Lacey drew her legs up tighter and shivered. The cold closed around her like an icy crypt. She drifted in and out of consciousness, awakening each time to a world that became more and more surreal. When she opened her eyes, the walls spun around her. The cold, wet snow cushioned her like a warm featherbed. She smiled. Ah-ha. She didn’t feel the cold anymore. Warmth kissed her face. Her body floated weightlessly. Floated. Was she really drifting on a bed of Heaven’s fleece-lined clouds?
When she was awake, she couldn’t keep her thoughts in any kind of order. Her mind wandered. The one thing she was certain of was that her life had irrefutably changed. She was changed. She’d traveled a winding, up and downhill path she’d never expected to travel. The carefree, feisty Southern woman she’d been had died, replaced with a stranger she hardly recognized, a stranger who’d slept with another man one night, a single night, and conceived that man’s child.
“I want to go home,” she whispered. “I want my life back. My children. Please, God. I want to go home.”
Why she’d thought, believed, she might work things out with Danger when she carried proof of her infidelity was beyond her. Still, they had a son. She couldn’t bring herself not to try and hold their marriage together.
She should have left the moment she discovered she was pregnant. Hell, she should have left the moment she let Rafe touch her. She should have gone with him to Texas. Yes, she should have packed her and Joseph’s clothes and joined Rafe on his ranch. After Christmas, the weeks crawled by. Danger had even less to do with Joseph, just like he had less and less to do with her.
Why had she stayed?
What had she been thinking? That was the problem. She hadn’t been thinking. She hadn’t been thinking when she let Rafe make love to her. And damn, she should have told him she wasn’t on the pill, but the thought never crossed her mind.
There had been too many other things crashing around her. The chance of becoming pregnant simply hadn’t been at the top of her mind as something to worry about—not until Rafe brought it up. She’d never forget the look on his face when the possibility of a child came up in their conversation.
* * * *
Blackstone Ranch
December 26, Friday
10:00 a.m.
Mid-morning arrived much too fast. Rafe served her breakfast in bed, and after she ate, he dribbled honey across her breasts and made a long, slow feast of them. He explored and tasted every inch of her body until she quivered with need.
Rafe spent hours the night before simply tracing his fingers over her skin. He was always touching her. It seemed to her the minute he stroked his fingertips along her skin, need exploded inside her. Her body jolted in response. She didn’t know her own skin anymore, her own body.
To say Rafe was a good lover would have greatly shortchanged him. He made certain each time he entered her body, she was ready for him. He was just as considerate about her pleasure before he withdrew. She marveled at his determination to discover every single freckle she possessed by exploring her body thoroughly.
He’d discovered the tiny mole below her right ear and kissed it over and over. He’d found the raspberry-colored birthmark on her forearm and licked it like it was an ice-cream cone. He’d rooted his way between her thighs and made a meal of her aching channel, stabbing the tender depths with his tongue until she writhed beneath him and moaned her orgasms.
While she showered, he cleaned the mess in the kitchen, then joked with her, telling her he’d washed the turkey and put it back in the refrigerator.
It was almost time for her to take him to the airport. She hadn’t given any thought to how she’d feel the morning after or when the time came for him to leave. Certainly she hadn’t expected this numbness crawling inside her, this sense of loss. She had a terrible feeling that once Rafe left her sight, whatever normalcy was left in her life would simply turn to dust, or that she might never see him again.
How had he suddenly become her entire world? When?
When had her skin become so attuned to his touch, to the point she needed to feel his fingers on her? She didn’t know when she’d become so dependent on him or so needy. Lacey sat on the foot of the bed and watched him stuff another shirt inside the duffle. The room smelled like sex, hot, musky sex. And why not? For sure, Rafe hadn’t let her sleep much. He was a dynamo when it came to making love to her.
He turned in time to see her wince when she shifted her weight.
Rafe hunkered down in front of her, clasped her hands, and searched her face. “Sore?” he asked, brushing her hair aside with a tender touch.
“Mmm, yes. You have a bit of a manly package and the will to use it numerous times.”
He laughed, a pleased sound that came from the back of his throat. “Trust me when I say I’ve never stayed so hard, so randy, in all my life. I didn’t think Junior was ever going to be happy and settle down.”
Lacey giggled. Rafe had that effect on her. When she was with him, she laughed. “How ‘bout now? Has he finally gone to sleep?”
“He’s resting, but he’s not asleep. He misses you already, as do I.”
She moaned, knowing if they had the time, he’d take her again.
“Your body will adjust and get used to it.” He leaned into her and kissed her. “I intend to give it plenty of opportunity.”
She clung to him, her heart beating fast. He cupped her breasts, plucking at the nipples through her shirt. “You don’t have time,” she whispered as he lifted her shirt and leaned in to take a nipple inside his mouth.
“I could take a later flight, spend the day inside you.” He sucked hard on her nipple before releasing it. “Tell me not to go.”
“Danger will be home after while.” She glanced at the bruises on her breasts and knew they weren’t the only telling marks Rafe had left on her body. He’d loved her well and often through the night. There were plenty of signs of his possession. He wasn’t a gentle lover. His fingerprints darkened her inner thighs, her arms, and her waist. Her breasts bore numerous tiny love bites. She still smelled his scent on her skin.
He leaned in and kissed her. “I don’t wanna go. I wanna stay here and kiss you and make love to you until neither of us can breathe.”
Lacey ran her fingers through his dark hair. “I don’t want you to go, either. But you have to. I don’t want a confrontation between the two of you.”
“Lace, sooner or later there will be a confrontation.” Rafe released the hard nipple he’d been rubbing with his thumb and sighed. “Fuck! I don’t want to leave you. I don’t like it.”
She fought the tears that burned behind her eyelids. “I know.”
“Tell me not to go, Lace, and I won’t. I’ll remain here, face Danger with you, and tell him about us. Hell, I didn’t know it was going to be this damn hard to leave you behind.” His gaze shot to the marks he’d branded on her throat.
Lacey laid her palm over them, three of them actually, all three utterly impossible to miss.
“There’s no way he’ll miss them, sweetheart. I don’t care if he knows I branded you, but I don’t like leaving you to face him alone.”
“He won’t hurt me, Rafe.”
His lips flattened. “He already has.”
Lacey swallowed hard. “Yes, but not physically.”
“Sometimes emotionally is even worse than physically,” he replied.
She watched him return to jamming clothes in his bag. His skin was tight across his high cheekbones. He looked up, his dark face disturbed. “You don’t know how he’ll react when the reality hits him that I touched you.” He whipped around to face her, his face dark with rage. “Come with me, Lace. Don’t stay here.”
Silent tears slipped down her face. She grieved, not only because he had to return to Texas, but also because she knew, deep in her heart, when she let Rafe touch her that was the end of everything between Danger and her. She’d accepted the fact in her mind, but her heart was a little slower to catch up and accept it. “I can’t just leave
. I have a son. I’ll have to work out some kind of arrangements with Danger for us to share him.”
Rafe zipped the duffle and dropped it on the floor. “I know. I know. Damn it! It tears me apart leaving you here.” He grabbed his carry-on, jerked it open, and stilled. She heard him say, “Shit.” Then he lifted his head and locked his gaze with hers. He held a small box in his hands. “Oh, Jesus, Lace.”
“What?” she asked.
He swallowed hard and rubbed a hand down his face. “I didn’t use…I never even thought.”
Lacey eyed the red letters written in bold script on the side of the unopened box. Condoms. Size—Triple-X, for the endowed male.
“Oh,” she said faintly. “Shit.”
She lifted her gaze to meet his. She hadn’t thought, either. From the pole-axed expression on his face, it was obvious he didn’t want a child with her. She slid a palm across her belly in a protective gesture. A baby? She didn’t know if Rafe had left a life growing inside her or not, but she figured as many times as he’d taken her and the various positions, some where her hips were tilted in a very receptive position to take a male’s seed deep, the odds were pretty high he had.
“By chance, are you on the pill? Say yes.”
Lacey shook her head. “There’s been no reason. I stopped taking them five months ago. I’ve had no need to worry about it, until now. You don’t want a baby?”
“No. Of course not! Not…God, Lace, I’ve never done that before. I always wear a condom. I don’t take stupid, unnecessary risks. The last thing we need is a baby.” He squatted down in front of her and brushed her hair behind her ears. “Call me, as soon as you know, either way.”
“Right.”
Stupid, unnecessary risks?
You bet! I’ll call immediately. Not!
She didn’t consider the creation of a baby a stupid, unnecessary risk. It was a life. A precious life.
How could she have been such a blind fool?
Oh, yeah. He’d wanted her, but now that he’d had his fun, it was time for him to move on to the next playground. How much of what he’d said to her had been lies? Had it all just been fun and games for him?
Lacey clenched her fists in her lap and fought to keep from bursting into tears. Well, here was her wake-up call. Her reality check. Fun and games over. She’d given herself to him so easily. No challenge there. Deep inside, he must be laughing at what an easy conquest she’d been.
He loved her?
Doubtful.
Men tended to say the L word to a woman in the heat of the moment, but when it came right down to it, it was all about the sex. Pain twisted her heart. Lacey swallowed hard. All of a sudden, she felt as fragile as spun glass. If she made one more step in the wrong direction, she’d crumble into thousands of grains of sand and never be whole again.
More fool her! She’d put all her trust and faith in Rafe, and he didn’t want a child with her. He wanted to walk away without complications.
No, she wouldn’t call him.
Maybe lately, she’d been doing a piss-poor job of it, but she could damn well take care of herself and a baby if necessary.
After that, Lacey couldn’t bring herself to carry on polite conversation with Rafe on their way to Havre. The drive to the airport was fraught with silent tension. Once inside the terminal, she thought his flight would never come up so she could leave. She desperately needed time alone, time to think and plan.
“I don’t know when I’ll make it back here again, Lace. Perhaps it’s probably best if I stay away, not come back at all. I think maybe you need some time.”
Shock coursed through her veins. He was utterly deserting her? “Yes, you’re right. That would be best,” she agreed feeling numb. “I do need some time.”
“They’re calling my flight. I’d love to kiss you, but—” he looked around. “There might be someone here who knows you. I have to go.”
She watched him disappear in the throng of the holiday crowd. People going home. People coming back home. He was right. It was best he didn’t kiss her, but oh, she’d needed to feel his mouth on hers one last time, needed the reassurance of his arms around her, his body pressed tight to hers, his cock at full attention. She needed to be held.
What was she going to do now?
The question tumbled over and over in her mind. Should she confess to Danger what she’d done?
Beg his forgiveness?
No. He wasn’t the forgiving kind.
The one thing she knew for certain was she could no longer pretend everything was all right or remain Danger’s wife.
When she’d given herself to Rafe, she’d done so with the full realization her marriage was already dead. There was no going back. No need to confess her sins. The marks on her throat would tell their own story. The only option she had was to leave.
Her heart felt as if it was coated with layers of ice. Numbness and guilt ate at her soul. She felt like an orphan standing there, silently waiting for Rafe to turn around and wave goodbye or blow her a kiss.
He didn’t bother to look back, not once. He hadn’t said he’d call. She felt like dropping to her knees and bawling like a baby. Turning, she headed out the doors, back to the Jeep, back to her lonely, empty world.
“Lacey!”
She whipped around at the sound of her name. “Coe?” She stared blankly at Danger’s identical twin. Oh, my God! Thank God, Rafe hadn’t kissed her goodbye. She forced a smile on her lips and hugged her brother-in-law. “What are you doing here?”
Coe laughed and patted her shoulder. “I see Danger’s been doing his homework.”
“What?” Lacey blinked.
“It’s okay, Lacey. You’re a married woman, honey, you’re allowed to sport a hickey or two or three. Besides, it lets me know everything’s all right on the home front.” He grinned. “From the looks of you, everything must be great at home.”
She swallowed hard. “Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t they be?” If her brother-in-law spotted the marks that fast, Danger would see them a whole hell of a lot quicker. She couldn’t let her guard down once he got home. She’d have to dig up some darker makeup.
Coe laughed. “I just flew in from L.A. I spent the holiday with Mom’s parents. What are you doing here?”
“Oh, I had to bring Rafe to catch his flight.” She hoped she sounded as casual as she tried to.
“Where’s Danger?”
“Missoula.”
Coe frowned. “What the hell is he doing there?”
Lacey stepped away from the doorway to let departing travelers escape the crowd. “He had to deliver a prisoner there. You need a lift home?”
“Yeah, sure. I was going to rent a car, but I’ll gladly ride with you. What prisoner, Lace? We haven’t had any prisoners in Rimrock since the facelift started over a month ago.”
“I don’t know. He said it was someone the feds wanted there before Monday’s trial began.”
“That would be Luke Peterson’s trial. Sweetheart, we transferred him to Missoula last month.”
“Yeah, that’s the name. Luke Peterson. No, he was being held right here in Havre.”
“No, he wasn’t. I’m one of the deputies who took him to Missoula. I know when he was transferred. You must have misunderstood.”
Lacey nodded. “Yeah. I think I’ve been misunderstanding a lot of things lately. You have everything, all your luggage?”
Coe grinned, his usual charming self. “Sure do. I’m driving!” He snatched her keys out of her hands.
Lacey didn’t argue. The last thing she wanted to do was drive when she had so many other things on her mind.
Chapter Twelve
The naked truth is always better than the best-dressed lie.
~Ann Landers
Blackstone Ranch
December 26, Friday
7:00 p.m.
By the time Danger returned home late that evening, Lacey was frantic. Not just with worry because the highways were still slick and icy, but also because he wa
sn’t answering his cell phone.
The overwhelming sense of guilt she felt for sleeping with Rafe was making her insane. What if something happened to Danger before she could confess her sins? Beg his forgiveness?
Not only had Rafe left obvious signs of his possession on her, but she knew the guilt she felt showed on her face. Her betrayal made her feel ugly and unclean inside. She’d never been a person who lied very well or hid the things she did.
Lacey nibbled her thumb. How could she face her husband? How did she tell him what she’d let happen? Would he want her to leave right away? Of course, he’d want her to leave immediately. He already hated her. Her confession would just make him hate her more.
Pacing the length of the living room, she froze in front of the fireplace when the flash of headlights through the front window warned her Danger was home, at last. Her heart raced. She chewed her thumbnail to the quick. Would her face give her away? Yes! Absolutely. A total wreck, she knew her hair was wild, her eyes red from crying, and she simply couldn’t find the energy to do anything about any of it.
Quickly, she raced over to her purse and turned off her cell phone. Rafe had called at least fifty times since he’d left. She’d ignored his calls. She didn’t want him calling. There was no way she could talk to him, not right now.
Danger entered the house and headed straight down the hall with his suitcase. Well, she needn’t have worried about him reading guilt on her face, seeing the three hickeys or anything else where she was concerned. He hadn’t bothered to even glance her way or speak.
She returned to pacing and nibbling her thumbnail and waited for him to join her. He didn’t get in a hurry. When he did return, he stopped at the end of the hall, flashed a look of impatience toward her, then frowned. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Too Close To The Fire/Too Hot To Handle (Montana Men 3) Page 23
