by Heidi Swain
Chapter 50
Even though I’d only been gone a few days, arriving back at the farm in the glow of the late afternoon and stepping into the porch felt like the best and worst kind of homecoming imaginable. It was the best because everything felt so right, and the worst because the farm was no longer my home. I swallowed away the lump in my throat, raised the knocker and waited for the dogs to begin barking, just like they had that cold, wet and windy night when Jake and I began our new lives together.
I gave it a few seconds then knocked again, but the only sound I could hear was my heart pulsing through my ears. Suddenly I felt beyond tired and couldn’t even muster the energy to walk down to the orchards to see if Jake was there. Leaving my bags I went and sat on Annie’s swinging seat in the little garden I had taken so much trouble over, and decided I would just wait until someone came along and found me . . .
I don’t know how long I sat there, alternately swinging and dozing and thinking about how much I loved the farm and Jake and Annie, but it must have been quite some time because when I opened my eyes, roused by a gentle but insistent tap on my shoulder, the sun was setting and the intense heat had gone out of the day.
Apparently my eyes were playing tricks on me because the person tapping me on the shoulder was Annie herself and she looked in the rudest of health.
‘Annie?’
‘Are you all right?’ she frowned, staring deep into my eyes. ‘You gave me quite a turn, I’ve been trying to wake you for ages.’
Slowly I sat up straighter and felt the blood rushing through my body in all the wrong directions. I closed my eyes again and took a second to gather my thoughts.
‘I’m fine,’ I said eventually, my fear of feeling her disappointment temporarily forgotten, ‘but how are you? I had a text from Harriet saying you weren’t well. That’s why I’ve come back.’
‘I’m all right,’ smiled Annie, ‘nothing wrong with me, not now anyway.’
‘So you have been poorly,’ I said, feeling more confused by the second.
‘Not poorly exactly,’ she said, carefully lowering herself into a chair, ‘more muddled. I had a bit of a turn, as my mother used to say, but everything’s almost sorted now. And,’ she sighed, ‘if Harriet’s text hadn’t have done the trick and got you back, then Jake was planning to drive to London tomorrow to try and find you himself.’
‘I’m sorry, Annie,’ I said, ‘you’re going to have to explain. Why was he going to look for me? After everything that happened at the wedding reception, I thought he would never want to speak to me again. Besides, he could have just called me if he really wanted to get in touch.’
‘I don’t know exactly what he planned to say, my dear, but I got the impression it wasn’t going to be the kind of conversation you should have over the phone—’
She was just about to continue when the truck pulled into the yard and Jake jumped out. I bit down hard on my lip and furiously blinked away the tears that had sprung up as soon as I realised it was him. The dogs leapt out of the cab and came rushing through the garden gate when they spotted me. I stretched over to fuss them and kissed their silky heads, making the most of the time they gave me to try to compose myself.
‘I’ll go and make us some tea,’ said Annie, tactfully disappearing round the side of the house.
Oh why had all this happened? Why hadn’t I had the sense to talk to Jake about that stupid job offer six months ago? My heart was breaking all over again. I should never have come back.
‘I had a text from Harriet,’ I said when I eventually dared to look up. ‘She said Annie wasn’t well . . .’
I was desperate to explain what I was doing there but the words simply refused to come and I quickly looked back down at the dogs, my breath sharp in my chest and those damn tears stinging and threatening to fall all over again. A strangled sob escaped my throat and the next thing I knew Jake was through the gate, pulling me to my feet, kissing me roughly and holding me in his arms.
‘I thought I’d lost you,’ he said, his own tears mingling with mine, ‘I thought you were never going to come back.’
‘But I thought you wouldn’t want me back,’ I sobbed, ‘you told me to leave. Even Dan said you wouldn’t want me anywhere near here after what I’d done.’
‘And he was right,’ Jake admitted, pulling me back down on to the seat, ‘but only for about five minutes! When I went back up to the marquee Henry was looking for you. He kept me talking for ages. He didn’t notice the state I was in because he was too excited about the prospect of telling everyone about the honeymoon surprise he was about to reveal. He wanted to have you there so he could thank you for everything you’d done. I knew then that I’d got it all wrong and ran back up to the house to get you but you’d already left.’
‘Because I thought you didn’t want me,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘I thought you wanted Holly. She said you had been meeting and texting. She had messages on her phone.’
‘And did you read them?’ Jake quizzed. ‘Did you actually see anything I’d sent her?’
‘No,’ I admitted, remembering how I had refused to look at the screen. ‘No. But what about the job in Dubai?’ I sniffed. ‘I should have told you about that before we even left London.’
‘Doesn’t matter,’ said Jake, shaking his head. ‘Consider it forgotten.’
But it mattered to me and I owed it to him to be completely honest.
‘It does matter,’ I insisted, ‘because to tell you the truth, in the beginning, I had thought I might consider it, but as soon as we got here everything just seemed to fall into place.’
‘I know,’ soothed Jake, ‘I know. As soon as I’d calmed down I realised that I should never have listened to Holly’s sly comments. You wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble over the May Fair and the cottage if you were planning to leave, would you? I could see that you were really trying to establish a future here for us, for all of us,’ he said, gently laying a hand on my stomach.
I looked from his face to his hand and back again.
‘I know about the baby,’ he whispered. ‘That’s why I didn’t want to call you. I had to see you in person.’
‘But how,’ I gulped, ‘how do you know?’
I hadn’t breathed a word to anyone.
‘When I saw your bags were missing I knew you hadn’t just gone off somewhere for a think and I panicked. I went through everything you’d left behind to try and find out where you’d gone. I knew you couldn’t go back to the flat because there’s someone else living there, but other than thinking you’d head back to London I was clueless. Anyway, I was looking in the nightstand drawer and I found—’
‘The pregnancy tests,’ I gasped.
‘Yes,’ Jake smiled, ‘all three of them. Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I planned to at the wedding reception,’ I whispered. ‘Those candles and blankets weren’t there for Dan’s benefit.’
‘I did wonder,’ Jake smiled, pulling me to him.
While it wasn’t quite how I’d imagined him finding out, at least now we could share the excitement, assuming, of course, he was excited.
‘Well, thank you,’ he said, kissing my hair, ‘for the best present anyone has ever given me.’
‘So you are pleased then?’ I asked, pulling away to look at him again and suddenly aware that I had been holding my breath.
‘No, I’m not pleased,’ he laughed. ‘I’m absolutely over the moon!’
‘I’ve no idea when it happened,’ I told him, relief coursing through my body and loosening my tongue. ‘I don’t even know how many weeks I am.’
‘Well, there’s plenty of time to think about all that,’ he said, holding me tight. ‘I’m not planning on going anywhere, are you?’
We sat for a few minutes listening to the farm’s resident blackbird and the hens clucking companionably. I didn’t try to stop the tears from falling; I just wanted them gone and this whole muddle to be behind us so we could focus once again on the bright and happy lif
e we had been planning all along.
‘Have you told Amber about the Patricia situation?’ Annie asked Jake as she wove her wobbly way back from the house with the tea tray.
‘Here, let me take that!’ said Jake, jumping up. ‘No, I haven’t. Not yet.’
‘She is all right, isn’t she?’ I sniffed, drying my eyes on the handkerchief Annie passed to me.
‘Yes, dear girl,’ she said as she stooped to kiss my head, ‘she’s fine.’
‘Annie thinks she’s finally worked out how she came to be in the yard the day the fox was around,’ Jake said as he began laying out what looked like the best teacups and saucers.
‘It was Holly!’ she announced without any preamble.
‘Holly?’ I frowned.
As if by magic Holly’s 4x4 pulled into the yard.
‘Yes,’ said Annie, twisting round and waving for her to join us. ‘I didn’t remember until I saw her at the wedding reception and then it came rushing back to me. And, with any luck, we’re going to get to the bottom of it all right now.’
I had no idea what was going on but suddenly all my old fears and insecurities came floating back up. If Holly was still on the scene then I had no intention of sticking around and playing piggy in the middle.
‘I don’t know what she’s doing here, Jake,’ I said, standing up, ‘but I’m not staying. I can’t.’
‘Sit down,’ said Annie as Jake caught my hand. ‘She’s here because I just phoned her from the house and asked her to come. I want you to hear what she has to say for herself, Amber.’
Begrudgingly I sat back down and purposefully averted my gaze as Holly came rushing through the garden gate.
‘Oh thank goodness,’ she said in a rush, ‘Amber, you’re back!’
‘I told you she was,’ Annie tutted, ‘that was why I called you.’
Shocked to hear what I thought was relief in Holly’s tone I risked one quick glance up at her. I was surprised to discover that she appeared far from sleek and sophisticated and more like the upset and ashen version of herself who had turned up at the farm the day after Annie’s fall.
‘Amber,’ she whispered, taking the seat opposite me, ‘we’ve been so worried. The night you left—’
‘No, no, no,’ Annie cut in, ‘let’s start at the beginning, shall we?’
‘Is there really any point to all this?’ I said, looking at Annie.
‘Yes,’ she said, fixing me with her beadiest of stares, ‘there is.’
I sat further back on the seat and sighed. Apparently I wasn’t going anywhere until I’d heard what Holly had to say.
‘Go on,’ said Annie encouragingly. ‘Let’s get this done. Holly, I know you have a lot more to say than sorry for being such a spiteful cow at the wedding.’
Holly shook her head and took a deep breath, but didn’t say anything.
‘Oh for goodness’ sake,’ said Annie crossly. ‘I’ll start then, shall I?’
‘No,’ said Holly, clearing her throat. ‘It’s fine. I will. After all, I’m the one who messed everything up.’
‘That’s not entirely true, is it?’ said Jake.
‘Oh it is,’ she said, biting her lip. ‘Isn’t it, Annie? The game’s up. You know, don’t you? You know I’m the one responsible for your accident.’
‘What?’ I shouted, annoyed that the shock of what she’d said had got the better of my determination to sit in stony silence.
‘That day,’ Holly continued, ‘Annie and I argued when I came here looking for Jake and when I left,’ she said, hanging her head, ‘when I left, I unbolted the henhouse door, let Patricia out and closed it again.’
‘What?’ I gasped. ‘Why?’
‘Because I was angry,’ she went on, ‘and upset.’
‘I can’t believe you did that,’ I said in amazement.
‘I know,’ she sobbed, ‘neither can I. I did come back to try and make amends but it was too late. The ambulance was already here.’
I could hardly believe my ears. I knew everyone had always maintained that Holly had a mean streak but this was beyond anything I would have thought her capable of.
‘So what happened?’ I asked, turning to Annie. ‘How have you worked all this out?’
‘I’d almost got to the bottom of it at the wedding reception,’ she explained. ‘I had this kind of epiphany. I was watching Holly and Dan have this godawful row and the way she stomped off triggered my brain into remembering what I’d seen the day I hit my head. But this is the first time I’ve had my suspicions confirmed.’ She turned to Holly. ‘You knew I was on to you, didn’t you?’
‘Yes,’ said Holly, looking mortified. ‘I did.’
I thought back to how Holly had turned up the day after the accident to ask if Annie was all right, and although I was relieved to finally have the mystery solved and my guilt absolved it didn’t do anything to quell the pain of still knowing that she and Jake had been secretly meeting and talking about me.
‘I know you don’t want to be sitting here listening to any of this, Amber,’ said Holly, leaning forward in her seat and looking right at me, ‘any more than I want to be admitting it, but I want you to know the whole truth and I want you to hear it from me.’
‘But you told me the truth the night I left the farm, didn’t you?’ I reminded her. ‘You told me that you’d be here to help Jake get over me, that he still wanted you and had been secretly messaging you.’
Jake shook his head.
‘It was all crap,’ Holly admitted, ‘all of it. There never was anything on my phone, Amber. I’d made one dig about your commitment to this place when we were clearing the cottage, but that was all. There’s been nothing going on between us, Amber, nothing. Please don’t think that we’ve been seeing each other behind your back because we haven’t.’
‘So why did you make out that you had been?’
‘Because I was jealous of you, Amber, jealous of what you and Jake have going on here.’
It felt good to hear her admit it but there was still more I needed to know before I could really understand everything that had been happening.
‘So where does Dan come into this?’
‘I thought,’ Holly went on, blushing deeply, ‘that when Dan got in touch with me again it was because he was in love with me and that I could enjoy for myself some of what you and Jake have, but I was wrong.’ She reached into her pocket for a tissue and daintily dabbed her nose. ‘I thought we were well suited and could be happy together, but it turned out he was just using me. I realised the night of the wedding that everything was unravelling and I just wanted to hurt you while I had the chance. I was jealous that you were making Skylark Farm work and that you were happy. I’m so sorry.’
‘And what does the man himself have to say about all this?’ I asked. ‘I don’t see him here taking any responsibility for his behaviour.’
‘I don’t know,’ she shrugged. ‘Once he’d got what he wanted he dropped me again and now no one knows where he is.’
‘What do you mean “dropped me again”?’ I asked.
‘We’d had a relationship before,’ she confessed. ‘Harriet had her suspicions, but when Jake and I parted she promised not to say anything. You can imagine what she thinks of me now. No less than I probably deserve. I’m sorry, Jake.’
Jake shrugged. ‘I kind of had my suspicions as well.’
‘I’m sorry too,’ I said, surprising myself as much as everyone else. ‘I feel sorry for you all, especially you, Holly.’
‘Thanks,’ she smiled. ‘I should have known it was all too good to be true.’
‘I still can’t believe Dan would go to such lengths,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘What happened the night of the wedding?’
‘Our guess is he panicked,’ said Jake, taking up the sordid story. ‘When he realised, courtesy of what Holly had told him, that everything here was on the up his spitefulness got the better of him and he decided to spill the beans about this Dubai debacle. In his desperation to get his hands on
this place he thought, if he could get you out of the way, Amber, then everything would be ruined. He no doubt assumed we wouldn’t want to carry on without you so we’d sell up and he would still be in with a chance of a share of the spoils.’
‘But his nasty little plan hasn’t worked, has it?’ said Annie, fixing me with her trademark beady stare. ‘You are coming back, aren’t you?’
I looked from Annie to Jake and then finally to Holly. I couldn’t help thinking that, even though she looked tired and unusually dishevelled, she also looked as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. For the first time since the wedding reception I could see my way ahead. I had finally heard the whole truth and could make up my mind once and for all.
‘Oh yes,’ I smiled, ‘I don’t have a choice. My heart won’t seem to beat properly anywhere else.’
‘And now it’s beating for two,’ said Jake wistfully, ‘it simply has to stay here.’
‘Two?’ squawked Annie and Holly together.
‘Yes,’ Jake grinned, taking my hand and kissing it, ‘Amber and I are going to have a baby!’
Epilogue
Even between the two of us Jake and I hadn’t been able to pinpoint exactly when I fell pregnant but according to my new doctor at the Wynbridge surgery my due date was around Valentine’s Day. It was incredible to think that in less than a year my life had changed beyond all recognition and was now poised for the biggest transformation of all.
When the sale of my flat in London was complete I had taken delivery of the few boxes I had packed away in the cupboard. Jake and I had looked through them together, and as I flicked through the pages of my old work diary I realised how much I’d needed my life to change. Well, I only had to look at myself in the bedroom mirror to know that, together with the help of Jake and Annie and Skylark Farm, life had indeed changed in ways I never would have thought possible!
Aside from some photographs, I kept nothing from those few boxes. Bonfire Night had offered up the perfect opportunity to finally purge myself of my old life, and along with the potatoes wrapped in foil, my diary, contacts book and files had fuelled the flames of the ginormous fire, while my mobile phone had been packed off to a far flung country to transform the life of someone who needed it far more than me.
