by K. S. Adkins
Dropping my head to his chest I simply, sighed.
I was too exhausted to do anything more. I knew bars and business, not second chances and forgiveness.
But for some weird reason, I wanted to.
Despite the risk, I wanted his unfinished business and that terrified me.
“I’m not her,” she whispered and it should bother me that she was hurting but it didn’t. Fuck, every day she hurt with something new and I was tired of it.
“Never asked you to be.”
“So there is a her,” she said wiping her eyes.
“No,” I say moving out of cling range. “Not anymore.”
“Tell me how to be like her and I’ll do it if that makes you happy.”
Getting in her face, I made it clear, “You can’t replace her.”
“But I’m your wife.”
“Yeah, but you shouldn’t have been.”
Wrapping my arms around her, I mimic her sigh and hold her a little tighter. Drew running from me changed both of us. From the first time, I walked into the bar off campus and saw this long haired, stacked, spit fire serving drinks with a sexy smile and chip on her shoulder, I knew I loved her. The love I had for her could never be transferred to another but her taking off killed me. So a year later when I met Carrie, a girl who didn’t drink, cared nothing about cars or music but took an interest in me, I went for it. Needing something, anything, to take my mind off the loss of Drew, I even married her for no other reason than to belong to someone. For too many years I punished her for not being the woman in my arms. I married her to punish myself too. Bottom line was, Carrie needed a man to treat her gently, protect her, and I did the opposite. I refused to be who she needed me to be. Because I couldn’t have who I wanted, I made the woman who wanted me suffer needlessly. What I did to Carrie will haunt me almost as much as what two stupid words out of my mouth did to Drew. The hurt that she kept close ran deeper than I had realized. The woman in my arms wasn’t just battling being hurt, she was also scared.
Protect her, convince her, be patient…
“Drew,” I whisper into her hair. “Finding you wasn’t an accident. I’m begging you, let me back in.”
“Okay,” she says leaning into my chest.
Tilting her chin up, I kiss her soft lips and tell her, “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
Taking my hand, she slips her fingers between mine and squeezes. Then giving me a tug, together we made our way to her boat. “One more thing,” I say pulling her to a stop.
“What?”
“Can you cut out the nicknames?”
With a wink and a chuckle, she says, “I make no promises, boo boo.”
Satisfied with that, for now, we hadn’t gone three more steps when an explosion rocked the dock with the percussion sending us both sailing into the water. Surfacing with a roar, I immediately began yelling her name.
It was dark, she was tiny and the panic was unlike anything I’d ever felt in my life. When she came up sputtering, I was able to breathe again. Pulling her with me, we swim toward the section of the dock that somehow hadn’t been destroyed. With Drew holding onto the pole and my body caging hers in, we watch her Regal burn.
“Well,” she announced brightly. “I think someone’s trying to kill me.”
“Only you would make a joke right now,” I groan then sober up. “Come on,” I say pulling her from the pole to swim toward the front of the dock. “For now let’s let whoever tried think they succeeded.”
Coughing on some nasty water, I haul her up and when she wraps her arms around my neck and said, “You wouldn’t blow up my boat just to get me back to your place, would you?” I laughed hard and then swallowed water myself.
Scaling the wall and pulling her over, we were both exhausted but I could hear sirens which meant we had to go. Sitting around being asked questions we couldn’t answer was not appealing. Plus, I needed to buy us some time so I could fucking think. The problem was, my God damn heart was in my throat. All the what ifs were literally choking me.
Taking her the same way I used to sneak in, she falls into the Impala and I do the same. When it was clear to take off, I hauled ass. Once we were a safe distance away, I took her hand, kissed the top and said, “If it wasn’t for the boat, what would it have took to get you to come home with me?”
Glancing my way, she grins and says, “Asking. I’m easy like that.”
Wet, cold and wore out I checked my neighborhood before pulling the Impala into the garage. Attempting to be chivalrous was a waste of time because she groaned she was cold and forced her way into my house. Following her through the back door, she freezes and I follow her gaze. “Your wife really liked pink,” she says with wide eyes. “A lot.”
“Ex-wife,” I say coming up behind her and resting my hands on her hips. “And I rarely came home much.”
“What’s her name?”
“Carrie.”
“Carrie Rhodes,” she said placing her hands over mine. “I bet she was very pretty.”
“She wasn’t you, Drew.”
“Obviously,” she says leaning into me. “The only pink in my place is pepto.”
“Hey,” I say turning her to face me. “Don’t over think this, okay? Everything in this house is mine, it’s all new and it’s all me. Well, minus the paint. I hate painting. I had no part in that shit.”
“Can I say something?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I might be glad you found my file,” she says moving my hands and placing them over her heart. “But seeing proof of your marriage, even if not loving her is true, is killing me right now. You even have flowers…”
“Drew…”
“Let me finish,” she demands. “So I understand that seeing proof of my…past, would upset you too. I won’t throw your past in your face if you return the favor.” When I opened my mouth she placed her hand over it and said, “And, I understand this will be a bigger concession for you than it is for me, but going forward the last nine years don’t matter, they can’t.”
“How big of a concession are we talking about?”
“Big,” she mumbles looking anywhere but at me.
“How big, Drew?”
“Nine years is a long time,” she stalls. “Even if I only had sex once a year that’s still…”
“I’ve been with two women,” I growl taking her chin in my hand. “You and Carrie, that’s it.”
“Nooo,” she says laughing loud and breaking the tension. “I was your first?”
“Yeah smart ass, you were.”
“But you were so good!”
Pleased by that, I couldn’t help but grin. Our first time may not have been awkward but I didn’t last long. To make it up to her I’d made her come three times and still felt like a champ to this day. “Not that you had much to compare it to but, thanks.”
“You may not see this as a compliment but no man has ever made me feel even a fraction of what you did that night. And believe me, I tried to forget but… I couldn’t.”
“No shit?”
“I wouldn’t lie about that.”
“Not even a fraction,” I growl then nip her lip. “We gonna make up for lost time, Drew?”
When she blanched, I held her tighter. “Well?” I push again. “Are we?”
She was in the process of shutting me out when I walked her into my living room, tore her wet top off and attempted to get her bra thing off. “The fuck is this thing?” I ask appalled when it wouldn’t budge.
“Spanx,” she actually giggled and when she saw I was lost she explained, “It’s a type of bra.”
“This is no bra, this is…Fuck, I don’t know what this is.”
“These girls don’t hold themselves up anymore, I require reinforcements now a days.”
“I’m cutting this contraption off,” I announce. “And when your tits need a boost, you can have my hands.”
“A true gentleman,” she snorts but I shut her up when I pinned her agains
t the banister.
“I need you to trust me not to hurt you. Can you do that?”
Drew blinks once, twice and I saw the uncertainty leave her when she says, “Yes.”
Fucking ecstatic about that, I leaned in to kiss her when she made it clear, “I’m saying yes because I won’t let you hurt me again, Axle.”
“That’s fair. I’m looking forward to proving you wrong, Drew.” Then I took her by the hand and led her upstairs. Before getting to my room, I make a right and announce, “We need a shower first.”
“Thank God,” she said shucking that hideous bra then jeans leaving her only in a sexy thong. “Are you going to shower with your clothes on?”
“Need a minute,” I say palming myself. “Fuck woman, I thought your body was tight then, it doesn’t hold a candle to now.”
“Really?” she asked twirling slowly in a circle. Nope, still not shy…
“Work of art,” I promise her and when she turns and my eyes zero in on her bald pussy, I think I whimpered, “That’s new.”
“Waxing’s where it’s at,” she grins seductively before announcing, “Your turn,” and releases my belt followed by lowering my zipper. Sliding her hand in, she grips my cock, pulls it out and balances it in her palm.
Her gulp was audible and my smirk was automatic. “Your cock deserves its own zip code.”
“You gotta stop stroking it,” I groan and like she hadn’t heard me she keeps petting it and mumbles directly to it, “Did you miss me?”
Before I fucked her standing up, I forced her into the shower to wash the river out of her hair.
This was a moment I’d waited my whole life for and neither of us were coming while we smelled like sewer.
“You had sex with Axle?” Deanne screamed into the phone. “And then you left?”
“Did you miss the part where he called me a mercy fuck?”
“Who cares, it’s Axle!”
“I care!” I shrilled.
“Oh my God,” she rushed out. “You love him.”
“No I don’t,” I lied.
“Any other guy calls you anything you shrug it off. My big sis is in love.”
“No I’m not,” I warned her.
“Go talk to him, Drew.”
“Pick a side, Deanne.”
“Wait until I tell –”
Sisters were a pain in the ass.
Axle washed my hair.
A first for me.
Then he took the cloth to my back before kissing each shoulder.
Another first for me.
For us.
He refused to let me do the same in return so after several tries I gave up and simply enjoyed it.
His massive hard on kept poking me while he seemed able to ignore it choosing to focus on soaping up every inch of my body. Maybe he could ignore it, but I could not.
I was never big into blowies but I wanted to swallow his cock whole. I wanted the full experience of gagging, spitting, and him coming in my mouth. But every time I went for it, he found the will to deny me.
Clean and dry because he handled that for me too, we’re standing in front of his bed in towels. Mine was pulled tight to my body while his slung low on his hips.
His chest was broader now, more defined. His arms were muscled up but not overly so. Back then I loved his long messy hair but I loved his close cut hair even more. It didn’t hide his face and Axle had a face that deserved to be seen. He had bright eyes despite them being brown. He also had the beginnings of a beard but it was because he’d forgotten to shave. His chest had just the right amount of hair and I followed the trail down past his navel. My gulp was stuck in my throat because this was real and real was freaking me out. It was going to happen and I could even admit I wanted it to happen but I could not, would not, allow it to mean anything. Sex I could handle, it’s the other shit I was certain I’d screw up.
“Stop it,” he barked startling me. “You’re already shutting me out, do not fucking do it, Drew.”
“I haven’t done anything,” I lie, gripping my towel tighter.
“Bullshit. You can tell yourself this is just a fuck but it’s total bullshit. I know you,” he says stepping to me. “And the one thing I do know is I am not and never will be just a fuck for you.”
“Don’t be so sure,” I throw out at him and he reacted.
“You want a grudge fuck?” he asks ripping my towel away. “Would that make us even?”
Standing there naked shouldn’t have bothered me considering I had just been naked in the shower a few minutes ago. But it did because I felt vulnerable. I hated not being in control and I hated that he saw right through me too.
Lifting my chin with one hand and releasing his towel with the other, he pulls us close together and just stares.
Unable to look away but afraid of what he’ll see in me, I try backing away but he wasn’t having it. I was stuck and I was warm. I was also screwed. Screwed because I loved it.
In a low voice, a soothing voice he says, “The night you chose me I wanted to tell you that I loved you.” The hitch in my breathing could not be helped because the hurt needed out, demanded to be released. It had been festering inside me for years and the man who caused it was hell bent on ridding me of it. “I felt like I’d already loved you for a lifetime and Christ, when you touched me, how you touched me, I knew you felt the same.”
“I did,” I admit, albeit quietly.
“I should have told you,” he whispered against my lips. “Then when you heard those words you wouldn’t have believed it because you would have known how I felt. Shit, I waited for you too, Drew.”
With my cheek pressed against the hair on his chest, my arms found their way around his middle and I could only hold on. “Tell me you thought about me.”
“Every day,” I answer honestly however I didn’t feel the need to add that most days I wanted him run over by a truck.
“All these years, fucking wasted.”
“We were young. There was no guarantee we would have lasted,” I try explaining.
“Do you even buy the shit you’re selling?” he laughed into my hair.
“Denial is expensive,” I say on a laugh as well. “I can afford it.”
“We would have had good memories. Not the shit stuck in my head or the shit stuck in yours. Regret tastes like acid in my mouth right now…”
“You’re not responsible for what’s in my head.”
“I don’t like that you’ve closed yourself off to love,” he says meeting my eyes. “But I’m also grateful that you did because whether you know it or not, you were still waiting for me too.”
Refusing to acknowledge his words because I wasn’t ready to trust them, I decided to go with distraction. Moving my hands from his back to his semi, I take him in my palm and squeeze gently.
“Distracting me with a hand job won’t work,” he moans widening his stance.
“That’s why I’m going with a blow job,” I announce sinking to my knees.
Taking him in hand, I wasted no time wrapping my lips over his warm skin. At the moment of contact, my eyes rolled back. Axle tasted amazing. Sinking his hands in my hair, I plant mine on his thighs and suck. I added a few licks too, but in the end my mouth preferred suction.
“Fuck that feels good,” he praises as his grip tightens. Adding more suction and cupping his balls, he roars something I don’t understand and pulls me to a standing position.
He wanted to kiss me, I could feel it and because I could feel it, I needed to avoid it.
Kissing for me was a personal thing. A personal thing I did not engage in often. Even after all these years I kissed Axle more during our one night together than I had all the men I’d been with combined. Twice he’s tried leaning in take to snag my mouth and both times I’ve resisted. “Give me what I want.”
“I am,” I argue using his cock as a distraction.
“Pain in the ass,” he grunts then takes control by lifting me up from under my arms and tackling me to his b
ed. “You can’t even let me in enough to kiss you?” Pinned beneath him I had so many things I wanted to say but stayed silent. Axle was not struggling with any such problem. “I’ve dreamed about kissing you every night for nine years. Nothing else has ever come close.” I didn’t like the fact that anyone but me had kissed him at all.
Because he’s mine mine mine!
“You kiss with your heart and soul,” he said nipping my bottom lip. “You kiss me with everything that you’ve got. A man doesn’t forget that. I’m the man that needs that right now, Drew.”
He was right, I did. Which was why I was afraid to try. But then he balanced his forearms on either side of my body and thoroughly invaded my space, my senses.
“I ached for you. Still do.”
Like a bow strung tight, I snapped.
Grabbing his face, I assault his mouth intending to shut him up. Wanting to show him I wasn’t sweet anymore, I wasn’t tame and I sure as fuck wasn’t his. But the opposite happened because when he gave it right back to me, I forgot my intentions.
I forgot all of it, I simply felt.
And God dammit, I felt everything.
Pinning my arms above my head, he orders me to keep them there and I comply. Curiosity had me obeying his demands which was not my usual. His mouth grazed my neck and shoulder, hips grazed each nipple and swirled his tongue inside my bellybutton. Pretending I wasn’t into it was useless because I was gone. Fucking gone. And when his lips found my clit and he placed a kiss there, I moaned loud and long. “Ever been this wet before?”
“No.” Not a lie.
“Can’t believe I didn’t do this sooner,” he says running his finger between my legs. “Can’t believe this pussy is mine again.” Coming from anyone else I would have laughed but it wasn’t funny, it was tearing me apart in a really good way. “Tell me I can have it.”
