`Good God !' Jud ejaculated as if it was the last thing he expected to hear. 'What the hell makes you think I don't respect you?'
Lucy was as shocked by Jud's reaction to her statement as he seemed to be on hearing her voice it.
`When ... when you—kissed me that time—at your mother's house,' she said in a bewildered voice. 'You know ...' It .was stamped in irremovable ink on her mind, he couldn't possibly have forgotten. 'I knew then that you'd lost all respect for me.' The words were dragged from her and she felt near to tears.
`You think I don't respect you because you were human enough to respond to a biological urge,' Jud said as if this was the first time he had given the matter any thought. Then stingingly, as though he in turn was affronted that for all this time she had nurtured the belief that he didn't respect her, For God's sake, Lucy,' he snapped, and his voice was now fairly burning into her, 'if I didn't have any respect for you, do you think you would be virgo intacta still?'
Her face aflame, Lucy didn't wait to hear any more, but raced to the door and was through it, uncaring if she caught double pneumonia if Rupert hadn't arrived to take her home.
* * *
CHAPTER TEN
Lucy was beset by a feeling of sadness the next day, though she did all she could to show Rupert a cheerful face hoping that by the next day she would feel brighter. But when the feeling continued not only the day after but all through the following week, she knew she would have to do something about it. She was well aware of the cause—didn't all her thoughts circulate around Jud these days? She half wished she had never met him, that he had never come to live in Priors Channing, though she felt a confused rush of denial come to oust that wish.
It was ten days now since they had dined at the Hall, and she knew suddenly that it was no longer possible for her to live so near and yet so far away from Jud. Why, she had even begun to give herself excuses why she shouldn't go out, all, she knew, because she dreaded meeting him accidentally, dreaded seeing again that cold look in his eyes that said he felt nothing for her.
She had been happy during the time she had spent with Aunt Dorothy she recalled—well, if not exactly happy, she had been able to find a modicum of peace. While she stayed in Priors Channing every time she did venture out she risked seeing Jud and renewing her heartache. No,-she'd had enough. Her mind was suddenly made up. She would get in touch with Aunt Dorothy and take her up on her offer to have her to live with her, and once she had closed the door on Priors Charming, she would see about getting a job. She'd heard it said there was nothing like hard work for getting over unrequited love, but didn't believe it—she had polished everything in sight this morning, and Jud had been with her with every movement.
Lucy decided to tell Rupert her decision as soon as he came in, but the light in his eyes, the excitement that was all around him as he breezed in through the door put what she had to tell him into the background.
`What's happened?' she asked, catching some of his excitement; she just knew it was something good.
`I've just seen Jud,' Rupert replied, and unable to keep his news to himself any longer, went on joyfully, `Jud says I've already proved I'm up to the work-he says I can have the job permanently.'
`Oh, Rupe, that's marvellous !' Lucy's own troubles were forgotten as she returned her brother's delighted grin. 'You must have done really well—your three months' trial isn't up yet, is it?'
`No, that's the great thing about it—I've been working for Jud now for two months and thought I was going to have to sweat it out for another month before he gave me his verdict. I had to go up to the Hall for something and Jud was there—he's just come back from abroad and is having a few days at home-anyway, he asked me to go with him to his study. I don't mind telling you, Lucy, I was scared stiff he was going to part company with me for all I know I've been doing a good job, but he'd got that look on his face that gives nothing away-you know, all cold with nothing of his thoughts showing.' Lucy nodded; she'd seen that look too often. 'Anyway, when he told me—I just stood there stupidly too dazed to take it in, then Jud said, "Off you-go, then, young Carey, I expect you'll want to tell your sister your news".'
`He mentioned me?' Lucy hadn't meant to enquire, it was just begging for crumbs and she knew it, and she could have bitten her tongue for voicing the question; it confirmed she had made the right decision in making up her mind to leave, she had just proved that-she wasn't the type to beg from anybody.
`Oh, Jud often asks how you are,' Rupert answered off-
handedly, his thoughts still on a high plateau, letting her know it would be some time before he came down again.
Lucy put her own thoughts to one side. Rupert had been through a bad time one way or another, it was only right he should live through every moment of his present jubilation.
`You'll be going out to celebrate tonight,' she said, thinking this occasion couldn't be let pass without commemorating it in some way.
`Might go down to the local later—I've got some estimates for repairs to Blue Bell farm I want to look through first. Mustn't fall down on the job as soon as I've got it.' His tone told her there was no way he was going to fall down on the job come what may.
Rupert disappeared into the study after they had had their evening meal. He had come down to earth a little by that time, and Lucy decided as she was washing up the dinner things that she would have a word with him about moving to Garbury before he went down to the pub. She was anxious to get in touch with Aunt Dorothy and get it all fixed up, but wanted to tell Rupert first. Accordingly, when he emerged from the study about an hour later, still in a happy frame of mind but having lost some of his earlier exuberance, Lucy told him what she had in mind.
`I thought you liked living here,' he said.
`Oh, I do, Rupe,' Lucy told him. 'But I feel I'd like to do a job of some sort and there's only agriculture around here -there'll be a wider scope for me near to a big city and I shall enjoy living with Aunt Dorothy.'
Rupert seemed to accept what she was saying without too much trouble, for all it was inconceivable in his view that anyone would want to live anywhere but in Priors Channing, though he did say, 'I'm going to miss you around the place, Lucy. I never did thank you for bearing with me when ...'
`Oh, forget that,' Lucy said impulsively. 'My big worry
is how you're going to cope without someone here to see to your meals, your laundry—that sort of thing.'
Rupert went off to the pub having told her not to worry on that score; what with the salary he was earning now secure, and his quarterly allowance, he thought he could stretch to employing a housekeeper. He said he was only going out for a 'quick one', and true to his word he was back in under an hour.
`You weren't long,' Lucy said when he came in.
`I was blown back all the way—it's howling a gale out there.'
`Want anything to eat?' Lucy enquired, thinking if he didn't she would make tracks for bed.
`No, thanks—I'm still full up from your steamed pudding.'
Lucy smiled at him; he had helped himself to a second helping without waiting to be asked. 'In that case I think I'll go up.'
Lucy wasn't sleeping very well, and woke up in the middle of the night to hear thunder and see forks of lightning cracking the sky. She quite liked the rain and lay listening to it flail against the window pane, musing that if ever she lost her hearing that would be one of the sounds she would miss most.
Rupert was up and dressed when she came downstairs the next morning, and she wondered if his excitement of the night before had prevented him from sleeping. He didn't hang about in the mornings these days, but seeing him shrugging into his oilskins and wellingtons, for although the thunder and lightning had ceased it was still tipping it down outside, forced Lucy to exclaim :
`Hey, what about your breakfast?'
`No time, love—Jackson from Lower Farm was on the phone while you were still in the land of nod. The wind and rain have caused havoc to the farm and outbuildings, I s
hall have to go and have a look.'
Lucy privately thought Lower Farm wouldn't fall to pieces while Rupert had a spot of breakfast, but she went into the kitchen secretly applauding Rupert's keenness for his job. She thought she had said 'Cheerio' to her brother, but the back door opened after a very few minutes and he put his head round the door to yell a hurried, 'There's an envelope on the desk in the study, Jud's waiting for it. Be a pal and take it up to the Hall for me,' and before Lucy had time to form a reply, the back door was slammed shut and Rupert had gone.
Lucy's spurt of anger against her brother didn't last very long, though for a brief while she was furious—mainly, she reasoned, because the last thing she wanted to do was to go to the Hall. Then as she simmered down she realised, unwilling to go as she was, with Rupert so keen not to fall down on his job there was nothing for it but that she would have to deliver the envelope for him.
Still she wasn't in any hurry. Rupert had said Jud was home for a few days, so if she left going until after ten, by that time Jud would probably be firmly entrenched in his study and wouldn't want to be disturbed-she could hand over the envelope to Mrs Weston to give to him without ever having to see him.
She had already started on the housework when at nine o'clock Mrs Turton arrived, causing Lucy to look at her in quick apology as the woman vigorously shook out her umbrella at the back door and came into the warm kitchen.
`I'd forgotten it was your day, Mrs Turton—I'm sorry, I should have come and picked you up and saved you having to make your way through this rain.'
Mrs Turton gave her a gappy-toothed smile, accepting her apology, and proceeded to change her coat and wellingtons for an overall and slippers. Not fit for man nor beast this weather,' she grumbled. 'Though I expect there's some that'll say it's good for the garden-though the only thing that'll be growing if this keeps up will be rice.'
Lucy had to smile at her. For all Mrs Turton grumbled often, there was a lot of humour in her. 'I'm going out myself later,' she said, 'but I'll wait until it stops a bit first.'
`It's not going to stop,' Mrs Turton forecast, already going to the cupboard where the cleaning materials were kept. 'It'll be like this for the rest of the day.'
The rain hadn't slackened off as Mrs Turton had predicted it wouldn't by the time Lucy was ready to go out. Lucy had no mind to her appearance, sure she wouldn't be seeing Jud, and topped her jeans and sweater with her bright red shining mac and braved the elements to dash to her car.
She tried not to think as she headed the Mini in the direction of the Hall, but she had to own she felt nervous for all she was certain she wouldn't be seeing Jud.
Reaching the Hall, anxious to drop the envelope into Mrs Weston's hands and be away again, Lucy was glad it was pouring with rain, since it gave her a good excuse to dive from her car and race up the steps to the front door where she waited for her knock to be answered.
As she had hoped, Mrs Weston opened the door and Lucy was just explaining her errand, had pressed the envelope into Mrs Weston's hands and was preparing to make her getaway when a female voice calling her name halted her.
`Ah, Lucy, I thought it was you.' Lucy's heart dropped to the bottom of her shoes. Jud's mother was here ! She didn't need Mrs Hemming's, 'Come in, do,' to know the flying visit she had thought to make had come unstuck, for she just couldn't be rude to her no matter what happened. She stepped over the threshold, hearing Mrs Hemming say she had been in the drawing room and had seen a streak of red flash by and had recognised the Mini from when Rupert had used it one day.
Mrs Weston took care of Lucy's mac, and Lucy, wishing now that she had changed out of her jeans, went with Mrs
Hemming into the drawing room.
`Rupert asked me to bring an envelope J-Jud is waiting for,' Lucy explained, wishing she had been able to bring out Jud's name without stammering over it. 'Rupert had to go over to Lower Farm first thing,' she added.
`That would be the farm Mr Jackson tenants?' Mrs Hemming enquired, while inviting Lucy to sit down.
Lucy agreed that it was, and added, 'I won't stay, Mrs Hemming—you weren't expecting company, and I only popped over with ...'
`Nonsense,' Mrs Hemming said firmly, for all her eyes were kind. 'You know I like to see you any time,' and then with a smile Lucy was too weak to argue against, 'You'll stay and have coffee with me, won't you?'
There was nothing Lucy could do but agree. So far she had no idea where Jud was, he might not even be in the house, but if as she had first thought he would be in his study by now, it wouldn't take her many minutes to drink her coffee and be away. She could still do it without having to see him.
`I'll just go and ask Mrs Weston to bring some coffee,' Mrs Hemming told her, moving towards the door. 'I won't be long.'
Lucy stood up as soon as the door closed behind Mrs Hemming, her anxiety to be gone too much to be taken sitting down. Why couldn't she have just pushed the envelope through the mail box at the side of the door? She heard voices in the hall and turned round expecting Mrs Hemming to come through the door, thinking she had bumped into Mrs Weston and was now asking her to bring the coffee in when it was ready.
But the smile she had on her lips for Mrs Hemming froze, then disappeared, when she saw it was not Mrs Hemming who came in, but Jud. A Jud who had that stern look on his face for all he greeted her pleasantly enough.
`Hello, Lucy.'
`I brought an envelope from Rupert,' she said, her words coming out in a hurry, so conscious was she of her love for him. She didn't want him to think she had come with a view to seeing him in mind.
`I know,' he said quietly.
So Mrs Weston had already handed it over. She would have thought Jud would have stayed in his study—if he had thought to reward her with coffee, he would know his mother would see to that.
`Rupert had to go over to Lower Farm,' she said, more slowly this time, though she felt her disquiet growing when Jud accepted this piece of information without comment, and searched round for something else to say. 'Your mother has gone to see about coffee,' she told him, wanting to add that she had changed her mind about wanting any, but not wanting him to guess at the panic that was threatening to overtake her. She loved him so much and he didn't care a damn. He looked so much in control standing there in his light slacks and sweater with his grey-green eyes piercing through her—it wasn't fair that he should be so much in control when she felt she was rapidly going to pieces.
`Won't you sit down, Lucy?' Jud invited, and as she took the chair he indicated to her, the words making her nerve ends jangle worse than ever, 'I've just seen my mother—I hope you don't mind, but I've asked her to delay the coffee for a while.'
`Delay ...' Lucy repeated, her brain seizing up, nothing more clever coming through.
`Yes,' Jud confirmed. 'You see, Lucy, I rather wanted to have a talk with you.'
`Oh,' she said guardedly. Whatever he had to say to her could not be about Rupert, because Rupert already had the knowledge that his future was secure. If Jud had anything to say to her that concerned her personally, and though she had no idea what it could possibly be, she knew she didn't want to hear it. 'Rupert tells me you've agreed to take him
on permanently,' she said brightly. 'He ... he'll do a good job for you, Jud.'
`I'm sure of it,' Jud replied, taking the seat opposite her, his face expressionless. 'I can't fault his work,' he said, and Lucy had the oddest feeling that he knew how on edge she was and was just going along with her until she felt calmer. `He has made mistakes in the past, but ...'
`Mistakes?' Lucy queried, thinking Rupert might have put a foot wrong when he had first come to work for Jud.
`I would have said he was in error when he sold me a piece of your property without your knowledge, wouldn't you?'
She had been mistaken in thinking Jud knew how she was feeling, she realised, and felt relief at that thought, though she wished he hadn't gone straight into a discussion about something she didn't want to talk about—her moth
er's ring had been the start of it all ...
`Did Rupert tell you he'd asked me to sell him back the ring when he gets his money from the sale of Brook House?'
`N-no,' Lucy replied, startled, a warm feeling flooding through her at Rupert's thought. Then, her tongue coming out to lick suddenly dry lips before she asked her question, `And did you agree to sell it back to him?' She tried to put just the right note of query into her voice, but a husky note merged with the aloof tone she had been aiming for.
`No, Lucy—I told your brother I had no intention of selling it.'
Lucy refused to say the 'Oh' that sprang to her lips, though it was a near thing. 'It's yours to do with what you wish,' she managed instead.
`Exactly, Lucy—I offered it to you with no strings attached once, do you remember?'
Would she ever forget, even now so many weeks afterwards what had followed was as vivid in her memory now as it had been then. 'Yes, I remember,' she said, amazed
that she could sound so cool when she was shaking inside. She knew her face was growing pink and hated that he should know she was not feeling as cool as she sounded.
`My offer is still open, Lucy,' Jud said, his eyes, having seen her blush, refusing to leave her face.
`You mean ...'
`I mean I would like you to have your ring, and I don't want payment for it from your brother.' He paused, then added deliberately, 'Or, Lucy, from you.'
The fact that Jud was now telling her as if he was saying it outright that he didn't fancy her had her pride coming to her aid. 'I apologise for doubting your motives that last time you offered to give me the ring,' she said, holding his eyes for the briefest of seconds before looking away again. 'I know now you want nothing from me in return, but I'm afraid I can't accept your offer.' And then because he was hurting her more than he knew by the cold way he sat opposite her, letting her know that the ring she valued so much, the money he had paid for it, meant nothing to him—as little, she faced it squarely, as she meant to him—and the only way she could keep her terrible hurt from showing was by resorting to sarcasm.
Hostile engagement Page 17
