I didn’t know what he meant, but since I was basically the reporting system from the birds to the Guards, I turned to the others.
“They say we have to visit the fire.”
Neil shook his head. “What fire?”
“They weren’t specific.”
One of the more aggravating factors of my abilities was that I could repeat, but I had little ability to interpret. If divinity wanted me to understand, they were going to have to be more clear. We weren’t groomed in this mess. On Peter’s, the most unintelligible thing that went on was when the baker got really drunk and tried to tell stories. Even those made more sense than the ravens.
Wayne rolled his eyes. “I guess we’ll visit every fire that we see?”
Ren shrugged. “I’m fine with that. After we get Mika. Any fire related activities can wait until then.”
He was right. She took precedence, always would. We’d make sure she knew that, understood that our confusion hadn’t come from lack of wanting but just a sheer meltdown of the universe for us. We’d never have left.
I leaned back, watching the sunset for the day. We didn’t have a train schedule. We might have to wait for one, but so help me that was what I would do. I’d sit there and not move until I could get to her. Every minute brought me closer to seeing her face again.
What would it have been like if we’d never been separated? If she’d grown up on Peter’s with us. Would we have somehow known then that we were Guards? Or would we just have known we’d all loved her, and the rest would have come naturally?
It didn’t matter. I wanted her to know what it was to wake up there and listen to the sound of the ocean hitting the beaches. I wanted her to taste autumn on her tongue. I wanted to watch her shoulders unstiffen. What did she look like when she first woke up in the morning? I’d never spent time with her in bed. The others had those memories, maybe. Most of the time, something made it impossible to have a full night together before an easy morning.
I wanted that for her—and for me—more than any of the rest of it. I wanted her to know that I desired her as much as the others did, and I wasn’t at all certain that she knew. I’m not going to kiss you… what had I been thinking?
I could ask myself until the cows came home, and never have a real answer. That seemed to be the constant story when it came to our relationships with Mika. We’d made huge mistakes because we just had.
I hoped what I’d told the then child Alexander was true. A man could make mistakes. We were all human; we were all flawed. We did the best we could, and when we made mistakes, we said we were sorry and asked for forgiveness. We did things to make them right.
I’m sorry, Mika.
I thought it a million times a day. I hoped it wouldn’t be too much longer now until I could tell her in person, reach out touch the end of her hair, tug on it, watch it spring from a curl to straight and back again. Maybe she would tell me, eventually, that she understood. That there was a place to start again from here.
14
Mika
There were little ways to resist Katrina’s hold on me. To do so hurt like hell, and I could only seem to manage the endeavor about fifty percent of the time. It mostly took me sitting on the ground and holding onto my legs, refusing to give in to the need to move when I heard the baby cry. I could only suspect that on the outside, in the place where I really was and not this cursed construct of my mind, I was rocking back and forth, back and forth. Part of the curse meant I would go through the motions of self care. I would shower, eat, sleep, and rock. That was it.
Around Anne and Teagan, I had spoken things that didn’t make sense, things I didn’t remember saying. None of it mattered. I was probably doing the same routine here. I’d never not been in Katrina’s control.
Except in these few moments when I didn’t go to the call of the baby. I was the Oracle, but I would say when and where. I wouldn’t betray these families who didn’t know enough to be afraid of me.
I was surprised there weren’t horror stories told about the Oracle. Watch out, the Oracle might be watching you and someone will show up to take your baby. I held onto my legs. The baby’s crying ripped at my ears as though she called out to me, beckoned me to her.
I couldn’t go. I would not answer.
I put my head on my knees. For a person who hadn’t even had her own children yet—if ever—my life was really consumed by infants. That was sort of ridiculously funny, and I laughed.
“Why do you make this so hard on yourself?” Katrina kneeled in front of me. “It’s simple. You see babies. You tell me. I send people to get them. It was what divinity wanted you to do. Why do you fight who you are?”
I raised my head to look at her. Her hair was the same color as the darkness around us, which made it kind of hard to see. It was like she somehow didn’t have any… I shook my head. Obsessing over small details was how I got through the long hours which might have actually been days. Months. Years. How would I know?
“Why do you do what you do, Katrina?” I didn’t say Sister. I never would to her again. She wasn’t my Sister. “Why do you torture and kill when you should love and assist?”
She didn’t respond, her face in that miserable passive form that made me want to deck her. Then her arm darted forward so fast I didn’t see it coming. She grabbed my shirt and hauled me up until I stood. Once I was up, I couldn’t stop my legs from moving.
“No,” I cried out, knowing Katrina wouldn’t care. I was heading toward the baby whether I wanted to or not.
Eventually, I reached my destination. A larger house—noble looking in how well kept and huge it was. Usually, I found exhausted mothers, but this time, there was a staff with the baby. Four different women passed the screaming child around.
Katrina sighed loudly. “You can ignore this one. We don’t take the babies of nobility.” She waved her hand, and the scene went away. “Looks like you’re off the hook tonight, Sister Mika. One day, you’ll give in. One day, like all who came before you, Oracle, you’ll be mine.”
She vanished, and I cried out, biting down on my hand when I did so. I had no tears, not even for pain. But the discomfort was real, and it reminded me that somewhere, at least inside my own mind, I was alive. I was real.
I might someday give in to her. I hated to admit that. I didn’t know how long I’d been here. Teagan had held out five years. Anne and Daniella, a year each. They were incredible inspirations.
I sunk to my knees. Exhaustion wafted through me. I was so lonely. I hated to admit that, even to myself. I pounded on the ground, again and again and again until my hands hurt. The pain. What was wrong with me that I’d grown to like it?
I wanted to be held, to be kissed, to sleep next to the five men who briefly made my life hopeful. If I hadn’t been taken, I’d have had to live with the heartbreak that they weren’t coming back. Intellectually, I understood that. But they were still all I could think about.
Or all I wished to think about. Other questions dominated my mind. Would I die in here? What would happen if my body died? Would I be stuck in here endlessly? Always alone?
I hadn’t slept since I’d been trapped in my head. The last time I was cursed, I’d fallen asleep twice in the whole time. But sleepiness made the world tilt. With nowhere to go, I lay down on the path and closed my eyes. Nothingness would be better than this.
I opened my lids to find myself by a fire, a beating of drums in the distance. Where was I? I got to my feet by way of my knees and brushed dirt off myself. The fire burned brightly right in front of me. For a second, I had to cover my eyes in order to see the bright glare. I wasn’t used to light anymore. Everything was dark.
Light had left my life.
Not true.
The spirits danced down in front of me. Their arms spread out like wings as they whooshed through the sky and over the fire. My throat clogged with relief at seeing them. I’d never thought I would want to speak to divinity—I blamed the universe for making me the Oracle—and yet
, relief swept through me like a cool gust of wind on a hot night.
“I’ve been so alone.”
Yes. You aren’t any more. Not for much longer. Hold on, Sister Mika.
What did they mean not anymore?
“Mika.” Daniella’s voice traveled to me, and suddenly, I saw her on the other side of the fire.
I tried to reach forward, but I couldn’t move. I was stuck. Still, she was there. “Daniella.”
“Through the dark to the light. You remember, yes?”
I’d heard her say it a million times. “That’s not true for me. I don’t have Guards to come rescue me.”
She looked down at the ground and winced. Finally, she looked up at me again. “There are things I can’t tell you. Things that are not for me. But the darkness, the light. It has nothing to do with our Guards, nothing to do with our rescues. They have to do with here.” She touched her chest. “Our hearts. It is our hearts that have to survive the darkness to see the light. It isn’t that the light wasn’t always with us, it was. We couldn’t see it for what it was because we didn’t know how bright the end would be, how our souls would change from the bad times.”
“Why can’t I move toward you?”
She smiled at me. “We will see each other again. Believe it.” She pointed past me. “Look and see. Those two things are different.”
Daniella vanished, and I whirled around searching for her. Where had she gone? That was when I stopped abruptly. Five statues surrounded the fire. I couldn’t reach them, my inability to move a huge problem. The statues were all in the strangest position, made of stone, they had their heads bent, their faces covered. I couldn’t see any of their features.
Were they my Guards?
What did that pose mean?
I woke up back on my dark path. Hitting the ground had accomplished nothing for me, and I wouldn’t do it again. Look and see? Daniella had given me those instructions before she’d indicated the Guards. Who were they and what was I supposed to see?
Ren
I sat straight, immediately alert. That had been the strangest dream I’d ever had. I was trapped in stone, like a statue—and I couldn’t move. Mika had been there. I couldn’t see her, but I could feel her. I would always be able to feel her.
The first time we’d arrived at the Sisterhood, thinking we were twice lucky for getting paid a substantial amount of money and helping the famous Sisters at the same time, I’d felt her move into my soul like she filled a hole I hadn’t known I had. Then I’d made the stupid horn comment. I groaned even thinking about it.
My brothers were out cold, unusual for all of us to be so asleep, but I figured we were safe enough. The train traveled north, and although it was climate controlled from the steam machines heating and cooling in the passenger car, I shivered. The slightest feeling of nausea moved through me.
I poked my head toward the window of the train and looked outside. The ravens that had been following us were still there. It was early morning, which meant they’d flown all night. Ren yawned. They weren’t regular birds. The fact that all of them—with the exception of Brother Reed—were following this journey to get Mika, it must be very important.
My girl ranked very high in the fight against good and evil. It was going to take a lot to keep her safe. I knew we would be up to task now.
A thought dawned on me. What had Gordon said all those months ago when we had been on our way to the train station? It was so long ago. I rubbed at my cheeks. Sooner or later, I was going to have to shave. Mika wasn’t going to recognize any of us. We’d all gotten shaggy.
The men I knew when I was young on Peter’s always had long, unkempt beards. It had been a sign of their really not caring at all about convention, even so far as to not feed and bathe their children in my case. I sighed. My whiskers weren’t as bad as all that, but I’d always kept my face clean-shaven as a way to disassociate myself from that time.
Lately, it had just been about not wasting a second doing something so inconsequential. There were books to read on the Sisters, things to learn about demons. Fortunately, Gordon had packed a year’s worth of materials to study, and we were all taking full advantage of the time to learn. I couldn’t get enough of it.
But still, a thought danced around in my mind. What had happened right before we’d got on the train? That entire time was a blur to me. We’d barely stopped to load the carriage and rushed like the universe chased on our heels. Nothing had ever been as important as getting to Mika as soon as we could.
And the ravens had told Gordon to pay attention to the fire. I had just had an incredible dream of being that statue and there had been fire. Was it just a dream? The Sisters had mystical abilities, but sometimes the Guards did, too. Particularly when it came to their love’s needs.
I reached forward and shook Neil’s knee. It took a second, but eventually, Neil’s eyes flew open. “Hey, man. Weird dream.”
“Statues and fire?”
Neil blinked fast, becoming more awake almost immediately. “You saw that, too?”
I nodded. “I did.”
“So not just a dream then?” He rubbed at his eyes. “Mika was there. I couldn’t see her, but I could—”
I interrupted him. “Feel her.”
“We must be getting close.”
I hoped so. I needed to get her out of there like I needed to take my next breath.
My first glimpse of this so-called Sisterhood didn’t impress me. Anne’s Sisterhood was a former school. Katrina had taken an orphanage. I steeled my spine. The sign reading “Home for Unwanteds” still hung on the gate, one lone screw keeping it attached. It banged in the wind against the gate.
“I’m going to walk through the gate. I’m going to keep walking until someone stops me. If they do, I’m going to present myself as a handyman.” I pulled the sign off the gate, twisting it three times until the old indicator fell off into my hand. “They need help here. I bet they don’t turn me away. The four of you find another way in. If all five of us go in together, that will be suspicious. They are fully aware of what five men indicate here. As was Bryant and the others at Anne’s place. I don’t want any more attention than we absolutely need.”
To my surprise, Neil didn’t argue. He didn’t tell me I couldn’t do it, he just believed I’d get the job done. That was one of the reasons he was always such a good leader, why our decision—in some other existence—to make him One made so much sense. He knew what had to be done, and he trusted us to do it.
“How long is too long for you to be in there before we come looking?” Neil took two steps back and pointed toward the road. They’d wait a distance away so as not to be seen with me. That’s what I would have suggested, anyway.
“I need one cycle of the sun. I can’t charge right toward her. One full day, and then if I haven’t come out with her, you come in.”
Lennon patted me on the back. “You got this. Go get our girl.”
I would. This was what I’d been born to do: take care of Mika, love her, make sure she was safe. So far, I hadn’t been doing a bang up job. That was going to change.
Breaking into an evil place should have been hard. There should have been some kind of problem with my entrance. Only, there wasn’t any issue with it at all. I walked in as though I belonged, and no one stopped me. Even with the small population at Anne’s place, someone was always watching the gate. The problem seemed to be the opposite situation here. There were so many people, and they all looked lost. Sisters wearing hoods wandered the place, trailed by Guards who kicked rocks. Where was the training? Where was their version of Bryant ordering people to try harder?
Finally, I grabbed a Guard by the arm. If I was playing this role then I needed to do it authentically. “Hey, who do I talk to about getting some work?”
He blinked as if surprised I spoke to him then stared at my hand on his arm. “Don’t touch me.”
Truth was, this guy couldn’t take me in a fight. I looked scraggly, but I was stronger than
I’d ever been. If he attacked, he’d be in for a surprise. But that wasn’t what I was here to do. I was acting like a stranger looking for work, and these should have been big, scary Guards.
I backed off, dropping his arm. “Hey, sorry. Who do I talk to about getting some work?”
He shrugged. “Beats me.” The Guard turned his attention back to the Sister in front of him and walked toward her quickly.
None of this made any sense. It was like they were drugged, all of them going through the motions of life. What had Katrina done to them?
It was almost like…
I’d watched Teagan take a demon out of a woman who came to the Sisterhood. She’d been drained of almost all life before Teagan had pulled the evil creature from her. Were all of these people possessed? Was such a thing possible?
I’d ask Mika. I turned from the Guard. If no one was going to stop me, then I’d simply go get my woman and get on with my day. I walked toward the main house. If I was an evil, maniacal, horrible human being, that was where I’d keep the light of the universe—right where I could watch her.
Above me, ravens cawed. One of them was Alexander; I knew it in my gut. He wouldn’t leave until he saw that we had Mika. She’d taken care of him when he’d been a small boy. That wasn’t something that would be easily forgotten. I saluted the birds and then realized that was probably not smart. I dropped my hand and hoped no one had noticed.
What must it feel like for them to see this mess down here? Knowing these were souls that had been selected for missions that were now so… lost?
For that matter, what had it been like for them to watch us for so long, clueless on Peter’s? I’d been learning plumbing when I should have been wielding a sword.
Maybe someday it would come in handy that I could do both.
A bird darted in front of me, and I stopped. It tilted left, spreading its dark wings as it dashed through the air to a second door, on the side of the building. That wasn’t random. The bird didn’t want me to go through the front door.
Destiny Be Damned Page 16
