by Ren Hamilton
“Yeah,” Patrick rasped. “That’s Shep’s writing.”
After a moment’s pause, Litner read from the page. “Dear Obrien, although I still think you are a…” Litner paused, frowning. He cleared his throat and continued. “Although I still think you are a stupid fucking scumbag for what you did to me, I guess I can understand why you did the things you did. I tried to do my best with you, and believe it or not, everything I did was for your own safety. Now I need to go away and re-think things. Please don’t try to find us, because it won’t do you any good. We will succeed. We will endure. You merely slowed us down a bit. Forget about us. Be ordinary, Patrick. It’s what you always wanted. It’s what you always were. Good luck with your life. I’m sure you’ll meet a nice, ordinary woman and raise a bunch of little potato eating Irish kids. P.S….”
Litner paused and looked warily at Patrick. “What is it Litner? Damn it, just tell me!”
Litner resumed reading. “P.S. I’m sorry that I had to take Robin away from you, but let’s face it. She was never really yours to begin with.”
Patrick stood up and snatched the candy necklace from Litner’s hand, seething. Litner handed him the letter as well. He took it and crumpled it into a ball. “He’s kidnapped her.”
“There is no evidence that Robin has been kidnapped. She could have gone of her own free will.”
Patrick glared at him. “How can you say that? Or do you think I’m too ordinary for her?”
“Let me do some checking. I want you to stay out of things this time.”
“Stay out of things? No way! I love Robin, and I’m going to find her.”
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea. And neither do you, deep down inside.”
Patrick studied Litner. “Don’t try to mind-fuck me. If you have something to say, just say it.”
Litner frowned. “All right. I saw what Shep did the night of the siege. In the midst of a killing spree, he stopped everything to save your life, Patrick. There are only two types of people to Shep, people he loves, and people that are dispensable. You are obviously one of the people he loves, something that came as a surprise even to him. And for the people he loves, he will go to the greatest lengths to keep them with him. Just look what he did for the brothers. Staying awake in the void for all that time just to get them out? Do you really think he’s going to just let you walk away?”
“I’m not one of the brothers,” Patrick said.
“No, but in some ways you are equally important to him. I saw the look in his eyes when he thought you were going to die. His claims of wanting you to go off and live an ordinary life are bullshit. That letter, and taking Robin, are part of his plan to get you back.”
“So he’s a lunatic,” Patrick said. “Not exactly a revelation. Can we go find Robin now?”
“He is a lunatic. But now let’s talk about you.”
Patrick raised his eyebrows. “Me?”
“Yes, you, Patrick. In the midst of trying to disassociate yourself from your friends, you chose to fall in love with, of all people, Shep’s girlfriend. You’ve clung to Robin like a lifeline ever since you’ve been out of the hospital.”
“Because I love her.”
“Perhaps. Or is it because you still thought Shep was alive? Just as Shep knows that holding on to Robin will lead you to him, so you knew that holding on to Robin would bring him to you.”
Patrick stood. “Oh, I see. The neurotic pen tapper is going to psychoanalyze me. The big bad criminal profiler. I should feel flattered. I suppose you’ve developed a profile of me after all this time we’ve spent together.”
“It’s nothing personal. I’m trying to help you see things clearly.”
“Oh! Now I’m not seeing things clearly?”
“Please, Patrick.”
Patrick spread his arms wide. “Go ahead, Litner. Take your best shot. I can handle it. Tell me about myself. Enlighten me.”
Litner walked over to the window, giving Patrick his back. “All right. You, Patrick Obrien, are a good man who wants to do good things. However, you are also one of the most insecure people I have ever met.” He turned to face him. “I don’t know enough about your childhood to lay blame, but if I had to make a guess, I’d say you have a disapproving mother who demeaned you a lot. Your father most likely pretended to be the strong silent type, but you always knew he just didn’t want to take on any of the responsibility of raising you, so he hid behind his silence. Should I go on?”
Patrick felt like he was standing there naked. He refused to let Litner see his discomfort. “Go on, Litner. Why stop now?”
Litner shuffled over to the bed and sat. “You grew up thinking you had to give something of yourself away in trade in order to be liked. There was no unconditional love from your parents. You had to earn their approval at every turn. This spilled over into your social life. That’s where the sports hero thing came from. You’re athletic and well-built. It was the most obvious route. And with the sports came instant friendships. Friendships with popular people. But to maintain those friendships, you had to look like them, act like them, and perform for them. That’s why you clung so hard to Joey and Shep. Joey and Shep gave you something unique. They gave you something that in hindsight, you must know does not really exist.”
Patrick scowled. “And what’s that, Dick Tracy?”
“Unconditional love. Unconditional friendship. No matter what you did, they were there. No matter how you acted, they were there. It didn’t matter how smart or popular you were. You could have done anything to them and they still would have been there, loving and supporting you. It was the answer to your dysfunctional childhood prayers. The only problem, Patrick, is that it wasn’t real. And that is something I’m afraid you still don’t understand.”
“Bullshit. That’s crap. I know it wasn’t real. I know they never cared for me.”
“Then why do you still seek them?”
“I don’t!”
“I saw you that night in the field. You can verbally condemn Shep all you want, but when you thought you were really going to lose him, to lose that unconditional friendship for good, you lost your mind. You screamed for me to save him. Just minutes after he’d ordered the death of Agent Rourke. Just minutes after he shot you. You pleaded for someone to save him. Of course, it was Wesley who did so, but I won’t even start to tap into his issues. The point is that you haven’t gone out that door to find Robin yet, because you’re afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“You’re afraid of yourself. You know Shep is going to leave you a trail of breadcrumbs. You know that if you go after Robin, you’re going to find the rest of them. Only this time, you’re afraid that you won’t stop them. You’re afraid you’ll join them.”
“Fuck off!”
Litner shrugged, twirling his pen like a baton. “Think about it. You weren’t just fighting Joey and Shep when you went undercover. You were fighting yourself. Part of you agreed to go undercover at Forest Bluffs, not because you wanted to stop them, but because you wanted to be with them.”
Patrick sat perfectly still as the breath leaked out of his lungs. What Litner said stung. He had had feelings of wanting to throw in the towel, to throw himself onto the mercy of Joey’s court. But he hadn’t. He hadn’t, damn it. With all of the conflicting emotions and twisted loyalties he had to endure, he had done the right thing. He had stopped them.
Or had he? He began to second-guess himself. Had he indeed done the best job he could? Or had he been subconsciously hoping Shep would escape? He remembered his desperate call to save Shep. Patrick had been terrified that Shep would be destroyed, just as Allisto was. The feeling he’d had at that moment was one of sheer panic. All he could think was, what would he do without Shep?
But just because he didn’t want to see Shep killed, didn’t mean he was about to up and join the little imp in his quest to take over the world. “You’re wrong,” he said.
Litner stared at him, looking pained. “Don’t go after
her. It will only lead you to Shep.”
“You think I’m so weak as to join him?”
Litner said nothing, but his expression spoke the truth. That was exactly what he thought.
Patrick stood. “I see. Thank you, Litner for all your help. Thank you for finding me a job, but I’m afraid I’ll have to take a leave of absence. I’m going to find my girlfriend. Because I love her. Then I am coming home with her, and we are going to live an ordinary life together. Without Shep. And that is all that is going to happen.”
Litner stood too. “Patrick please. I’m begging you.”
“You’ve underestimated my strength, Agent Litner. Goodbye.”
Patrick stormed out of the apartment. Litner heard the door slam. Sighing, he lay back on Robin’s bed and began to tap his pen against his temple. “I haven’t underestimated your strength, Patrick,” he said. “I’ve overestimated it.”
Chapter Sixty
Joey and Shep sat in the front seats of the wholesome-looking minivan, letting the fresh mountain air cleanse their senses as they cruised up interstate 89 toward Vermont. The brothers were already up north getting the new property ready. Robin lay in the back seat, snoring. She’d begun an angry rant, promising to kill both Shep and Joey. Shep for abducting her yet a second time, and Joey for recklessly squandering the soul she’d worked so hard to get for him.
Apparently, she hadn’t slept in a few days, because in the middle of the rant she just ran out of steam and lay down on the seat. She was asleep within seconds.
Shep looked out the passenger side window at the plush green mountains that surrounded them like a trusted guardian. The giant yellow moon shone down like a beacon, leading the way. Shep took a long swallow of the beer he held. Joey glanced over at him. “Hey Popeye, give me a sip of that.”
Shep handed him the beer. “Enough with the Popeye jokes already. My face will heal.”
Joey laughed. “Sorry. I’m just not used to seeing you all banged up. Why didn’t you just whip up some of that balm and heal yourself?”
Shep looked at him, smirking. “I did.”
Joey cackled. “Holy shit! What did you look like before you healed yourself?”
“I slammed into the rock face of a cliff, Joey. You don’t want to know what I looked like before.”
“You’re probably right.” He took a sip of the beer and handed it back to Shep. “That’s the best beer,” Joey said. “We need to make ours at least this good.”
“Yes, well we’ll do the best we can. We have to add certain ingredients as a prerequisite to mask the crop. The substance must be undetectable. As far as anyone will know, it’s just going to be another microbrew to storm the market.”
“Yeah. Except contrary to the other microbrews, ours will be able to sterilize a suds-swilling college student with one sip. Will we be able to get enough of it out there to do the deed?”
Shep smiled at him. “Have you ever seen college students turn down free beer? It just doesn’t happen.”
“It’s going to be beautiful,” Joey said. “This time it’s going to work. This time, everything will go as planned.”
They were silent for several moments, with only the soft whir of the engine and the whistle of the night wind as it passed through the open windows. Then Joey glanced over at Shep. “What about Obrien?” he asked. “You’re sure you want him back.”
“Yep.”
“I’m not gonna argue, but I can’t imagine he’ll even want to.”
“He will.” Shep took a sip of beer. “Obrien will come around.”
Joey nodded. “Yeah. Okay. If that’s what you want.” After another extended silence, Joey looked back at Shep. “How can you be sure he’ll come around?”
Shep glanced over his shoulder at Robin, where she lay slumbering in the back seat. “Because he doesn’t have a choice. Does he, Joey?”
Joey chewed on his lower lip, then he nodded. “I guess he doesn’t.”
The End
About the Author
Ren Hamilton writes mysteries with a supernatural edge and enjoys exploring the emotional depths of colorfully flawed characters. The books will keep coming until there is no life left in the author, or the characters, whichever comes first.
Connect with Ren Hamilton at:
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ren.hamilton.7/
Twitter https://twitter.com/hamilton_ren
Email [email protected]
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