“I’m sorry,” Becca said, turning to lean back on the brick wall again.
“You have no reason to be.”
She shrugged. “I still hate that you spent even a moment thinking I felt that way. Let alone this many years.”
“I’m sorry, too.” He smiled down at her. “What a lot of time of wasted, huh?”
“At least now we know. Might have been cleared up a lot sooner if I’d seen you more than once over the last decade.”
He grinned. “I was too busy being a badass in the desert.”
She rolled her eyes, but he loved the way her lips quirked up. Pivoting his body, he leaned his shoulder against the wall so he could face her. “So tell me why you never liked or dated anyone in high school? That was the only thing that made me feel better about you not liking me. You seemed to not like any guys.”
Her eyes met his for a long moment before she turned and matched his pose, each of them facing the other.
“Well, if we’re being honest right now, I might as well go all in.” She hesitated, glanced down toward his chest, and then lifted her eyes to his once more. “I didn’t appear to like any other guys in town because I was too busy having a ridiculous crush on someone I thought hated me.”
Jase inhaled deep through his nose, the cold air burning as he stared at her. How could that possibly be true? All those years, they’d had the other one so wrong. Why hadn’t she told him? His lips parted. He had so much he wanted to say, but he didn’t know where to start. Or if he even should. It was nice to know the truth, but maybe they should leave things at that.
An odd look passed over her face and she pushed off the wall. He silently cursed his idiocy as she began to head around the corner back to the bar. Before she could get too far, Jase reached out and grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t go, Beck.”
“Why? Haven’t you had enough truth for one night?” She laughed but there was no humor in it. “Besides, my sister just got engaged. I should be inside celebrating the fact that she got something else I want.”
“Becca, come here.”
Jase gently tugged at her arm and pulled her in front of him, behind the shelter of their brick wind barrier. Feeling emboldened by what they’d both just revealed, he took each of her hands and slid them inside his coat and around his waist. Her eyes went wide as she looked at him.
“What are you doing?” she whispered.
“I have no idea. But suddenly I just . . . need to kiss you.”
She didn’t stop him. Didn’t say anything at all as he leaned his head down. When his hands went to the sides of her face, she whispered. “Please don’t pretend I’m Hannah.”
He angled his head back and looked down at her, his lips quirking. “Oh, I’m not. I’m pretending I’m eighteen, and we’re behind the snack shack at the Memorial Day church pool party. Your hair’s in a ponytail, and you’re wearing that pink bikini with black polka dots and two ties in the back, feeling a little embarrassed because all the boys have been looking at you. And I’m the only one who worked up the nerve to pull you away and do what I’d been fantasizing about all afternoon.”
She sucked in a breath, her lips parting, and then he leaned down to claim her mouth.
FIVE
Becca’s eyes slid shut at the first touch of his lips. Oh!
They were soft, but full, as they pressed against her mouth once, then twice. On the third touch, she puckered the slightest bit, kissing him back. And oh, did he notice. She felt his breathy sigh against her face. He stepped closer, deepened the kiss, and then his tongue slid against her lower lip. And it was the most divine moment of her life.
She was kissing Jase Beckford. The man she’d dreamed of as long as she could remember. Her hands slid up his warm back, loving the feel of muscle beneath his shirt. This man was solid, tough. So, not soft, like . . .
Becca froze and then reluctantly pulled her arms from beneath his coat and stepped away from his warmth. The cold was suddenly unbearable. “We need to stop,” she whispered. “I can’t.”
“Why?” he asked, his hand reaching up to cup her face, pull her back in.
Oh gosh, she was not supposed to want to curl into him so badly, or kiss him all night. Those were fantasies she’d learn to suppress. What was she going to do now that she’d had a taste? “Because . . .”
“Oh shit, Becca, I’m sorry. I forgot you . . .”
“Yeah.” She smiled regretfully up at him. “I’m seeing someone.”
Jase nodded. “I shouldn’t have done that. But I can’t really say I regret it,” he said quietly.
“I wouldn’t want you to.” And she meant it. “But . . . maybe you should take me home.”
“You don’t want to go back inside?”
She shook her head. “No. Hannah’s friends were buying a round of shots. I’m not part of their group. I doubt she even notices.”
Jase stared at her for a long moment and then pulled his keys from his coat pocket. “She’ll notice. But all right. Let’s go.”
Within moments they were in his quickly heating truck and pulling back onto the highway. The drive home was quiet, except for the faint sound of the radio. Was he reliving that kiss over and over in his mind the way she was? Had he really been staring at her in that bikini so long ago? Obviously, she knew the answer because he’d described it in detail, down to the strings in the back. It had felt scandalous to walk out in that suit. Her parents had even argued over it, her daddy calling it inappropriate. But her mother had defended her, saying that the boys would just have to learn to look and not touch. They’d bought it together at the mall, and Becca had wanted one specific boy to look. A last-ditch effort to have him notice her, for once. Facing the passenger-side window, she bit back a smile. Funny how satisfaction could still be sweet nearly fourteen years later.
When Jase pulled into her parents’ driveway thirty minutes later, she immediately turned to him. “You don’t need to help me out.”
He frowned, hand on his door. She knew he’d planned to get out, open her door, and help her inside. She didn’t want it.
“Please. I’m fine,” she said, going for light and confident. No reason to make things weird.
“Becca, wait. This is not what I wanted to happen tonight.”
Her smile faltered.
“I don’t mean it like that. I said I don’t regret kissing you and I don’t. But I hate that you do, so I’m sorry. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.”
“Things have always been awkward between us.”
He hesitated. Glancing out the front windshield for a moment, he turned back to her. “But they don’t need to be anymore. I also don’t want you to be upset with Hannah. She was just a kid. And plus . . . she’s had a rough time since your mom passed.”
Becca’s eyes went wide in shock. “Right. And she’s the only one.” Shaking her head, Becca jerked her door open, ignored Jase calling her name, and got out of the truck. Carefully making her way to the back door without falling, she kept expecting to hear him behind her, and when she made it all the way to the house without it happening, tears pooled in her eyes.
Unlocking the door, she stepped inside, kicked off her heels, and ran up the stairs to her room. By the time she ripped off the black dress, the tears were coming in a steady stream. It was so typical of Jase to bring everything back to his feelings for Hannah. She’d had a rough time? Please. They’d just found out that her sister had lied and manipulated them. Yes, she’d been a child, but she’d known that Becca had a crush on him, so it was calculated. Hannah had seen the rift it had caused firsthand, and not once along the way over the past eighteen years had she thought maybe she should come clean?
No, because Hannah did what was best for Hannah. Becca had always known that to some degree, but she’d never been aware of the lengths her sister would go to have all the love and attention for herself. It was never enough that every boy in school clamored for her smile and her laugh. No, she had to play one against the other,
and Jase was always somewhere in that mix. Hannah had kept him on the hook for so long, Becca figured the two of them didn’t know any other way. And shame on him for being so fucking stupid and clueless. He deserved whatever he got.
Somewhat pulling herself together, Becca threw on a T-shirt and tiptoed out into the hall. Her father’s bedroom door was shut so she quietly made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth and prepare for bedtime. Five minutes later she was curled up in her childhood bed, vowing to put her obsession with Jase behind her. She’d spent far too many moments of her life wishing for one look. One word.
Tonight, she’d had that pleasure of that and more. And the guilt was beginning to eat her alive. She’d have to tell Brian what she’d done. Right away.
But unfortunately, her mind was more powerful than her will, because the minute she closed her eyes, she was right back in that bikini, dreaming of Jase Beckford’s soft lips on hers.
* * *
By late Sunday afternoon, Jase had checked on all his cattle, made himself and his mom some soup from a can, and thrown away the empty wine bottle she’d left sitting on the counter. He was also done wondering if Becca was okay, so he got in his truck and made his way down the road to find out for himself.
He’d received a text from Hannah late the night before, asking why he’d left the bar without talking to her again. There’d been no good answer, and of course she’d known he’d probably been shocked, so when he didn’t reply to her text, she tried calling. He hadn’t answered, because he wasn’t ready to hear her voice. Didn’t want her asking if she was making the right decision, or if he’d still be her best friend even though she was marrying someone else. He could easily imagine all the things that she’d say, and the fact that she was probably drunk had made it even easier to turn off his phone and ignore it.
As he pulled into the Walters drive, his thoughts went back to Becca. He’d thought of her as he fell asleep. The way her sweet lips had kissed him back, and how soft her breasts had felt pressed up against his chest. He still had a hard time believing that she’d actually had a crush on him for all those years. Never in his life could he have imagined that. And while he should be mad as hell at Hannah, he wasn’t. Not too much, anyway.
She had her own issues, and besides, what would he have done with the knowledge that Becca liked him? She had never been the kind of girl you easily put the moves on. She was guarded, quiet, and always seemed so above the rest of them. Like a princess. The two twins were very different in that way. Hannah was reckless, wild, and in your face. So much the opposite of Becca, who had been reserved, prissy, and always assessing. That aloofness was what had kept the guys in check, because Becca had always been gorgeous. Both had, but Hannah had felt obtainable, although even that was an illusion, because no one ever officially caught her.
Until now. Fucking Jonas, what the hell.
Jase shook his head thinking about it as he got out of his truck. If what Hannah really needed was a softy hipster to sing her love songs in a throaty voice, then fine. Jase hadn’t been lying when he’d described his relief after watching her get engaged. At first, he’d felt raging jealousy, but almost in the same instant his body had exhaled at the knowledge that he no longer had to worry about reining her in. Rescuing her. Making her happy. It didn’t have to be him. Wasn’t going to be him. He was free to move on.
Jase gave a quick knock to the Walters back door but immediately opened it, as was his way. Besides, if Becca was sporting only underwear this time of day, she should expect to be caught.
“Hello,” he called out, finding the kitchen empty, but smelling amazing. He noticed a lightly bubbling Crock-Pot on the counter.
“In here,” Tim said from the living room.
Jase hadn’t worn a coat over so he wiped his boots on the rug and headed through the house. Tim was sitting in his favorite spot, reading. “Howdy,” he said without taking his eyes off his book.
“Lazy Sunday?” Jase asked, sitting down on the sofa.
“Of course. Nothing better than sitting right here. Becca even made my dinner before she left.”
Jase’s stomach dropped. “She’s gone?”
Tim turned the page, eyes still on his book. “About twenty minutes ago, actually. Just missed her.”
Damn. He hadn’t even seen her car go by when he was out in the field. “Didn’t she just get here late Friday?”
“Sure did, but since Brian couldn’t join her, she said she was missing him. Who knows? You know better than to question my daughters.”
“True enough. Just seems kind of odd to drive back so soon after she got here.” Jase scratched the back of his neck, suddenly feeling irritated. So, he’d kissed her and she’d quickly headed back to her boyfriend. He couldn’t blame her, really. She was probably feeling guilty. And she was likely blaming him, and she had every right to. She’d told him she was seeing someone, but in that moment all logical thoughts had skipped his mind. All he’d wanted was to kiss her. It wasn’t right, but still . . . he wouldn’t take it back even if he could.
“You talk to Hannah today?” Jase asked. He wasn’t sure if she’d shared her news with her father, so he wanted to be careful.
“I did.” Tim set the book down and removed his reading glasses. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Matter of fact she should be here in a few minutes. Said she’s bringing her boyfriend. Hope you can handle that.”
“I can handle it. I’ve met him.” Although he’d really prefer not to handle it. But at this point he needed to get his congratulations out of the way before Hannah lost her mind. She’d tried calling again earlier today, and if they didn’t talk soon, she was going to show up at his place. Or even worse, start calling his friends.
Matter of fact . . . he pulled out his phone and checked his text messages. Yep. Sure enough he had one from Reeve. Dude. Please Call Hannah. And one from Tyler. Call your girl. She’s blowing up my phone.
She was definitely not his girl, and never really had been, but he understood why they felt that way. The question he had was why in the hell wasn’t she basking in the glow of being newly engaged instead of worrying about talking to him about it. A sure sign that they really needed to lay the ground rules on this new development in their friendship. Things had to change. He quickly replied to his friends: On it.
“So, what’s he like? This . . . Jonas,” Tim asked.
“You haven’t met him yet?” Jase asked, surprised.
Tim shrugged. “Hannah’s never brought him around. I only see her with you.”
Jase ignored the implication in that phrase. “Honestly, I haven’t officially met him, either. Last night we saw him perform with his band, which was okay I guess. Just not really my style.” Jase had a few other things he’d like to say, but knew better than to insult a man’s future son-in-law. It would be petty. And cruel. He needed to be better than that.
They heard the gravel pop out front. “This will be them, I suppose,” Tim said, getting up from his chair. “Stay for dinner? I hate to face this alone.”
Jase laughed. “Sure. I’ll stay. Smells good.”
“That Becca, she’s a good cook. Spent a lot of time in the kitchen with her mama. Brian’s a lucky man. Needs to put a ring on it. Isn’t that what the girls say these days?” Tim said with a chuckle.
Jase hesitated as he followed Tim to the kitchen. “Yeah they say that. But do you think that’s likely? Between Briand and Becca?” Jase asked, hating the idea.
“Better be. Becca said she’s almost positive she’s getting a ring for Christmas.”
“Really? Wow. I had no idea.” Now he felt like an asshole. He’d pushed her too far, and now pushed her away. All because he’d been selfish and impulsive. The Becca he’d spent years building up in his mind thought herself too good for a guy like him, so when she’d shown her vulnerability last night, he’d taken advantage of it.
When they stepped into the kitchen, Hannah was just walking in. “Hi, Daddy,” she said, giving her fath
er a hug. When she pulled back, she introduced Jonas to Tim, and then turned to Jase, who was leaned against one of the kitchen cabinets.
“There you are, you turd!” she said, rushing toward him. She gave his shoulder a weak punch then immediately wrapped her arms around his neck. “Why did you abandon me last night?” she whispered.
Jase glanced over her shoulder at Jonas, who was laughing at something Tim said. The dude was wearing another scarf. With fucking stripes. God, no. Was Tim going to let Hannah marry a man who wore a striped scarf as part of his outfit? Men were only supposed to wear a scarf for utilitarian reasons. Period.
“Sorry, Han,” he said in her ear. “I didn’t abandon you. Becca just wasn’t feeling well. I took her home.” He held off reminding her that one couldn’t be “abandoned” with her fiancé.
Hannah pulled back. “Is she okay?” She glanced around. “Where is she?”
“Drove home for a night or two,” Tim said behind them.
Hannah’s shoulders slumped and she looked visibly hurt. “Drove home? Why would she do that? We haven’t gotten to hang out.”
“She wanted to see Brian,” Jase said.
“See Brian? She sees him all the time.”
“Calm down, Hannah girl. She said she’d be back tomorrow or the next day,” Tim said as he lifted the lid on the slow cooker. It appeared to hold a pot roast with vegetables. It smelled like heaven. “She did make us dinner, so we can’t complain too much. Can we?”
Should've Been You Page 5
