by Joyce Alec
“You are imagining things,” Lizzie replied with a wry smirk.
“Since I am courting you, it seems I should no longer keep my identity a secret. I am Matthew Adams, the Earl of Malmesbury.”
Lizzie looked completely unperturbed. “Is that supposed to impress me, Lord Malmesbury?”
She looked so unruffled that Matthew had the urge to mess her up a little bit, to see her get angry or annoyed. However, he knew how to play his cards. “I suspect it should impress your mother.”
“Lizzie!”
Hearing her sister’s call, Lizzie smiled at Matthew. “If it were only that simple, Lord Malmesbury. I wish you good day.”
“I will call on you tomorrow, Lady Elizabeth. Please do let your mother know,” he said as Lizzie walked away.
She was a cool one. However, that just made Matthew more determined to tear through her barriers. As the carriage rolled away, he saw the sneaking glance Lady Elizabeth threw his way and tipped his hat in polite acknowledgment. He grinned as she quickly looked away. This was going to be quite a catch indeed.
Entering his cousin’s home, he let the butler take his coat and walked into the parlor. Lord Deering was lounging in his chair, already on his fourth glass of whiskey. Knowing how drunk he must be, Matthew ignored him and looked towards his sister. She was writing a letter and seemed intently serious. Curious, he moved forward only to have her scowl at him and cover the paper with her hand.
“Do not be rude, brother.”
“I simply wanted to see to whom you were writing.”
“Yes, and then you will want to investigate, and then you will involve yourself wholly in my affairs. Off with you.”
Making a sad face, he sat in the opposite chair and asked, “Is that any way to talk to your older brother?”
“Being born five seconds before me does not make you my older brother. It makes you lucky.” Katherine eyed him. “What is bothering you? You look like you’re on the hunt.”
“I met a girl.”
His sister gaped at him. “You met a girl?”
Matthew stretched his legs. “You do not need to sound so surprised.”
Katherine faced him. “Brother, you are a snob. Of course I am surprised.”
“Yes, well, I need an heir since you cannot inherit.”
Katherine turned back to her letter. “You are also a beast.”
“It was a joke, darling. Do not get so angry.” He tried to pacify his sister. “Don’t you want to hear all about her?”
“I do not care.”
“Is that so? Well then, you would not care to know that she is Lady Elizabeth, the eldest daughter of the Duke of Wellington.”
Her sister paused and then looked up. “Go on.”
“She has a very nasty temper and she likes to hide it. She is also very witty, which she hides under a mask of politeness and sarcasm. And once you attack those shields that she has surrounded herself with, she becomes a snarling little kitten.”
“Brother, I do think you very well on the way to falling in love with this girl!” Katherine exclaimed.
“I would not go that far. I find Elizabeth interesting and I have told her that I will court her. She seemed to dislike the idea, however.”
“Who wouldn’t? You did not even ask her. No woman wants to be told what to do.”
Matthew smiled sardonically at his sister. “My darling Katherine, if I were to ask her permission, she would trip me and walk all over me with those pretty little heels of hers. She does not need a man who will ask her permission. She needs one who can tame her.”
His sister patted her golden hair and looked thoughtful. “I do find it odd though. Most young women would welcome a courtship with a young, handsome earl; especially one with your fortune.” She added, “I would very much like to meet your Lady Elizabeth.”
4
“You seem to be upset, Lizzie.” Isobel looked at her.
“How could I be upset? Sir Charles’s visit was lovely. It is clear that you have stolen his heart.” Lizzie flashed a sincere smile at Isobel. Lizzie wanted nothing more than to see Isobel happy, but the thought of Isobel marrying and leaving the family home was disheartening. Lizzie stood up. “I am going for a walk.”
The duchess studied her oldest daughter before putting aside her sewing and saying nonchalantly, “I think I shall accompany you. I wouldn’t mind the fresh air or the company.”
“Mama, I want to be alone with my thoughts.”
“Nonsense, darling. Let us go. The exercise will do us both some good.”
The walk brought Lizzie and her mother to the untamed fields of the estate. No words were exchanged, and the duchess remained silent. She knew her daughter and was very good at waiting her out. Lizzie climbed higher and higher and then turned to look at their home. “Isn’t it strange, Mama? We live in such a beautiful home, with grounds spreading so far, and yet one day, you and Papa will be gone and Isobel will be married. I will be the only one left. It seems so lonely, the very thought of it.”
Her mother’s eyes darkened with distress. “Darling, why are your thoughts so sorrowful?”
Lizzie sat down. “I wish, at times, that things were different, but they are not. I am not fit for marriage, Mama. If anyone ever found out, I would ruin our family’s name. I couldn’t do that to you, Papa and Isobel.”
Her mother sat down next to her and held her hand. “What happened was not to be predicted, darling, and in my eyes, you are not damaged. You are the most patient and wonderful daughter a mother could want. Nobody will ever find out about that experience. Your father made sure of that.”
Lizzie’s eyes glistened with tears that she would not allow to fall. “Suppose I do fall in love and get married, am I doomed to lie to my husband for our entire lives? I couldn’t live with that. It’s best that I hold my secret close and remain as far away from love as possible.”
Lizzie let her mother try to comfort her, to hold her, but she felt cold inside. It was as if there was a gaping hole where her heart used to be. “Lord Deering has a cousin, Lord Malmesbury.” She could sense her mother listening. “He told me he intends to court me and will call on me tomorrow.”
“Do you like him?”
Lizzie threw up her hands, exasperated. “What does it matter how I feel?”
“Elizabeth, you are worthy of loving, and you are most definitely worthy of being loved. That horrible event was not your fault. You are not the one who needs to be forgiven. Any person who can’t see that is not fit for your love.”
Lizzie threw herself back onto the ground and covered her eyes with the back of her hand to prevent her mother from seeing the desolate look in them. She knew her mother was right.
“I do not dislike him.”
The duchess looked at her daughter and wished for a second that she could turn back time and stop herself from making the decision which ruined her daughter’s life. “I hold myself responsible.”
“You should not. I was the one who accepted the proposal. I could have said no. I just have to bear this burden and live on.”
“My darling girl, your spirit and faith in the Lord is a strength to us all.” The duchess pulled her daughter to her chest and let her own tears flow. Her heart felt like it would break into more shattered pieces. She had tried so hard to make peace with her daughter’s past so that she could comfort the broken girl.
“I think I shall go to London for a few weeks. Maybe some time away will be good for me.” As her mother pulled away from her to look at her face, Lizzie quickly smiled. Putting her mask firmly back in place, she said in a cheery tone, “A little shopping and some socializing might be what I need.”
Lizzie stood up. “I do so hate to be this mood.” She looked back at her mother, “It is getting rather late. Let us go back or Isobel will be shrieking our names for the neighbors to hear.”
“I really should tell her not to do that,” the duchess said, disapprovingly, following her lead and changing the tone.
&nbs
p; The next morning as Lizzie stood at the doorway saying her goodbyes, she caressed a tearful Isobel on the cheek. “Do not fret. If I find any potential suitors who might be worthy rivals of your Sir Charles, I will send them your way, immediately.”
That had just the intended effect.
Face turning red, Isobel scowled. “Don’t you dare.”
“I might. You never know.”
“Mother!”
“Can’t you please begin your holiday without starting a fight, Lizzie?”
Lizzie grinned and gave her sister a loud kiss on the cheek. “Behave yourself, darling” She began walking towards the carriage, and then paused and whispered into her mother’s ear, “I do believe Sir Charles will make her quite happy.”
The afternoon was bustling with excitement as the duchess had invited Lord Malmesbury and his sister, Lady Katherine, to tea. The duchess had already invited Lady Katherine to tea after meeting her at the ball, believing that Katherine would get along well with her daughters. She extended the invitation to Lord Malmesbury when Lizzie mentioned her potential interest in him. The duchess wanted Lizzie to be present, but Lizzie needed time to herself, so she allowed her to visit London.
“Lady Katherine, thank you for joining us.”
“Thank you, Your Grace. May I introduce my brother, Lord Malmesbury.”
“How do you do, Your Grace? I am acquainted with your eldest daughter.” Matthew bowed.
“So I hear. She is not present, unfortunately. She left for London this morning.” The duchess was watching Matthew’s every move, but continued her conversation with Katherine. “Lady Katherine, how long are you staying in Wellington?”
“I am not entirely sure. It depends upon my brother.” When the duchess turned an inquiring eye on Matthew, he just smiled. “It depends entirely upon the answer Lady Elizabeth gives me.”
“Matthew!” exclaimed Katherine. She was embarrassed by Matthew’s bold statement.
Their hostess raised a hand to stop Katherine and studied Matthew. “I heard about you yesterday. I also heard that you wish to court my daughter.”
“Will you allow it?”
Matthew saw the troubled look on the duchess’s face. She slowly said, “I would not push my daughter too much, Lord Malmesbury. If she does not wish it, please do not pursue her.”
Matthew was silent. The duchess’s feelings were betrayed by her sad eyes as she moved to greet her other guests. Matthew watched her, his eyes hard. Something was definitely wrong.
As the afternoon progressed, Matthew observed the way the duchess encouraged the interaction between Sir Charles and her younger daughter. Matthew found it exceedingly strange that the duchess was trying to block his attention toward Lizzie.
5
London was full of life. The hustle bustle of the city allowed Lizzie to hide and be alone with her thoughts. She had arrived in London one week prior, and was finally starting to forget the irresistible smile of Lord Malmesbury.
Lizzie had settled into her family’s townhouse quite comfortably. She wanted to be alone, so the servants obliged. She ate alone and didn’t even bother getting dressed some days.
Lizzie sat on the windowsill in the sun room, only wearing a loose chemise. It was quite cold for March so she had a shawl wrapped around her. Immersed in her book, she did not hear the sound until it was too late. The door opened and she frowned. “I thought I told you I was not to be dis—”
Matthew entered the room.
He saw her state of undress and immediately averted his gaze. “I beg your pardon, Lady Elizabeth. I did not know.”
Lizzie blushed furiously and wrapped the shawl around herself. Mortified, she stood up and rushed out of the room. Hurrying up the stairs, she rang for the maid and was dressed quickly.
“Who allowed Lord Malmesbury inside?” Lizzie demanded. “Who is responsible for letting him get as far as the sun room? The lack of order in this household is a disgrace.”
The maid was understandably upset. “The main entrance was secured, m’lady! He must have entered through the servants’ entrance. I was briefly unavailable. He must have asked the new man.”
“This is ridiculous! Hurry up so that I can go see what he wants.”
“Very good, m’lady.”
Downstairs, Matthew was trying to calm himself down from the embarrassment of surprising Lady Elizabeth while she was indecent. She had looked positively delightful and so furious. He had never seen such a wild expression on a lady’s face. She might very well have mauled him to death. He looked towards the entrance. Perhaps he should leave.
“Lord Malmesbury.”
In a simple blue dress, Lizzie looked absolutely stunning.
“Let us skip the formalities. Why are you here, Lord Malmesbury?”
“Why did you run off to London?”
Lizzie narrowed her eyes. “I do not need an excuse to travel, and please do not be so presumptuous.”
“I am not an arrogant man.”
“But you expect me to fall into line as soon as you snap your fingers. That is not going to happen. You are perfectly aware that I am the daughter of a duke. You are wasting your time. I do not wish to be courted by you.”
“I would like to know why.”
Lizzie offered him a cool smile. “My choices are not your concern.”
Matthew smiled. “Then I should like to inform you that I plan to pursue you until you either give me a reason not to or you say yes.”
Lizzie studied him and cocked her head. “You flatter yourself. I have never seen a more arrogant man in my entire life. That is not an attractive trait, Lord Malmesbury.”
It seemed to Lizzie that Matthew was incredibly patient with her, and that made her blood boil. He was making this into a game she did not wish to play. More than anything, she wanted to keep her dark secret close. She couldn’t let him see how vulnerable she was feeling. He was everything she had dreamed about.
“Your voice is sweet; your smile is charming, and yet, your words drip venom. Your eyes tell me that you would like nothing more than to throw me under the first carriage you see.”
“You have a very active imagination.”
“So, I have been told.”
“One again I will inquire, why are you here?” Lizzie demanded.
Matthew chuckled. “My sister, Lady Katherine, has expressed a desire to meet you. Of course, I told her that you dislike people in general. However, she insisted.”
“How very kind of you to speak on my behalf, but I can very well speak for myself.”
Matthew smiled. “Well then, we will expect you for tea tomorrow at my estate.” Bowing before she could refuse, he exited and called out, “I will send a carriage just to be safe.”
Stunned for a few minutes, Lizzie sank back into the cushions of the sofa and scowled. What was wrong with that man? She did not want to meet his sister. She did not want to meet his family. She did not want to build up her hopes and watch them razed to the ground again.
Eyes lonely, she looked outside at the carriage waiting outside and wondered how it would feel to let herself love someone and be loved in return. Her eyes burned, and she wiped them to prevent the tears from coming. She was not a child and she couldn’t afford to behave like one.
“I apologize! I forgot my—”
Matthew rushed back into the room, took one look at Lizzie’s helpless face and felt an immediate need to care for her. “Lady Elizabeth, are you unwell?”
He walked towards her and he saw the panic replace the desolate look on her face, as she took a step back. “I am quite well, thank you.”
“May I fetch some water for you?” asked Matthew. “You have lost all of your magnificent color, and it looks as if you are about to faint.”
“Thank you for concern, but I must insist that you leave.” Lizzie eluded Matthew’s intense gaze and avoided all eye contact.
Not wanting to intrude, and yet wanting to know why she had looked as if her heart was breaking, he decided to
leave her alone. As he exited, he looked back and saw her fall onto the couch, as if exhausted.
He was determined to find out her secret. He couldn’t imagine Lady Elizabeth capable of something so terrible that would change his feelings for her. He wanted her. He would have her.
6
The next afternoon, Lizzie went against her better judgment and accepted Lord Malmesbury’s offer. She was quite interested in seeing him one more time, although she was sure it would be the last time. For one afternoon, she would pretend she was just like any other woman visiting the home of a man she was falling in love with.
Matthew’s estate was stunning. The garden and the woods seemed to never end. She dreamed of losing herself in the beauty of the grounds, while allowing the cool air to kiss her cheek as though it was welcoming her home. Her heart was near bursting with anguish. The grounds of Matthew’s estate could only be described as calming and wild like her emotions. Being lost in nature gave her the freedom of taking off her mask. The trees, flowers and earth accepted her just as she was.
Matthew observed Lizzie surrounded by the flowers and newly trimmed hedges. There had never been a more beautiful sight. Her features were delicate when her muscles weren’t tense from pushing people away. The color in her cheeks matched the pale pink roses and her hair glistened like the morning sun. A slight smile lit up her face, and for the first time, Matthew knew he loved Lizzie. His pursuit was no longer just a game. She had stolen his heart.
Lizzie’s gaze shifted as she realized that she was being watched. Her jaw tensed and the carefree girl who had been there moments earlier had disappeared. A tight-lipped smile appeared on Lizzie’s face. Matthew approached Lizzie and her formal speech seemed cold. Matthew longed for the real Lizzie.
Matthew led her indoors and was ready to start the official tour. The inside of the estate was just as impeccable as the grounds. His hand brushed against her arm and he was taken aback by the strong emotion that had taken over his whole being. He felt a connection to Lizzie and wondered if she felt anything at all.
