by Vicky Savage
At this point I just want Dr. Rivera to leave. I’ve already said too much, and I don’t want Dad or Asher walking in on this scene. “That would be all right, I guess.”
“Good. They’ll be waiting for you at the front desk when you’re discharged.”
“Fine.” I dab at my face with the crumpled tissue.
“I’m going to give you my card, and I want you to call me at anytime if you have any questions or just want to talk.” Dr. Rivera stands and reaches into the pocket of her white coat for a business card. She lays it on my table, and moves the chair back into place beside the bed.
“You seem like a very strong young woman, Jaden.” She smiles warmly. “I look forward to possibly seeing you again, and I hope you begin to feel better physically and emotionally.”
“Thanks,” I mumble.
* * *
Dad and Drew show up at two o’clock with a wheelchair for my trip to the car. Dad stops at the front desk to pick up the bag of materials Dr. Rivera left for me, and Drew pops a couple of wheelies on our way out the door. I giggle, but we garner a few dirty looks from the hospital staff.
Once we reach home, Drew borrows the car and disappears to visit friends. Dad makes a little bed for me on the couch. He fixes us glasses of iced tea and eases himself down into his armchair, propping his feet on the ottoman.
“You feel well enough for a little conversation?” he asks. “Or would you rather get some sleep?”
“I’m good right now. What’s on your mind?”
“I just wondered how your meeting with Dr. Rivera went.”
“It went well. She was very sweet to leave those materials for me.”
“She has a good reputation. Do you mind telling me what was in the bag?”
“Just some books on dealing with grief, that kind of thing.”
“That’s great, sweetheart. Do you think you’d like to set up regular meetings with her … at least until you go off to school?”
“I don’t know, Dad. Let me look through what she gave me. I’ll consider it. And, speaking of school, did Mrs. Du Lac call you today?”
“She certainly did.” He takes a long draw on his tea. “It seems Oxford is very impressed with Jaden Beckett. The Du Lac woman made a compelling case as to why this would be the optimal education choice for you. She actually had me wishing I was eighteen again and going off to college. It sounds like a truly remarkable place.”
“Really? So, does this mean I can go?”
He rocks his head from side to side noncommittally. “Eh. I’d still like to mull it over a little more. What bothers me most is that she says you’ll need to be there shortly after graduation to get settled in your flat and attend the summer orientation program. I don’t know if I’m prepared to let go of you that quickly. Are you sure you don’t want a summer vacation?”
“Dad, the whole thing will be like a vacation. I mean, I know I’ll have to work, but I’m looking forward to seeing England.”
“If it’s what you really want, sweetheart, I don’t see how I can stand in your way. Just give me a day or two to get used to the idea.”
I take that as a resounding Yes. “Yay. Thanks Dad. It is what I want.”
* * *
Liv comes by around three-thirty with the new heart-throb, Antonio, in tow. He’s smolderingly hot in a dark, brooding sort of way. He sits quietly in Dad’s chair while Liv dishes nonstop about what went on at school today, the latest celebrity gossip, and other similarly inane subjects. I’m actually relieved when, after an hour, she says they have to leave. Somehow the quality of Liv’s chatter has lost its appeal for me.
Dad heads out to pick up my prescriptions and shop for dinner. I haven’t heard from Asher since this morning, which seems odd, so I try his cell phone. No answer. I’m worried that maybe he was right about Narowyn sending him home.
With nothing better to do, I doze until Dad gets back and begins preparations for dinner. After two more failed attempts to reach Asher, I consider using my polycom to call Narowyn and find out what’s going on. Fortunately, I’m saved from the trouble by a knock on the front door.
“I’ll get it,” I call. Pain shoots through my skull when I get up too quickly.
Asher stands under the glow of the porch light.
“Where’ve you been?” I say. “I’ve been worried sick.”
He moves to one side and gestures to the street. It’s twilight in Madison, but it’s still light enough for me to see a shiny new, red car parked at the curb.
“Is that yours?”
“Yeah. Narowyn summoned me back to Arumel this morning. I thought she was going to reprimand me. But we went over everything, and she decided on a few adjustments in our strategy. She’s going to speak with you about that tomorrow so keep your polycom handy. Then she sent me back here to buy a car.”
“A car? Not what I would’ve predicted, but I like it. Can you even drive that thing?”
“Yeah, I had to learn for some of my explorations. Even have an international driver’s license.”
“What kind of car is it anyway?”
“A Tesla. It’s electric. Narowyn insisted.” He grins.
Dad comes out of the kitchen wiping his hands on a paper towel. “Is that a new car, Ash?”
“Yeah. Just brought it over to show Jade.”
“Well, come in and stay for dinner. It’s only stir-fry, but we’ve got a bushel of it. Drew should be back any time now.”
“Thanks, Mr. Beckett.”
TWENTY-NINE
It turns out the “adjustments in strategy” Narowyn wants involve Asher driving me everywhere, except school—hence the car. She also tells me that if I still want to stick around Madison until graduation, I need to have her approval in advance for any activities outside of school.
“So I’m under house arrest until I graduate?” I ask her.
“That’s not what I said. Of course you may attend your Senior Celebration, and all the school-organized graduation activities, as long as Asher accompanies you. We went back to court today asking for sanctions against IUGA for violating the court’s order. The justices refused to grant our request due to lack of evidence. This is the only way we can be certain you are safe.”
I’m not happy about it. I don’t like being constantly under guard again, but I’m not in a position to argue with her. I fume for a silent moment.
“If there is another event which is especially important to you,” she says, “you may request to attend. It will require some shifting of resources, but it may be possible to arrange.”
That makes me feel guilty. Urick’s entire team is already here babysitting me, and I’m just being difficult.
“Don’t worry about it. The adjustments you want are fine. I appreciate everything you’re doing, Narowyn. And thanks for being so persuasive with my dad. He’s on board for the whole Oxford thing now.”
“Don’t mention it. Oh, and I’m happy to inform you that Ralston’s new, ah … body has arrived. He should be up and operating normally by the time you return.”
“That’s great news. Please tell him I miss him.”
“I will, dear. Be safe.”
* * *
Even though I’m essentially confined to quarters, the days leading up to graduation fly by quickly. With all the end-of-year activities at school—yearbook day, the internship luncheon, awards assemblies, and sports banquet, I have more than enough to keep me busy and to help keep my mind off Ryder.
Narowyn gives her blessing for me to spend time at Asher’s place as well as mine. His townhouse is comfortable and inviting now that it’s been redecorated, and he’s a better cook than Dad, so I find myself there as many nights as home.
Despite my many protestations, everyone, including Dad and Drew, believes that Asher’s my new boyfriend. I’ve gotten tired of correcting people, and my own words have a hollow ring, since all the evidence points to the contrary. Truthfully, I’m thankful every day for his company. He’s the only one who really k
nows what I’m going through.
He still acts flirtatious with me all the time, but it’s not uncomfortable anymore because I understand that’s just him. And he’s always respectful of my moody bouts, when I sink into the deep, dark cellar of grief where no one can reach me.
The books Dr. Rivera gave me have helped a lot in that area. I have a couple of face-to-face sessions with her, but find it frustrating that I can’t be completely honest. We agree that, going forward, I’ll call her on an as needed basis. I’m thankful Dad introduced me to her because, even though she seemed very young at first, the books she gave me and her wise insights have had a real impact on me. You’d think I’d have learned by now that age is no indication of ability.
One of Dr. Rivera’s best suggestions is to put my gratitude list in writing and carry it with me for when I’m feeling down. It helps me to be more optimistic about the future, and reminds me that I can still find small patches of joy in life—like watching old movies with Ash. He subscribes to all the premium cable channels, and we spend hours catching up on the latest series while we play Words With Friends. He’s addicted to American TV, but many nights he’s content to sit and read while I study for exams.
One night at dinner, I even decide to confide in him about the weird thing that happened when the automaton attacked me in the street.
“I know you’re going to say I need to start seeing Dr. Rivera five times a week. But you know when that automaton had me pinned to the ground and he pulled out his gun? It was the weirdest thing. I shoved my hand in his face and screamed at him. Then a big rush of energy seemed to gush out of my arm. I swear that’s what sent him flying down the street.”
He inclines his head to one side. “What? You mean you hit him with some kind of super-charged martial arts move?”
“No. I didn’t touch him. It felt more electrical or like a force field or something. I know it sounds hokey, but do you think my illuminosity could have made him short circuit and spaz out like that?”
“I guess it’s possible. You should tell Dr. McDonald about it. Maybe she’ll have an idea what it was all about.”
“Okay, but don’t say anything to Narowyn. I was pretty freaked-out that night. It might have just been my imagination.”
Ash agrees to keep it just between us, and I trust him completely.
The night of Senior Celebration, Ash and I plan to meet Liv and Antonio at the Madison Pavilion so we can all sit together. Makeup covers the faint traces of bruising still left over from the attack, and I feel kind of pretty in my new black dress. But it just doesn’t seem right to be going to a party when I’m still so broken up inside.
When we walk into the ballroom, the air is electrified with the nerves, excitement, and exultation that accompany closing one phase of life and opening a new one. The formal program is blessedly short, the dinner barely passable, but the band turns out to be awesome. Soon, everyone crowds onto the dance floor to party away the pent-up energy. I’m not feeling it, though, and I ask Asher if he would mind taking me home early.
“It’s kind of sad,” I say. “I just don’t belong here anymore.”
“Not a problem,” he says, “but you’d better let Liv know we’re leaving or you’ll never hear the end of it.
When I tell Liv that Ash and I are ducking out, she waggles her eyebrows suggestively. “I want details tomorrow,” she whispers.
Once we’re in the car, Ash puts on some nice jazz music. “Want to talk about it?” he asks.
I shake my head, staring out the window. My thoughts aren’t clear even to me. It would be difficult to convey to someone else my anxiety about not belonging anywhere. I’m grateful for this amazing gift I have, but now that I know the world is something much more wondrous and dangerous than I could ever have imagined, my place in it has become even more uncertain.
We park in the driveway, and Ash walks me to my door. “Sleep well,” he says, kissing my cheek.
“Thanks for being so great, Ash. See you tomorrow.”
Dad looks up from his book as I lock the door behind me. “Didn’t expect to see you for hours yet. Did you have a good time, sweetheart?”
“Yeah, it was fun. I have a little headache, though. I’m going to take some Advil and turn in early. G’night, Dad.”
I sit on my bed and stare at the sketch of Ryder. “A lot of changes are coming my way, love. I hope I’m up to the challenge.”
* * *
Waking on the morning of graduation day, I feel excited and more than a little freaked out. This is really it. The end of life as I knew it. In a few short days, I’m off to England and then on to Arumel to begin a new chapter. It’s frightening to think of leaving the small, comfortable way of life I’ve always known. But it’s clear I’ve outgrown this existence and it’s time to move on.
In the auditorium, amid a sea of red caps and gowns, my emotions hover close to the surface. I sit and listen to the nervous chatter going on around me. My own throat aches with the realization that this is the last time I’ll see most of these people.
We’re seated alphabetically, so I’m among the first group to receive diplomas. When my name is called, my family and friends hoot and cheer and applaud.
I have an odd tightness in my chest on my way to the stage. Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry, I tell myself. The toe of my shoe catches on the very last step and I stumble slightly. A titter goes up from the audience, and I’m sure my face turns the exact shade of my cap, but I don’t shed a tear.
And then, after little more than an hour, it’s over.
Dad snaps dozens of pictures after the ceremony. “Your mother would be so proud of you,” he whispers to me.
Drew slathers a bunch of grief on me for my fumble-footed stage entrance. Asher hugs me warmly. “Congratulations,” he says simply. We all head back to the townhouse for a cookout organized by Dad and Lisa.
The next few days, my last in Madison, are beyond hectic. It’s astonishing how time-consuming making preparations to abandon one life and start another one can be. Narowyn grants me special permission to visit my mother’s grave before I leave town.
Asher drives me to the cemetery in his little red Tesla, while Urick and Nila follow in a black SUV. I place a bouquet of roses on Mom’s grave and say my silent goodbyes, wondering if she can see me or sense me from wherever she is. I hope she knows how much I miss her and how scared I am inside.
When we climb back in the car, I inform Asher, “We have one unauthorized stop to make before heading home.”
“What? Where?”
“I’ll show you. It’s on the way.”
“Okay, but Narowyn’s not going to like it.”
“She’ll get over it,” I tell him.
* * *
“Dad?” I shout when I walk through the front door.
“In here,” he calls from the kitchen.
When I stroll into the kitchen with a small ginger kitten in my arms, he laughs. “What’ve you got there?”
“This is Brady,” I tell him. “After your favorite QB.”
He takes the kitten from me. “Hey buddy, whose cat are you?” He scratches Brady’s head.
“He’s yours, Dad. I didn’t want you to get too lonely without me.”
“Are you serious?” He looks mildly astonished and slightly horrified, but he’s still smiling.
“Yep. I got him from the shelter. The little guy needed a home, and I figured the two of you could keep each other company. Asher’s out getting you a litter box and food and everything else you’ll need.”
“You’re really something, Jade. You know that?” He rubs his cheek against little Brady’s head.
“Yeah, I know. I’ll miss you too, Dad.”
Asher and I are booked on a flight to London leaving from JFK airport. Dad insists on driving us there, even though the trip is nearly two hours. This little complication contributed to our decision to actually take the flight instead of just shifting from Madison to Oxford. In reality, it’s a g
ood development because now we’ll be able to leave our things at my flat in England instead of having to stash our suitcases here. Urick and Nila have orders to shift to Oxford and meet us there later.
I say my goodbyes to Drew and Liv at the house. Liv helps me pile my luggage in the car and promises to visit me soon. Asher shakes hands with Drew, and we begin the trek to the airport.
Dad’s eyes are wet when he parks in the passenger unloading area. He hugs me closely. “Take care of yourself, sweetheart. If you decide you hate it there, call me. I’ll send you a ticket home, no problem.”
