“Of course it does. I don’t want you to think Samuel and I were sneaking around. The three of us are connected. We own a business together. And we’ll be family once …”
“You marry Samuel.”
“Ya.”
“When?”
She searched his eyes. “With Phoebe and the situation as it—”
“Soon, then.” He didn’t need her to finish the sentence, but his heart pounded as he faced the choices in front of him. He could react with the offense he felt, or he could respond in a way he’d be pleased with years from now.
“If things were different, we’d wait until you had someone and no longer minded.” She turned toward the orchard as if it called to her even now. “That will happen, you know. You’ll look at me and think, I thank God I’m not with her.”
“I’ve had days of that already.”
“I’m sure you have.” She smiled, gentle understanding radiating from her. “If you’d tried the dinner I just fixed Samuel, you’d be laughing at him for thinking he wants to marry me.”
“That bad?”
“The dogs turned up their noses.”
Laughter burst from him. “You’re kidding.”
She shook her head, her cheeks a pink glow. “I wish.”
Her body language said she wanted to walk, so he ambled toward the orchard. Jacob took a cleansing breath. “He always planned on marrying the perfect Hausfraa.”
She fell into step beside him. “Ya, well, you can marry her and wag it in his face.”
Her humility and the hope she gave him about his future eased the offense he wrestled with when it came to Samuel and her. “We had some good times, didn’t we?”
“Don’t ever doubt that. You taught me to laugh again, Jacob. You brought me hope and love. You lifted unbearable guilt off me by making it clear there was no way I could have saved Emma. And my heart broke with yours the day you left here. It didn’t really start to mend until I knew in my soul that you’d weathered the worst.”
Why did it feel as if they were able to talk more openly and honestly now than when they were together? “We don’t have much of anything left to hide from each other. Do we?”
“Not much.”
“I can’t come to the wedding, not this soon.” Amish tradition said any single sibling of marrying age was to be in the wedding party and celebrate with the couple all day and into the night.
“I understand. We’ll make some excuse as to why you’re out of town. Maybe even a few people will choose to believe it since we’ll have to get a special exemption to be allowed a quickly planned wedding. But”—she poked his shoulder—“when you find the best woman for you and get married, I’m going to come up to you throughout your wedding day and whisper, ‘I told you so.’ ”
He liked the idea of falling in love and being loved above all others by a woman he couldn’t even imagine yet. “You do that.”
“How are Sandra and Casey?”
Her genuine concern touched him, now as always. He’d put his sense of duty to Sandra and Casey ahead of Rhoda so many times, and yet she’d never doubted that he was faithful to her or that he was doing the right thing by his friends.
“Good. I was with them when I got word about Phoebe.”
“I’m glad they have you.”
“Sometimes, when I’m really weary of dealing with Sandra, I wonder if I’ve just convinced myself how important it is I stay connected.”
“Then I’ll pray about that too, that it becomes clearer in your heart why God’s asked this of you.”
Such kindness and sincerity. No wonder he’d fallen in love with her. But as they talked, he realized something. He wasn’t in love with her anymore.
Rhoda was too complicated, which was why Samuel had stayed up most of last night talking to her, and when her gift stirred, she grew restless and difficult and became a target of those who feared her intuition wasn’t of God. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Suppose a new guy shows up in town, and he meets a really interesting woman, and they work on projects together, but she lets him believe she’s married when she isn’t. Why would she do that?”
“How old is she?”
“Does it matter?”
“Definitely. The thinking and rationale of a teen or a twenty-year-old is totally different from that of a woman in her midtwenties.”
“She’s about two years older than he is.”
“Older?” Rhoda’s eyebrows arched.
“Hey, watch the tone.”
“No, I didn’t mean anything by that. I just caught a glimpse that put everything into perspective.”
“How?”
“You said the guy is new in town, so anyone who sees them together thinks she believes she’s snagged a man.”
“No one saw.”
“Jacob, someone always sees, especially among the Amish. You just didn’t notice them. But she knew people were whispering about her, saying the old maid thinks she’s snagged a catch. She risked her reputation.”
Could she be right about that? “Are the Amish that rough on single women?”
“I don’t think they mean to be, but ya. Some started calling me an old maid at twenty, and they meant it.” Exasperation filled her face. “They earnestly warned me that I’d better get busy trying to hook a man. At twenty! Anyway, she must have strength of character to put herself in that position. And a strong desire not to marry. So the question is, how do you … I mean, how does the man feel about just being her friend?”
“It’s not an unappealing idea.”
“Is she interesting?”
“Yes, and witty and unconventional and mysterious.” A horn tooted, and Jacob turned, realizing how far they’d walked. “Must be another family meeting.”
“Just when it was getting really interesting.”
“Any chance this could stay between us?”
“No chance. It’s an absolute.” She made the motion of zipping her lips and throwing away the key. “Maybe one day, Jacob, you and I can be friends again.”
He doubted it. His self-esteem, or maybe just his ego, had taken a beating to have once loved her and then lost her to his brother. Even though Jacob could see they’d never been the good match he’d once thought, he still felt he was doing well simply to be here and behave like a gentleman.
While he and Rhoda walked back to where Phoebe’s and Steven’s parents stood, Crist drove the carriage onto the driveway. Soon they all stood in a group. Leah had two boxes of pizza in her arms, and Jacob saw Samuel eye them. A desire to tease his brother tugged on Jacob, but he just wasn’t ready.
Steven slid his hands into his pants pockets. “She’s weak, and her oxygen levels aren’t good, but keeping her fever down is no longer a constant battle, and the flu will have run its course by tomorrow. That’s our good news. The battle with the viral pneumonia is another story. Now that she’s survived the flu, the doctors think her best chance of beating the viral pneumonia is to be in a hospital that specializes in pulmonary conditions. One of the best facilities is in Boston, but that’s hours from here and from Daed’s place in Pennsylvania. She needs to be where family can visit, and I need to be able to visit her every day and still have time for the children. I’ve chosen Lancaster Medical.” He looked at Rhoda. “Does anyone disagree with that?”
Rhoda lowered her head and shrugged. “It sounds fine.”
Jacob felt bad for her. She’d made it clear she had no more insight than anyone else on what to do, but Steven kept hoping.
Leah passed the pizza boxes to Crist. “When, Steven?”
“Monday. I’ll go with her in the medical transport vehicle.” He focused on his sister. “Rhoda, I’m sorry, but when I leave, I’m taking the children and their grandparents, and I’m not coming back until Phoebe is with me.” Steven closed his eyes. “If God wills it and she survives all this, she’ll need at least a month of rest and physical therapy.”
Samuel shifted. “Listen, we need help. E
veryone leaves on Monday, but that gives us two days, three if we work on Sunday, to get the trees covered in oil. If we have enough hands in the orchard, we can do this, especially if the women are here to cook and bring food to the field.”
“He’s right.” Steven nodded. “If all the trees are coated with the oil mixture before everyone leaves on Monday, then, barring an untimely frost, Samuel has a fighting chance of the crop being healthy enough to keep the bills paid with the harvest. Any volunteers?”
The group gave their consensus, and Jacob managed to nod his head. Orchard Bend Farms needed him beyond Monday. More than likely Samuel and Rhoda would be married by the end of next week so they could stay on the farm and keep working it. “I’ll stay until the trees are sprayed. Then it’s time for me to go.”
Rhoda’s pursed lips formed a sad but encouraging smile. “That’s plenty to give, Jacob. Denki.”
When would Samuel and Rhoda share their news about their plan to marry? Now wasn’t the time. Jacob understood that. He only hoped he would be gone when the announcement was made.
Emotions piled on top of him, as numerous as dust particles and as heavy as gold. Was he wrong to leave when so much rested on Samuel’s and Rhoda’s shoulders? Was he letting his family down?
He had to talk to someone, and he knew exactly who that someone was.
But would Esther even speak to him after the way he left?
TWENTY-SIX
Rhoda leisurely paced the hospital room, Bible in hand, reading Phoebe’s favorite passages of Scripture—the book of Ephesians. She paused and watched Phoebe. What was the saying, “So close and yet so far”? That’s how it felt with Phoebe. Rhoda moved to the chair and took her by the hand.
“You have to keep fighting. We’re praying, just like I’ve been praying out loud since I arrived hours ago. I … I wish you were going to be at the wedding. You’ll be moved Monday to a hospital close to our parents, and everyone will leave the farm together. Samuel and I will marry on Thursday and return to the farm Friday. It’s all happening so fast.”
Was it right to get married while Phoebe’s life hung in the balance? All of life seemed upside down. Everything except her and Samuel.
“I’ve been seeing visions of you, and I heard you call to me.” Just like Rhoda had heard Emma’s voice after she’d died. “But Samuel helped me understand what was happening and why.” Rhoda ran her thumb over the back of Phoebe’s hand. “I should start calling him Stonewall Samuel.” She laughed. “When I try to run from all that frightens me, he won’t let me. He insists I dump all my fears and visions and pieces of intuition onto him. We talk until I have peace. I think I understand myself and my gift better now. It wasn’t really your voice or Emma’s. It was my own recollections mixing with trauma that taunted me.”
Even now warm peace surrounded her, but one thing troubled her. Phoebe had spent years looking forward to the day Rhoda would marry. She’d prayed for the right man long before Rhoda even admitted to herself that she might want to marry one day.
“You’d be proud of Steven. He’s making hard decisions, good ones, I think. No one knows for sure, not even the best doctors.” The men were in the orchard spraying the trees. Rhoda’s and Phoebe’s Mamms were cooking while Leah and Iva watched the children, did laundry, and delivered drinks and food to the men. “And I’m here with you because Steven wanted someone with you, and I won’t get much time with you after today.” Rhoda squeezed her hand. “The idea of marriage is terrifying. What if I can’t keep his love? Do men think of such things?”
Rhoda longed for Phoebe to open her eyes, to talk with her. Without Phoebe who would she ask such things? Rhoda took a sip of water and cleared her throat. “I know you want the baby to live, and you know everyone who loves you will do their best to help raise him right, but he needs his Mamm.”
I need you.
“Steven won’t be the same great dad without you. Did he tell you that you’re having a boy?”
The sheet over Phoebe’s belly moved. Rhoda’s pulse quickened, and she lifted the sheet out of the way, revealing Phoebe’s rounded stomach. Sensors on her taut skin were connected to a monitor that showed the baby’s heart rate. Phoebe had on a hospital gown, but her stomach was bare, probably to make the wires attached to it more easily accessible. Phoebe’s stomach seemed to wad on one side, and then her skin quivered in that very spot.
“The baby’s moving.” Rhoda glanced at Phoebe’s face. “Can you feel him?” She placed her hand on Phoebe’s belly. “Little one.” Chill bumps ran from Rhoda’s head to her feet as she realized he missed hearing his mother’s voice. Rhoda had to tell her brother to keep talking to the baby, to read aloud and make sure his son knew his Daed was still here. “We’re here for you, little one. You stay strong and fight. Do you hear your aunt? You fight.”
This planet needs you.
It felt as if God was speaking the words inside her. Rhoda took Phoebe’s hand in one hand, rested her other hand over the baby, and prayed as she’d never done before. As real as the living, moving baby inside Phoebe, Rhoda felt faith and hope move inside her.
A thought of Jojo and her daughter washed over her, and she went to the phone and dialed 411. In less than a minute, Rhoda had the store number and was dialing. She hoped Jojo was at work. A voice came on the line, and despite a slight tug of anxiety, Rhoda asked for Joella and waited as they connected her.
“This is Joella. How may I help you?”
“Jojo, it’s Rhoda Byler, and I had an encouraging thought about you and your daughter. I’m hoping you’ll let me share it.”
Jojo clicked her tongue. “Am I supposed to say no after some premonition led you to Camilla?”
“Do you believe in the forces of good and evil?”
“I’d be an idiot not to, but what controls those forces is anybody’s guess.”
That was enough to build on. “Darkness tried to extinguish the light in you. But you held on to all of it you could, and now you’re doing all you can to protect the light in Sophia. I think that’s remarkable. And as a believer in God, I think He’s very pleased with you.”
“I can’t say I return the favor to God.”
“No. How could you? You prayed for help as a child, and none came.”
“How … do you know that?”
Rhoda hadn’t meant to let that slip. “Probably the same way you look at Sophia and know things. Maybe it was your body language when you tried to hold back your years of anger while telling Camilla how you felt about her keeping Zachary in an abusive home. I really don’t know. Sometimes love just knows.”
She scoffed, and Rhoda knew she didn’t believe anyone cared except the married guy. “Anyway, I’ll let you get back to work. I just needed to let you know that I believe you’ve done a great job protecting Sophia so far.”
“I know I haven’t done great. I … I try, though.”
“It’s remarkable that you have it in you to try as hard as you do. We don’t all start at the same place. With a home like you grew up in, you began life in the negative numbers. But you’re not there anymore.”
“But you think that I’ll get there again and that I’ll drag Sophia with me. Isn’t that what this call is about?”
Rhoda hadn’t realized how difficult it would be to encourage someone who was jaded. “I think you’re being tempted to make an unhealthy choice and God is giving you an out.”
“And that out is Camilla?”
Rhoda hoped Samuel would agree with what she was going to say. “It can be me if you like. We’ll make room for you and Sophia on the farm. It’s not ideal, but it’s a start.”
Stony silence. Had she hung up? “Jojo?”
“I’m here.” But she said nothing else for more than a minute. “I didn’t want any parents in our lives, and Zachary, Sophia’s dad, disagreed with me. When I was pregnant, he’d say, ‘We should tell them about the baby. Sometimes he’d cup his hands around my fat belly and speak as if he were Sophia and say, ‘Tell them, M
ommy. Tell them.’ So, yeah, I believe there’s a higher power involved here.” Jojo grew quiet. “Why would God let me be beaten and then fight so hard for Sophia?”
“I can only guess at what happened. Parents are meant to be our first protection, and yours were tempted to be horrible people, and they gave into it. Maybe because of their own childhood. I don’t know. But you’re fighting for good in Sophia’s life, and God has joined you in that fight.”
“Why me?”
“It’s not just you. God is light, and light slips through every cranny and crevice it can.”
“If He’s God, He doesn’t have to wait for a crevice to open.”
“Jojo, we barely understand ourselves.” Rhoda had made her life, and the lives of the people she cared about, so much harder because she didn’t know half of what went on inside her, much less the hows and whys of God’s actions. “We see our world every day, and we’re still stumped by our actions and reactions. How can we possibly grasp God?”
“Yeah. I can see that. I … I need to go.”
Rhoda hung up. As unexpected as it was, she felt as if she’d made some progress, but a few questions pressed in. Should she call Camilla and tell her, or would that just get her hopes up?
She decided against telling Camilla, but she had something she and Camilla could do—study the affects of childhood abuse on adults. If Rhoda understood more, she’d have a better chance of saying the right thing the next time they talked … if there was a next time.
And on the off chance that Jojo accepted her invitation to move in with them, how would Samuel feel about that?
TWENTY-SEVEN
A woman in her midthirties, wearing a white lab coat, stood beside Phoebe, mashing buttons on a machine that dispensed liquid medicine into one of the tubes. Leah could barely keep her eyes open. Everyone in the family had been scurrying in all directions since Phoebe had collapsed more than a week ago.
Steven had everyone pack and leave the farm that morning, including Iva. Since she wasn’t family, she didn’t need to be here for Phoebe or Samuel and Rhoda’s wedding. But Iva was reluctant to stay there by herself, and Steven saw no reason for it. He’d said that by herself she couldn’t get much done except office work—mostly bookkeeping—and she could bring that with her. Besides, she didn’t want to be the only one there when Samuel and Rhoda returned after the wedding to spend a few days alone. So Crist was taking care of the farm and feeding the horses and dogs.
Seasons of Tomorrow Page 23
