So many changes. How could it be the same and yet so different?
Mistress O’Toole turned out to be an outstanding cook. The meal, excellent. When it was over, his mother touched his shoulder as she left the table. “I know James wants to speak with you, so when you are through, please come find me. It will be my turn.” She patted his cheek and left the room. He knew he’d find her with his father.
James came around the table and held out his hand. “Welcome home, Joseph. I have missed you more than you know.”
Joseph pulled him into an embrace.
“Come, let’s talk.” James led the way to their father’s study.
Joseph hesitated, though he couldn’t say why.
James entered first, walking around to Antoine’s chair. He sat, leaning his elbow on the desk.
“Get up.”
“What? What is the matter?” James squinted his eyes, bewildered.
“Get up. That’s father’s chair. Get up.” Joseph shook. Try as he might, he couldn’t tolerate James in the chair. Yet he couldn’t say why.
James stood, hands in surrender. “What is the matter with you? I just want to talk to you about something.”
“I don’t know… no, I do know. James, I fight for control of my life, of the lives of my family and everywhere I turn, someone is on that side of the desk telling me what to do.”
“You can sit there, and I’ll sit across from you.” James came out from behind the desk, but Joseph knew that wasn’t the real problem.
“No, I can’t sit there, either. I have tried, but I can’t do it. I think I make the best decision for everyone, and no matter how hard I try it all comes apart.”
James came to him, concern pulling worry lines together on his forehead, and grasped Joseph by the shoulders. “I don’t understand. Tell me how to help you.”
“Father says to make sure you are right, then go ahead. How do you make sure? How do you hear God’s counsel? And how do you trust God after all He’s done?” He leaned back against the wall.
James dropped his grip. “That’s what I want to talk to you about. This is hard, Joseph and I’m hoping you can help me.”
Other people had problems too. It was time to stop thinking he was the only one. Joseph nodded and sat.
James perched on the edge of the desk rather than sit in their father’s chair. “Robert and I have been talking, doing some planning. We think we can get around some of the export problems by starting a business in the colonies. There’s a group of Huguenots ready to leave for New Rochelle in two months. That would give you time to return home, pack up and return with plenty of time.”
“But why me? You and Robert can’t do this?”
“Robert loves to travel and would be good for the exporting portion, but no one knows the sheep or the growing of flax like you do. If we sent over the basics and grew the products over there, we could export them to all of Europe and not have to worry about it. You would be able to run the operation there. What do you think?”
“What of the colony? Would there be Indian raids? How hard are the conditions?”
“Robert went over a few months ago. He came back more excited than I’d ever seen. There are cities going up there, Joseph. It is becoming civilized.” James brought out a map of New Amsterdam. “If you are worried about your family’s welfare, don’t. There’s wilderness aplenty, but the area we are looking at has a large community of Huguenot believers. The trip is about three weeks over, and you have been aboard ship before. You know those conditions.”
“Five months ago, I wouldn’t have even listened. Today, I think it might work.” A weight lifted from his shoulders. “This just might work.”
“Then I will purchase the passages for your family along with Robert and Rachel’s fare, and we will start the planning.”
Joseph stood to leave.
“There is one more thing, and you cannot tell anyone else. Sarah, yes, but no one else.”
He returned to the chair. “What is it?”
“Martha, my wife. You don’t know her, Joseph, but she’s a very loving lady. She is good and kind and loves our son.” James stood and began to pace. “But that’s the problem. When we first were married, she was a kind mother to Samuel, and he loved her back. But then we had Adam. And she changed. Oh, not that she was ever mean to Samuel, but even he noticed the change. She finally told me since Samuel isn’t my blood relation, she will insist our Adam inherits Edenmore as firstborn. I tried to tell her I’m not even the firstborn, and only God knows how things will go. But she is insistent. Will you take my Samuel with you to the colonies?”
Joseph wasn’t sure he correctly heard. “The boy is what...seven now? He needs his parents.”
“I agree, but if he stays here it will get worse. I know he will discover what’s going on. Please. Have him sign for land there; they’ll let him if you sign with him. Sarah was always good to Samuel; she’d be the mother he needs. I promised Shannon I’d take care of him, but if he stays, I don’t think that will happen.”
“What will you tell him?”
“That he is old enough to be part of the family business and that he will be helping us. He’s a strong lad, and clever. And he has a kind heart, just like Shannon.”
“Does he know about Shannon?”
“He knows that I married her and adopted him.”
“Did you ever make the adoption legal?”
‘No, and that’s what Martha holds over me. Please, Joseph. Will you help me?”
Joseph closed his eyes, trying to make sure. “Yes.”
James relaxed again, sitting back on the edge of the desk.
“What does Robert know?”
“Nothing yet. But I will tell him before you leave.”
Joseph stood and embraced his brother. Other people certainly had problems. It was time he stopped making more of his than necessary.
* * *
Tapping lightly at the door, Joseph peeked in to see if his mother sat with his father. Of course, he knew that was where she would be. And she was. Still seated on the creepie, holding her husband’s hand.
“Mother?”
She peered at him and smiled. Joseph came to her rather than make her stand again, draping his arm lightly across her shoulders. Her hair shone silver in the candlelight and her skin had a soft parchment appearance. She leaned her brow against his side, and he kissed her head.
“We have been together more than thirty years, Joseph. I don’t know what I will do.”
More than anything, Joseph wanted to speak a comforting word, but he didn’t know any. Any Scripture he might quote, his mother already knew by heart.
So he stood with his arm about her shoulder, letting her lean on him all that she needed.
* * *
Joseph didn’t sleep well. There were things to settle in his soul, but he didn’t want to open that door. Not right now when his father’s death lay imminent.
Rising before dawn, he pulled on his breeches and stockings, leaving the tails of his shirt loose. He tiptoed to his parents’ room, pushing the door ajar. His mother still sat on the creepie, only now her head rested on the bed, over his father’s hand. He walked softly to her, not wanting to suddenly wake her. Perhaps he could encourage her to rest on his bed and he could keep vigil with his father.
Softly he placed his hand on her back, but immediately pulled away.
He brought the low candle over near her face. The flame never flickered. With mounting grief, he moved the light to examine his father. The rise and falling rhythm of yesterday’s breathing had vanished in the night, taking his mother’s breath with it.
He returned the candle to the table.
* * *
The horse picked his way up the path to the house. Joseph felt a rush of excitement mixed with dread as the Fontaines’ home loomed before him.
He had practiced all he wanted to say, how he loved her and if she would trust him again, he would try to trust God to care for them. Maybe they cou
ld have a normal marriage. He was willing to think about it if she could be patient with him. He still felt terrified, but seeing his parents together that fateful morning—together in life, together in death—made him want to have that closeness, that depth of relationship with Sarah.
They must pack and be ready to move. Not that there was much to pack. But they had less time to do it in than originally planned. Joseph had stayed for the funeral and then the reading of his father’s will. Gabriel had been named the executor, but James inherited Edenmore, just as everyone expected. But his father had been generous with his money to all his children, so Joseph had means once again to care for his family.
Delicious aromas of the evening meal’s preparation wafted on the breeze as he pulled to a stop. Dismounting, he chose to walk the rest of the way.
Three children, two boys and a girl, sat on the stop step throwing small stones toward the edge of the bluff. It took a strong arm to even come close, but one little boy in particular tried very hard on his turn.
“Well done, Wee Joseph. Well done.”
The little boy with dark curls and a missing front tooth glanced up. Recognition flooded his features and he jumped from the step. “Da.” Running, he jumped into Joseph’s outstretched arms and clung with five-year-old might to his father’s neck.
Joseph held him close, savoring the feel of his son’s embrace.
“Da, I’m so glad yer home.”
“So am I, son.”
Wee Joseph wiggled down and ran for the house. “Mama. Da’s home. Da’s home.” He tore through the door and out of sight, though his voice still reverberated. “Da’s home.”
Joseph walked up the three steps to the door. Wee Joseph came running back, dragging the most beautiful woman in the world with him. Pulling her hand to Joseph’s, he stepped back, giving his father the full view.
Joseph dropped the clasp and stared.
Sarah was with child.
Chapter Forty-One
Wee Joseph, would ye go outside with Elizabeth and Moses, please?” Sarah’s gaze never left Joseph’s face.
“But Da’s home. I want to stay here.”
“Do as I say, son. Ye’ll soon have time with yer father.”
Wee Joseph scuffed the toe of his shoe at the floor before grudgingly doing as he was told.
“I’m glad yer home, Joseph. We’ve missed ye.”
He continued to stare, not saying a word.
“Perhaps we should go to the parlor?” Sarah reached for his hand to lead him, but he pulled back. “Joseph, we can talk in private.” She turned and hoped he would follow. When he did, she raised a quick prayer of thanks.
She’d known this would be a shock. If he had come straight home from France the way he had said, she could have better prepared him. But without even knowing where he was for more than five months, and then with his parents’ deaths, she couldn’t just mention it in a letter.
Gratefully, he’d sent her one, enclosed in one from Albert explaining what had happened. Then she received the post from Lucy about Antoine and Louise.
Perhaps it wasn’t fair. She’d been privy, though after the fact, of what transpired for him, yet he had no way of knowing what waited for him in Bere Haven.
Sarah sat on the settee, allowing space for Joseph. He chose a chair.
Finally, he found his voice. “You are with child.”
Sarah nodded. “Aye.”
She could see him wanting to ask, and not wanting to ask. “Joseph, aye, this is yer babe, There is no other.”
He put his head in his hands. “I know. I’m sorry to even have thought that. I know, Sarah. I do not doubt.”
“Lucy tells me we are to soon leave for the colonies.”
“We were. Now we cannot.”
“Why?”
His head shot up. “Why, indeed. I cannot take you across this island and to a ship where you will live for three weeks when you are so close to your confinement.”
“I am not in my confinement yet, and if we leave soon, I will be confined aboard the ship anyway.” She smiled, hoping he’d see the humor.
He didn’t. “Who would be there to help you?”
“Ye, of course. Joseph, ye’d not be the first man to deliver a babe, nor the last, I’m thinking. I will be at home wherever you are. I don’t want to wait behind again. In fact, I cannot. Anne and Jacques are considering leaving Bere Haven themselves. They’ve had quite enough and are considering a move to Dublin to open a school.”
Joseph stood, his back turned to her, his forehead resting on his palm.
Again, she sent up a silent prayer and hoped this last would not be too much for her husband to handle.
* * *
Again, You force. I plead for help to trust You, and You bring me the impossible. How can I take Sarah across the Atlantic in her condition? How?
He turned to see her, serene and at peace. And more beautiful than ever. “Sarah, how can I take you on a ship while you are with child? If you have a problem, there is no help. I know what to do with sheep—just watch. I wouldn’t know what to do to help you. How do I keep you safe?”
“Joseph, Who has kept me safe thus far? He is still there whether I am aboard ship or left behind without ye. I just don’t want to again be left behind without ye.” Tears stood in her eyes, but she wiped them away.
“I will take you to Edenmore. You can stay with James and Martha until things are settled and I will come back for you.”
“No! Please Joseph, ye cannot leave me again. I don’t think I could bear it.”
He shook his head and left the house. Walking to the docks, he found Jacques at the little office they’d built together.
“You are leaving Bere Haven?” Joseph didn’t even give the man time to stand. “What am I to do? What about Sarah?”
“Joseph, welcome home. Sit”
Joseph did, and for once, the desk in between didn’t bother him. “What am I to do, Jacques? How can I take Sarah on a voyage over the Atlantic when she carries a child? How?”
“Is that what you are supposed to do?”
Is it? He wasn’t even sure about that now.
Wasn’t sure. His father’s words echoed. Make sure you are right, son, then go ahead. Rely on the counsel of the Lord. Trust God. How?
His gaze fell on the old worn Bible on Jacques’s desk. “May I borrow that?” He nodded at the book.
Jacques picked it up and handed it to him. “Of course.”
“I think I’ll go for a walk.” He didn’t even turn to say good-bye. Rather he was thumbing through the pages before he crossed the threshold.
With a mind of their own, his feet took him up the path to where his house once stood. The home he had built for Sarah. He sat beneath a tree and let the Bible fall open. The story of Abram and Sarai stared back. Beginning with chapter twelve, he began to read. Eventually his eyes grew tired and he closed them, letting the book rest open on his chest.
He could still hear the story in his mind, but as he listened, he saw his Sarah instead of Sarai, and himself instead of Abram. And instead of walking through a desert, they climbed aboard a ship with their nephew, Samuel.
Go forth from your country, and from your father’s house, to the land which I will show you; And I will make you a great nation, and I will bless you, and make your name great; And so you will be a blessing; and I will bless those who bless you and the one who curses you I will curse. And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed. So Abram went forth as the Lord had spoken…And Abram took Sarai his wife and Lot his nephew, and all their possessions which they had accumulated, and the persons which they had acquired in Haran, and they set out for the land of Canaan: thus they came to the land of Canaan… And the Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your descendants I will give this land.” So, he built an altar there to the Lord who had appeared to him.
The wind blew the pages of the book, losing his place, but bringing a refreshing touch to his face.
Plop. He
opened his eyes as a drop of rain splashed on his forehead. A clap of thunder sounded, so Joseph closed the Bible and ran for the Fontaine house.
All through the evening meal, the words of the Scripture floated through his brain. Sarah had to ask him twice to pass the butter dish.
The more he thought about it, the crazier he felt, but then, how else was he to learn the counsel of the Lord?
When it was time to retire, Sarah showed him to their room. As he prepared to make a pallet on the floor, she laughed. “Ye’ve been so worried that I would be with child again that ye withheld yerself. But now that I am with child, what is there to fear?”
What indeed?
He joined in her laughter and took her in his arms. His soul felt at peace and his body, alive.
Oh, how he had missed his Sarah.
* * *
They lay cuddled together in the early-morning light. She rested her head on his arm, hoping he was home to stay. “Joseph?”
“Mm?”
“Have ye decided about the ship?”
“I’m as sure as I know how to be.” His finger traced the edge of her jaw.
“And what is yer decision?” Sarah closed her eyes and held her breath.
“We will go as a family.”
She hugged him close.
“I don’t know if I can trust God, but I am trying so hard. I want to, but I’m doing it a step at a time. I know He has orchestrated this. Too much has happened for me not to have seen His hand. But trusting Him is a different matter. I believe He has called us to go together. But my fear is not gone.”
She nodded into his shoulder. If needed, she would trust God for both of them.
* * *
By the time they were back at Edenmore, Joseph faced the onslaught of every adult family member. The one thing they agreed on—he was out of his mind. He couldn’t argue, he wondered if he’d gone mad too. How could he allow Sarah to go? All he could do was remember the Scripture. It was his confirmation and he would trust to the best of his ability.
The Crockett Chronicles- The Complete Collection Page 57
