by Heidi Swain
Just minutes after Jake had left, Simon had phoned to say Caroline wasn’t feeling well and that he was taking her to the hospital. He was in a blind panic having promised to personally oversee the weekend’s entertainment we’d planned for the hosts of Fast Ladies, the nation’s favourite early evening TV show. These women had a reputation for partying hard and, left to their own devices, Simon was convinced the whole weekend would go awry and we’d be left to shoulder the blame along with the bill and inevitable lawsuit.
‘Are you really sure you don’t mind, Amber?’ Simon asked yet again. ‘I’d hate to think you were abandoning anything special you’d got planned.’
‘It’s absolutely fine,’ I told him, feeling more heartbroken by the second. ‘There’s nothing I can’t reschedule.’
I quickly ended the call, grabbed my phone and threw myself down on the sofa. With a lump the size of a golf ball lodged in my throat I rang Jake’s mobile trying not to think about how disappointed he was going to be when I broke the news. I rang at least half a dozen times but for some reason the call wouldn’t connect and I couldn’t phone and leave a message at the farm because I hadn’t thought to ask Jake for the number. I tried his phone a few more times but with the clock ticking I had no option other than to fire off a hugely apologetic, but woefully inadequate text to his currently unavailable mobile, get down to the business in hand and keep everything crossed that at least one of the messages had got through.
I did try to make contact with Jake again that weekend, but his phone remained unanswered and there had been no response to any of my texts. I dreaded to think what he must have been thinking about the situation but the fact that he hadn’t tried to contact me gave me some idea.
I was prostrate on the sofa when he arrived back at the flat early Monday morning. The floor was littered with the Sunday newspapers, many of which showed the excesses of my weekend in all its gaudy glory. You could even see me in a couple of the photos. I was the one in the background trying to hold various women upright and help them maintain an air of dignity and decorum. According to the strap-lines I’d failed.
Simon had telephoned and woken me, full of relief and congratulations, sometime just after seven. He was delighted by my efforts and having seen the papers said it could have been a whole lot worse. He told me not to rush into the office and that Caroline was fine. The cramps had turned out to be nothing more sinister than trapped wind, which was, literally, as much of a relief as an embarrassment. As you can imagine, I was delighted.
‘So,’ said Jake, dumping his bag in the hall and looking down at the usually forbidden detritus that surrounded the sofa, ‘what the hell happened to you?’
I pushed myself upright and took a proper look at him. If that was what a couple of days of fresh air could do for a man I couldn’t wait to see him after he’d been there a month.
‘Did you forget to pack a razor?’ I asked, more to ease the tension than to make a joke.
‘What?’
‘The stubble, it suits you.’
‘Amber,’ he frowned, ‘where were you? I waited for an hour at the station but then had to get back to the farm. Annie hasn’t been feeling all that well and I didn’t like to leave her and drive off in search of a mobile signal. I’ve been worried sick about you.’
‘I have been messaging you!’ I said, jumping up and grabbing my phone. ‘I sent loads of texts on Friday. Have you not seen any of them?’
‘What do you think?’
‘But they should have come through,’ I said. ‘I sent you messages explaining what had happened and why I wouldn’t be coming. You should have got them as soon as your phone found some signal!’
‘Well, I’m telling you, I haven’t seen them.’
‘But I did send them,’ I insisted, my attitude dissolving the second I read the ‘text failed’ message. ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry. Here, read them now.’
‘What’s the point?’ he shrugged. ‘I’m going for a shower.’
Considering we were now rushing headlong into what felt like an exceptionally mild spring, the atmosphere in the flat, and even at work when Jake and I were in the same room together, was decidedly frosty. Jake was busy making plans to move to Skylark Farm, which, judging by the lengthy silences, evidently now no longer included me, and Dan was spending as much time as he dared trying to convince his brother that it would probably be better all-round if Annie sold up and moved somewhere where she’d be looked after in her dotage. Needless to say Jake was doing his utmost to avoid communicating with either of us.
There were only so many times I could apologise for what had happened and I ended up using my empty, silent evenings to mull over the Dubai offer. The internet offered up endless skies, virgin beaches and a very real promise of the ‘no holds barred’ tan I’d been dreaming of. Even just a few months ago, the scenery itself would have been enough to have me jumping for joy, but not now.
When I flicked the monitor off and shook my mind free of the pristine beach scenes and cerulean skies, I only had to consider the weekend I’d sacrificed to know that just because I would have a team working with me, it didn’t necessarily mean that I would be able to delegate to them. It wasn’t that I was a control freak or anything, but Simon was and the Fast Ladies weekend was a prime example. There were plenty of other people he could have lined up to help out, but he’d called on me.
I suppose I should have been flattered. I’d spent years dreaming about what it would feel like to be indispensable, but now that I actually was, the feeling was nowhere near as exciting as I thought it would be.
And that, I reminded myself, was because during all those years spent dreaming and striving, I didn’t have Jake Somerville in my life. For all that time I wasn’t in love and I wasn’t loved either. Was I really about to throw away everything I had with him for an all-over tan that would probably do me more harm than good?
Jake was offering me exactly what I told him I wanted: the chance to do something completely and utterly different with my life, and added to that there was the attraction of working far more sociable hours and with the possibility of actually taking the odd weekend off to spend some serious quality time with him.
I didn’t need to look at the date highlighted in red on my calendar to know that Jake was due to leave in just a few days and neither did I need to keep looking at the shiny gold star sticker I’d used to highlight the fact that Simon was expecting an answer from me as soon as possible. It was time to make up my mind.
Chapter 5
‘Well, Amber,’ Simon smiled at me across his desk, ‘you certainly are full of surprises!’
I smiled back. The impact and reality of what I had decided was only just beginning to sink in.
‘To tell you the truth,’ I admitted, swallowing hard, ‘this is as much of a shock to me as it is to you.’
‘I can’t deny I’m devastated to lose you,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone leave to follow the rural idyll. Plenty of people talk about it, of course, but none have actually done it. More often than not they end up settling for an allotment at best.’
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘I know. It is a bit of a change, isn’t it?’
‘Just a bit,’ said Simon, nodding thoughtfully. ‘But you are sure it’s really what you want, aren’t you? I mean, you aren’t still smarting over last weekend.’
‘No of course not,’ I insisted, ‘absolutely not. There was nothing either of us could have done about that.’
‘But this is such a dramatic change from, well, everything,’ Simon frowned. ‘I never had you down as the outdoor type and to just pack up and move without having even seen the place or met the woman you’re going to be living with—’
‘I know,’ I cut in, ‘I know.’
I didn’t want Simon to say another word about how crazy he thought my plan was. He had been kindness itself about letting me go with almost immediate effect in view of the fact I’d never taken any holiday, but I was teeterin
g dangerously close to changing my mind. Having spent hours putting in place plans to rent out my flat and working out when and how to do an official office handover, I really didn’t have the energy to undo everything and settle for what I already had.
I loved Jake and I was moving to Skylark Farm to begin a new life with him. I had ordered my new country wardrobe and wellington boots from Joules, taken out a subscription to Country Living and had even been thinking about the practicalities of buying myself a little 4x4.
‘Well, how about,’ Simon suggested, ‘just in case it doesn’t work out, I leave the Dubai offer open? I do have someone else in mind to send out there for the time being, but I want you to be in no doubt that if all the fresh air and interesting smells get a bit too much I’ll quite happily pull them out and send you in, OK?’
I nodded, but didn’t say anything. I hadn’t actually factored any ‘interesting smells’ into my decision-making. I hoped Skylark Farm didn’t share a boundary with a pig farm or go in for muck spreading in a big way. I’d been watching old episodes of Countryfile online and aside from the odd complicated livestock birth I hadn’t stumbled across anything I didn’t think I couldn’t cope with. Perhaps I would have felt differently if ‘smelly vision’ had been invented.
‘How about we meet again in six months’ time?’ Simon suggested. ‘Take the time off as unpaid leave and we’ll have a rethink after that.’
I didn’t really want to agree to the offer because it made me feel as if I was going to Skylark Farm half-heartedly, but it was such a generous compromise and it did go some way to compensating for the disappointment I felt when I realised that Simon was prepared to let me go so easily. Perhaps I wasn’t quite as indispensable as I thought.
I nodded along and pencilled the date in my diary, still prepared to cling on to the coat tails of the career I was leaving behind and not really thinking about whether agreeing would have any real consequences in the future. Six months was such a long way off, after all.
‘OK,’ I said, ‘we’ll meet at the end of the summer and take things from there.’
‘Well,’ said Simon, pushing back his chair and standing up, ‘I wish you the very best of luck, Amber. I hope the country life turns out to be exactly what you’re hoping for, but if it doesn’t, just remember, I’m only a phone call away.’
‘Thank you,’ I breathed and then quickly added, ‘I know Jake has left the company already and it isn’t very likely that you’ll run into him again, but if you do, please don’t say anything about my decision to go with him, will you?’
‘Why ever not?’
‘Because I haven’t told him I’m going yet.’
Next on the agenda was breaking the news to Dan. My decision to tell him that I was moving to Skylark Farm before Jake was a tactical rather than a practical manoeuvre. Judging by what had been said between the pair in the build-up to my resolution I knew that Dan considered the farm to be worth quite a lot of money and I also knew that his constant nagging about the financial value of the place was taking the edge off Jake’s enthusiasm for the move.
In recent days, when we had exchanged a few words, Jake had begun to sound more preoccupied and protective than excited and I didn’t want anything to taint his eagerness for the move he longed for. I rather hoped that by letting Dan know that I was very firmly in his brother’s corner, making him aware that Jake had another ally, would encourage him to back off and leave Jake to settle into his new life in peace.
‘Are you absolutely mad?’ Dan spluttered, choking on his mouthful of wine. ‘Have you completely lost the plot?’
‘No, I don’t think so,’ I said, trying to sound more sure than I felt. ‘I love Jake and I want to be with him. I really want this relationship to work, Dan, and I’m prepared to make certain sacrifices to ensure that it does.’
‘Yes, but there are sacrifices and there are sacrifices!’ said Dan, shaking his head. ‘You haven’t even seen the place!’
‘I know,’ I said in as blasé a tone as I could muster, ‘but that doesn’t matter. If Jake loves the farm then I’m sure I’ll love it too, and the same goes for Annie,’ I quickly added before Dan threw her into the equation as well. ‘And besides, this isn’t all about him,’ I explained. ‘I’ve had enough. I really have. I want to do something completely different with my life. The timing really couldn’t be better for me.’
‘And what does Jake have to say about all this?’ Dan asked.
He looked as if he hadn’t believed a word of my rousing little speech, but I knew I meant it and that was all that mattered.
‘He doesn’t know,’ I mumbled, suddenly more interested in the lunch menu than our conversation.
‘What do you mean, he doesn’t know?’ Dan laughed.
‘Exactly that,’ I said with a shrug. ‘He doesn’t know yet.’
Dan shook his head and took another gulp of wine.
‘Well, I can tell you now,’ he warned, ‘it isn’t all roses round the door and Darling Buds of May breakfasts.’
‘Well, that’s good,’ I said, hoping to draw a line under the conversation, ‘because I don’t do fried food.’
We eventually ordered and Dan poured us another glass of wine each. I sipped my water and pushed the wine further away.
‘I actually have a bit of news to share myself,’ he said smugly, drawing himself up and adjusting his tie.
‘Oh really,’ I asked, my interest piqued.
‘Yes. Simon has asked if I would consider moving to Dubai to head up the opening of a new company office out there.’
‘Wow!’ I gasped, raising my glass and wondering if Simon had asked Dan to show the same level of discretion as he had expected from me. ‘That’s fantastic news. I had no idea he was looking to expand the business. Congratulations!’
‘Thanks,’ he grinned. ‘Unfortunately it hasn’t gone down so well with everyone.’
‘Like who?’
‘Oh, just this girl I’m seeing.’
‘Anyone I know?’ I wheedled.
Dan wasn’t usually so coy about his private life but I knew nothing about this particular love interest. I guessed that his reluctance to reveal further details probably meant that she was married. It wouldn’t have been the first time.
‘Absolutely not,’ he beamed, ‘but never mind her. I bet you wish you’d waited to tell me about your rural aspirations now, don’t you?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, I’m sure I could have pulled a few strings and got you out there with me as my number two.’
I was saved from saying anything else as the waiter arrived at the table with our lunch. I can’t deny I was tempted to tell Dan that I’d been offered the opportunity first and ask what he thought about the fact that he was only going because I’d said I wouldn’t, but I kept my mouth closed and focused on the waiter.
‘Seriously though,’ said Dan as we began to eat, ‘if you feel that things at the farm aren’t working out, just give me a call, OK?’
‘And you’ll do what exactly?’ I asked. ‘Rush back on the next available flight to help with the apple picking and egg collecting?’
‘Hardly,’ Dan sneered. ‘Look, Amber, between you and me, Skylark Farm and the orchards are worth a pretty penny, but I just can’t make Jake see the benefit of convincing Annie to part with either of them. He’s more interested in keeping her happy and playing Farmer Giles. He always has been.’
I couldn’t believe he was still obsessing over how much the place was worth. Perhaps he really was shallower than I’d realised.
‘That’s probably because he loves the place,’ I said defensively, ‘and Annie. It’s his dream, Dan. Don’t you have one?’
‘Of course I do,’ he replied haughtily, ‘and thanks to Simon’s Dubai offer, it’s about to come true.’
When I arrived back at the flat that evening having cleared my desk and apologised to the rest of the team for not giving them enough time to plan a farewell party, I discovered Jake at the
kitchen table comparing one way train ticket prices to Peterborough, the nearest mainline station to Wynbridge.
‘How was your day?’ I asked, dumping my cardboard box in the hall and pulling out the bottle of champagne I’d picked up on the way home.
‘Fine,’ he said, without looking up. ‘Busy. What about you?’
I let out a sigh of relief as I realised he was still in a bad mood. I’d had a bit of a panic on the journey home that Dan might have called and ruined my surprise, but judging by Jake’s scowl and bent head he was still thankfully none the wiser.
‘Good,’ I smiled, carefully setting down the bottle on the counter.
I could feel my heart suddenly picking up the pace and my palms beginning to sweat. What if I’d been presumptuous and he didn’t actually want me to go with him now after all? What if Dan had called and this was Jake’s reaction to the idea? Bit late to be thinking any of that when I’d just left my job and secretly sorted a tenant for the flat. I took a deep breath and blundered on.
‘So when are you going then?’ I asked, with a nod to the laptop.
‘Sunday, Monday at the latest,’ he muttered, still not really paying any attention to me.
‘Have you bought your ticket yet?’
‘I’m just about to,’ he said, the cursor hovering dangerously close to the buy button.
I took another big breath and moved closer to his side.
‘Can you add an extra one to your basket?’ I said quickly before I lost my nerve.
‘An extra what?’ he frowned, finally looking up at me.
‘Ticket,’ I stammered, ‘if that’s OK?’
‘What?’ he laughed, his eyes wide and his tone disbelieving. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Of course I am!’ I giggled, relief bubbling up as he pulled me on to his lap. ‘Today was my last day at work. I’m coming with you! I’m moving to Skylark Farm!’
