“I think that you have some questions for me, Monsieur de Crocketagné.”
“Oui, I do. Shall we step outside?” Maury embodied all that made the world fall apart today. Wanting to lash out, it was an effort to try to remain calm until they were both outside and out of earshot at the back of the house.
Antoine knew not where to start. All he wanted to do entailed beating the man to a bloody pulp. He closed his eyes and breathed deep. Start with what you can prove. “I noticed your pin, the one on your vest.”
“I thought you did.”
That was it? That was all he could say? Antoine wanted this man to suffer. “I also recognized your name.”
“Now that is interesting since I had never heard of you before today.”
This heretic had heard of him today? Louise had spoken of him. Antoine had no idea if that boded well or not. He chose his next words carefully. “I was warned to be alert for you.”
“You were? May I ask for what reason?”
“Why do you think?” Antoine exploded. He had no reserve left. “You are a Huguenot. You blaspheme against the church and teach others to betray our king.”
“Is that what you think?” Matthew laughed and shook his head. “The papist propaganda has been at work.”
Did this man have no understanding? His very existence lay in Antoine’s hands. “You deny these charges?”
“Oui, of course, I do. I do not blaspheme against the church of my Lord Jesus Christ. I denounce the papist mutilation that so many blindly accept as the true church. As for His Majesty, he would be hard pressed to find better citizens than his so-called Huguenot subjects.”
Finally, some passion from this scoundrel, le andouille.
Maury’s eyes revealed a fire. “We uphold His Majesty as the true head of the government—not the Pope in Rome who has no understanding of France or her ways. We support our king with our taxes, our revenues, and our industry. Reformees have complained little although, year by year, our rights are being taken from us. Our fathers fought hard for the Edict of Nantes, believing we would finally have the peace to worship as God calls us. Instead, little by little, we are forced to choose between our love for our country and our God. As much as we love France and will fight and even die for her, when given that kind of choice, there is no contest.” Folding his arms across his chest, Maury stared back at Antoine. “Have you more questions, Monsieur?”
Antoine did not know how to reply to Matthew’s charges, but yes, he did have one more question.
“What part does Louise play in all this?”
Maury laughed. “You want to know if she is a spy or if she played you for a fool?”
Antoine did not reply but stood his ground.
The Huguenot relaxed his arms. “She is not a spy, monsieur. And the only way you could be made the fool is if you let her slip away. Will that be all?”
Maury turned to leave.
“How long have you been in love with her?”
He jolted to a stop.
Ah, Antoine hit a nerve.
Pausing, he took a breath and let it out slowly as he turned back to Antoine. “I did not think it showed. I have loved Louise for as long as I can remember.”
“Yet you have not tried to convert her or marry her?”
Maury’s eyes became slits as he bored holes through Antoine with his gaze. “You really do not understand, do you?” He shook his head. “Her life would be in danger should I disciple her. If we were to marry, the union would not be recognized by the State. All of our children would be considered illegitimate.” His voice softened. “In truth, I have longed to tell her, but until the Lord releases me to do that, I cannot. Instead, I answer her questions when she chooses to ask, without much detail. The Holy Spirit will do with it what He wishes.” He paused. “There is one other thing you should know.”
Had not Antoine heard enough? “What is that?”
“She is not in love with me.”
There was no way this Huguenot could know the gift he had just given. Antoine rolled his shoulders, releasing tension and antagonism toward the man. Yet it solved nothing. “What are you going to do now?”
“I thought I would retrieve the horses and then see about finding a place to stay for a few days.”
“Is that safe?” Antoine spoke the thought aloud.
“I did not realize you cared. Louise asked me the same thing. I reminded her that it is not those who can kill the body that we need to fear.”
The words reminded Antoine of his promise to Father François. “As you wish. You fetch the horses. I will help you find lodging when I return. For the moment, I have an appointment to keep with a dead man.”
Antoine could see Matthew wanted to say something more but changed his mind. Perhaps he thought Antoine was off to turn him in. Very well, he’d let him think it awhile. He ambled back to the chapel.
* * *
The guard walked off. Matthew scanned the street, getting his bearings before starting off in the direction of the glade.
The walk felt longer than it had coming from there to the town. No one had thought to see if he remembered his way, but then he was a pariah, not worthy of concern. At least not in this situation.
Shadows deepened in the woods matching his dark and weighty feelings.
He began talking aloud to himself. “I could have said ‘no’ to Louise instead of dropping everything and coming here. Perhaps I should have. I thought I was doing what the Lord Jesus would have done.”
His conscience pricked him.
“Of course, I hoped she would see my love for her.” He shook his head at his candor and realized his sin. He had not stopped to pray before he left. Rather, he let his own wants and desires guide his actions.
Now one man was dead, Louise hurt, and he faced some serious accusations from those in charge.
If he had been the only one involved, he would not have worried about it. “I do not worry so much for me. I well understand the risks.” The scrutiny never stopped. If anyone believed he proselytized, he could be arrested. If anyone thought he taught or preached to those of his faith, he and they could be arrested. If he had more than thirty people in attendance for any meeting, be it at the celebration of Christ’s birth or Resurrection or even a christening or funeral, all in attendance could be arrested.
Nothing was exempt.
These were the rules by which he and his neighbors lived. They understood.
The people here, and even dear Louise, did not understand.
“I do not fear what might happen if I break one of the rules, Lord. If Your Holy Spirit says to do something, that supersedes the law of man.” Matthew had seen others taken away, legs tied beneath their horses’ bellies or tied and dragged off behind. Men and women bullied to recant their profession of faith. He lived with the knowledge it could happen to him anytime, without warning.
“Oh, Lord, others are involved this time. These others do not understand their risk.”
Matthew arrived at the glade. The horses stood where the guard had tethered them. He sat down on the rock he and Louise had employed earlier and closed his eyes.
“Lord, I have made a mess of things. I am sorry for not inquiring of You before setting out and ask for Your forgiveness. Lead and guide me where You choose. I am Yours and will go where You send me.”
Quieting himself, Matthew listened with his heart. He closed his eyes and heard Paul’s words from the Book of Philippians.
Let your forbearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
A peace the world could not explain rolled over him. He drank it in until it became part of his being. Comforted, he rested in the knowledge he was supposed to be here in Versailles.
The Lord is at hand? Perhaps there is someone here who needs to
hear a word of hope. Oh, the sweetness of sharing the Good News.
Matthew began praying for each person and household, with thanksgiving for the opportunity given, allowing the Holy Spirit to lead and guide him. He did not know what would happen in the future, but he did not have to. He was in God’s hands.
Nothing would ever remove him.
Chapter Twenty-One
Antoine returned from the chapel as Maury brought the horses to the house. He removed two packs from behind the saddle and handed one to Antoine. “Louise’s.”
Though light in weight, it represented a burden Antoine feared. He had not been to see Louise as of yet. What would he say when he did? Madame Annette had already informed him that Mademoiselle was now alert.
Antoine feared little. He had seen battle and known hardship. Yet the thought of facing the woman upstairs twisted his entrails into a bulge.
With a sigh of resignation, he climbed the steps to Louise’s room. Even then he paused in front of the door before raising a fist to knock.
Mademoiselle Bibi answered and inquired of Louise as to whether she was prepared for a visitor. Apparently, she consented. Antoine was ushered in.
Sitting in the chair next to the bed, Antoine stared at the pack in his hands. His voice fled. He cleared his throat.
“How fare you?”
“I am very bruised.” The words seemed to come with effort.
“Madame Roché believes you will be recovered with enough rest.”
She reached for his hand.
It burned like an acid. He pulled from her touch. The pain of her betrayal scorched his soul. “Stop. I cannot do this.” He stood to leave. As he reached for the door, he remembered her pack, still in his hands. He turned back and focused over her head, afraid to meet her pleading gaze. “Monsieur Maury brought this back for you.” He set the pack by at the foot the bed, turning once again to go.
“Wait, please.” With great effort, she stretched for the pack. Unable to reach it, her eyes pleaded for help.
Antoine picked it up and held it open for her.
She took out a book and held it out to him. Her journal. “Antoine, please, take this with you. You do not want to see me now. I know. I will not try to keep you, but if you will read this, then perhaps you will understand. Please.” Her hand trembled. Whether from the physical strain or her emotions, he knew not.
He shook his head, not trusting his voice, and dropped the pack down where it had been.
“Please.” Her gaze found his.
He closed his eyes to the sight of her misery, but it still haunted him. Grabbing the book, he strode from the room.
Out in the hall, he stood next to her door, back against the wall. He put his hands on his thighs, breathing as if he had run all the way from St. Germaine. With eyes closed, he tried to slow his racing heart.
Why was life so hard?
After a time, he made his way downstairs.
Maury sat in a chair at the table. “Did you say something about knowing of a place I could stay?”
“Oui. Follow me.”
Matthew picked up his bundle and followed.
Antoine decided to see if Madame LeSuere might take lodgers. Huguenot money was as good as anyone else’s. There was no telling what type of reception they might receive. He almost explained the situation to Maury but changed his mind. Madame LeSuere and Monsieur Maury could share their secrets as they wished.
He knocked at the door, but there was no answer. While he knocked again, Maury walked toward the back of the house. Antoine gave up and followed.
She knelt in her vegetable garden, picking and weeding. Glancing up long enough to see who entered her yard, she returned to the task at hand.
“What do you want?” Her tongue was as sharp as ever.
“This gentleman needs lodging. I hoped you might put him up.”
She stood and wiped her hands on her apron. “What makes you think I need your help?” Her gaze hid none of her contempt. “Never mind. You will break your fast at seven. I will do no washing or ironing for you. How long do you plan to stay?”
“At least two or three days.”
Antoine looked at him with surprise.
“You can pay me now-–ten francs.” She held out her hand.
Now Antoine looked at her with surprise.
Maury merely pulled out his purse and paid her.
She examined the money, then put it in her pocket and motioned to them. They followed her into the house, and she showed them where Maury would sleep.
Antoine then excused himself to return to the Roché home. They could make their own introductions as they wished.
Walking back to the house, Antoine debated within himself. Should he stay close by in case Louise needed something? He was still her guardian. Or should he get out of the way and return to the barracks for the night?
Vivi played a game of hoops in front of the house. She ran to him as if he were her closest friend and grabbed his hand. “Mama has prepared your supper. It is on the table. Come. She worries for you.”
Antoine found himself pulled and cajoled into the dining room and seated before a bowl of ragout and a chunk of bread.
“Eat, Monsieur,” Madame Annette encouraged. “You have had a very bad day. You need nourishment. I will keep my girls out of your way. When you are finished, then I will make you a bed so you can be close for Mademoiselle.”
Antoine opened his mouth to argue but Madame Annette waved her hand at him and tsked under her breath as she walked away. He conceded and picked up his spoon and bread.
He had not realized he was so hungry, wolfing down the food without tasting it. As he shoved the bowl away, he remembered Louise’s journal.
Picking it up, he peered again at her precise handwriting on her title page. Was it only yesterday she had tried so hard to keep him from reading it? Now, today, she offered it to him, begging him to read the words.
He took a deep breath, steeled his heart, and turned the page.
Louise wrote how she purchased the journal in Paris, her hope being to record her thoughts and observances about this first visit to Versailles. Antoine noted she was in the habit of writing in the morn after her prayers, though she had not written every day.
Antoine had experienced much of what the journal shared along with Louise. Yet to read her private thoughts revealed much more.
She searched for something. He was not sure whether it was as distinctive as searching for God, or merely His purpose for her life. Perhaps somewhere in between.
I do not understand how one so benevolent and kind as His Majesty has been to me could turn and do such an odious act as was done to Madame LeSuere. My heart broke each time I viewed her last evening. Has His Majesty no compassion? She is his subject and has suffered so greatly. Yet I have heard from his very mouth words of wisdom as he entreats the Almighty to guide and direct. I am at a loss.
She asked many questions of herself, of God, of life. Antoine had not realized the depth of her.
How is it that I may enjoy the carefree life of nobility at Versailles when so many are in need just outside the walls? The village is home to many who struggle to find their food and keep a roof over their heads. Yet a mere stone's throw away, lavishness is tossed about with great caprice. Guilt assails me when I find joy in the frivolous. What kind of creature am I to frisk and play while others serve at my whim?
He read how she struggled with her feelings for him.
My heart has taken hold of my senses and my brain has given up control. It makes little sense for love to have blossomed in such a short interval. Yet, I cannot deny the fact Monsieur Antoine Desaure Permonette de Crocketagné has captured my heart. What will come of this, I know not. I am learning he is a good man and to be trusted. My love for him grows daily though I do not know how.
Though Antoine understood and struggled with the same thoughts, he could not believe this tender woman loved him. She loved him, and he had tossed it all away like refuse. He did not
deserve her.
Father, I pray You will protect and guide my love in all he does. Do not take him from me, I beg You, Lord.
She prayed for him.
Antoine’s hand began to shake as he turned to the most recent entry. Today Antoine found my journal. My heart ceased to beat, and breath would not come. What if he should discover about Matthew? What if he learns we are to meet? I begged and entreated the man to return my property. I know he teased, but how frightened I was he would find and read my entries. Perhaps I should no longer record what is in my heart of hearts.
Yet, I know if Matthew and Antoine were to meet, they would become fast friends. I do not know if Antoine shares His Majesty’s cruel assessment of Huguenots, but I know Antoine to be a reasonable and intelligent man. How I wish to share my life with him, yet, some secrets are not mine to share. I pray Matthew will release me from my promise, at least where it concerns Antoine. Then I might tell Antoine of the great friend I have in this older and wiser brother. I do not like keeping things from my love.
When I meet with Matthew today, I will persuade him to let me tell of our friendship to Antoine. I know he will have no need to worry. Antoine will keep him safe.
Maury was loved, but only as a dear friend, a brother.
Antoine closed the book. Every faithless thought he had harbored against Louise rushed back and poured like hail pounding against his memory. He had misjudged her. There had been no guile, no betrayal. In truth, it was Antoine who had betrayed Louise.
She was no Huguenot spy. Her only secret had been the protection of her friend.
Now it was his turn. He would protect them both, one way or another.
For Louise, he would do that.
* * *
Mimi made her daily pilgrimage to the chapel and returned to put the chamber in order. Mademoiselle would most likely come back from her ride desiring a nap before preparing to attend appartement this evening.
However, after putting the room in order and looking for more to do, the time passage began to bother Mimi. She peeked out the window but noted nothing of interest. Her view into the hall yielded the same result. Mimi returned to the window.
The Crockett Chronicles- The Complete Collection Page 15
