“No it’s not that it’s just, I never really liked girls, before I mean it wasn’t something that I’d thought about very much until recently.” I shrivelled inwardly, could I be any more obvious? Lana narrowed her eyes for a second but smiled kindly.
“Anyway what did Miranda say to you?” She changed the subject quickly.
I recounted the conversation as best as I could remember.
“She’s such a bitch.” Lana was flushed with anger. “I mean who the fuck does she think she is?”
I’d drank quite a bit by now and the room had gained a fuzzy glow.
“My boss.” I laughed.
“Apart from that.” Lana didn’t halt in her barrage. “She’s unbelievable. She has known me for a long time that’s true enough, she was a friend of my mom’s. She started taking me out for dinner and buying me expensive gifts when I was sixteen, I bet she didn’t mention that?” I sat up a little straighter. “By the time I was eighteen she was sleeping with me, I had a key to her apartment she was a rep for a pharmaceutical company then and would be in the states at least twice a month. She bought me clothes, a car, my mom hated it they had a huge argument which I obviously hated her for and she threw me out. She said I was being bought.”
“Oh my God that’s awful!” I felt suddenly sober.
“I swear she still thinks she owns a part of me. You know, I’d never been with anyone before her and somehow she seems to think that makes her special.” Lana rubbed at her arms as though trying to prise the memories off her skin. “Maybe ordinarily it would have.” I muttered. “If it hadn’t have been so seedy I mean. Usually the first person you have that connection with means something doesn’t it?”
“Not for me.” She picked up her glass and took a gulp. “For me it was just the start of a huge lie, being hidden from people, having to sit at the same table as her husband and children acting like I was nothing more than just a dumb kid from one of her less fortunate friends. Then sneaking into her room when there was nobody around, as soon as she whistled I had to go running because it was the only time I would get to see her. I was just stupid!” Lana shook her head with irritation.
“Hey come on, you were young and she took advantage! Look at you, look at all you have achieved, you’re amazing.” I leant forward and placed my hand on her knee. My breath seemed to lodge in my chest as she placed her drink down and covered my hand with her own.
“I’m glad you think that way but that’s not how I see myself at all.” She shook her head.
“Well you should start looking in the mirror more often.” I laughed.
“Where did you come from?” She muttered looking up at me. I frowned nervously not sure how to reply.
“Are you definitely not coming to your sessions anymore?” She asked, her eyes locked on mine.
“I don’t know if I should.” I told her, the smell of her perfume was stronger as she moved closer and slid up the couch towards me.
“No I think you definitely shouldn’t.” She held me locked in her stare. “I’m not imagining this am I?” She whispered leaning in to press her lips against my neck. I shivered and shook my head, tilting my chin to allow her more space. “I don’t know why I feel this connection with you, it’s wrong but you don’t feel like someone I’ve met through work.” She pulled back running a hand through her loose dark hair.
“I don’t feel like I’ve ever been your patient.” I told her. “Seriously, I don’t see you like that, like a doctor. Your just, you.” I reached for her hand and placed it against my cheek. “I meant what I said before, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She took a shuddering breath and moved back towards me, within seconds her legs where on either side of my hips, her arms straight either side of my head hands resting against the cushions. Her perfume enveloped me, sweet and rich, I suddenly remembered the need to breathe and inhaled sharply. “Are you ok?” She asked brushing her fingertips through my fringe her eyes full of concern, my hands clumsily rested on her waist. I simply nodded. “You don’t have to do anything you know?” She caressed my cheek down my jawline.
“I want to.” I whispered. “I just…” My words faltered as her mouth pressed into mine, soft and full trapping my bottom lip between her own.
“It’s ok.” She whispered pulling back. “There’s nothing to it, just do whatever feels right.”
“How do you know what I was going to say?” I smiled.
She didn’t reply but kissed me again, this time running her hands across my face, trailing down the neckline of my shirt hooking her fingers under the fabric, I placed my own hands in her hair letting it slide between my fingers. The kiss deepened, I felt her tongue flick at my lips tracing their shape, a soft moan escaped her and instinctively I pulled her closer my heart racing against my ribs as she lifted her hands to her chest unbuttoning the pin stripe shirt before shrugging it off to the floor. I dropped my hand from her neck letting it graze her spine as it fell to the bottom of her back, she arched towards me breaking out of the kiss, laughing lightly. She wrapped her arms around my neck and looked at me hard, her red lipstick immaculately still in place, I tried hard not to look down at the tops of her breasts pressed against my own spilling out of the white lace bra.
“I really want you.” She said solidly.
My pulse rocketed through my veins. “I want you too.” I told her.
“Are you sure? Because I don’t want to be something you regret.” She rubbed her thumb against the back of my neck. “It’s ok if this is too much. We don’t have to do anything else, I mean you haven’t been in this situation before I don’t want you to feel like you have to do something, it might not feel right it might not be your thing.” She brushed her nose against my forehead placing a gentle kiss under my hair line. “I know sometimes you think you want something but then…” She paused and looked down at me. “It’s so different from being with a guy that you can realise it just isn’t for you and that’s ok.”
“You sound like you know what you’re talking about.” I raised my hand and twirled my fingers through her hair.
“Not me personally. I love being with a woman, I’ve always known that to me, that is my normal, it was always men that felt weird.” She tilted her head as I spread my fingers through her hair. “But I have been with girls who thought they were attracted to women but then when it actually came down to it….” She closed her eyes losing track of her thoughts as I walked my fingertips down her spine.
“Every nerve in my body is on fire Lana, I have never felt this way with anyone in my entire life. There’s a lot of things I’m not sure of right now but this isn’t one of them.” I watched as her chest heaved with relief.
“On fire? Really?” She opened her eyes and grinned wolfishly making me blush.
“Yes really. I can’t cope! I don’t know what to do with myself.” I laughed.
“Well luckily, I know exactly what to do with you.” She stood up pulling me with her, I swayed slightly the backs of my legs hitting the couch. Lana pulled at the hem of my shirt lifting it up and over my head in one fluid movement, before I had a moment to feel embarrassed she was kissing me again, pressing me back into the comfort of the chair although she stayed standing. Slowly she undid the top button of the black pipe leg trousers she was wearing, her eyes scanning my face for any sign of hesitation and slid them to the floor revealing a pair of plain white briefs with thin side straps that accentuated her long olive legs. She slid back over me, her skin against mine felt hot to touch. I reached up towards her pulling her in, kissing her slowly. I raised my hands to the small of her back and gingerly attempted to undo the clasp of her bra, which obligingly opened with ease. She raised an eyebrow as she slipped her arms from the straps and dropped it to the floor.
“Are you sure you haven’t done this before?” She asked.
“No.” I murmured leaning her back slightly with my hands at her hips so I could see her body. “You’re so beaut
iful.” I told her laying my lips against her neck and kissing the hollow of her throat. I pressed my palms against her stomach sliding them upwards until I cupped her breasts feeling her nipples harden under my touch. Suddenly she stood up.
“Where’s your bed?” She asked holding her hand out to me.
I led her down the hallway and turned into my bedroom, fumbling through the darkness until I reached the bedside lamp and flicked it on, slumping heavily onto the mattress. Lana walked around to the other side her narrow back towards me, she slipped out of her underwear and under the duvet. I stood back up and with a little shimmying removed the tight denim jeans I was wearing thankful for the foresight to put on a matching underwear set, I slid beneath the duvet, my legs brushing hers as I turned on my side.
“Hi.” She smiled.
“Are you nervous?” I asked with mock incredulity.
“I am actually.” She laughed reaching up a hand to brush my hair from my eyes.
“Why would you be nervous?” I shook my head a little not understanding.
“I don’t want to fuck it up.” She shrugged a little. “This is the first time. I really have a feeling about you I don’t want you to regret this and wake up tomorrow thinking ‘what have I done!’” She stroked a hand down the curve of my breast making me shiver.
“That will not happen.” I promised her looking deep into those shining emerald eyes. She paused for a minute.
“Come here.” She said in less than a whisper, pulling me across the few inches of empty bed so that my body was almost touching hers. Reaching around she undid the clip of my bra sliding it from my body, her eyes trained onto mine ignoring the heat that flooded my cheeks. Softly her hands began to trail over my back, my hips, my stomach, making every muscle twitch, I lay my forehead against her shoulder closing my eyes against her skin, she tilted my head a little to her lips and kissed me while her hands caressed my breasts. I was lost in her touch, I barely noticed when she moved one hand down my body, the other wrapped in my hair holding my mouth close to hers. It was only when she broke the kiss I felt her fingers brush the edge of my underwear, just one soft fingertip slipping against me, dipping and circling in a way I had never known. Her breathing had become shallow, her brow slightly creased, she held me with her eyes locked onto my own.
“Is this ok?” She asked. I simply nodded and pressed myself closer to her touch. She released her hand from my hair and lowered it to my thigh lifting my leg a little so that my knee bent and I rolled onto my back. “You feel so good.” She moaned against my skin as her fingers traced circles in the wetness.
“I want you so much.” I told her. She lifted her head and pressed her mouth against mine, everything felt so different from what I had known, every touch more precise every kiss velvety soft.
“Are you sure?” She muttered, I could already feel her fingers slipping into me. There were no words that I could form so I pushed myself closer feeling her sink deeper her palm rocking against me, her breath hitched in her throat. Sweat coated both our bodies despite the coolness of the room, suddenly I realised that this wasn’t the conventional mutual pleasure I was used to, I didn’t have to worry about pleasing Chris during sex because that was exactly what he was doing and if it worked for me in the process, great. But with Lana, what was I supposed to be doing? She must have felt my hesitation because she slowed slightly in her movements. I released one hand from her body and nervously slid it across her stomach.
“Oh no you don’t.” She laughed grabbing my wrist and placing it carefully above my head.
“It’s not fair though.” I argued, she slowed even more.
“What’s not fair?” The movements of her hand became painfully slow but more forceful making me groan and press my head back against the pillow, she was smiling from ear to ear now.
“You know, this, you doing all the work and not getting anything for yourself.” I stuttered.
“You really haven’t done this before have you?” She commented. “There will be plenty of time for you to repay the favour.” She nipped at my collarbone playfully. “And when you do you will realise what it is that I’m getting for myself, do you have any idea how amazing you feel?” Her slow circular movements were driving me crazy every spin sending waves through my body. “How beautiful you are? Or what touching you is doing to me?” She slipped my leg between hers, pressing against me as she moved lightly in time with her hands. She arched and rolled her hips, I placed my hand at the base of her spine pulling her in, feeling every tiny movement she made. Instantly my body reacted my stomach convulsing as roll after roll of new sensations cascaded through me, Lana’s hand stilled and every muscle seemed to be rippling against her touch. My head pressed into her shoulder once more as I span my breathing fast and heavy against her, it was some time before I could even find the words to speak.
“I’ve never felt like that.” I told her quietly as I lay in her arms. She kissed the top of my head and although I couldn’t see her face I could feel the smile tugging at her mouth. “Are you grinning?” I asked with a laugh.
“I am.” She replied. I flipped up onto my stomach, hands under my chin looking at her. “So sue me.” She added, her accent pronounced.
“I wonder why?” I slapped playfully at the hand that was resting against her stomach.
“Seriously though, with your husband you never had that?” She asked lacing her fingers into mine. I shook my head. “Was there nobody else before him?”
“No.” I smiled softly.
“Weren’t you a good girl?” Lana grinned as I blushed, I had always felt naïve where it came to this subject, all of my friends had been with so many different men and then there was me, the odd one out. Lana seemed to sense my embarrassment, she leant forwards and cupped my face with her hand. “Hey, I’m kidding. It’s actually really attractive to know that there hasn’t been a list of people.” She rubbed her thumb over my lip. We stayed quiet for a few minutes.
“He’s not my husband you know, we got divorced.” I said quietly.
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Lana said evenly.
“Really?” I smiled again.
“No, but it’s what you’re supposed to say isn’t it?” She looked sheepish. “Are you sad about it?”
“No, I’m sad it went the way it did, but I’m not sad that I’m not married anymore.” I replied. She nodded knowingly.
“I know it sounds really bad, but I’m kind of happy that you’re not married anymore”
“I never thought I would say it, but me too.” I grinned.
CHAPTER NINE
I’m not sure what time we fell asleep, but Lana’s mobile started blaring with a shrill ring what seemed like only moments after I had closed my eyes. She shuffled slightly next to me her eyes still tightly shut.
“Lana.” I nudged her gently, untangling myself from between her arms. “Your phone is screaming.” I told her as she moaned and shoved her head further into the pillow.
“It’s ok its Sunday it will just be my assistant.” She mumbled.
“It’s Friday.” I informed her.
“What?” She sounded a little more awake.
“It’s a Friday.” I repeated.
“Fuck!” She leapt upwards out of the duvet and disappeared around the doorframe hurrying into the living room to retrieve the phone from her coat pocket. I couldn’t help but smile as I propped up my pillow and rubbed a hand through my hair.
“Yes, I know I am aware. As I said I was sick and I slept in by mistake.” She reappeared struggling to pull on her bra one handed whilst hopping into the underwear she had discarded at the side of the bed. “I will be there. I said I will Miranda so I will!” She pressed the phone and ended the call tossing it onto the bed while wrestling her shirt into place.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, Miranda’s name had turned me cold.
“I was supposed to be at court to give evidence on behalf of a client. A psychological profile for a case.” She added. “I am due to be c
alled to the stand at eleven thirty, it’s eleven now!” She ran back off into the living room and I heard her pulling on her trousers. I tried not to let disappointment colour my face but when she came back in coat on smoothing back her hair hastily it must have been blindingly obvious.
“Oh baby.” She said deflating slightly. “I’m so sorry to have to run on you like this.”
“You just called me baby.” I smiled despite myself. Lana paused and pursed her lips.
“I did huh?” She stuck her tongue into her cheek and sighed. “I guess that means I will have to come back later then.”
I threw the pillow across the room at her laughing as she snatched it out of the air. “You better had.” I warned her.
“Of course I will.” She leant across the bed and kissed me softly. “You couldn’t stop me.” She added as she grabbed her bag from the floor and headed for the door. “I’ll call you ok.” She shouted before the door slammed shut. Throwing the duvet around my shoulders I hopped out into the cold and snatched at the curtains wincing as the bright winter light lanced through into the room, I watched Lana, a few cars down throw her bag into the back seat of the expensive black convertible before jumping into the driver’s seat. The car purred to life and glided out of view, I made a mental note to steal the keys at some point because I had to drive that car!
Lana smiled to herself as she strolled down the court house steps, avoiding the gaze of anyone who may want to stop and talk. The day had seemed to drag by, clock watching proving a painful past time. She reached into her briefcase to retrieve her phone and flicked a finger across to open the screen. Tapping on the small envelope she began to type.
Hey just leaving the court, fancy dinner? xx
The message disappeared to be replaced by a large green tick. She carried on walking, her hand twitching waiting for the reply which came almost instantly.
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