‘So that’s it?’ Dani watched the shadows flit behind his eyes and knew she’d lost him to all the excuses he could find to keep his distance. After everything he’d been through who was she to deprive him of chasing his dream? Even if it meant a life without her.
Now she understood what made him the man he was, determined and ambitious, loyal and hardworking, but she knew beyond that he had the capacity to love, to have fun, to give. To be whole. He just didn’t trust himself. Didn’t believe he could have everything.
And she knew there was absolutely no chance of changing his mind. He might be leaving tomorrow, but in reality, he’d already gone.
And hell. He’d never made her any promises; in fact, he’d been adamant to make her understand there would be no commitment. He’d never mentioned love, or even fondness. Maybe she was just another sticker on his Pretty Boy star chart. Desere had been wrong. Enticing him and encouraging him to stay didn’t work. He’d made up his mind, and she just wasn’t enough to keep him here.
‘So I’m left here to win this tournament while you go swanning around in Melbourne?’ She forced the smile, forced the brightness in her voice, forced the pieces of her heart to hold together a few more minutes. ‘And now Matt’s out too. So much for teamwork.’
‘The assistant coach will step up and I’m sure Davide will find another doctor. He might have one up his sleeve right now.’ He’d reached the door, his shoulders slumped. He was going. Going. ‘Only, promise me one thing.’
‘Yes?’ She made it across the room, breathing him in one last time.
‘It’s a big ask.’
‘What?’
He tipped her chin. ‘You won’t even think about having sex-free sex with him too.’
‘How could you say such a thing? Never.’ Reaching his cheek she ran her finger over his dimple. ‘I only have sex-free sex with really special guys.’
‘Excellent.’ Then his mouth covered hers and she held on to him, stifled the sob erupting from her chest, controlled the shaking of her shoulders. He didn’t need a simpering fool in his arms. She found her self-control.
He finally dragged his mouth away, nuzzled his face in her hair. ‘You’ll do a fine job, Dani, and have a wonderful time in Wellington with your school and your cottage and little Lamb Chops, or whoever you decide to share your life with. But if you need anything just let me know. I’ll be there.’
I need you to stay. I need your kisses like oxygen. I need to wake up to your smile. ‘Oh, sure. The playboy in shining armour. I’ll be fine. Like I said, I don’t need saving.’
‘I mean it. Anything at all. Let me know.’
And then he was gone. The door closed, leaving her staring at the bare wood.
She wanted to chase him, shake him, show him how loving could be, what was possible. But he’d hardened his heart and made up his mind that it couldn’t work—that even though he’d tried hard to save her, he didn’t have it in him to save them both.
And, in a way, he was right, he wanted the exact kind of life she’d spent years shunning. She just hadn’t expected his leaving to hurt so much.
So, for the third time since she’d met him she leaned back against the door, hugged her arms around her chest and groaned. Only this time she finally let fall the tears she’d held in since the moment he’d stormed into the room.
She’d never believed in love at first sight, or wanted happy ever afters.
Until Zac.
Damn him.
Somehow, from the second he’d grabbed her arm in front of that room of hacks, he’d grabbed her heart too. Squeezed and squeezed until she’d been incapable of fighting him any longer. Shook her long-held beliefs, turned her reality upside down. The way her body responded to his touch, the way he made her laugh, the way he kept trying to save her, as if it was his, and only his, job to do so.
The only man who had seen the real her and cherished it. Irritated the hell out of her, but made her heart ache too.
And now what?
She couldn’t imagine another day without him. Didn’t want to wake up tomorrow and not be a part of his complicated messy life.
She loved him. There it was.
Her hand cupped her mouth, held in her gasp. All her attempts at protecting herself had come to this? She was more exposed and raw than she’d ever been. She loved him and had done since the moment she saw him.
This was so far from her plan it was laughable. She wasn’t supposed to fall for him. A fling. A day. That’s all she’d wanted.
But she’d got a whole lot more than she’d bargained for. Love. It was as simple and as impossible as that. She loved him and there was nothing she could do about it. Except let him go.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jets in Chaos for Title Chase
To lose one member of the management team may be regarded as misfortune. To lose two seems like carelessness.
It doesn’t take a genius to realise that changing the management team in the middle of the year’s most important tournament is folly. But Davide Danatello has a garish lack of regard for genius. Hence his swift dismissal of top sports doctor Zachary Price and temporary sidelining of world number-one first five, Jaxon Munro. What happened behind closed doors in Rotorua will long remain a mystery. We can only surmise it had something to do with the tacky photographs of drunken behaviour covered up by the medical team, but exposed by valiant News reporter, Frank Weston.
Luckily they still have talented physio Daniella Danatello as the glue to the Jets entourage. Unshaken by the speedy exit of Zac Price, the man they once called her lover, she has single-handedly kept the Jets on track through a squalid quarter final and a desperate semi. Without her magic hands spreading stardust over the team’s escalating injury tally the country’s hopes would have been dashed. We can only hope those healing hands, her skilled physiotherapy and Jaxon’s return for tonight’s final brings the victory Danatello has been promising us...meanwhile, the nation holds it breath.
* * *
NO PRESSURE, THEN, DANI. Zac threw the newspaper onto the pub table and sipped his pint. The cloying taste stuck in his throat and did nothing to assuage his thirst. For two weeks restlessness had eaten away at him. Throughout flights and interviews he’d gone through the motions, given stock answers, left his heart out of any decision-making. After all, his heart had let him down too much already. A huge aching chasm had opened up in his chest and nothing—not even today’s final—could fill it.
Sure, he knew the only thing that would help was Dani. But he couldn’t do that to her. She’d blossomed in the past two weeks. He’d watched her confidence grow with each televised match—the only chance of seeing her—refusing to take his eyes off the screen for a second in case he missed a brief shot of her. Her take-charge attitude on the pitch-side had dragged the team into this final. She’d clearly managed to put her private life in some corner and focused on her professional responsibility. Which was a damned sight more than he’d managed to do.
He patted the ticket in his jacket pocket. One hour to go. All around him people dressed head-to-toe in red were singing and chanting. The Jets, the team he’d followed his whole life, whose players he thought of as friends, whose woes he’d lived and breathed since before he could speak, were going to bring home the cup. And the excitement, emanating from every fan, from every corner of the now scarlet city, failed to register behind his thudding heart.
All eyes were glued to the pub TV where the screen showed the Jets backroom staff giving the warm-up messages and final checks in the changing room. Zac craned his neck and scanned for Dani. There she was. His heart kicked a little. Okay, kicked a lot. She was tiny in comparison to the players, but her charisma and competence shone through. A grin for Manu. A nod to the new coach. A hand on Jaxon’s shoulder. Even a brief smile for her father, who in turn smiled back at her. She looked relieved, relaxed. In control.
Zac closed his eyes. Walking away had been the right thing to do. It had.
‘Thanks for the ticket, mate. I
really appreciate it.’ Tom drained his glass. ‘Now drink up, or we’re going to be late. I want to soak up the atmosphere in the stadium. It’s not every day we have a victory like this to celebrate.’
‘No worries.’ As he stood to clear a space through the busy bar for Tom’s chair, Zac paused. The past couple of weeks had also seen baby steps in getting their friendship on track, no more hiding behind work, or fundraising. He was paying back. Make it right, Dani had said. He took his seat again. Making it right involved words not just actions.
‘Tom. You know...what happened...back then.’ He was no good at this. ‘I wasn’t there for you and I’m sorry.’
‘You’re sorry? You want to spend ten years in this thing.’ His friend patted his wheels and grinned. ‘What the hell have you got to be sorry for? Yeah, it would have been nice to see your ugly face around a bit more. Or perhaps a few more free tickets. But really...it’s okay. I understand.’
‘I mean it, man. I should have stopped you. I should have known.’
His friend looked embarrassed, but relieved too. By making a solid effort this wall between them had started to come down slowly, brick by brick. ‘I didn’t know myself until ten seconds before. I’d been feeling really crap and should have said something. Didn’t know where to start. So I thought it’d be easier to finish it.’
‘I should have done something though. Seen it coming. And after...I should have been there.’
‘Don’t beat yourself up about something you had no control over.’ Tom lowered his voice. ‘I was depressed, okay? I needed my head sorted.’
There was a long pause. Zac looked at Tom. Really looked at him for the first time in years. Saw past the chair and the hurt. Despite everything he was still the same guy he’d known most of his life. The same one he’d joked with, worked with, hell, shared everything with. The years dropped away, melting the anger until they were stripped back to the one thing that held them together—that fragile thread of friendship. Maybe for Tom it had always been there, but Zac had been too scared to look. A stupid ache burnt the back of his throat; he swallowed it away but it wouldn’t go. Words were hard to find. ‘But I was your mate.’
‘Still are?’ Tom punched him on his arm.
He punched him back. ‘Too right.’
And before he knew it they were laughing and wrapped in a kind of messy scrum. After all those years, the pain in his chest never going away, anger turning to guilt like a hard scar that nothing could ever erase, something in his heart fluttered free. Why hadn’t he done something sooner?
‘Whoa. Funny look alert.’ Zac scanned the smiling faces around them, winced at the wolf whistles and released his mate.
He glanced back at Dani. Couldn’t resist one last look. Thank you, he said silently. For the courage to do that.
The camera zoomed in as she strapped Jaxon’s ankle, oblivious to the millions watching her in bars and homes around the world. She’d managed to rise above her discomfort of being scrutinised and bore the weight of the team on her shoulders. Zac shook his head. ‘I should be there.’
‘Mate, after all that trouble you’re better off without them. This way you get to be a fan with the rest of us rather than have the hassle of working.’ Tom led the way and ushered him into the packed street. A sea of red, dotted with Samoan blue, flowed ahead towards the stadium. ‘And anyway, you’ve got your new job starting on Monday.’
‘I know. But...’
‘But what? Spill.’ Squeezing the brakes Tom dragged Zac to a quiet part of the pavement away from the music and the cheers. The friend he’d known since college saw what Zac was trying desperately to hide. ‘This is about Dani, not the team, right?’
‘Yeah.’ No use denying it. He’d fallen hard and couldn’t let it go.
Tom’s eyes narrowed. ‘Why her? Why now?’
‘After years of dodging the bullet I’ve...fallen...you know. The L word. I screwed up.’
‘Well, give the man a medal. You love her? And you’re flying to Melbourne tomorrow? Great timing.’
‘Oh, yes. You know me. Master at timing.’
‘So what are you going to do?’ They edged through the entrance and headed towards their seats.
Yeah...what am I going to do? Doing nothing hadn’t worked so far. Maybe he just needed more time. A new job. A new start. ‘Go. Forget her.’
The incredulous look in Tom’s eyes struck a chord. ‘Give up on her? Just like that? That’s not like you, Zac. What was our motto? Play hard. Work hard. Fight hard.’
‘She doesn’t want this kind of life. I do. Look at it.’ He pointed to the waving flags, the smiling faces, the hyped anxiety of the dedicated fans. ‘I love this.’
Tom’s eyebrows arched. ‘You love a lot of things, Zac. Choose one. Choose her.’ Over the roar of cheers as the Samoan team entered the field Tom raised his voice. ‘I’ve watched guilt and grief paralyse you. You filled that hole with work and fundraising, and clung to that as if it was your salvation. Hell knows, I should have said something. But we weren’t exactly on good terms. But now...well, I won’t stand by and let you ruin your life. I’ve known you date a lot of women, and none of them have ever made this kind of impression. Are you going to carry on the same old trajectory forever? Or can you allow yourself a chance at something good? How much are you willing to meet Dani halfway? How much are you willing to let go?’
Right now, everything. But that wouldn’t work out in the long run. He had a plane to catch, a job to do. And he’d always be doing that. Moving on. Going forward. Being that celebrated successful sports doctor he’d always dreamt about. He couldn’t give everything up for her. Could he? ‘Jeez, I don’t know.’
‘Well, I guess you have a handful of hours to work it out.’
* * *
Dani finished the last of the strapping and looked at the huddle of players. Final prayers, last team talk and they’d be off. A man from security nodded her way. She hauled in a lungful of air, fisted her hands against her side. Said her own prayer to anyone that might listen. Please let them win. Let some good come from this. ‘Okay, boys. Time to go.’
The noise in the stadium whipped her breath away; a tremendous cheer echoed across the city as the players ran down the tunnel and out onto the field. Sixty thousand flags of red and blue fluttered in the wind.
The band started up. The anthems. The fearsome war dances. All passed in a haze of tachycardia.
Focus.
But she couldn’t settle. A strange prickling awareness tickled the hairs on the back of her neck. She couldn’t see him. Not in the thousands of smiling faces. But he was there. She knew it. Watching her. Watching over her.
Somewhere in that crowd was Zac.
For two weeks she’d driven herself to concentrate on her job, to forget the pain of him leaving. Every morning and every night the weight of his absence had pressed in on her until she felt she’d go mad. But work had consumed her waking hours. Made her forget a little of the glorious technicolour she’d felt when with him. She could understand a little now of why he buried himself in his career—it left no space for thinking, hurting.
And now he was here, close by, in the same space she was and she couldn’t see his face. How could she be so close to him and not even know where he was?
She’d known she’d miss him. Known it’d take time to get him out of her system. She just hadn’t believed it could be so hard. And so slow. She dreamt about his tender touch, his sense of humour. The way his smile lit up her soul. His irritating cockiness that made him all Zac. Pure one hundred percent Zac. Thought she’d seen him in a zillion different faces over the past few days. Prayed she’d catch sight of him one last time before she went back to her life in Wellington.
But now she needed to drag on her big-girl’s pants and focus on salvaging at least something.
The whistle blew. Game on.
‘Jaxon, what’s wrong with you?’ She ran onto the field, sponged water over his shoulders to cool him down. ‘That’s the third t
ime you’ve gone down with a minor tackle. For goodness sake, get up and run hard. We’re losing.’
‘I can’t. They’re targeting me.’ The player looked shaken, spooked. She knew how it felt to be in the limelight, to be the one who’s blood they wanted. ‘Every time I turn round, they’re there. In my face.’
‘It’s what they do. Do it back. I’ve got Manu off with a shoulder injury. Taylor’s in the blood bin, and Marco’s done his ACL. This is it, Jaxon. Get up and face them.’ Running off she glanced at the stadium clock. Five minutes to half time. Five minutes, then she could have a moment to breathe. To regroup. As if. The whole team was falling apart and she was the only one to fix them up before the final onslaught. They needed to win this. She needed to win this. Her father needed...who cared what her father needed? Damn him for refusing to back down, for making her life so hard. For making Zac leave.
And damn Zac for leaving. Tears pricked her eyes. She scrubbed them away. Damn him for making her feel like this. Like she’d never be whole again.
As she reached the edge of the field a roar went up. Jaxon down again. The faces on the bench shadowed as they all turned to her to sort it out.
Panic gripped her chest. It wasn’t a physical fix he needed. Jaxon had to dig deep and find some courage, belief in himself. To dredge every ounce of bravery he could and face the pack. Crikey, if she could do it, then so could he. ‘Get up, Jaxon.’
‘I can’t.’
‘Yes, you can. You can do this.’ She counted to ten. Looked up at the giant TV screen and saw herself in full view of the world. She turned away, bent down, didn’t want everyone to see she was failing. ‘Please. I need you to get up.’ No, what she needed was a miracle. She needed Zac.
* * *
Zac watched as Dani spoke to Jaxon on the field. What she said he didn’t know, but he saw the fear flash behind her eyes. The tight thin line of her mouth. The slow journey of her hand to hair. Her hair to her mouth.
The Last Doctor She Should Ever Date Page 16
