“What does it matter?” I said, hoping for a change in subject. “I’m not sure they’re all that serious. Cassie hasn’t said so, at least.”
“Billie’s certainly taken to him. Seems like a solid guy, is all,” he said. “If not a bit too polished around the edges. Not like Jerry. Jerry would’ve—”
“She doesn’t want to be with Jerry and you know you can’t force it,” I said. “You’ve got to give it up.”
He adjusted himself against the seat and sighed. “I know, I was just hoping…”
“Shouldn’t her happiness matter more?” I asked, my hands clenching into fists. “Can’t help Mr. Lorrigan is being a stubborn old coot about merging our land.”
“But joining with him would give us the security we need,” he said. “I’m not getting any younger.”
“And you’ve got four children who will help out in one way or another,” I said. “Braden favors you. He was made for this land.”
As he stared at me I could see the question hanging from his lips. What about you?
But I think he was terrified to ask it. He knew that I loved this property and my family, but something was off when it came to me. I suspect we’d continue to avoid the subject for years to come. Unless I just came clean.
I imagined saying the words out loud right in that instant.
Dad, I’m gay. And I think Mr. Lorrigan suspects it.
But as I noticed the latest worry lines that had formed around his eyes along with a new crop of gray hair at his temple, I realized this was not the time. Maybe at the end of gator season, when he was more relaxed about our finances. Maybe by then I will have stopped reliving those couple of stolen moments with Dean. Imagining what could’ve been.
“We’re going to make do without them,” I said, in a strong and steady voice. “We don’t need anybody else. It’ll be better that way.”
“You’re right, you know,” he said, stretching his neck. “You’ve always had better business sense. Able to see the big picture.”
I stood up, unsure of whether his view of me was accurate or not. “Just let it be, daddy. Enjoy having Cassie around.”
18
Dean
The rest of the day went by in a blur. The rehearsal dinner was filled with laughter, good food, and plenty of reminiscing with the relatives. I learned a ton about the Montgomery family, in particular that they weren’t so conventional all the time. Apparently, Cassie’s mom was a pistol when it came to subjects she was passionate about, challenging the local church minister on a couple of issues. Maybe she knew that her children would one day need a resilient voice.
It seemed Cassie had grown into her mother’s likeness, something she should’ve taken pride in. I think she had her Grammy to thank for those solid genes as well.
Braden’s girlfriend had also arrived and she seemed more animated about the state of their relationship than he was. Not that he treated her badly, just that there was some enthusiasm that appeared to be lacking. In fact, he seemed to be sulking.
Leo had already gone home but his friendship with Billie had left me curious about so many things when it came to the youngest Montgomery’s life. I felt relieved that he had a good buddy—one who accepted him no less. It was tough enough being a teenager. But an adolescent with disabilities would be tenfold.
Over the course of the night, plenty of relatives had asked Cassie and I questions about the state of our relationship and I could feel Callum’s gaze on me the entire time. But this wasn’t the same kind of scrutiny I felt from him the first day I arrived. It now seemed something altogether different. More like attentiveness. Laced with rigidity.
I couldn’t imagine it would be jealousy. Cassie and I were playing a role after all. But maybe that’s where the envy cut deep. The fact that we could be out in the open, pretending or not.
After the rehearsal dinner and plenty of bottles of wine, everybody retired to bed. Grammy handed Callum an armload of extra towels to walk over to the cabin for an additional guest, and I sat down on the porch swing to wait for him. I had felt so restless all night, almost agitated, wanting so badly to touch him again.
I hopped off the bench as soon as I saw him approaching the house, my fingers rubbing along the white paint finish on one of the pristine Adirondack chairs.
“Did you make all of this furniture as well?” I asked, suddenly curious about the information Cassie had shared earlier about Callum enjoying the sawmill and workshop they had built on their property.
“I did,” he said, his eyes wide and round. “I paint the chairs different colors and sell them in town. They go for a pretty penny and can be in high demand.”
“Nice craftsmanship,” I said, taking in the slats and rounded corners. “And really cool.”
“Thanks,” Callum said, as a smile indented his cheek. “What are you doing out here? I thought you’d be in bed.”
“Waiting on you.” I lowered my voice, looking toward the front door to make sure that we were in fact alone.
Callum worried his bottom lip through his teeth, as if unsure of my intentions.
“I’m going to skip my run in the morning,” I said, but it was only in an effort to fill in the dead air. “And will help anyway I can with the wedding prep.”
He nodded, holding my gaze. “Is anybody awake in the house?”
“Not sure,” I said, as he moved closer. “Don’t think so. I just need…”
“Me too,” he said so low I could barely hear him. His voice was throaty and pained, as if he were only holding on to a thin measure of control. “It’s too risky out here.”
“I know,” I said, disappointment settling in my chest. “I’ll just see you in the—”
“Have you ever seen a peacock up close?” he asked all at once, cutting off my train of thought. He had also spoken in a normal tone, which told me this information was safe for any listening ears.
“I don’t think so,” I said, whipping my head around the property as if I’d see one walking up. “Why?”
“Sometimes Gus comes out at night,” he said, swinging his arm behind him. “It’s a misconception that peacocks are nocturnal but he seems to be.”
“Gus?” I said, biting back a laugh.
“Yup, Billie named him,” he said, smiling. “Best part? He’s albino.”
“There are albino peacocks?” I asked. “Are you just messing with me again? Like how you told me to clap loud that first day to fend off rattlesnakes?”
His eyebrow quirked up as if considering what I’d said. “That was valid information I gave you. And if you don’t believe me about albino peacocks, then follow me.”
I sprang off the porch and trailed him down the stairs. We strode side-by-side, away from the running path, and I ached to reach for his hand. Callum led me beyond the orchard, where the ceremony would take place. The white tent, arch, and wooden chairs with neatly tied silk bows gleamed in the moonlight.
“Looks really pretty out here tonight,” I said, motioning toward the decorations. “Peaceful, too.”
“Sure does,” he said, walking past the two alabaster columns. “Gus would fit right in, if only he’d show himself during the day. My cousin would love that. Could walk down the aisle with her.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Shhh…” he said, stopping near a small grassy meadow. “Come over here so he doesn’t spot us.”
We tiptoed quietly behind a large oak tree and watched the pasture as if we were nighttime hunters. At least that’s what it felt like. Or maybe birdwatchers would be a more accurate description.
I was standing in front of Callum as he pointed over my shoulder, when suddenly he wrapped his large arm around my torso and yanked me against him. It felt so good to have my body resting against his that I bit back a moan. Being out here with him in the dark under the moon and the dense canopy of the tree, felt like we were enclosed in our own little sanctuary. I relaxed into his embrace and sighed.
“You see him?” he
whispered against my ear and I couldn’t help shivering.
Strutting into the middle of the field was Gus and I could hear our soft breaths panting in unison as we attempted to keep quiet. I’d stay silent in his arms all night long if I could.
Gus paced around in circles as if feeling out the joint before he came to a halt and fanned open his magnificent snowy feathers. He took a few steps closer in the grass, walking in what could only be described as a swagger. I had never seen anything like it.
“Whoa,” I said in awe. “That is spectacular.”
“Right?” He murmured against my hair and I could feel the vibration of his voice thrumming in my bones. “It’s like this is the only time he feels safe enough to let it all hang out. Guess I can understand that bird on some base level.”
I looked up at him right then and our eyes locked. Callum leaned forward, cupping my jaw with his coarse fingers and kissing me with a heartbreaking tenderness he hadn’t before. And it nearly did me in, as a rush of emotions crammed my chest along with molten desire.
His tongue slid gently against mine as his finger brushed lightly across my cheek. It was so sexy and shuddery that I nearly crumpled to my knees.
Callum grabbed a firm hold of my biceps and flipped me so that I was flush against the tree trunk, my hands blindly groping for him. My longing had reached its peak and I needed him in the worst way, in any manner he’d give himself to me.
“Please,” I ground out. I didn’t know exactly what I was asking for, but somehow he knew because his lips became firmer, his tongue explored deeper, making me lose all manner of breathing. I was blinded by how much I wanted him in that moment, praying for more than the stolen five minutes we’d been offered earlier.
Callum sank his body solidly against mine and when our groins pressed together, both of us moaned.
His fingers fumbled to unbutton my pants, warring with mine, as I attempted to do the same. Our mouths still fused together, we frantically reached for each other’s cocks, pumping wildly, our kisses becoming even more reckless.
“I won’t last long,” he grunted. He slid his thumb over my head, circling the underside of my length, which felt so sensitive to his touch, I was ready to detonate.
“Me neither,” I said, fisting his thick cock more solidly and pumping him up and down.
Keeping our eyes open, our tongues met in a delicate dance as we thrust into each other’s hands propelling ourselves into oblivion.
He shot off first, groaning against my mouth. “Fucking hell.”
As I captured his sounds, my entire body shuddered and I came in spurting ribbons of come all over his hand and wrist. He kept clutching me while I got my breathing under control, my fingers finally releasing his cock.
I watched as he tugged his hand away, my seed captured in his fist. He reached down and mixed my come with his by rubbing it into his groin, right above that downy patch of hair. As if he wanted me to be absorbed into his skin.
No lover had ever done something like that and it was so damn sexy, it nearly made me stiff again.
His come was still dripping from my hand, so I reached up and thrust a finger inside my mouth. “Mmmmm…”
“Holy fuck,” he groaned and then slammed his mouth over mine, his tongue reaching deep, tasting himself on me. Damn, if I didn’t wish we had been somewhere more private in that moment.
We were covered in come and sweat and were breathing hard. I looked over Callum’s shoulder and barked out a laugh.
“What?” he asked, amusement in his voice.
“We just gave Gus a show,” I said, grinning.
Gus was frozen in place staring in our direction.
“Well, we had to repay the favor,” Callum said, smiling, his eyes still blissed out from his orgasm.
We watched as Gus folded his feathers against his body and wandered off into the woods.
Using the bottom of our shirts to clean up, we tucked ourselves back in place. It was sticky and messy but I didn’t even care because it was Callum’s come on me.
I stretched forward to give him a quick peck, but our lips lingered and held and we ended up making out for several more minutes against that tree.
“I want to stay out here with you all night,” I said, dragging my mouth away.
“Damn. If only we could make that happen,” he whispered against my lips.
When we heard a twig snap we pulled apart as if we’d been caught.
My heart was beating wildly hoping one of our wedding guests hadn’t wandered out here.
But it was only a couple of deer at the edge of the woods, intently watching us.
“Well look at that,” I said in a wistful voice. “Not something you see everyday in the city.”
So common in these parts, it was likely no longer wondrous nor appreciated—kind of like walking out of your apartment building and finding a Starbucks on every corner.
Wouldn’t it be something to have Callum discover those things for himself the first time in my neighborhood? I shook that impossible thought from my head.
“You head back first,” Callum said, kissing the side of my head one last time. “I’m right behind you.”
19
Dean
After the ceremony, which was really nice in a country elegant sort of way, the reception began. The bride, who had been barefoot walking down the aisle, now wore some white rubber flip-flops. The groom took off his coat and bolero tie. It was casual in a way that I would appreciate at my own nuptials someday. The setting was perfect in my opinion. What could be better than being surrounded by family and friends?
I tried to picture Cassie having her own wedding here on the preserve and during the service, I couldn’t keep my gaze from wandering over to Callum who seemed to listen intently to the couple as they read their own vows.
The bridal party took photos in the orchard and dinner was served shortly thereafter. We sat at a table with other family members from the area and it felt like being studied beneath a microscope. Given Cassie’s tight set jaw, she was already beginning to tire of questions about the status of our relationship. So placing my arm behind her chair had been the most affection I’d shown her tonight.
Callum was sitting beside Grammy at the next table over, and I noticed how in tune he seemed when our conversation bled into questions about the city Cassie and I lived. I wondered if he’d ever have any desire to visit.
As soon as the music began from the middle of the field where a deejay had set up shop, the tables cleared, and everybody seemed to be getting their groove on. I danced two slow songs with Cassie for appearances sake, while Jerry fumed from his table in the corner. But there were plenty of single ladies here and I had to wonder what his deal was. He couldn’t possibly believe he and Cassie had anything in common—they seemed different as chalk and cheese.
“I’m surprised Jerry hasn’t busted in on me yet,” I said, looking over her shoulder. Jerry’s eyes were on us, but also on a couple bridesmaids nearby. One of them had bent over to speak to him and I noticed how his gaze kept darting to her ample cleavage.
“God, I hope not,” Cassie said as I twirled her around in her pretty yellow sundress. “But I’d sure like to strike up a conversation with an old classmate I see over there.”
“Where?” I asked, craning my neck.
“Don’t be so obvious,” she said, firmly squeezing my arm. “He’s at the table next to my dad’s.”
There was a guy seated will a full head of blond waves and what appeared to be a nice physique. When I made eye contact with him, he looked away.
“He’s pretty cute,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows. “He keeps looking this way.”
“He didn’t used to have all of that gorgeous hair. He kept it pretty short,” she said. “In school, Dermot was extremely shy and pretty nerdy.”
“Nothing wrong with nerds,” I said. “Especially if they’re as fine as him.”
She thumped me on the shoulder and rolled her eyes.
“You should go talk to him, play catch up,” I said, looking over at him again. “He’s sitting beside somebody. Is that his date?”
“Good question,” she said, scrunching up her nose. “Just keep dancing until I figure out what to say to him.”
We swayed back and forth as I watched my good friend transform into some shy schoolgirl right before my eyes. It was endearing in a lot of ways because she was always busting my balls about one thing or another.
She was different around her family, though, and maybe that was why she needed to get away, to spread her wings a bit more. She definitely had competition from some strong personalities in the Montgomery family.
“The night’s almost over,” I said as we moved in circles. “I think we pulled it off.”
“Thank God,” she said. “No offense, but I don’t want to be your girlfriend any more. Though I’m still really glad you came.”
“Likewise,” I said, laughing. “I was going to break up with you tomorrow anyway. Especially since you’re about to cheat on me with Dermot.”
After the music changed, I finally made my way over to Callum who had an empty seat beside him at the table. I figured this was a safe time to approach him. I wouldn’t have many more chances and that made melancholy sit heavy in my gut.
He looked so damn good in that grey suit and bright blue tie, I could’ve eaten him with a spoon.
“You clean up nice,” I said, low enough so only he could hear.
“You do as well.” His eyes flared and his voice was thick. “Wouldn’t mind getting you alone. I’d like you naked with only your glasses and that striped tie.”
“Glasses?” I could feel my face flush. “The ones I use for reading?”
“They’re hot as fuck,” he murmured in my direction.
“You can’t say things like that to me in public.” I adjusted myself on the seat, dying to touch him. What I wouldn’t give to pull him out on the dance floor and slide my body next to his. Hold him, kiss him, feel his strong embrace.
The Deepest Blue (Roadmap to Your Heart #2) Page 10
