Destiny Be Damned

by Rebecca Royce

“Let me see.” I touched the side of his face gently, and he turned his neck. The snoring stopped, replaced by gentle breathing.

  “Well, I guess that works, too.” Ren kissed my cheek. “Goodnight, my Sister.”

  I did sleep. In my dream, I ran next to Ren. He laughed, a joyful lightness to his sound. We were on a green field. I could see everything, and the colors were so bright I had to squint against them. Ren was bathed in white light. He let go of my hand and took off to the sky, turning into a raven.

  I stopped running and watched him soar. “Cheater,” I called out to him. “You know I can't fly. I'm without wings.”

  Oh, but I did love watching him. He sloped downward, buzzing right by my head, and I squealed. What had I ever done to deserve this?

  “It’s not what you've done.” Reed's voice caught my attention, and I turned around. “It’s who you are that they fell in love with. And what you will do, that’s what we will all be beholden to you for.”

  I shook my head. “I don't know if I can do it.”

  “You can. We wouldn’t have asked if you couldn’t do it. Only you can stop her. Only you can stand against the darkness and say not today.” He looked off into the sky. “I'm going to do something I shouldn't do. They're going to take Aspen from me after I do it.”

  I gasped. “What? Don't do anything that could take her from you. You’re one of her five.”

  “Sacrifices have to be made. She knows about it. She understands. Well, she’s not thrilled. She’s not speaking to me, but she gets it. Sister Superior is furious. If you can lose your sight, if Teagan can spend that time in the mines, if Anne can lose everything, maybe her life, if Daniella can give up her children and never see them again, if Krystal can find that kind of bravery. If Aspen can endure the pain. If the hundreds of you to fight millions can be so incredibly giving and self-sacrificing…” His voice cracked on that one. “How can I do less?”

  My body had gone cold, and it was hard for that to happen in this perfect place, in this world of divinity. “You do so much already. This is your Sister. Your chance to be the guard and not just train them. No one would blame you for doing anything else.”

  He touched his chest. “I would. And if I’m not willing to give up all of it, then I’m not worthy of Aspen anyway. I’ll be Brother Raven. Whoever promised me love? Find the tree, Mika. Find it as fast as you can and don’t ever leave it again. I’m going to plant you right where you should stay—right by that tree.”

  The bird that was one of my five nosedived toward us, shifting as he would hit the ground into his human shape. “Hey, Reed, go see your own Sister. Mine was smiling until you got here.”

  Reed shook his head. As captain of their order, he loved all of them like they were his brothers, and they all tormented him constantly. “Maybe don’t leave her alone. What if a demon got here?”

  “If a demon got here, then we have more problems than the ones we already have. Demons in divinity is the end of it all. We aren’t going to end. This is just the beginning. We’re going to win.”

  Reed shrugged. “Hope you're right.”

  Like Ren had done earlier, Brother Raven took to the skies. I watched him for a minute.

  “Hey,” Ren kissed my cheek. “What did he say that you lost your smile?”

  “He's giving up Aspen. He’s going to do something bad, something that will mean he can’t be with her.”

  Ren was quiet. I wondered if he’d heard me. “I don’t have a self-sacrificing bone in my body when it comes to you. I won’t give you up and neither would those four others up there right now. Our alone time is over. Here they come. They found us.”

  I laughed, some of the joy I always felt whenever they were around returning. “Were we hiding?”

  I sat up in the bed, my heart in my ears. That hadn’t been a dream. It had been a memory. Next to me, Wayne shifted and Ren said something unintelligible. The room was black. No, I had to amend my thinking. It wasn’t the room. I simply couldn’t see anymore.

  I lay back down, and Ren rolled over, snuggling tighter against me. His hand came down onto my stomach, splayed out in a gap between my shirt and my pants. I couldn’t see it, but boy could I feel it. Heat traveled through my body fast. What would it feel like to have his hands everywhere?

  For that matter, I was suddenly keenly aware of Wayne behind me. He was hard. Everywhere. I swallowed. Nothing was going to happen tonight. I’d just gotten back to them again. Maybe Wayne’s reaction was just… normal for him. Maybe he got hard like that every night.

  The door to the room swung open, cutting off my thoughts, and I cried out, alarm running through me like a gust of cold wind. “Who’s there?”

  Wayne and Ren both darted up in the bed. It was Wayne who spoke. “Fuck, Neil. She can’t see you. You woke her up and terrified her.”

  Neil. It was Neil. “No, it’s okay.” I made myself sink back down in the bed. “I’m sorry. I was awake, actually. I just got scared.”

  “Why were you awake?” Wayne asked me at the same time as Neil let out an, “I’m so sorry, Mika. I thought I was quiet.”

  Ren reached over me, letting go of my stomach when he did, and I heard him whack Wayne. “Your snoring was probably keeping her awake.”

  “Was I snoring?” He sounded so contrite. “I’m sorry, gorgeous. I’m going to figure out how to stop.”

  I put my head on my knees. All of this was too much. The blindness. The feelings. Neil had probably been quiet. Everything was so heightened.

  “What’s going on?” Ren’s hand rested on my back, and he rubbed a gentle rhythm. “Talk to me.”

  “I’m terrified. I fought demons for years. And I agreed to all of this. I had a memory of it. You were in it Ren. You all were but mostly you, Ren. You were a bird. You all were. I’m not explaining this very well. I shouldn’t be so afraid, but I am.” I pressed my forehead deeper into my knees. “I’m not able to do this. Even in that other cursed place I could see.”

  Wayne put his hand in my hair, massaging the back of my head, while Ren continued to massage my back. These poor guys. They had done so much to get me back, and I wasn’t keeping it together. Neil climbed onto the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry. I wanted to see your face, just confirm that you were sleeping and okay.”

  The door opened and closed again. Two more steps of footsteps sounded, and Neil spoke up. “It’s Lennon and Gordon. You’re safe.”

  “Did something happen?” Gordon seemed to be moving toward Wayne while Lennon took a position near Ren. At least that was what it sounded like.

  “I’m having a meltdown. Just ignore me. I’ll pull it together.” I had to.

  “They don’t need us out there,” Lennon said. “We’ll all stay in here. There are multiple beds. We made this place for Sisters with guards. We’ll all stay. Two might not be enough. She’s had a huge trauma. She needs all of us.”

  There was a lot of shuffling around. Neil actually climbed on the bed, and I was placed on top of him like he was going to be my mattress. “This okay?”

  I nodded. “Whatever works for you guys. I want you to be able to sleep, too.”

  “We will.” Wayne and Ren took their spots on the bed. Nearby, Gordon and Lennon spread out on what must be other sleeping places in the room. I didn’t expect to be able to sleep at all anymore, but the second it was quiet, with all five of them spread around me, I was instantly out cold. No dreams chased me, and it wasn’t until Neil moved the next morning that I woke.

  I was stiff like I’d lain there a long time. I rubbed at my eyes, but the darkness didn’t go away. I hadn’t really thought it would. It was more like instinct, I supposed.

  “Hey.” Neil squeezed my waist. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you at all.”

  “I must be killing you by now.”

  He sighed. “Are you kidding? I’m so relaxed.”

  Pretty soon, the others were up and moving. One by one they rose, came over, kissed me or touched me. I could get used to this kind o
f experience. I really must have needed all of them. They’d been like a sleeping tonic. Gordon brought me to the bathroom and waited outside while I took care of my needs. I wanted a shower.

  I felt for the door and opened it. “Gordon?”

  He took my hand in his. “Right here, beautiful.”

  “I want to take a shower.”

  “Right.” He let go of my hand to walk past me. “We can make that happen.”

  I heard the water go on, and soon heat reached me from across the room. “I take it the hot water is good? Did they get the main house fixed?”

  “You mean after you told us to leave you here, which we foolishly did because we were clueless, and then you threw yourself onto the mercy of the demon Beelzebub who then destroyed the house? After that?” He had amusement in his tone. I reached out to touch his face, wanting to feel his smile, and when I found it, I relaxed. He wasn’t actually yelling at me.

  I dropped my hand. People were going to have to get used to me feeling for their faces. I hoped it was okay. “Right then. When I begged the most powerful demon I’ll likely ever encounter to take care of mythical wraiths. Did you guys get the house fixed?”

  “We did. They worked on it a lot after we left, too. Made some decorating choices I’d not have gone with, but it’s Anne’s estate. She can do as she wishes. When we go back to Peter’s, I’m going to help build you a house that you’ll love.”

  The thought was sweet. “It would just be nice not to trip on things. Like if I knew where everything was. Wide open spaces.”

  “Done.”

  I supposed I could ask him to turn around. Only I didn’t. Standing right there, I stripped off my clothes, knowing full well he watched me. I wouldn’t pretend it didn’t turn me on to think about it. Did he like what he saw? What had happened to his face while he observed?

  I grabbed onto his arm and used it as support to get myself into the shower. The hot water hit me, and I sighed. This was nice. I…

  Gordon followed me into the shower. He was still dressed—I could feel his clothes—and in seconds, I was against the side of the shower. The tile was cold, having not been touched by the heated water yet. I guessed he liked what he saw.

  He kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed me. I tried to keep up and eventually gave in to simply letting him lead me wherever we were going. He pulled back his head. “I can’t take you in the shower the first time. I have to be a gentleman.”

  I was breathing hard. “Why? Why do you have to be that?”

  “Because I’m in love with you.”

  Spelled out like that and from Gordon who had been the most hesitant to have anything with me, I gave up any resistance I had for this at all. I swung my arms wildly until I found his shoulders, and then I practically threw myself at him. He caught me, swinging me around in his arms. I was back against the tile. Not sure what was going to happen next, I was glad when he threw his clothes aside. They’d be soaking wet and hard to maneuver. Gordon didn’t seem to care.

  “I love you. I loved you from the moment we came through the gate. Then you took down that demon. You’re fearless, brave, kind, beautiful. You suffer, and you keep going. You humble me. And I get to spend my life loving you. Even if you never wanted this, I’d love you from afar. I can’t help it. You are it, Mika.”

  I let myself touch his abs, his chest, feeling what I couldn’t see. I still appreciated the sensation. I had a strong image in my head of Gordon. I knew how handsome and powerful he was. I kissed his chin, searching for his lips.

  “I loved how you challenged me, Gordon. I fell head over heels for it. In the cursed place, I thought of you all the time. I always saw us arguing until we fell into bed together.”

  He made a sound that was close to a moan. “Beautiful woman. That’s what I want, too.”

  17

  “Not in the shower, damn it.” Gordon’s voice was so low I wondered if he was speaking to himself or to me. His mouth met mine, kissing me hard, a claiming for sure. He must have grabbed the soap because the slushy substance was suddenly all over my body, shampoo was in my hair. I almost stopped him from helping. My hair was a delicate balance to get clean, or it puffed up so big. But such things didn’t really matter at that moment when Gordon’s hands were all over my body.

  The water turned off. We were both slick from being under the spray, and when my hand, holding onto his back, slipped, he grabbed me. “I’m never going to let you fall, Mika.”

  I didn’t feel the moment happening, but suddenly, it was there. One second I stood in the shower, blind, and clinging to Gordon and the next I was deep in his mind. What was happening? I whirled around. Somehow I’d gotten pulled into his memory. He was watching me. I’d been talking to Alexander about something he was reading. The boy looked up and laughed at me. I grinned back down at him. Seeing Alexander panged my heart. Neil had told me what happened with him. Alexander had been a sweet boy, even if it turned out he really hadn’t been that at all.

  Gordon leaned in the doorway of the guesthouse, his eyes never leaving my face. In his heart, I felt… longing. He wanted me, wished for nothing more than to walk over, wrap his arms around me, bury his face in my hair, close his eyes and breathe. He couldn’t do as he wished. They were leaving. I was a Sister. There was no room for him in my life. How would he survive the fight he would have with his friends who were like brothers if they found out? He thought they wanted me, too. How did any of this work?

  No, he wouldn’t kiss me, wouldn’t hold me, and he’d spend the rest of his life wishing he had.

  I gasped, my vision vanishing, I was thrust back into my head. Gordon let out a sigh, and I shivered. “What happened? Did I hurt you? Are you okay? I don’t know how I did that.”

  He grabbed my wrist, bringing it to his mouth to kiss my pulse. “Mika, if you could see me, you’d see that my eyes are white. I can see them in the mirror.”

  I digested that information. Like Anne, Daniella, and Teagan had with their guards. If his eyes were white, then that meant we’d co-joined. We were bonded, linked in each other’s heads. “I saw you looking at me.”

  “I know you did.” He sighed again, and I longed to see his face. What did it look like with the magic, white eyes? I bet he was beautiful. The stark contrast between his dark skin and the pure white in his eyes must be stunning to view. “Don’t be sad, Mika. I can feel it. I’m in your head, too. I love you. I’d do anything to make you happy. Including not taking your virginity in this shower.” He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, the soft cloth pulling me out of my stunned stupor. I’d never really believed I could have what the others did, not once I was taken the second time. Or even before that, since I’d been so alone.

  But here they were, and Gordon loved me. He picked me up in his arms and carried me from the room into the bedroom. There were no sounds around me but that didn’t mean anything. “Where is everyone?”

  “Not here and that is the only thing I care about for the moment. Just us, beautiful.” He kissed me gently, coming down on top of me, his heat letting me know that he was there. Gordon was like an oven.

  I reached to touch his face, tracing his features with my thumb. I wasn’t good at this yet, but I’d have to learn. I wasn’t going to miss out on more life than I had to.

  Then he was kissing me again, so sweetly, so gently that he stole my breath from my body and thought from my mind. He moved his hands, his swift fingers traveling over my body to caress me all over. I hadn’t known there was a spot at the base of my throat that when he touched it would make my insides heat up.

  He pressed a kiss there, and I squirmed beneath him. I wanted something, more maybe. I didn’t know. I’d never done this before, and now I was trying to have all of him without actually being able to see what was happening.

  “Easy, Mika. I’m just going to worship your body. Let me. I’m going to take such good care of you.”

  I calmed with the sound of his voice. “I want to know you. I want to bring y
ou pleasure as well.”

  He brought my hand to his chest. “It beats for you, and my body is yours. There isn’t anywhere you could touch me that wouldn’t feel incredible. Feel me anywhere you want.”

  With that statement, he rolled me over until I was on top of him. The movement was awkward, but I quickly adjusted. From this vantage, it was easier to stroke him everywhere I wanted to, his chest, his legs, his shoulders. I leaned over to kiss him above his heart, and his hips jerked against me. He must’ve liked that. I smiled, and he hissed in a breath. I moved back, hoping I wasn’t about to fall off the bed but trusting Gordon to tell me if I was. I found what I was looking for without too much fumbling and grasped his hard length in my hand.

  He groaned. “Not too much of that or this will be over much sooner than I want it to be.”

  I smiled. He liked how my fingers felt around him that much? I stroked. One length, then two. Finally a third. He grabbed my wrist to stop me. “I love that so much. I’m throbbing for wanting you. But please, Mika, I’ll be done before I’m deep inside of you. That’s not what I want.” When I nodded, he let out an audible breath. “My turn.”

  Once again, we traded places on the bed. I could see now why he didn’t want to do this the first time in the shower. The bed made it much easier to move around. Although I wouldn’t mind making love to Gordon just about anywhere. Every place he touched me warmed, and I ached for something I’d never had before. A completion I was knowledgeable enough to know I wanted even if I wasn’t exactly sure what that was.

  He kissed my knees before he pushed on them gently, spreading them apart. Gordon trailed kisses down my leg. The anticipation of what he would do next, when I couldn’t see it was as exciting as the jolts of electricity each caress created. Finally, he cupped the outside of my pussy. I was wet with wanting him. We’d had sex education at the Sisterhood to the south, and although I’d always avoided having sex with my guards, I knew what was supposed to happen.

  I quivered with wanting him.

  Gordon slipped a finger inside of me. He searched for a second and then found my spot. I knew it well. Only my own fingers had ever caressed it, but Gordon seemed to know exactly what to do. He started off softly then picked up speed, increasing the friction. I hadn’t known so much pressure could form so quickly in my core. I hadn’t known that I’d dig my fingers into the bed sheets to hold on. To hold onto what? I didn’t know. I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t function. I just had to—yes—I had to hold on until I…