“Yeah, I guess so. Can you see anything? Does anything look strange?” I tried to let go of my present frustration and see beyond what I currently pictured.
“I don’t know. I almost feel like I see the room the way it was when he was alive. And TJ…sitting on his bed, with his face hidden in his hands. It’s gotta just be in my head. That can’t be real.”
“I’m willing to bet that it is. I wish I could see what you see,” I said, in almost a whisper.
“I wish I didn’t feel so sad right now.” Desiree leaned her head against my shoulder. We both sat in the dark, in silence, for what seemed like half the night. Maybe if we didn’t try so hard, he would come. And if he didn’t, then that didn’t matter, either. I tried to detach myself from the outcome. Then there could be no disappointment.
“Do you think he really wants to help you find Jeremy?”
“Yeah, I do. That’s what friends do. They help each other.”
“Okay...just checking,” she said softly, and we continued to lean against each other, supporting each other.
I felt as if I could fall asleep at any moment. And as I was drifting away, I saw a light flash across my window.
“My mom’s home!” Adrenaline rushed into my system as I sprang from the bed.
“It’s gonna be okay,” Desiree said.
I violently threw open the door and sprinted down the hall. Desiree was somewhere behind me, obviously not feeling my sense of panic. I had failed to plan ahead, failed to devise an exit strategy. I barged into the kitchen, and Frolics was already seated by the side door. I couldn’t get Desiree out this way; Mom would be exiting the garage at any moment. Maybe I was overreacting; maybe I didn’t need to sneak Desiree out at all. Mom would understand, including the late hour of Desiree’s visit.
The motion sensor light positioned between the garage and the side door lit up. I took a step back, turned, and collided into Desiree, who was standing silently behind me.
“Back to my room,” I commanded and nudged her as she turned.
“Your mom’s not gonna care.”
Instead of answering her, I pushed her toward my room, and we were right back where we’d started. I closed the door. Looking around the room, I tried to decide what to do with the girl in my room. “Hide in the closet.”
“I get claustrophobic; I can’t do that.”
“Really? Okay, how about under the bed?”
“Are you kidding? I can’t fit under your bed.”
I thought harder and it occurred to me there was only one option left. I threw open the curtains and lifted the window. I felt around for the small plastic handle and jostled the screen free from the window casing. I began pulling the screen in through the open window, but once I realized I’d have to hide the screen, too, I dropped it in the bushes.
“There’s your escape route. Please be quiet,” I pleaded, handing Desiree her coat after she had climbed through the window.
“I feel like an escaped convict,” Desiree laughed.
“Well, don’t get caught.” I closed the window and curtains behind her. The sound of cupboards closing in the kitchen caught my attention. I leapt from the window to my bed, flipped off the light, and slid under the covers.
Not a moment too soon, the door creaked open. Mom peeked her head in the room. “Oliver, you awake?” she whispered.
I pretended to be asleep. Mom walked in and across my room. Carefully opening one eye, I saw her looking out my window.
Wrapping her arms tightly across her chest, she turned. “Why is it so cold in here?” she whispered to herself on her way out.
As soon as the door closed, I sat up on my elbows and breathed a sigh of relief. I wondered how long it would take Desiree to get home. I was supposed to call Anna back, but I was tired now and just wanted to go to sleep.
“Hello, Oliver.” A shadowy figure appeared in one of my mirrored closet doors.
I barely reacted this time, almost expecting the sudden appearance. I had a feeling he had avoided Desiree and me on purpose.
TJ stepped out from the mirror and approached me, his indistinct form transpiring into the darkness.
“Oh, now you show up. Where were you earlier?”
“I was here. But it was me who wasn’t ready. I saw her and thought back to the girl she was when I was alive.”
“What happened to you? Why did you kill yourself?”
“It seemed easier than facing what my life had become. I hurt her, Oliver. I couldn’t live with myself.” TJ paused. “I can’t expect you to understand.”
“You have nothing to be ashamed of. I’m sure she would have forgiven you, for whatever it was. That’s what friends do.”
“And friends help each other,” he said and sat next to me on the bed.
I couldn’t help but feel a chill sweep through my body, but I tried not to let it show. I wanted TJ to remain comfortable, and for that I needed to remain comfortable. He was hazy and translucent, but it was still too dark to make out any of his human features.
“That’s right, they do. You’ll have to talk to Desiree eventually. She’s like my best friend. She needs some closure. You owe her that much, if she was indeed your friend, too.”
“I know,” TJ said.
“Then if you know Desiree at all, you know that you’ll need to do it soon.”
“I owe her that much.”
We sat together for a few moments in silence. I didn’t want to push him too much; I was afraid I might push him away. TJ had said he had information—information that I desperately needed.
“So, you gave me very cryptic instructions on finding Jeremy. You said I can see him if I just look around.”
“I did.”
“Well...I’m looking. Where is he?”
“I thought you were working with your teacher on how to see more?”
“I am. And...I am.”
“Okay then, this should be a familiar exercise. I want you to look at the wall. It’s not solid; it’s a bunch of vibrating particles. Look in between the particles, look through the space, at the gap in between, and look beyond the wall. When you can see beyond the wall, let me know what it is that you see.”
“Aren’t you even going to tell me what I should be seeing?” I asked out of frustration.
“Something your teacher doesn’t want you to see.”
“Mr. Gordon? He’s the one who’s helping me to see more, to become more aware.”
“True. But maybe he’s not ready for you to see everything yet. Maybe what I’m helping you to see isn’t the next baby step he has planned for you.”
“Mr. Gordon has shown me so much. What would he be hiding from me?”
“Everyone’s got secrets, Oliver. Mr. Gordon. Desiree. Jeremy. If you only knew some of Jeremy’s secrets, you might not be so eager to find him.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m helping you find him because you think you want to. But proceed with caution,” TJ said, sounding terribly ominous.
“Thank you. I will. But I wish you’d just tell me what I need to be careful of.”
“At this point, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I wouldn’t have believed it myself when I was alive. So just be careful.”
TJ sat patiently next to me while I remained focused on the wall ahead. Looking ahead, I saw only the wall. I sat there focusing so long and so hard that the wall became a blur. But it was still a wall.
“What happens if I never see it?” I whispered to TJ. When there was no reply, I turned and noticed he was gone. “I guess it’s better not to answer that one.”
I retrieved my chemistry textbook and notebook from my backpack and arranged them on my desk. I opened my notebook to the next blank page and began doodling in the margin. Students arrived in a steady flow as I waited for Desiree. I couldn’t help but look up when each student entered the classroom, a nervous reflex I couldn’t seem to break.
My attention turned to Leslie, seated at the front of the cla
ss. She must’ve felt me looking at her because she immediately glanced over her shoulder. She looked utterly miserable. I thought I had it tough, and by the look of her, she had it worse than I did. Our eyes locked for a few seconds, and then she turned away. I’m sure seeing me every day didn’t help her self-inquisition.
“Are we in the clear?” Desiree asked as she plopped herself down next to me.
“My mom didn’t suspect a thing. And I talked to TJ after you left.”
“He was avoiding me, wasn’t he? I knew it! This sucks. Why was he avoiding me?”
“Believe it or not, he’s scared, too.”
“Really?”
“Trust me.”
Desiree smirked. “Would you trust someone who said that to you?”
I suppose not. We both got ready for the lecture to begin as the last of the students took their seats.
I thought a lot about what TJ had said about Jeremy and Mr. Gordon. I couldn’t imagine what either of them would be hiding from me. I wanted to confront Mr. Gordon with TJ’s allegations, but wondered if that would hinder me in my search for Jeremy. Would Mr. Gordon convince me to disregard all that TJ had said to keep me focused on his lessons? At this point, I wasn’t willing to take that chance. TJ seemed to be my best chance of finding Jeremy, and I would just have to trust him.
When I got to my locker in gym, I noticed the guy with brown hair changing at the far end of the row. It seemed strange to me that he wasn’t with Sasha and Greg on the day of the brutal fight because earlier they all were inseparable. I didn’t want to know where Sasha and Greg were now and I hoped I’d never have to see them again.
The guy with brown hair gave me a sidelong glance, and then quickly diverted his eyes back to the lockers in front of him. He never seemed that threatening and, at this moment, looked more nervous than me.
I steadily changed into my gym clothes and tried to get my mind off the fight. There were more pressing matters now. I closed my locker and was about to get up when I noticed someone standing beside me. I peered up and it was the guy from the end of the row, looking hunched and chagrinned.
“I’m sorry about what happened,” he said.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I think this was the first time I had heard him speak. I was speechless. Without his friends here, I was curious what he had to say.
“I’m Logan. I don’t know why I continued hanging out with those guys. I never had a problem with you. I didn’t even know why Sasha did. He’s just like that. And it used to be funny. I guess the first people you meet when you’re new aren’t necessarily the best.”
“You’re new?”
“Not exactly. I moved here a year ago and didn’t have my act together. I began hanging out with Sasha and his buddies. It seems pretty dumb looking back—not that I have my act together now or anything. When you’re new you want to be included somewhere, you know?”
“Where are they now?”
“Sasha finally got put into Patch Heights. He’s belonged there for a long time. And Greg got transferred to West Hills.”
“That’s good,” I said.
“Yeah, it is. I guess I get to start over again. One of these times I’m bound to get it right.” He paused for a moment. “Do you know a man named Cias?”
“No.” I was puzzled, racking my brain and hoping to find the name in there somewhere. But it wasn’t.
“All right, just checking. Well, like I said, I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.”
“Yeah.” Logan stood in awkward silence for a few seconds too long, probably deciding if he had anything more to say. And when he didn’t, he abruptly walked off.
Despite all that was happening in my life, one thing was seemingly resolved, and the resolution brought a moment of joy. I had made the bullies in my life disappear. And as Mr. Gordon had said, it wasn’t in the way in which I’d expected, but the result was still the same. They were gone.
I smiled to myself and didn’t feel the need to tell anyone else what had happened. It was enough that I knew.
I went out and played basketball with a zest I had never before felt in gym. It made no difference that I was no better at basketball than I was at baseball. I ran up and down the court, I threw the ball to teammates and opponents alike, I caught passes, and I missed baskets. I was happy just to be playing, and we won with no thanks to me.
At lunch I sat down next to Anna and placed her hand in both of mine without saying a word. I’ve had two wins so far today and there were a few waiting on the sideline. I smiled at her and leaned in for a long kiss that she finally had to break away from in order to breathe.
“You didn’t call me back,” she finally said.
“I wanted to. But I was talking with my mom and then went straight to bed.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Everything is fine. I’m having a great day.”
Anna looked surprised—and then suspicious—and then concerned. “How’s your stepdad?”
“Still sleeping.”
“How about Jeremy?”
“Still missing.”
“So why are you so happy?”
“Because I’m choosing to be.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
Anna stole her hand back so she could start eating. She continually glanced over at me and looked relieved when Desiree and Eli arrived.
“Oliver says he’s having a great day,” Anna said.
“It’s about time,” Desiree said.
I went with Mom to the hospital a few times a week. Mom continued to go every night. She checked back with the police every few days inquiring about Jeremy and argued with insurance companies over Richard’s accident. She was physically exhausted and emotionally drained, and I didn’t know how to help her. I tried to do extra chores around the house and even attempted a dinner or two. I knew she was grateful for the help even though she didn’t express it.
There wasn’t much to do at the hospital except wait. Mom sat quietly, mostly staring off into space. Sometimes she spoke to Richard as if they were having an actual conversation. And sometimes she brought a newspaper and filled in the crossword puzzle. I generally brought homework or a book to read.
I thought about how Mr. Gordon had suggested that I had the ability to heal Richard and wake him from his coma. I couldn’t take the suggestion seriously enough to try. If I couldn’t even see what TJ wanted me to see, then how could I do what highly trained doctors couldn’t, and miraculously heal Richard?
Nurses came in periodically and checked the machines and adjusted his position. But Richard continued to sleep soundly.
“I wonder what Jeremy’s doing right now,” Mom said.
We had been sitting in Richard’s room for about two hours without saying a word. I looked up from my book just in time to see her sneaking a flask back into her purse.
“I wonder if he’s thinking of us,” she continued. “He always talked about wanting to be on his own and maybe that’s all he did. Maybe he left to be on his own, too impatient for the school year to finish. I wonder what he’s thinking, or if he regrets leaving. I wonder if he even knows about the accident.”
“You don’t believe he’s in trouble? He could be held captive, waiting for someone to rescue him.”
“Not my Jeremy. He’s a very self-reliant boy; he always has been. I know he can take care of himself. There is no one out there who can hold him hostage.”
“Not even Kafka the bogeyman?” I laughed, trying to keep the conversation from turning too serious.
“That’s a name I wish I could forget.”
“Where did he come from?”
“I don’t remember. It’s been a long time.”
“Is he a fictional character? An urban legend? An ancestor?”
“I don’t remember that, either. I don’t remember where it came from. I feel like it’s somehow part of me, like it came from another life. But that’s just silly. Kafka th
e bogeyman.” She laughed, too. “What a strange name.”
The nights I came with Mom to the hospital we left earlier, usually around 10 p.m., so I wouldn’t be excessively tired for school the next day. Mom kissed Richard on the forehead, and we left at the stroke of ten.
As we walked through the labyrinth of hallways, I saw a man in a hat that looked surprisingly like Mr. Gordon. The man turned a corner. I raced ahead to catch a better look, but by the time I turned the corner, the man was already gone. I returned to Mom, and we followed the trail of breadcrumbs back to the car.
Interlude 2
Daniel walked sharply through the fluorescently lit hallways of St. Joseph’s Hospital. He knew that Oliver and his mother were on their way out. He had caught a glimpse of them as he turned a corner. They seemed unfocused and unaware. Daniel had gotten the room number from the nursing assistant downstairs. He had a pretty good idea where he was headed. It was late, after 10 p.m., but the hallways were still bustling with activity.
He found the room number he was searching for with ease. The room number plate seemed larger than all the others, like it was intentionally trying to stand out, so it would be impossible for him to pass by without noticing.
Daniel stood in the doorway and gazed at a man lying in bed, asleep, covered in bandages, and hooked up to machines. It was Richard. Daniel had a hard time recognizing him beneath all the bandages, but he knew it was Richard. He was in the right place.
Daniel entered the room and removed his overcoat, but left his hat on. He tenderly draped his overcoat over the arm of a chair by the wall. Taking the next chair over and scooting it closer to the bed, he sat down. Leaning forward, he placed his left hand on Richard’s cast-enveloped arm.
“You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into. I’ve watched you for a long time now. You’re good to Helen. If you weren’t, I would’ve gotten rid of you long ago. I knew she couldn’t wait forever, and it’s been a long time. When I left Nicholae in Provex City, I made him one promise, which was to protect his family until the end. I vow to do just that.
“I’m sorry about Jeremy. I truly am. My contact in the city is on the lookout for him. He always has been the independent one, but I know he’ll be back to you and Helen soon.
Provex City Page 19
