“You’re very welcome,” he replied. Then he took their orders and went away.
“Actually I think he said giant dogs, not that I’m saying Star is a dog,” she continued from where she left off. “That’s what he said, not me.”
“Yes, we watched the security vid,” Talon said. “Thanks to your sister we know that he stowed away, knocked the real transport operator unconscious, and transported him into space our second day out from Jasan. He then pretended to be the man he murdered.”
“That’s…horrific,” Ria said softly, remembering the man’s promise to do the same thing to her. She sipped her coffee, savoring the way the hot liquid felt as it flowed down her throat. She’d been so cold for so long that the heat made her shiver. “What will you do with him?”
“We still have to make a decision on that,” Talon replied vaguely.
Ria felt the tension building in her as the seconds ticked by without them tearing into her. It wasn’t that she wanted them to, but she really would prefer to get it over with before her food came. An idea popped into her head and after a moment’s thought she decided to just ask. It wasn’t like she had anything to lose, and they already had a bad impression of her.
“I’d like to say something but I don’t want you getting offended.”
“We won’t be offended,” Talon said. She frowned. Was that amusement she heard in his voice? She was more tired than she thought, obviously.
“I’m kind of worried about how nice you guys are being to me. It’s not that I have a problem with people being nice to me because that would be weird, even for me. It’s just that I know how much you hate me and I’m having a hard time trying to figure out what’s going on here. It just occurred to me that maybe it’s because you feel bad about your transport operator sending me to that planet. So I figured I’d just ask because honestly, I’ve already had enough stress and worry to meet my daily recommended dosages for the next six months or so. So if that’s it, forget about it. It’s not your fault and besides, no harm done.”
A long silence fell and she wondered if they were fighting blood rages or something. “Guess I offended after all,” she said, not at all surprised.
“No, you didn’t,” Talon said. “We like your honesty, Ria. We’re just embarrassed.”
“You’re embarrassed?”
“Yes, very much so,” Talon said. “To begin with, a lot of harm was done. You broke your arm, cut your chin on something that poisoned you and caused you to bleed a great deal, and came too close to being caught by Nomen for our peace of mind. And we don’t hate you.”
“You don’t hate me,” she repeated flatly, careful not to look toward Thorn. She wasn't getting the tingle that indicated a lie, but she had been down on that planet with Thorn and she really didn't think she’d imagined the way he’d treated her.
She almost rolled her eyes at herself. What am I thinking? They’re offering an oliver stick. No…oliver branch? Whatever that is. Take the damn thing and shut up. “My mistake. Sorry.”
“No, please don’t do that, and don’t apologize,” Talon said. “You have every reason to think what you do. We’re very sorry for the things we said in the cafeteria that day, Ria. It was wrong of us to jump to conclusions, it was wrong of us to criticize you, and it was extremely wrong to say such things in a public place. There’s simply no excuse for our behavior.”
Ria wondered what she should say since she knew better than to say what she wanted to say. “I accept your apology.”
There. That’s good. Short and simple.
Oh, to kólasi with it.
“I might as well tell you that your assumptions about what happened on the Leaper are hardly original. Most of the people who actually know me think the same thing you guys did. Or do. Whichever.”
“Why?” Tee asked.
Why? Good question. If I knew the answer to that I’d win Rumpelstiltskin’s pot of gold. Spun gold? No, a baby. Wait… I don’t want someone’s baby. What kind of prize is that?
“Ria?”
She blinked a few times and reached for her coffee. “Sorry. Tired.” She sipped her coffee, then surprised herself by trying to answer the question. “Maybe because they don’t know me as well as they think,” she said slowly, her hand squeezing the cup so hard it would have broken had it been thinner. “Or, they know me too well. Take your pick.”
Thorn cleared his throat, which made her flinch again. She sighed inwardly. She was too tired to control them, and almost too tired to care.
“I pick the first one,” Thorn said. “You did not and would not deliberately put another person’s life at risk. Not even to save yourself.”
Ria looked at him as though his heat signature had suddenly morphed into something with two heads. Before she could begin to think of an answer, he spoke again.
“I know I was an ass today, Ria. I doubt I could adequately apologize for the way I treated you if I spent fifty years trying. But when I said I wasn’t sent for you, I meant that I wasn’t sent. Not that I wasn’t sent for you. I chose to land because I knew the storm was preventing the transporter from working.”
Ria opened her mouth, found she had no idea what to say, then closed it. She certainly hadn’t expected that. “Thank you, Thorn,” she said finally. “For coming to get us, and for explaining.”
That’s good. Leave it at that. Yanking a cat’s tail is never a good idea.
“As glad as I am that you came to get us, and I really am grateful that you did, your feelings about me were obviously and intensely negative. What changed your mind?”
“You did. When I’m not acting like a complete squilik I’m actually a fairly good judge of character.”
Ria reached for the carafe and refilled her cup while she considered that. She knew he hadn’t lied to her. None of them had. But this sudden turn about was confusing. “Will you answer a question for me?”
“Yes,” he said without hesitation.
“Why did you say that ugly wasn’t contagious?”
Another silence fell, but it wasn’t heavy this time. She knew somehow that he wasn't offended by her question even though he hadn’t answered. It was probably too personal, she thought just as the waiter arrived with their food. They were all hungry and tired, so they ate in silence for a few minutes.
“About ten years ago I went on a munitions dump run,” Thorn said suddenly, making her jump again. She ignored it and shook her head to indicate that she didn't know what Thorn meant.
“The sheer volume of illegal weapons, explosives, and other dangerous contraband that people take with them when they travel is something that has to be seen to be believed. By the time a ship reaches Jasan it generally goes through several security and customs checks, but the Jasani skyport still confiscates tons of the stuff.
“When a certain amount is accumulated it’s taken into deep space, released, and blown into atoms. I was asked to fill in for a friend and thought the change of pace would be nice. Something exploded before we got it out of the ship. Two men died. I didn’t. Unfortunately, there were radioactive materials in the mix, so the burns on my throat and the left side of my face left scars, and permanently damaged my vocal chords.”
Ria waited, but it seemed he was finished speaking. It took a few moments for his meaning to sink in, and when it did, she felt a flush of real anger for the first time in a very long time.
“You think that I would…what? Think less of you because you have scars? Is that it?”
Thorn was surprised at her reaction. After all the crap he’d heaped on her today she hadn't gotten angry once. There was no denying that she was furious now, though. “Yes, that’s what I thought.”
“That’s why you were so angry at me?”
“Part of it was that, and part was the conclusions I’d jumped to.”
“I don’t understand. I never met you before today and I’ve certainly never seen you. Why would you be angry with me for that?”
Thorn hesitated. He couldn’t tell h
er the whole truth just yet. That was a decision that had to be made with his brothers. But he could tell her part of the truth.
“My anger about my scars is something I carry inside of me that taints everything I think, see, and feel. A lot of that anger comes from reactions I’ve received from women who look at me as though I’m some sort of monster. I know how unfair it was to lump you in with them, and I know how wrong it was to take my anger out on you. If I could take it all back, I would. I truly am sorry, Ria.”
There was more pain than anger in Thorn, she realized. Anger was just the mask he wore to hide his pain beneath. She didn’t need her empathic ability to feel it, either. She recognized it because she lived it. The only real difference between them was that she didn’t hide behind anger. She used other masks. But she still didn’t understand why he…why all three of them…were sitting at the same table with her, apologizing and being nice.
“Why aren’t you still angry at me?”
“There are a lot of reasons for that, but the first reason, the reason I let go of my anger to begin with, was because you’ve never seen me. I know how shallow that is. And I’m sorry for it, but it’s the truth.”
She nodded, then stared down at her plate for a long minute before she picked up her fork and resumed eating. Thorn exchanged puzzled glances with his brothers before they returned to their meals too.
Ria tried to understand what was really going on while she methodically ate her dinner, barely tasting the food. There had to be more to their sudden change in attitude than what Thorn had said. He wasn’t lying, she knew that much. But she also knew there was more to it. The answer was floating right there but whenever she reached for it, it slipped away. Admitting she was too tired to grasp it, she decided to set the problem aside until she got a few hours of sleep. Except for one thing.
“There’s something I want to say.”
“Of course,” Talon said when he realized she was waiting for an acknowledgment. She turned her face to the right, where Thorn sat. “Of all the things you’ve said to me today, Thorn, your belief that I’d have a problem with your scars if I could see them insults me the most.”
“Yes, I noticed that,” he said. “I promise I didn't intend to insult you or make you angry, but I have to admit that I don’t understand it. I can’t deny that they’re ugly. Most people generally prefer not to look at them. Or me.”
Ria wondered if she should tell him what she thought about scars, if he’d believe her, or even care. It’s probably stupid of me, but I’m going to tell him what I think, and he can do what he wants with it.
“Scars aren’t ugly, Thorn,” she said, her tone completely serious, but gentle at the same time. “They’re a testament to the life you’ve lived, not something to hide, or to be ashamed of. Some scars remind you of events, both good and bad. Others hold deeper meanings, like yours, which signify a life and death battle that you fought and won. They’re a symbol of victory, not defeat. Why would you not be proud of winning a battle such as that?
“I know a lot of people look at scars and see only imperfection where they’d have perfection. Those people are to be pitied because they will never find what they seek. They don’t understand that a body is only a shield for the soul that resides within.
“A shield with marks and dents has been tested, and proven itself in battle. A bright, unmarked shield may look pretty to some, but it has never been tried, and can’t be depended on. Personally, I’ll choose the marked shield over the unmarked shield every single time.”
Thorn stared at Ria in silence, stunned by the profound truth of her words. He raised his fist to his chest and bowed his head to her, surprised when Talon and Tee did the same.
“Thank you,” he said, not caring that his voice was choked. “From this day forward I will see all scars as you do, Ria, both my own, and those of others. I will never again feel ashamed of my scars, either. You are correct that a proven shield is to be trusted above all others. It’s an obvious truth that I should have seen, but didn’t. Thanks to you I see it now, and I will not forget it. Ever.”
Ria smiled, her face lighting up despite how pale and weary she appeared. “I’m glad, Thorn. Very glad.”
“How did you come by such wisdom?” Tee asked.
Ria’s smile faltered and she dropped her eyes to her plate. Why does no one ever credit me with any sense of my own? Since she didn’t have an answer that wouldn’t sound like she was seeking a pity party, she just shrugged and said nothing.
After a few minutes, when she realized Tee wasn’t going to press her for an answer, she relaxed again. After taking a few more bites of her meal, she pushed the plate back and pulled her coffee close. There was only one swallow left, but she decided she’d indulged enough. She didn’t think the caffeine would keep her awake considering how exhausted she was, but why take chances?
“I suppose I should get back to the infirmary before Star wakes up,” she said before emptying her cup.
“You need to sleep,” Talon said. “We’ve already had a room prepared for you.”
“I appreciate that, but except for this borrowed shirt my clothes are still more wet than dry. Especially my shoes and socks. I’m pretty sure I can feel webbing growing between my toes right now. I need to go back to the Bihotza once I know Star is settled so I can take a shower and put on dry clothes.”
Talon’s eyes widened in surprise, then he exchanged shamed looks with his brothers. Thorn had showered and changed the moment he’d returned to the ship, and Star had been almost completely dry because of the blanket Ria had covered her with. But in the hours she’d been onboard the Hilgaria, none of them had given a single thought to Ria’s comfort. Nor had she uttered a single complaint.
“Your sister packed a bag for you and sent it over with the cane,” Tee said, his tone subdued. “We’ll walk you to the infirmary to check on Star, then to your room.”
I feel like that girl in the bear’s cottage trying to decide which bed to try out. What was her name? Sleeping Beauty? What a weird name but no, I don’t think that’s right. It starts with a ‘g’. Gretel? Maybe. Doesn’t matter. As long as there’s a hot shower, dry clothes, and a bed, I’m too tired to care what ship they’re on.
“All right,” she agreed, rubbing her eyes with the fingers of her good hand in a useless attempt to ease the strain.
“Do your eyes hurt?” Tee asked.
“They’re just tired. I’m still not used to seeing in infrared all the time. Everything is so bright no matter how much actual light there is.”
The explosive sound of a stack of dishes hitting the floor startled Ria so badly that she knocked her own (thankfully empty) cup over. The rush of adrenaline hitting her system caused her heart to race and she had to force herself to take slow, calm breaths to keep herself from hyperventilating. It took a few moments for her to realize that the Katres probably wondered at her reaction.
“Looks like someone dropped a load of dishes,” Tee commented a few moments later.
Ria relaxed. Apparently they hadn’t noticed. Somehow.
“Oh well, it is the middle of the night,” Talon said. “I’m half asleep myself right now. If you’re ready to go, we are, Ria.”
“Yes, I’m ready.” She reached for her cane and stood up. Now that she had food and caffeine in her, she was even more aware of how much she needed a shower and dry clothes.
“How’s your arm?” Thorn asked from beside her as they walked through the mostly empty cafeteria.
“It’s fine,” she said, glad she was able to withhold the flinch that time. “Just a little swollen and sore is all. I’m sure it’ll be fine by morning.”
“Ria,” he asked hesitantly, making her frown. A hesitant Thorn worried her.
“Yes?”
“Did I break your arm?”
Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “No, you didn’t. I tripped and landed with my arm between me and something else. A tree root I think. That’s when it broke.”
“I
’m glad to know I didn’t do it,” Thorn said. “But I’m still sorry for grabbing your arm so hard. I’m also sorry for not helping you. I forgot you were blind. I’m embarrassed to admit it, and there’s no excuse for it, but it's the truth, and I’m sorry for that, too.”
Ria was surprised by the fact that he was telling the absolute truth. She almost wished he wasn’t, but she wasn’t going to act as though she didn’t believe him. “Don’t feel bad for forgetting, Thorn. I wish I could forget it myself. I’ll accept your apology if we can leave the subject behind us.”
“You believe me?” he asked in obvious surprise.
She nodded, disturbed by her almost instantaneous urge to tell him that she could always tell when she was lied to. She’d never told a single person that. Ever.
“It’s a deal,” Thorn said, his rough voice not sounding quite so harsh to her ears any more.
“Tee tells me Star had two cubs,” Talon said, changing the subject once they were back in the corridor.
“Yes, a girl she let me name Belle, and a boy she named Lonato, after her mate. Dr. Jula says they’re a little small, but healthy.”
“She honors you to let you name her daughter,” Thorn said.
“Yes, I know,” Ria said, smiling. “She’s claimed me as part of her pack, too. I know I’ve only just met her today, but I have a true friend in Star. It’s an amazing feeling.”
There was a wistful note in her voice that none of them missed. It was on the tip of Thorn’s tongue to ask if Star was her only friend, but he didn’t want to embarrass her. Besides, he already knew what her answer would be.
“Belle is a pretty name,” Tee said, just as the elevator arrived and the doors opened. They all stepped in and she heard the doors close.
“It means beautiful and even though I can’t see much more than a red blob when I look at her, Star described her to me and she sounds beautiful.”
“I’m sure she is,” Talon said. “I look forward to meeting them both.”
“When they get a little older we should send images of them back to Jasan,” Tee suggested. “Tonka will be happy to know he’s no longer the only Brun.”
Ria's Visions (Hearts of ICARUS Book 6) Page 28
