It was a temporary solution, for sure, but nothing about his life made him feel rushed to change things up. He was single, his business was young—and who knew if it would even turn out to be a success. Plus he didn’t gamble, so there was no chance he’d be coming into a fortune anytime soon. For now, this arrangement suited his purposes just fine.
Jase took off his coat and hung it on a hook, then toed off his boots. He couldn’t deny being a slight bit shaken by the interaction with Becca. Then again, he’d always been hyperaware in her presence. Of himself and how he must look to her, and of course always aware of how beautiful she was. Having her serve him breakfast had been a nice treat. By the end he was even enjoying the fake bacon.
It was a shame he hadn’t seen her in so long, but even though he’d enlisted and been several states away at the time, he’d known she’d gone away to college almost the minute she’d earned her high school diploma. Her anxiousness to get out of Pierson had been obvious, but he’d been surprised she hadn’t gone to Kansas State like almost everyone else. It was just south, in Manhattan, and had a great teaching program—which was what she’d needed. But no, she’d made a point of going several hours away, once again proving how much she thought of herself and how little she’d thought of her hometown. Hannah, on the other hand, had done the expected and gone to K-State.
Maybe Becca had changed, Jase thought to himself as he stripped out of his Henley and tossed it into a nearby chair. She’d moved to a bigger city, was a lot more mature. This morning she’d seemed pleasant, if not a little reserved. He should be a gentleman and reserve judgment on her until they’d spent a little more time together. He certainly wasn’t the same man he’d been at eighteen.
His phone rang, the ridiculous song Hannah had downloaded to his phone to serve as her ringtone. It was rather early for her to call, so he yanked it out of his pocket and hit ACCEPT.
“Hey,” he said in answer.
“Good morning, sunshine,” she said, her voice raspy. She’d obviously just woken up, and sounded very healthy and safe, so Jase blew out a breath and sat down on his bed.
“Morning. What are you doing calling so early? It’s Saturday,”
“Yes, it is, which is why I wanted to get ahold of you before you make plans with some hot woman and make me jealous.”
She said things like that all the time, and yet she never put herself in any hot woman’s place and made a move. He’d really given up on that ever happening. Wasn’t sure if he even wanted it to anymore, or if he ever had.
“What did you have in mind?” He almost hated himself for not just saying he already had plans. Why did he allow Hannah to dictate what he did? Because they’d established these odd roles and he felt obligated? Maybe because he enjoyed being used? Hard to tell these days, but he had a feeling it was just the path of least resistance.
“Well, you know I’ve kind of been seeing Jonas.”
Jase nearly rolled his eyes. Instead he scratched his forehead. “Yeah. I do know.” She’d been seeing the guy on and off since the spring. Funny how she felt free to do whatever the hell she wanted, and yet if he had a one-night stand he felt like he’d done something wrong. Not that she ever asked. Too often, anyway. Her style was more snide pouty remarks. Speaking of questions, the one Jase kept wanting to ask was who the hell named their kid Jonas? He refrained.
“Anyway, I know Becca’s in town now, so I just thought we could all meet up at the Belfry tonight. Jonas is playing with his band.”
Oh hell no was of course what Jase wanted to say. Instead he heard something else escaping his lips. “Okay, sure.”
She rattled off some details, which he asked her to text him because he couldn’t promise remembering.
“Are you going to bring a date?” Hannah asked.
Why did she pose questions like this? It was awkward. They were awkward. “Probably not.”
“You’re going to die single, aren’t you?” she teased.
“Don’t worry about me, I’m good.” And he was, although he felt like telling her that if he did die single it was partly her fault, but that wouldn’t be fair. They’d been close their entire lives. Written letters for years while he was deployed. Now they were each other’s go-tos. It wasn’t her fault that she’d been his person for years. Their relationship was safe. Easy.
And squeaky clean. The reason his friends gave him shit for it all the time. They could not understand allowing a woman to have the kind of control over your time and energy the way he allowed Hannah to have, without some kind of mutual physical benefit. Sometimes he wondered the same.
They got off the phone and he lay back on his bed, staring up at the wood-slatted ceiling of the porch. Growing up, he’d loved spending time at the Walters house. It was the only time he’d felt a sense of happiness and family. Part of him wanted to re-create that for himself now, as a man. But the more realistic side of him knew that it was probably not meant to be. His paternal role model for the first decade of his life was a drunk, abusive piece of shit. So Jase didn’t really feel confident trying his hand at the whole marriage-and-family thing. That was one of the reasons he’d held back on making a move with Hannah, because he knew that had to be what she was looking for. It was what she’d grown up with.
As much as he’d loved and appreciated living at the periphery of the Walters family’s life, Jase realized he was probably better off remaining a loner. He also knew that it was probably time to start putting up boundaries with Hannah. Not even a man named Jonas wanted to compete with a childhood friend. Of that, Jase was certain. He and Hannah had become too comfortable in their needy roles. It was time to move on from things that were never meant to be.
THREE
“I’m leaving, Dad,” Becca said, standing in the doorway of the living room. Her father was in his recliner, reading glasses perched on his nose, face in an aged paperback suspense novel. It was his favorite pastime, and seeing him sitting there gave her a little hope that dating wasn’t going to change him too much.
Becca hadn’t let him off the hook this morning when he’d gotten home, but instead prodded until he’d come clean and told her about Evelyn. Ugh. It was still hard for Becca to think about. He’d called it casual. Said it was nice to have a companion. Reassured Becca that no one could ever replace her mother, but that he was lonely. That comment alone had made Becca sad. It was selfish of her to expect her father to live out the remainder of his life alone. But that didn’t keep it from hurting, or prevent her from feeling a little jealous and angry on her mother’s behalf. Yet she knew that Karen wouldn’t have wanted him to be sad, either. Life was just so hard and unfair sometimes.
“Dad, you hear me?” she asked, her voice going up an octave. “I’m leaving.”
His head jerked up and he pulled off his glasses, then smiled. “Well, don’t you look nice. Where you off to?”
“Hannah called and invited me to hear her boyfriend’s band play,” Becca said.
Her father chuckled. “That should be interesting. The way she describes him, I get the feeling Jonas is quite a character.”
Becca smiled. Tim Walters wasn’t the kind of man to insult—or even dislike—most people. But Becca could usually tell when he thought someone was a little off, as this Jonas must be. Not a surprise, really. Hannah liked to date the oddballs, but never for long, and never very seriously. Why should she? Jase was always there for her, making it easy for her to have her cake, cookies, and candy, and eat them, too.
“Brian driving down tonight?” Tim asked.
Becca shook her head. “I wish. He was supposed to come Monday after work, but he called a little bit ago and said he might not make it until Christmas Eve.”
Her father’s brow furrowed. “Well that’s too bad. He say why?”
Becca shrugged. “Work stuff, I’m sure. It happens all the time.”
“Everything okay with you two?”
“Course,” she said, pasting on a smile. “Just growing pains, I guess. He’s
busy at work. I’m always busy grading papers or staying late after school.”
“Time for that boy to propose. A relationship is hard, but you have to commit. That’s when things blossom, when you both know you’re all-in.”
“When you’re stuck, you mean?” Becca teased.
“That’s right. Except these days not enough folks consider themselves stuck. Instead of working it out, they bail.”
Becca just smiled. She really felt like this Christmas should be the one where Brian made the commitment to be stuck with her. They’d been seeing each other for over two years. They were both grown adults. It was time. Wasn’t it?
She was trying hard not to be pissed about him not driving down until Christmas Eve, but she was. Lately it was always something that made him let her down, and honestly, it was getting harder and harder not to take it personally. Part of their reason for deciding to spend so much time at her dad’s was to get away for the holidays. Relax together for a change. Sit by a fire, enjoy the scenery of the country. Last year they’d gone to his family’s house in St. Louis, and she’d missed being home for Christmas.
This year, at her childhood home, it felt like the perfect way for him to propose. Surrounded by her family after a week of nothing but R&R. And maybe he still would. It was possible that she was being oversensitive and worrying about nothing.
“You going to be warm enough in that dress?” her father asked as she put her coat on.
“Yes, Dad. I’ll be fine.” She’d chosen an outfit that made her feel good, her favorite black sweater dress with a modest but plunging neckline. Brian had called it “a little suggestive” when she’d worn it out with him. But she liked it, and after getting walked in on in her underwear and bedhead, it was nice to feel put together.
“Well you look real pretty, Becca. Remind me of your mother when she was young.”
“Aw, Dad. Don’t make me cry and ruin my makeup.” She walked over, leaned down, and kissed him on the head. He smelled faintly of cigar smoke—a habit he’d been trying to give up for twenty years—and an unfamiliar cologne. She couldn’t help wondering if that was an Evelyn change.
“You be careful, now. If you have a little too much to drink, maybe stay in town with your sister,” he said, looking up at her with a stern but loving face.
“I’ll be fine, Daddy.” Becca squeezed his shoulder and then headed back through the kitchen and out the side door.
As she picked her way across the snow-coated gravel yard to her vehicle, she suddenly questioned her dress choice. It was December, and although she had on tights, she instantly had goose bumps. She wasn’t even sure what kind of bar this was that Hannah had invited her to. Maybe she ought to run back inside and put on some jeans.
Headlights on the main road caught her attention as she stood next to her car deciding what to do. Jeans were about to win out when the white truck slowed down and then pulled into the driveway. It rolled up next to her, window sliding down to reveal Jase. He smiled.
“Can I offer you a ride?”
She pursed her lips, holding back a grin. “I was thinking about going back in to change.”
“What for?”
“I might be a bit overdressed.”
“Lemme see.”
She pulled her coat open to reveal her dress. His reaction was subtle, but she hadn’t missed his eyes widening and lips parting the slightest bit. “You trying to pick up a man?”
“I already have a man.”
He angled his head. “Well, then I wouldn’t tell him you wore this out tonight without him present.”
Becca’s shoulders slumped and she let her coat fall shut. “I didn’t ask for your chauvinist opinion. I asked if I was overdressed. So, is it that bad?”
He chuckled. “No, it’s that good. Now come on, I’ll chase the men off you.” As he said it, he opened his door and got out. Lifting his arm, he offered his hand to help her carefully step around the front end of the truck, then opened the passenger door and helped her inside.
“Text Tim and tell him I drove you so he doesn’t worry when he sees your car.”
Becca figured it was a good idea so she did as he said while he walked back to the driver’s side. Within moments they were heading down the gravel road and making their way to the state highway that would lead them the thirty-minute drive to Manhattan, Kansas. Becca had driven this road a million times and knew it by heart, but right now that heart was beating overtime as she sat in the leather-and-cologne-scented cocoon of Jase Beckford’s truck.
“So have you met this Jonas guy?” he asked.
“No, I haven’t,” Becca replied. She glanced over, liking the sight of his profile lit up by the faint dash lights. “I didn’t even know Hannah was seeing someone until she called today. I assume you haven’t met him?”
Jase shifted in his seat and gripped the wheel a bit tighter, as she couldn’t help noticing. “Not really. Seen him from a distance a time or two when she stopped by for this or that. But we’ve never had a proper introduction.”
“So, is he good looking?” she asked, laughing when his head jerked back.
“Hell if I know.”
“Oh, come on. You can tell if another man is attractive or not. I won’t judge you if you say yes.”
He sighed. “I said I only saw him from a distance. But he’s . . . okay, I guess. He looks soft, though.”
It was Becca’s turn to laugh. “Soft? Like . . . fat?”
“No, just . . . I don’t know. Fragile. Not tough. Soft.”
“Sooo, the opposite of you, right?”
“Exactly.” He gave her a sexy little smirk, which had her grinning back.
“Well, not all guys can be high-quality in every way,” she said, glancing out her window. “Somebody has to appreciate the soft guys.”
“What about your guy. He high-quality in all the right ways?”
“Are you asking me if he’s soft?”
“Maybe.”
She considered that. Brian worked out regularly, lifted weights, but he wasn’t really . . . tough. “I don’t know. He’s . . . medium density.”
“What does that mean?” Jase asked, sounding amused.
“Well . . . he’s fit. Has some muscles, but if presented with an opportunity to fight, he’d probably take a rain check.”
“Ah, I see. He’s preppy fit.”
“Meaning?”
“Oh, come on. You know exactly what I mean. Lives a lifestyle that requires a gym membership to maintain his abs. No day-to-day manual labor is expected of him.”
When she didn’t reply—only stared at him—he stole a quick glance at her. “Am I right?”
“You’re exactly right. But there’s nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of desk jobs that need to be filled. Important ones.”
Jase was grinning as he said, “I won’t argue with you about that. Takes all kinds to make the world go around. He make good money? I’m sure for you that makes up for the lack of toughness.”
She was a little shocked at his interest in Brian. “He does okay, I guess. He works a lot, so if you broke it down into an hourly rate, I’m sure it’s not as impressive as it sounds.”
“Long hours are a man’s lot in life.”
Becca choked out a laugh. “Please. Never-ending hours are a woman’s lot in life, especially once she has children. Don’t even get me started. And I don’t really like the way you implied his money was what would matter to me.”
He put his hands up in front of him. “Okay, okay. Christ. I’ll tell you what my lot in life is, to be nagged by Walters women, and I’m not even married to either one of them.” He was teasing her, she could tell by the lopsided smile on his face.
She laughed, trying to get back to the fun, easygoing conversation they’d been having before things got weird. “Not for lack of wishing.” The minute the words left her lips, she froze, her eyes glued to the windshield in front of her. Why had she just said that? Had he caught it? She glanced over at him. “I m
ean . . . obviously Hannah always had a thing. For you. I mean, you guys still . . . have a thing.”
“Nah, we definitely don’t have a thing.”
The ride was awkwardly silent the rest of the trip, and she couldn’t help wondering what he was thinking about.
Finally, they pulled into the Belfry, which appeared to be in a former grocery store if she thought back to the last time she’d been here, about ten years ago. In the Midwest, if a building sat empty too long, it ran the risk of becoming a country bar with a big wooden dance floor.
“I really expected a place called the Belfry to . . .”
“Have a belfry?” he finished for her.
“Yeah. I figured it would be in a church or something.”
“This place is probably owned by a millennial. No use trying to understand their thought process,” Jase said, stepping down out of the truck.
When he opened her door, she responded, “Aren’t you technically a millennial?”
He held out a hand to her, and she stepped out of the truck.
“I am. But I’m tough, remember? It’s just the softies you have to worry about.”
Becca rolled her eyes but laughed quietly as he shut the door behind her. He had an ego as big as his biceps, something she’d always known but had forgotten. Thankfully, he was also a gentleman, so he offered her his arm to help her through the icy parking lot.
A few people lingered at the front door smoking and waiting to get in, and Jase eased Becca’s arm out of his so they could both pull out their IDs for the doorman. Once inside, Becca glanced around. The place was crowded, most tables occupied. She didn’t see her sister anywhere, and the band onstage was playing some moody piece that she didn’t recognize. She wondered if the man singing was Jonas.
“Shall we get a drink?” Jase asked, nodding toward the bustling bar.
Should've Been You Page 3
