“Sarah, oh, Sarah.”
Her name. He said her name, not Kathleen’s. She pulled back and leaned her forehead against his chin. His kiss lingered on top of her head.
“Sarah, I… I need to speak with you. Not here.” His voice tickled her ear.
She pulled back to see his face. “Where? When?”
“In an hour. In the nursery.” His palm caressed her cheek. Stooping, he refilled her basket and handed it back before leaning in to brush a kiss across her lips. “One hour.”
“One hour.”
But Sarah’s heart would beat through her chest before the hour was up.
Chapter Twenty-One
Tap, tap.
Shannon’s eyes flew open.
She’d dosed off after Louise helped ease her problem. A quick bath from the pitcher, and she needed a nap. But the slightest noise roused her.
The chair next to her was empty. Louise had gone.
Tap.
Someone knocked at the door.
Could she answer? Taking the largest breath she could, she squeaked, “Come.”
The door inched open, and James peeked his head around the corner.
Her heart fluttered.
“I can come back.”
Shannon shook her head and motioned him to the chair.
“Are you feeling any better?”
Shannon nodded. She lied, he appeared so pitiful.
It worked. James relaxed into the chair. “So, what are you reading?” He picked up the book from the small nightstand and glanced at the title. “Revelations of Divine Love by Julian of Norwich? Sounds like something my mother would choose.”
Shannon smiled at his attempt at humor. She noticed his hair was damp, pulled back smooth, and tied with a ribbon. He smelled of smoke, and his clothes were streaked with soot. “What…ye’ve…been…doing?”
“What? Oh, I…a…Joseph, Robert, and I have been helping father with the barn. I would have changed clothes, but we’re only taking a break. Still much to do, but I wanted to see you.”
“See…me?”
“Of course.” He took her hand. She felt his strength flow up her arm, straight to her heart.
“Do you want me to read more to you?” He obviously wanted to do something. If only he knew what his presence did for her.
She shook her head. “Talk…to me.”
“What do you want to hear? Sarah and Lucy are taking care of the babies. Mother has been here with you, but you already knew that.” He grinned and paused. “I caught Joseph kissing Sarah. About time, I say.” He chuckled.
Shannon nodded, smiling in agreement. His laugh gave her hope. How could things be so much better just because James Crockett smiled and held her hand? It made no sense.
He brought her fingers to his lips. The tingle of his gentle kiss surprised and delighted her.
“I peeked in at Samuel and Wee Joseph. They are both asleep or I might have tried to bring Samuel with me.”
Thoughtful. But he’d had proven that when he rescued her. “He…came…earlier.”
“Good, good.” Leaning forward, he brushed strands of hair from her forehead, his fingertips warm to the touch, as soft as a caress. Shannon closed her eyes, allowing the sensation to stoke her soul. His fingers bussed across her brow and past her ear, sending shivers to her toes. A long-lost feeling, one she thought gone forever. It reminded her she still lived.
And could still love.
So comfortable and exciting, all at the same time. If she could have sighed, she would have.
“What can I do for you? Do you need anything?” James’s handsome face reflected worry with tiny lines showing near those clear blue eyes.
You, all I want is you, was what she wanted to say, but instead she smiled and shook her head. It was a dream beyond reality’s reach.
But, for now, she would enjoy the illusion.
* * *
“You’re pacing like one of those caged tigers at Versailles my mother told me about.”
Heat crept up Sarah’s neck. Could Lucy see how nervous and excited she felt?
“With both bairns asleep, I’m not certain what to do.” She took off her apron and sat in the rocker, brushing a piece of lint from her skirt. Joseph would be here any time now. Should Lucy stay? What could she say to send the girl away? Did she want her to go away?
Aye.
No.
Hopping from the chair, she stifled a frustrated scream. Och, she had no idea what she wanted.
“Lucy, would you let me speak privately with Sarah?” Joseph. Clean-shaven and in fresh clothes. He entered the room.
Aye, she knew what she wanted, what her heart had wanted her whole life.
“I’ll spell Mary Frances downstairs. You keep this door open, though.” Lucy tempered her warning with a sisterly hug. He tweaked her hair before kissing the top of her head.
“Thank you, Lucy.”
“Just behave yourself.” Lucy scooted out the door.
And then Joseph turned her way.
* * *
Joseph knew better than to be here with Sarah. The physical labor had allowed action in the face of great vulnerability. Yet, working alongside the men, even in silence, only heightened Joseph’s feelings of anger and guilt at his own betraying attitude and callous behavior. Could she see it in his eyes?
She fidgeted with her hands and avoided his gaze.
He had avoided her all day since that first kiss. But when she brought the basket of food out, he knew he needed her, to touch her, to hear her voice. He couldn’t stay away.
It was time to tell her the truth. If she forgave him, then he would do all he could to make things right. If she didn’t… He wouldn’t think of that now.
“Sarah, I…” Where should he begin? He guided her to the rocker. “Sit, please.” He hunched down on one knee in front. “I need to explain something to you. After, if you no longer want to see me, I will understand.”
“Joseph.” She reached for his hand.
He wanted to hold that hand, he wanted to hold her. In his arms. But instead, he stood and paced.
“I love you, Sarah. I think I always have. You know me and still you care.”
“I love you, Joseph.”
He racked his fingers through the hair dropping over his brow. “I know. That’s why you must know the truth.” Joseph peeked a glance at her. She sat with her hands folded in her lap. Her eyes glistened with fear and he hated to be the cause.
He glanced away. Why couldn’t he just love her and forget the rest? Or why couldn’t he just walk away? No, that option vanished the second he kissed her.
“When I came home from school, I asked your father for your hand. I wanted to do things with honor. You deserved that. You still do.”
“I know, he told you no.”
That was not what he expected to hear. He met her gaze.
“Joseph, I only learned of it yesterday. I didn’t know when you asked me to marry you.”
Nodding, Joseph turned back and continued. “You were gone when Kathleen arrived at Balleylawn.”
“To Fort Stewart. My aunt was ill and needed help.”
“Aye, I remember. I was asked to escort Kathleen to the garden party your parents threw in her honor. That’s when we met. At one point her necklace broke, and I put it in my pocket. Late afternoon, I walked her to the house. I didn’t follow her in, and to this day I don’t know why, but after I left, she wandered out for a walk. I think she just wanted to be alone after all the people at the party. It hadn’t been that long since her father had died. But on the way home I realized I still had her necklace in my pocket. Since I was closer to Balleylawn than Edenmore, I decided to return it rather than wait.”
Joseph closed his eyes as long-repressed memories surfaced. “When I knocked at the door, your father answered demanding to know where Kathleen was.” He shook his head. “I explained what happened and offered to help look.”
Joseph’s emotions churned and pounded in his brain.
Gripping his head, he relived what happened next.
“She couldn’t be found anywhere in the house, so we took to the grounds, each in different directions. I found her. She had twisted her ankle and walking greatly hurt her. I carried her back, arriving as several of our prominent neighbors were leaving to continue the search. No one thought to mention I had been there earlier helping in the hunt. Rather, I was pulled aside and told I would need to marry the lass or ruin her reputation.”
“Oh, Joseph, did my father—”
“Don’t ask, Sarah. I am telling you my part, only my part. I won’t point fingers at anyone else.” Her father had his own guilt to carry, but he wouldn’t burden Sarah too. Stewart probably wouldn’t see it that way, though. Palm to palm, Joseph tapped his fingertips to his lips, living the past as if it were the present.
“Your father, being Kathleen’s legal guardian, agreed to allow me to propose. You need to understand, Sarah, I knew I couldn’t be with you. Our fathers were such good friends, I was stunned. I could have fought harder, should have fought harder. But I didn’t see how to do it then. I knew I’d never marry since I could not marry you.
“But you know…knew Kathleen. She had no guile. Sweet, kind, honest, none of this was her doing. I couldn’t let her receive that type of reputation for something she didn’t do. She loved me generously and was a good wife. She would have been a good mother. All she ever wanted from me was my heart.”
Kneeling before Sarah, he scooped up her hands. “Sarah, I grew to love Kathleen. I did…do. How could I not? But she didn’t have my heart. She couldn’t. She wasn’t you. And no matter what happens, my heart belongs to you.”
Sarah pulled her hands free and lifted his fingers to her lips. “I love you, Joseph. I always have. I always will. Nothing has changed that. Nothing ever will.” Her gentle palms cupped his face.
She still loved him. She didn’t see him as a fraud or a betrayer of Kathleen’s memory. He closed his eyes, drinking in her touch.
Yet all wasn’t as it should be. He pulled his hands from her.
“Sarah, I still need to speak with your father.”
“Aye, tis about time ye remembered that bit of importance.” The voice from the doorway growled.
Joseph jumped to his feet. “Sir.”
Thomas Stewart stood tall, formidable, scowling. “Me answer’s still the same. Ye will not marry me daughter.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Sarah rose from the rocker. “Da, no.”
“We will not discuss it, daughter.”
Her temper boiled at her father’s resolute posture. “Ye can’t stop us. I will marry Joseph. I love him.”
“No, Sarah, not without his blessing.”
A slap from Joseph would not have stunned her more. She stared at him in disbelief, willing him to fight for her.
“No, you wouldn’t want me that way. Sarah, how could you respect me?”
Samuel woke, crying at the sharp voices. His cry woke Wee Joseph.
Sarah walked away and picked up the toddler. Rubbing his back, she went to Wee Joseph, but Joseph had his son. “Now we’ve waked the bairns.” She closed her eyes, took a breath and held it while she counted to ten. A bit of calm touched her heart, and an idea finally dawned. “Joseph, would ye please ask Lucy to help me?”
Joseph grabbed her shoulder. “Sarah, it’s not over. But we must do this honorably.”
“Just get Lucy for me, please.” Please, Joseph, hear me with yer heart and let me speak to my father.
Joseph slowly nodded and left, holding Wee Joseph.
When Samuel had calmed, she placed him on the floor with his wooden blocks and turned her attention back to her father.
“Why, Da? Why won’t ye let me marry Joseph?” Her fingers curled into fists at her sides while the words stripped away her veil of calm.
He strode to her, trying to pull her close. “Sarah, ye must trust me.”
Her body shook as she pushed him away. “Why? Tell me why, Da? Why is Joseph good enough for Kathleen, but not me?”
“Sarah.”
“No. Tell me. Yer destroying every dream I hold. I deserve to know why. Tell me.”
“Remember who ye be. Yer a Stewart. Ye share the blood of High Stewarts and Scottish kings. Ye are my daughter. Ye will not marry beneath ye.”
“Beneath me? Joseph’s father was a marquis before he left France. He served King William so well he received the rank of brigadier and Edenmore. Louise is cousin to Louis XIV. Joseph has always shown noble intent. Even now, insisting upon yer blessing. What more do ye want?”
“Sarah, ye have fire in ye, a passion that flows through ye from yer ancestors, the same as their blood. Joseph is content to stay and farm. Content. And he will never inherit Edenmore. If Gabriel stays in Glasgow, James will inherit. Joseph has no inheritance. Do ye want yer husband to work for his brother the rest of yer life?”
“So that’s it.”
Sarah spun to the voice.
Joseph stood, white faced, in the doorway. He handed Wee Joseph to Lucy, who slipped past him over to Samuel on the floor.
“Aye, that is it.” Her father stood as resolute as before.
But now Joseph stood tall, unwavering. His blue eyes glinted of steel. “Then, sir, I suggest we step outside.”
“Joseph.” Sarah’s hands flew to her mouth.
“Yer calling me out?”
“No, sir. I am saying you and I need to take this conversation away from my son and Wee Samuel.”
“Very well.”
Joseph stepped aside, allowing her father to leave first.
She followed.
Joseph grasped her arm. “No, Sarah. Stay here. It is my turn, now that I understand.” His hand stroked her cheek. “I will speak to him. Alone.” Determination shown in his eyes.
Her heart pounded. Joseph would fight for her. Maybe not with violence, but he would fight.
For her.
For Sarah.
* * *
Once downstairs, Joseph led the laird to his father’s study. A quick knock confirmed the room was unoccupied. Opening the door, he held it for the older man before entering and bolting the door.
“So, let me clarify; you do not think I am worthy of your daughter because I am lazy.”
A tinge of pink colored Stewart’s cheeks. “No, I do not think yer lazy.”
“But, I haven’t enough ambition to suit you?”
“No, ye haven’t enough ambition for me daughter.”
Joseph didn’t think in terms of ambition. He worked with his hands, he knew the land, his animals. He could see the possibilities in his head before they came about. What he did know was that he wasn’t worthy of Sarah. On that they were agreed.
But he wanted to be. With every fiber of his being, he longed to be worthy of Sarah. “What would be ambitious enough for Sarah?”
“Don’t toy with this, lad. You speak of me daughter. I won’t frivolously bandy about on this subject.”
“Sir, I am serious. I love your daughter. I want to know how to be worthy of her. What do I need to do?”
Thomas grew silent. His gaze searched Joseph’s face. With a sigh, he sat in Antoine’s chair. “Lad, I know yer a good man. I have watched ye grow, and I know yer parents raised ye well. I find no fault in ye as a man.” Stewart clasped his hands, leaning forward on the desk. “Yer a good man and ye love my daughter true. I don’t know, perhaps it was a mistake to push ye into marrying Kathleen. But I didn’t believe ye should be with Sarah. I hoped if ye were married, I could give Sarah’s hand to a man who could support her as I have with land and servants and comforts to which she has become accustomed.”
A sick feeling built in Joseph’s stomach. He’d thought all along that the reason Stewart didn’t stand up for him about Kathleen was to keep him from Sarah. Had he said anything, though, he’d have deeply hurt Kathleen. Not for the world would he have done that to her. But inside, he knew. He knew why Stewart let the others think those thoughts o
f him and of Kathleen. Still, it was a shock to hear him admit the truth.
“She loves ye. I know that. And ye love her. Show me. Show me ye love her enough to work toward keeping her comfortable. If ye do that, I will give me blessing.”
Something in Joseph heard but couldn’t believe. “You will…you will give your blessing?”
“Aye, if ye can show me Sarah will be well cared for.”
Blood rushed to Joseph’s brain. He didn’t know what to say.
“Joseph, I saw ye struggle to help the Widow O’Connor and young de Grillet. You raced to protect Sarah at the house. I have no doubt ye’ll keep her safe. I want to know ye’ll keep her happy and comfortable.”
“Aye, I understand. I will, sir, I will. Thank you, sir.” Now all he needed to do was figure out how.
* * *
“How long have they been gone?”
Sarah paced the nursery. No need to hide the problem from Lucy now. Let her think she resembled a caged tiger. She had given up on her dreams so many times believing Joseph didn’t return her love.
But he did love her. He loved her and wanted to marry her. And her father wants to keep them apart. Never had she been so close to what she wanted, needed, and yet so far away.
“Two minutes longer than the last time you asked.” Lucy didn’t even look up.
But Sarah caught the smile. “It’s not funny.”
“No, of course not.” She made no attempt to hide the chuckle.
“This is serious, Lucy. Me father is trying to keep us apart. I don’t know what Joseph is saying and I’ve no idea what me father will do.”
“But you know what you are willing to do to have Joseph. And you have always found a way to bring your father around. He has never denied you a thing.”
The words made her feel like a manipulative Jane-of-apes. Not a pretty picture. “Am I really so spoiled?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer.
Lucy stood. “If I were Mary Frances, I’d probably be hugging you and saying, ‘of course not.’ But I’m not Mary Frances. I’m the plain speaker. Sarah, you have a kind heart and you aren’t afraid to work. But you do tend to want things your way. And you are not afraid to manipulate your father if it gets you what you want.”
The Crockett Chronicles- The Complete Collection Page 45
