After taking a leak and brushing his teeth, Josh heated a cup of water in the microwave and added the disgusting instant coffee Liz kept on hand. The first sip made him shudder, but he took the mug and went outside, picking up the snow globe on his way to the door. As quietly as he could, he closed the door behind him and lowered himself to the concrete step. There were no comfortable chairs set back on a deep porch to keep the sun out of your eyes. No familiar squeak of wooden boards.
He cradled the snow globe in his hands, then shook it so he could watch the snow slowly drift over their faces. Katie’s eyes sparkled with happiness in the photo, and her cheeks and the tip of her nose were so cold they almost matched the red stripe on the Patriots pom-pom hat she’d worn that day. It made him smile, remembering how hoarse she’d been for days after the game from all the screaming she’d done.
He’d missed watching the Super Bowl with her. It had been a month since the big game, but he still couldn’t shake off the sense of loss, even if it was a dumb thing to regret. He’d watched every Super Bowl with her since he was nine years old and his dad had declared he was old enough to stay up with his brothers and sister and watch the game. Katie had been twelve and, even though it was a Sunday and a school night, Rosie had brought her to the lodge and let her watch it with them. They hadn’t missed one since, until this year. He’d watched it without her in a sports bar in Kansas City, eating a steak that hadn’t filled the hole in his gut.
He wasn’t sure how long he sat out there, making it snow for him and Katie, but his cup was empty when the door opened behind him and Liz joined him on the step. Her hair was tied back in a messy knot, and her Red Sox T-shirt made him smile. You could take the girl out of New England, but you never took New England out of the girl. It was a tight squeeze on the step, and he shifted over a bit, setting the empty mug on the ground.
“Want a sip of mine?” she asked, offering her steaming mug.
“God, no. One was enough.”
“Nasty, isn’t it?” She blew on her coffee, then took a sip. “I’m trying to cut back on caffeine, so I only have this in the house. One cup in the morning is all I drink, too. If I had good stuff, I’d drink pots of it.”
“Why the hell would you want to cut back on caffeine?”
She shrugged. “The older I get, the more trouble I have sleeping at night. Losing the caffeine helps. And stop trying to hide your snow globe from me. I already saw it.”
He’d wrapped his hands around it when she’d come out, but he should have known she wouldn’t miss it. He wasn’t even sure why he cared. Maybe he didn’t want Liz to think he was a sap. Or maybe it was just too personal to share.
“Do you talk to her?”
“I’m not so far gone I sit around talking to a picture in a snow globe.”
“No, dumbass. Katie. Do you call her? Talk to her on the phone?”
“Yeah. Like once a week we talk for a few minutes. We email and text. Just because I didn’t stay doesn’t mean we’re not friends anymore.”
“You miss her?”
Did he miss Katie? He didn’t just miss her. He ached for her. He was free to go where he wanted, when he wanted and all he wanted was her. Even during the worst of the slump he’d been in, feeling sorry for himself because they’d all abandoned him to take care of the lodge, he hadn’t felt this lonely.
He missed Rosie, too. Hell, he missed all of them. Last week, when had Mitch told him over the phone that Paige was pregnant, he’d heard the emotion in his brother’s voice and not being able to see the joy on Mitch’s face—not being there to hug him and give him a slap on the back—had twisted his gut until it burned.
He missed home.
“Josh?” Liz put her hand on his knee and he realized he’d shaken the snow globe again and was staring at it without even being aware. “Did you ask her to come with you?”
“Yeah. But, you know, she’s got the barbershop and her mom and…stuff.”
“Did you tell her you love her and wanted her to come with you, or did you make it sound like you wanted your best buddy to come with you on a road trip?”
“I told her I wanted her to come with me.”
She sighed. “But you didn’t tell her you love her.”
“Jesus, Liz. This is a little deep for first thing in the morning on one shitty cup of coffee.”
“Fine. Tell me how everybody else is doing. Mitch called you, right?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I’m happy for him and Paige. And I guess Rose and Andy are having a great time scandalizing the town by living in sin after decades of not speaking.”
“Have to admit, I never saw that one coming.”
“I don’t think anybody did. Especially Rosie.”
Liz smiled. “I’m happy for her. She deserves it. They’re doing okay with the lodge?”
They were doing better than Josh could have hoped. No problems and, according to Rosie, Andy had a real knack for making the guests feel at home. They always asked after Josh, of course, but they hadn’t lost any customers. While knowing that put his mind at ease, he had to admit that the fact everything just went on as usual without him made him feel a little…not needed. The fact he’d run the Northern Star involuntarily didn’t mean he hadn’t poured his heart and soul into that business. He missed it, honestly. Almost as much as he missed Katie.
“Business has been better than anybody expected,” he said when he realized Liz was still waiting for an answer. “The snow’s good and I guess Andy has a knack for that whole internet thing, which blows my mind. And the guests like him.”
“I’m glad you didn’t sell it,” she said in a quiet voice. “I understood why you wanted to, so I said yes, but it almost broke my heart.”
“If they were going to keep it the same as it’s been through the family, I might still have done it,” he admitted. “But I think it would have broken my heart, too. Stupid old house must mean more to me than I thought.”
She was quiet for a minute, drinking her coffee. Then she asked, “Have you heard how Drew’s doing? Is his divorce final yet?”
“Yeah. He and I helped Mitch put together some office furniture and he said it was final.”
“That’s rough. How’s he taking it?”
“He’s not happy about it, I guess.” Josh shrugged. “But he’s not locked in a dark room with a bottle of booze, either. Other than that, I don’t really know.”
“Does he see Mallory at all?”
“I wouldn’t know. Why?”
“Just wondering. We spent some time talking at Mitch’s wedding and I was curious about how he’s doing, that’s all.”
“You should ask Rose. I’m sure she knows.”
Liz laughed. “Rose knows everything. And I know I have to get ready for work. What are you going to do today?”
“I might sit here on the step all day and wish I had a decent cup of coffee.”
“There’s a coffee shop a half mile that way.” She pointed to the left, then pushed herself to her feet. “Nice day for a walk.”
“Your hospitality’s as good as your coffee.”
“Now you know why nobody suggested I run the lodge.” She ruffled his hair, which she knew from childhood pissed him off. “You need a trim. Badly.”
He knew that. He spent a lot of time trying not to think about it, actually. “I’ll get around to it at some point.”
Because his ass was starting to hurt from the concrete, Josh stood and picked up the empty coffee cup. As awful as it was, he was going to have another cup. First, though, he was going to tuck the snow globe safely away in his bag. He shook it a final time, tracing the outline of Katie’s face as the plastic snow drifted down.
“A second cup?” Liz asked when she emerged from the bathroom, showered and dressed in a waitress uniform. Her hair was in a thick braid, but
he noticed she didn’t bother with makeup. Probably just sweat it off, anyway. Maybe it was his New England blood, but it was far from chilly in New Mexico.
“Yeah. Even shitty coffee’s better than none.”
“I told you, there’s good coffee up the road.”
“I am going to go up the road, I guess. But I’ll probably keep going.”
Liz paused in the act of grabbing her car keys to look at him. “Time to move on?”
He nodded, and then had to brace himself when she threw herself into his arms. “God, I’m going to miss you.”
“Why don’t you go home, Liz?” he said, squeezing her tight. “You don’t have to live at the lodge. Lauren hasn’t sold her house yet. She’d rent it to you and you could be close to Rosie and the rest of the family.”
“Whitford hasn’t been my home in a long time.”
“Hey.” He pulled back so he could look directly in her tear-filled eyes. “Whitford will always be your home.”
Just like it would always be his home. The Northern Star was in his blood just as surely as Katie was in his heart. He knew that now.
“So now where are you heading off to, little brother?”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and then grinned. “Gotta go see a barber about a haircut.”
* * *
Rose was sitting on the front porch, a mug of tea in her hand, when Andy’s truck pulled up the drive. It was still too early in the season, really, to be out at the crack of dawn on a March morning, but she was bundled up and hadn’t been able to sleep.
While they were definitely into spring conditions out on the trails, they’d had just enough of a snowfall to run the groomer, so Butch and Andy had taken a turn last night. She’d grown accustomed to having him in her bed and she hadn’t slept well without him.
After he parked, he walked up the steps and sat in the chair beside hers. “Little chilly to be watching the sunrise on the porch, isn’t it?”
“It’s worth it,” she said. “There’s nothing more beautiful or soothing than sitting here drinking tea as it starts to get light.”
“You were up all night worrying, weren’t you? I was with Butch, Rose. We didn’t have any problems.”
She leaned her head back against the chair. “It wasn’t just worrying about you. I haven’t heard from Josh in a couple of days and I’m trying not to call him.”
“He needs some space. I know it’s hard, especially with him, but you’ve got to let him run. He’ll call when he needs to.”
“I thought about calling Liz and checking up on him, but that’s sort of the same thing, isn’t it?”
“Not sort of, hon.” He chuckled and reached over to steal her cup. He took a long sip of her tea, shuddered, and then handed it back. “I think I’m going to go stretch out on the couch for a while. Sitting in that groomer all night didn’t do much for my back.”
Rose nodded, but her mind wasn’t ready to let go of the issue it had spent the night worrying over. “Do you think he’ll come home?”
“Honestly? I think he will. But all you can do is be patient.”
She swiveled her head against the chair so she could see him. “You’ve done such a great job with the lodge. Will it bother you if he does come back?”
“Not at all.” He reached over and folded her hand in his. “None of this is mine, Rose. I’m proud of the way I’ve taken care of it, but what holds me here is you. The rest of it belongs to Josh and I’m just watching over it for him. And, if he does come back, I’ll still be here, so you two won’t be doing it alone.”
She felt tears welling up in her eyes and tried to blink them away. “I don’t think he’s going to come home, Andy. Not for a long time and, when he does, it’ll only be for a visit.”
“What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know. I think he’s pulling away. When I talk to him, he sounds more and more distant, and I think he’s starting to need me less. To need to be grounded to this place less.”
“He’ll always need you.”
“I just want him to call me so I can stop worrying for a couple more days.”
He laughed and squeezed her hand. “You bake when you’re worried. I have to say I’m a little conflicted.”
“Andrew!” She pulled her hand free so she could slap his arm. “You’re so bad.”
“Whatever gets me banana bread. I have no shame.”
She laced her fingers through his again, her gaze holding his. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. Even when you’re being a frozen, nervous wreck on the front porch at the butt crack of dawn and all I want to do is sleep.”
Rose almost dropped her tea when the phone rang. She’d slipped it into the pocket of her bathrobe and she was so bundled up, it took her two rings to fish it out. She glanced at the caller ID, then sagged in relief. “It’s Josh.”
“If he’s still at Liz’s, it’s only three in the morning out there.”
“Must be important, then,” she said, and answered it.
* * *
Katie looked at the big, old-fashioned clock on the wall and sighed. This day was dragging on, and the fact nobody in Whitford needed a haircut was just making it worse. Every tick of the clock seemed to echo in her head and the old radio on the shelf hadn’t worked in about twenty-five years. She probably should have gotten it fixed, but honestly her taste in music and her customers’ tastes in music were a couple generations removed. But she’d be willing to suffer even some golden oldies today if it made the time go by.
Of course, every day seemed to drag on since Josh had left, but some days were worse than others. Maybe it was worse because she’d been looking forward to hearing from him and he was a few days overdue to call. She’d known the time would come when the calls would come less frequently. As he made a new life for himself, there would be fewer emails and texts and, when the day came he found a woman he wanted to settle down with, they’d eventually just be old friends who exchanged Christmas cards.
Even worse, his wife—who Katie already hated—would be the one who did the cards and she’d have to suffer seeing Josh’s name written in some curly, cute handwriting. Probably with a picture of the happy couple and their fluffy little dog in reindeer antlers on the front.
Okay, she was losing it now.
Desperate for somebody to take her mind off Josh’s imaginary wife and dog, she pulled out her phone. School had just let out, so Hailey was no good. The library would be overrun with kids for at least an hour. She tried calling her mom, but there was no answer.
That surprised her, but it probably shouldn’t have. Rose had Andy now and she had better things to do than sit around and wait for her daughter to lose her mind and call to chat.
She’d probably get a Christmas card from them, too. All happy and in love, probably in front of the Northern Star’s Christmas tree…the one she’d unwrapped Josh under.
Rather than keep dwelling on Christmas cards that wouldn’t shove everybody’s joy in her face until nine months from now, or unwrapping Josh under the tree, she typed in a text message to her best friend.
Bored. Send me a picture of where you are now.
It was a game they’d been playing since shortly after he’d left, but when Josh didn’t respond for way too many annoying ticks on the old clock, she sighed and slipped her phone back in her pocket.
Maybe she should give the floor a good scrubbing. Not just the usual mopping, but a hands-and-knees, toothbrush around the chairs kind of cleaning. Something to work off the boredom before she totally went off the deep end.
She was filling the mop bucket with hot water when her phone chimed and she almost didn’t hear it. Turning off the faucet with one hand, she pulled out the phone with the other and looked at the screen.
It was a picture from J
osh and she held the phone closer to squint at it. He always had a little trouble framing himself and the background, but she could see that he desperately needed a haircut.
Then she realized he probably knew that, since he was standing next to a barber pole. Behind him, stenciled on a pane of glass, she could make out a few letters. W-H-I…
Her heart turned over in her chest and she turned just as the bell over the door jingled. She ran across the shop and threw herself into his arms. “I can’t believe you’re here!”
“Hell of a long drive from New Mexico for a haircut,” he said, squeezing her tight.
“You need one.” She pulled back so she could look at him. “Back for a visit already? Has my mom been giving you guilt?”
“No, I’m not back because of Rosie.” His face grew serious and she wondered if something was wrong. Maybe he hadn’t come back just for a visit. Maybe something had happened and nobody had told her. “I’m back because of you.”
“You didn’t drive all the way back to Maine to visit me, did you?” Not that she was complaining. She was so damn happy to see him she didn’t have words to express it, but she was already thinking about how it would hurt like hell when he left again.
“I’m not visiting. I’m home.”
She stared up into his blue eyes, trying to make sense of what he was saying. “For good, you mean? Josh, I’m a little confused. You haven’t said anything in your texts or emails about coming back.”
“Do you know what you are to me, Katie?”
“I believe you made it clear on the playground when you were in first grade and I was in fourth. Mike Crenshaw made fun of me for playing with you, and you told him I was your best friend and if he didn’t like it you’d have Mitch, Ryan and Sean all punch him in the face.”
Josh grinned. “I’m no fool. Mike was big for his age.”
The memory made Katie smile, but her mind was whirling, trying to understand why he was suddenly here, and why they were reminiscing about elementary school. She wanted to throw herself at him again so he’d wrap his arms around her and she could just feel him again.
All He Ever Dreamed (The Kowalskis) Page 22
