now categorizing my family and me as entitled elite."
"How could you possibly know what I'm thinking?" she counters heatedly.
"Because I know you, Goldie," I say as I stalk up to her. "I know how you view men with money. I know what you think money does to people."
"So you were just going to always keep this hidden from me?"
"No," I say with a heavy gust of frustration. "I was going to tell you. I just wanted time first... to have you get to know me... away from all of this."
"Because you didn't trust me to accept you once I found out," she supplies, and a bit of shame rushes through me that she's struck so close to the real truth of what was driving me.
I turn away from her and stare out the window to the land that I love. God knows my lack of desire to be a part of this dynasty has absolutely nothing to do with all the beauty this ranch beholds. It always infuses me with peace and pride in equal measures.
She's right. I guess, deep down... there was a part of me that didn't trust her to accept.
"You know," she says quietly. "I'm not quite sure how you can tell me you love me at the same time that you don't trust me. And I thought I was the one that was clueless about love."
That really robs the air from my lungs... the simple truth of that statement. It shames me and makes me defensive. Add on to the fact that I'm still reeling from my father's death, not only because of the loss of a man I loved, but the way that this is going to change my course in life, I can't help but lash out at her.
"Save the lectures on love, Casey," I snap at her, directing my self-loathing her way. "You're the last person I'd look to for a valid explanation as to what all this means."
She gasps and her body jerks as if I slapped her. I might as well have because it was a completely shitty thing to say.
But I hold on to my anger, let my grief over the loss of my father, the loss of my independence, and possibly the loss of my love, overwhelm me.
Turning on my heel, I stomp out of the room and slam the door behind me.
Chapter 25
Casey
I wish I could be really mad at Tenn, but I can't.
I get why he held back on me and I do think, given the right time, he would have told me all about his family. Unfortunately, death has a way of moving the timetables and Tenn got caught in a situation of nothing more than bad timing.
So, I'm only mildly annoyed at him and even that's waning because my sympathy for him and what he's going through is starting to take precedence.
Do I forgive him for his omission?
Absolutely.
Do I question the validity of what he feels for me now?
Absolutely.
It's a very confusing time for me, but when it boils down to it, there are things that are far more important than my feelings at the moment. I still have a man that I care about deeply who is hurting and needs my support. I mean to give it to him, and we'll figure the rest out later. This is an adequate, short-term solution for me, because let's face it... I'm probably just as confused as he is.
Without another thought, I hurry to the door and throw it open, intent on trying to catch up to Tenn, as I'm sure I won't be able to find my way back to the front door without a GPS locator. It's disorienting at first when I slam into the brick wall of his chest as he stands just on the other side of the door with both of his arms raised and stretched out to hold onto the casing. I bounce backward slightly, which is good, because it gives me room to look upward to gaze at him.
Even though his lips are flattened out, I see a small flame of amusement in his eyes. I decide to take advantage of it. "What are you doing lurking outside my room?" I say indignantly.
"It's my room, Goldie."
"Since you left, I decided to claim it," I counter with my chin lifted.
"That so?" his voice rumbles and his lips journey upward.
"Yeah, well... now that I know you're all rich and powerful, I figured I should take advantage of it, you know?"
"Not funny," Tenn grits out, his lips flattening once more.
I give a coy smile and step in toward him, laying my hands just below his breastbone. "Okay, that was bad humor, I admit. But I am trying to find the humor in this."
Tenn's gaze bores into me, his eyes hard and unyielding. I think maybe he's really pissed over my attempt to lighten the mood, so I'm not overly surprised when he takes my hand and starts dragging me down the hall without another word.
I don't think to pull away or be leery, because even though he's moving at a quick pace, his hand is, as always, gentle on me. He navigates me back through the monstrosity of a house, that I have to admit is the most spectacular thing I've ever seen. When he gets to the great room, which is extremely great by the way, Woolf comes walking through.
He gives me a quick smile and then looks to Tenn, who quickly shakes his head. "Not now," he growls. "I'll be back in a little bit."
"But we need to discuss--" Woolf protests.
"Later," Tenn says, and t
hen we're pushing through the front door. Tenn's long legs eat up the porch steps, causing me to trot down them. He takes a left and heads over to the massive garage I had noticed when we pulled up, which is constructed of the same timber as the house. Tenn pulls me through a side door, hits a button on a panel that houses multiple buttons, and one of the garage doors lifts slowly.
"Get on," he says as he mounts a dark green four-wheeler.
I scramble on after him, scoot close, and wrap my arms around his lean waist. Then we are off and roaring out of the garage.
Tenn operates the ATV with the same surety as he does his motorcycle and the horse I've seen him ride. Always in control. Always confident.
He drives us past the house, down another dirt lane, and through a heavily wooded area of a variety of trees I don't recognize except for pine. Then he bursts out into an open field where I can see a large river up in the distance. He heads that way and in moments, we are its banks with water so crystal clear, I can see all the way to the large rocks scattered across the bottom.
Tenn gets off the ATV and easily lifts me from my seat. He sets me down on the rocky shore and takes my hand, walking me to the water's edge. The Teton Mountains sit back several miles opposite of us with a flat valley in between. I turn my back to look at the way we came, and sure enough, I see the butte in the distance with the Jennings house sitting on top, except this time, I can appreciate how massive it is. It's three stories that run down the side of the massive hill, and I can easily distinguish the center of the structure which I know holds the great room, as well as two distinct wings that branch off to each side.
Shaking my head with bemusement, I turn back to Tenn to find him watching me with deflated eyes. "I'm sorry, Casey. I should have been up front with you. I was always waiting for the 'right time' but truth be told, it was the right time every time I thought about it."
"What's the real reason you didn't tell me?" I ask him with my head tilted to the side.
He ignores my question and instead sweeps his arm out to indicate the panoramic scene before me. "This was my favorite place in the world. I come out here every time I visit my parents. Spent a good part of my time growing up here fishing this river for cutthroat trout or hunting elk on the other side of the valley. It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen, and I didn't think it could ever be topped."
Sliding a hand around the side of my neck, he grips me gently. He lowers his face just a tad, his eyes boring into me. "I didn't think it could ever be topped until I met you, and then you became the most beautiful place in the world to me. Whether I'm looking in your eyes, or you're holding me in your arms, that is now my favorite place in the world to be. So why didn't I tell you the truth? Because I was afraid you might not be able to look past my family's wealth and remember the real me that you came to know. I got sidetracked by the beauty of you, both inside and out, but I didn't give your fortitude and common sense enough credit to do right by me."
I get a little dizzy, and I'm not sure if it's the power of his words or the fact I've been holding my breath, but I let it out in a rush. "Now that may be the most honest thing you've ever said to me."
"I do love you, Casey," he says earnestly. "Don't ever doubt that, regardless of some of the idiotic things I may do."
My heart thumps in pleasure over his words... over the intensity and the honesty... the utter conviction. And despite the fact he withheld from me, I understand that fear can be a powerful deterrent. I understand it better than most, and just as Tenn was patient with me... allowing me the time and space to move past my fears, I'm going to extend the same courtesy to him.
Bringing my arms up to wrap around his neck, I step up and lift myself up on tiptoes to give him a kiss. He has to bend to oblige me, but he does so with no hesitation. Just a brief meeting of our lips, enough of a touch to convey to him that I understand everything.
"We're good, Tenn," I tell him softly.
It's then that I notice that the anxiety hasn't been alleviated. I can see the strain around his eyes and feel the tension in his shoulders. I release my hold and step back from him, angling my head in patient curiosity.
Releasing a tiny breath of unease, Tenn lets go his hold on my neck and takes my hand. He leads me several paces away from the ATV over to a large rock that rests on the bank and protrudes outward into the swift-moving river where the water froths around the edge. He motions me forward and I take a seat on the edge, balancing myself with my legs stretched out and feet planted on the pebbled bank.
Tenn's eyes are worried when he says, "I'm not sure we are good, Casey."
My heart lurches, not from the words themselves, but with the despondency with which he uttered them. "What do you mean?"
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Tenn cuts a quick gaze out toward the mountain range, seemingly trying to draw some peace from the lovely scenery. "I need to tell you everything about my family."
Absolute dread starts welling inside of me, causing my chest to constrict and my lungs to deflate. The tone of his voice... the ominous vibe I'm getting... it's starting to scare the shit out of me.
"I'm sure you have some idea about the Jennings' wealth based on what you've seen so far," he says... his words coming out a bit choppy and unsure. "But what you may not see... the amount of land we own, cattle and oil, the political connections... the way I hid this from you... we're a bit more than just rich."
"What does that mean?" I ask hesitantly.
"It means my dad sat next to Zuckerberg on the Forbes list this past year. It means our business holdings are so vast they impact the economy. It means we not only have political connections but political obligations."
"It sounds overwhelming."
"It is," Tenn says with a sigh, taking a seat next to me on the rock. He reaches out and takes my hand in his, resting it on his thigh. Lifting his gaze toward his family home, he says, "It means that it's now my obligation. Even though it's the last thing in the world that I want, it's a responsibility that I just can't turn my back on."
My head snaps toward him, and my eyes widen with immediate understanding. "It means you're not relocating to the Outer Banks."
His eyes are tired, his voice fatigued. "Maybe. It depends on what Woolf wants to do, but I never wanted this life. I'm the first Jennings who has wanted to break free of the dynasty."
"And why is that?"
"I have a trust fund," he says offhandedly, but I've realized that sometimes Tenn needs to get to the answer to my question in a more roundabout way. "Got control of it when I was twenty-five. Every Jennings progeny has one and the money in it is insane. It's enough that I would never have to work another day in my life and could probably support a third-world country at the same time."
"Oh," I breathe out, finally starting to get a true understanding of what's going on. Tenn probably has more money than all the men I've ever dated combined.
"I've only touched the money twice," he says, and it's such a shock to hear him say that, I literally gasp. "Once when I got out of the Marine Corps... I pulled some cash out to buy a house for Bri, Zoey, and me. The second time was to take out money to put as a down payment on the garage in Nags Head. Both times, I struggled and fought with myself whether or not to use the money."
"Why?" I blurt out. "It's yours... why would it bother you?"
"I didn't really need it. I made good money as a mechanic and was able to pay my bills... support Zoey. I lived simply... modestly. But mostly I didn't use it because I don't want to manage this empire," he says with quiet determination. "While I love this ranch, and I very much loved working it, I don't want to be responsible for it. It's not my dream. And because it's not my dream... because I'm not willing to commit the effort to take my place at the head of the table, I shouldn't really be entitled to any of it. I don't feel I earned it."
"What was your dream then?" I ask with interest. Because it seems odd to me that someone wouldn't want to aspire to this type of life.
Tenn shrugs his s
houlder. "I didn't have a clear-cut idea at first. I just knew that I wanted to make my own way. I wanted to do something I loved, and I wanted a comfortable life. That was the general idea. After meeting you... it's become a little more specific."
My head spins, trying to fathom the implications of everything I'm learning. Most glaringly is that despite the immeasurable amount of money available to Tenn, he doesn't really want or need it. It's also obvious to me that Tenn may be the most incorruptible person that I've ever met. I also have a sneaking suspicion that despite all that, he's not going to shirk his responsibility.
"What are you going to do?" I ask while attempting to keep my voice light and curious, when I really want to vomit over the fact that a future with Tenn may not be possible.
"I need to talk to Woolf. Both of us will equally inherit the estate and while, as the oldest son, it would traditionally fall to me to take over, I've always been clear with my dad that I didn't want it. I've pushed at Woolf to step into that role while my dad was still alive, so he could learn everything and be ready to take the helm, but up until now, Woolf has been happy just playing at being a ranch hand and partying his way through life. I'm not sure he has the maturity to do this."
"So it will probably need your attention," I add on. "At least until you can be sure Woolf could handle this."
"Even if he were ready to grow up and take it all on, I'm not sure he could do it alone. Actually, I'm not sure of anything at this point."
I'm silent for a moment, digesting his words. Taking in the sadness associated with his revelations and the immense pressure that he seems to be under at this point, not to mention dealing with the grief over losing his father. It's more than one man's shoulders should have to bear, and I hope that Woolf can help share these burdens with his brother. The selfish part of me... the one that realizes that Tenn may have to lead his life in Wyoming, wants Woolf to more than step up. That woman wants Woolf to free his brother from the obligation and release him to the life he wants to lead.
So that he can be with me.
I actually want to voice this to Tenn... to let him know my feelings on the matter. Not to pressure him, but so he can be assured that I want to build a life with him. So he knows that he has something waiting on the other side if he's able to walk away. I don't want him to have doubts about me, because he has enough weighing on him already.
Shaken, Not Stirred Page 23
