Rafe clenched his fingers. God, he just wanted to hold her. Pet her. Comfort her. Rock her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be all right, when he knew perfectly well it was never going to be all right again.
He was in such deep shit here. He’d done some stupid things in his life, but falling in love with a woman who belonged to another man was at the top of his list of idiot acts for the single white male.
Rubbing a hand down his face, Rafe swore softly.
He was under no illusions. If he ever made love to Lacey, he was feral enough to fight Danger for her when the time came. He would not relinquish an inch of ground.
For now, he and Lacey were alone. They were going to be alone for many hours. He was damn glad, and he couldn’t find it in his heart to feel any regrets for what he knew was going to happen between them. Soon.
“Lacey?”
Turning round to face him, she eyed him, clearly skittish. Soft color stained her cheeks. She stared back at him. Tears welled into her eyes. Her lips quivered. “Rafe.”
Her gaze slid away from his bare chest. He saw her breasts rise and fall in agitation. He made her nervous. She made him hungry.
“You know?”
She shook her head in denial. “Please. Don’t. You’re Danger’s friend.”
“No. I stopped being his friend months ago.”
“Don’t.”
“Don’t what? Tell you I love you? I’m never going to stop telling you that. I love you. I do, but then you know it already. Don’t you?”
“Yes.” She was all gold eyes and hair that hung to her hips in variegated streaks of sunshine and honey. She held onto a cup as if it was a lifeline. “I know.”
She didn’t speak another word. He wasn’t certain if she was acknowledging the fact he loved her, or acknowledging the fact she was about to break her wedding vows and let him make love to her, or both. She stood there, her breasts heaving, and waited for him to make his move.
Rafe crossed the short distance between them, until he stood right in front of her. She took a step back and bumped up against the sink counter behind her. There was no place left for her to run. No more time to deny what had built over the months between them. He wasn’t giving her more time. She’d bolt like a runaway mare.
Sliding his hand down her shoulder, he paused at the soft curve of her right breast, rubbed his palm across her tight nipple, then slowly took the cup of hot chocolate from her hands and set it aside.
“I’m in love with you, Lacey. I’m so damn in love with you I can’t think straight. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Hell, I walk around with an erection nearly all the time. I haven’t touched a woman in three years.” He cupped the sides of her face. “I haven’t wanted any woman but you for so long. You don’t have to be afraid…I won’t hurt you. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to, but you need to know that, know how I feel.”
“Rafe, I—” She hesitated, swallowed hard, and rested her palms against his bare chest. Her fingers curled in his chest hair.
With just that light touch, his nipples tightened. His balls squeezed and throbbed.
“I don’t think I can do this. I—”
He took her hands, pressed his mouth to her fingers and slowly pushed his arousal against her mound. They fit together. Male. Female. Perfect alignment. “You aren’t doing this. I am.”
And Danger was.
Danger had set the scene like a director on a movie set. In a way, the man had set up both of them. Rafe didn’t care. He’d take what he could get any way he could get it. “Give me this night,” he whispered. “That’s all I ask of you. One night. I’ll leave in the morning. I promise I’ll never come back, if that’s what you want.”
She stared at him. Her lovely gold eyes lost their luster. In its place, sadness filled her eyes, that and guilt. She looked down, refusing to meet his steady gaze. “I can’t, Rafe. Please don’t ask me to be unfaithful. Please,” she whispered. “I’ve already done enough to Danger. I–I—let you kiss me, touch me. In my heart, I’ve been unfaithful. I—”
“I know you’re married, sweetheart. I know you don’t take your marriage vows lightly. Wanting you is wrong, I realize that, but it doesn’t prevent me from getting a hard-on every time I’m near you. It doesn’t stop me wanting to kiss you or wanting to sleep with you or loving you with each breath I draw.” He lifted her chin, forced her to look at him. Slowly, he traced her eyebrows with a trembling fingertip. So soft. Silky. “Would you give yourself to me…just this once? I’ll never ask you again. I need you. I need the memory of you in my arms just once in my life.”
“I can’t do what you ask of me.” Tears welled in her eyes and spilled down her face.
The ache he felt at his loss twisted his guts. “I envy Danger your love. I do.” He brushed a tiny gold curl behind her ear. “I wish he deserved it. I’m not asking you to leave him. I’m not asking for your love. I’m asking for one night in your arms, then we’ll take it from there.”
“Rafe.”
“Please? I’ve never begged before, but I’m begging you for tonight.”
“Rafe.”
“You don’t have to worry. If it comes down to facing Danger with the truth, I’ll tell him. I won’t let you face him alone. One night, Lacey. Give me one night.”
“Please, let me go.”
He dropped his hands to his sides and closed his eyes for the longest moment, before facing his defeat. Slowly he opened his eyes, but the ache in his heart hadn’t magically disappeared. His mind felt shattered, but he couldn’t deny he’d known her answer all along. She didn’t take marriage lightly.
Rafe lowered his head, raked trembling fingers through his hair. “All right, I’ll leave, sweetheart. I’ll wait for you for as long as it takes. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
He should have left then, gone to his room, packed his bags, and asked her to drive him to the airport.
But he hadn’t voiced the words. He couldn’t.
He wasn’t ready to accept defeat yet.
Chapter Nine
Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.
~Maya Angelou
Havre, Montana
Regional Health Care Center
February 7, Saturday
3:00 a.m.
Rafe McCord hesitated outside the doors of the ICU waiting room. Trouble darkened his face, and he knew it. He wished he were here to bring good news. Good news to Danger. Good news to Duel and Wild Remington. Hell, he wished he was still at Danger’s ranch trying to make heads or tails of the bloody scrawling on the kitchen wall. He’d rather be there, than here with the bad news he had to share.
He wondered when the tragedies were going to stop, because he sure as hell wasn’t here with good news for any of them. He pushed through the door and saw Wild and Duel Remington both crashed in recliners.
It had been a tough night for all of them and for the men who’d hunted for both Lacey and Smitt Davis’s body. They’d had to halt the search a little after midnight. Freezing air masses sliding in from the Arctic had dumped two foot of fresh snow. It made it too dangerous for men and horses to keep up the search. They’d begin again at daylight.
Rafe sighed and tugged off his black Stetson before approaching Duel and Wild. He knew it had been touch and go for Jace, their eldest brother. Smitt Davis had shot him shortly after his attack on Lacey. Jace had spent hours in surgery.
Things were about to get a lot tougher for the Remington family. Life was like that, he thought. It never rained without dumping a heap of shit on everyone’s head. And here he was, caught squarely in the middle of a black nightmare and wondering how he got there.
He paused in the center of the doorway to the waiting room. The room was large, but looked small since it was filled with people waiting to visit their loved ones or simply waiting for them to die. Most were asleep or trying to sleep, curled up on sleeping bags, in recline
rs the hospital provided or leaning against a family member on a sofa.
He whistled softly. Duel opened his eyes, glanced around, and spotted him standing there. The two of them had worked together a few times undercover. Duel was a good man to have at his back. Rafe drew closer and hunkered down beside the recliner. “How’s Jace?” he asked quietly.
Duel gave a faint smile. “He came out of surgery with a bunch of tubes in him, minus his spleen and part of his liver. That bullet bounced around inside him like you wouldn’t believe. Doctor Hadley was here a couple of hours ago. He thinks Jace will be outta ICU in a few days. It was close, Rafe. He almost died. I thought for sure I’d lose him before I could get him here in the chopper.”
Rafe nodded. “How’s Kaycee? I know this had to be tough for her.”
Duel’s lips twisted into a ghost of a smile. “She’s okay. That little gal’s a whole lot stronger than she looks. Can you imagine how tough those sweet little triplets are going to be when they arrive with her and Jace’s genes? I can’t believe she carried a damn gun crammed in her boot.”
“How’s Joseph? I know Danger must be insane with worry.”
Duel shook his head. “He’s pretty shattered. Joseph took a turn for the worse about fifteen minutes ago.”
“Oh, Jesus. Where is Danger now?”
“He and his new bride stepped outside for a few minutes. Seems they needed some alone time. Christ, I can’t believe he married someone else so quickly after the divorce. What the hell is he thinking?”
“His loss,” Rafe said quietly.
“Yeah, it is.” Duel scooted to the edge of the recliner and stretched. “I don’t have anything against Karen personally, but she’s not Lacey, and she’s not the woman for Danger. He’ll be bored to death in no time with Karen.”
“She’s going to have his baby.”
“Yeah, I saw that. Fast work on her part. She isn’t a fool. It puts a whole new light on things. Lacey must have been devastated. That must have drove the finishing nail into the coffin of their marriage. Christ, I hope the search and rescue team finds her alive. Any clues as to where she might be?”
Rafe shook his head. “I’ve been studying the pictures Smitt drew on the wall.”
“The wall?”
“Yeah. He painted the Blackstone’s kitchen wall with all kinds of symbolic drawings, but they aren’t in any kind of order. I have no clue what he’s trying to say. I’m not sure he did.”
“Maybe if I took a look at them, they’d make sense to me. Smitt was always a bit off, but he grew up in Rimrock. I might understand what some of the symbols mean to him. You know, his grandmother was as loony as Smitt and scary as hell.”
Rafe nodded. “That so? Maybe his condition is hereditary then.”
“Or she just did so many mean things to Smitt when he was a kid, he lost it.”
“Possibly. Thanks for your offer to help. I can use it.”
Wild jerked awake and glanced sleepily at Duel. His attention quickly focused on Rafe. “Lawman,” he greeted.
His deep-set blue eyes were distant and cool.
Rafe frowned. He knew from Duel that Wild had been in serious trouble with the law and spent time in prison. Wild was always respectful, but very, very icy.
“Wild. I’m glad I caught both of you here. I have bad news, and then I have real bad news. Which do you two want first?”
Duel snorted. “Let me guess the bad news. You didn’t find Smitt Davis’s body, either.”
Rafe nodded. “We didn’t find him. We searched up and down the creek for miles. There was blood, plenty of it. Kaycee got him good, but there wasn’t a body.”
“Damn it,” Duel snapped. “How could he survive the fall over the cliff?”
“Stranger things have happened,” Rafe replied. “If he slid down the rock wall, then yes. I think he would have been bruised and scraped raw, but he could have survived easily enough. But he’s injured, Duel, and the country is wild. It’s cold and snowing. He might crawl off, die, and the animals…you know what happens to a body.”
Duel stood up and stretched. “Animals like Smitt Davis don’t crawl off and die. They crawl away, burrow in a hole, lick their wounds, and live to fight another day. He’ll be back. The sonofabitch will come back. It’s the last thing Danger needs to hear right now, or Jace and Kaycee.”
Rafe rose to his feet and stood beside Duel. “The real bad news?” He hesitated, sucked in a sharp breath and blew it out. “Well, shit,” he said bluntly. “The airport in Broome, Australia contacted your cousin, Raider. They lost radio contact with Dianna and Taylor hours ago. They believe the plane went down somewhere between Broome and Derby, or somewhere a little higher in the Kimberley region.”
“What!” Wild exploded. He jumped to his feet, thrust fingers through his dark hair. “What happened? When?”
Rafe shook his head. “I can only repeat what your cousin said. A few hours after takeoff yesterday, the airport lost radio contact with her. Air traffic spotted a large blip on the radar. They believe the plane hit a flock of birds.”
Duel rubbed his face tiredly. “So she might still be in the air, but flying without radio or an accurate flight direction?”
“No. An Outback station reported hearing a static Mayday, something that sounded like a crash, and then he lost the signal. Raider called me since he’d been given my cell number as a point of contact for you. He said to tell you they’re on standby, waiting to hear from the rescue crews, and waiting to hear from the airline officials.
“But I tell you, there are no international airports out in that area. Word from search and rescue is going to filter in slowly, if at all. And you have to consider the time differences. What’s daytime for us in the States is night for them. It will be hours waiting for word to trickle back. Raider said he’d call you, Duel, just as soon as he received some kind of confirmation. I’m sorry. I know this couldn’t have happened at a worse time.”
Duel shook Rafe’s hand. “I’ll let Kaycee know. Jace is still pretty much out of it, but she’ll want to know about Taylor.”
Rafe jammed his hat back on his head. “I have to go. I’m returning to Danger’s house to catch an hour or so of sleep, then I’ll try to figure out what those fucking symbols mean. Tomorrow, I’m joining in the search for Lacey’s body. Damn it, Duel, I’m truly sorry about all this. Everything.”
Duel nodded. “I appreciate you coming all the way to Havre to tell us. I don’t have my cell phone with me, and Wild doesn’t own a phone…that’s why we gave Raider your number.”
“Not a problem. If he calls me again, I’ll call the nurse’s station. I just didn’t want to tell you about Dianna over the fucking phone.”
Duel shook his hand. “Thank you. I appreciate that. I know Danger is glad to have you on the case.”
Rafe’s lips tightened. “Tell him I’m sorry about Joseph. Keep me posted if you can.”
“I will. One of the ranch hands is bringing my phone at about eight and a charger. I’ll be able to call you if anything changes.”
“The men will restart the search at daylight for a sign of Davis’s body, too, but if they don’t find him by dark, I’ll have to let them go. They all have families, too, and need to get back to their regular jobs.”
“I understand. Thanks.”
Wild stared at Rafe’s back as he walked away. “I’m going to Australia,” he said, turning to face Duel. “I’ll be at Raider’s or with one of the rescue crews.”
Duel nodded. “I’ll stay here with Jace and Kaycee.”
Wild turned to leave.
“Give Dianna and Taylor my love,” Duel said huskily.
For a moment, Wild froze. Slowly, he turned to face Duel. Grief shimmered in his blue-green eyes. “What if they’re—”
“No.” Duel held up a hand and shook his head. “Give them my love.”
“I’ll do that.” Wild turned away again, then whipped back around. “I’ll call, as soon as I know something.”
Duel nodded. “Take care of yourself, Wildman.”
Wild nodded. “I’ll be careful. I have to come back, just so I can kick your ass.” He turned on his heel and left without looking back.
“You do that,” Duel whispered to Wild’s back. “You come back, safe. Hopefully, I will, too…”
Chapter Ten
There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.
~Sarah Dessen
Two Months Earlier
Blackstone Ranch
December 25, Thursday
7:00 p.m.
Lacey Blackstone stared at Rafe McCord and knew in her heart she’d lost all honor. Not that Rafe wasn’t a good man—he was. It was just that her marriage vows, something she’d always considered sacred had lost their sacred meaning to her soul, and that was simply numbing. It wasn’t Rafe’s fault he’d been caught in the middle of her and Danger’s crumbling marriage or the fact her life had fallen apart.
Her palms felt damp, but not as damp as she was between her legs. Oh, God. Once she’d loved Danger with everything inside her, but—he’d slowly stifled her feelings for him, choked the life out of every bit of love she felt for him. He hadn’t loved her back for such a long time. She didn’t know where she’d gone wrong with him, but she knew in her heart he no longer wanted her for his wife. He didn’t want to be a part of her life and he sure as sweet hell didn’t want her to be a part of his.
She’d always love him, he was the father of her son, but she was no longer in love with him, and there was a difference. Danger had chosen to push her out of his life. He hadn’t just pushed her, he’d shoved her out so fast and slammed the door in her face, she was still trying to catch up and figure out what she’d done to kill his love.
Lacey sighed. It didn’t matter anymore. She felt like she was drowning in a vat of loneliness, dying for lack of love. Danger’s cold attitude toward her left her drained. She could only stand up under so much criticism, so much hunger for a man’s touch before her body demanded satisfaction.
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