“What do you mean as a single mom?” she asked. “What about Lance?”
“What about him?”
Carrie's eyes widened. Scott walked into the room before she could say anything else. I gave her my warning look that she'd better keep it to herself, and she nodded.
“What are you doing to my boy?” he asked, as he looked over at me. “He is losing his shit right now.”
“I didn't do anything,” I said, as I turned to him. “It's just like he told you that night at Carrie's mom's house. We're just having fun. When he says it's over, we move on. He hasn't spoken to me since the Tuesday after he left. That was almost two weeks ago. We didn't have plans or anything. He just thinks he can stop by for a quick fuck whenever he pleases apparently. I'm not sure why he's at my apartment looking for me. He thinks he's so damn special that he can snap his fingers and I'll run to him, but he has another thing coming. The man can think whatever he wants about the women that blow smoke up his ass all the time. To me he's no different than any other man out there.”
I knew it was bullshit the moment I said it. Lance was nothing like all the men out there. I couldn't get him out of my mind. He was very different. That was the whole reason I wanted to be away from him. Not to mention his baby was growing inside of me. Everything was a mess when it came to him.
“I'm going to get some sleep. I'll see you two in the morning. Try to keep it down while you're doing it,” I said with what I hoped was a laugh that didn't sound fake.
“I'm going to kick your ass,” Carrie said.
“Good luck with that,” I said, as I leaned in to hug her. “I've missed you. Work is so boring without you.”
“I love you, Lucy,” she said, as she hugged me back a bit tighter than usual.
I changed into shorts and a tank top, brushed my teeth, and crawled under the covers with my phone in my hand. The tears began falling, and I couldn't stop them. Everything was so confusing. I didn't know what I was doing from one minute to the next. Part of me was sad, and part of me was pissed.
Me: Did you fucking call him to tell on me?
I heard the buzz and felt my chest squeeze a bit. It wasn't him.
Carrie: My mom knows, doesn't she?
Me: Yes. She was the one that told me to go buy the test. I hope you're not mad. I wouldn't have told her if she hadn't called me over and over freaking out.
Carrie: I'm glad she's getting to know you. Maybe you'll actually open up to her.
I didn't say anything back to her. What did she mean, I wondered? What would I open up to her about? For over five years I'd hidden the real me under the mouthy, crazy life of the party attitude I put out there. Maybe I hadn't been as good at it as I thought I was. If I was being honest with myself, I was actually growing very tired of always having to have that damn smile plastered on my face. I wasn't even sure who I was any more.
I heard the buzz again and looked down at the phone.
Hotshot: You were the one talking about inviting him over for dinner that night. I figured if anyone knew, it would be him. I can't believe you left when you knew I would be home. I was looking forward to spending the weekend with you. Have a good time with the people that matter.
My heart sank when I read his message, and the tears began to fall even faster.
Chapter 4
Lance
I knew if I left her alone, I'd be fine. The women would flock around like they always did, and I would let myself go with at least one of them. That never happened. I wanted to forget about Lucy, but every time I turned around she popped into my mind. It was driving me crazy. I sat around a bar with the guys. We talked shit and drank. It was a lot of fun. Each time a woman walked up to me, I'd find a reason she wasn't good enough for me. I didn't mean that I was special. I just meant, I don't know. I found myself comparing each of them to her. Their hair wasn't long enough or it was too long. Their smile didn't seem real. Their scent was wrong. I had so many reasons. They'd hang on my neck and stick their tits in my face. They'd tell me how amazing I was. Lucy never gave a shit. Not once did she tell me something just because I wanted to hear it. That woman was real. The ones surrounding me used to be just fine. I'd bury myself balls deep inside of one of them, find my release, and move on. It was what I needed to do. There was no reason for me to be caring about their hair, eyes, honesty, or anything else about them. She'd fucked with my brain, and I couldn't let her. I didn't want a relationship. All I wanted was to release into a willing woman. I didn't want a life with Lucy. That wasn't even close. There was no reason for her to be in my mind at all.
For the rest of the two weeks, I went out every single night. I drank and had fun with the guys. The women were all over me and the rest of the team. Not once did I go back to my room with any of them. I couldn't find the right one to stick my dick in.
After each game, I found myself wanting to text her. It didn't matter if it was a loss, I wanted to tell her. How crazy was that? I even found myself checking my phone like a damn teenage boy waiting for a text from his crush. Then I'd go out and drink twice as much as the night before.
Those two weeks felt like months. It was really pissing me off. I loved the game. Being on the road had its moments, but most of the time, they were great. Them dragging on was not normal to me at all. I knew when I got home I was going to relax. We had a little more than just a weekend at home, and I was looking forward to it. When we went back on the road, one of the stops was Michigan. I was looking forward to seeing Scott and Carrie. When I thought about him, it irritated me. I knew there was nothing going on with him and Lucy. He'd been in love with Carrie for as long as I could remember. That didn't stop the crazy guy in me from thinking things though.
We'd finally gotten home. I was exhausted. I went straight home and crawled into bed. It was so damn quiet, and I couldn't sleep. I hadn't talked to her in almost two weeks. We'd only known each other like eight weeks. Why she was even in my mind, I had no idea. She was sick the last time I saw her. That was the reason I was thinking about her. I just wanted to know that she was okay. If I went to her apartment to make sure she was home, I would be fine. I'd walk away knowing everything was good, and I'd be able to move on.
I took the drive to her apartment even though I knew it was messed up. It wasn't across town. It was a couple of hours away. At the time, it made total sense. When I pulled into her lot and her car was gone, I freaked. Was she hurt? Was she stuck somewhere? Was everything okay? Maybe she was just out with some friends. Was she with a guy? That would have made things easy, but it still pissed me off. Where could she be? I drove around to a couple of places close to her apartment that I'd heard her talk about, but I couldn't find her. I felt like a damn stalker. When I pulled back into her lot, I got out and knocked on her door. Maybe her car was gone but she was home. She never answered.
I went back to my car and drove to the hotel I felt like I lived at anymore. Once I got my room, I pulled out my phone.
Me: Where are you?
She answered with a “What?” before blowing off my messages. Then she came back at me because I hadn't text her two weeks. I did it to give her some space. She acted like I was bothering her. What the fuck did she want, I wondered? It was driving me crazy. She acted like she didn't want to talk to me. Then she was pissed that I didn't talk to her. I was so damn confused and unsure why I even cared. I drove two hours to see her for her not to be there. I guess I just expected she wouldn't be anywhere else. Where else could she be, I wondered? Then I started to worry again.
She went on about not waking her neighbors. Then she sent “I'm not up for fun right now. Go to the bar and find someone else to fuck. I'm sure it'll be the same.” What the fuck was that? She had no idea how different she was than anyone out there. Nobody would ever treat me the way her cocky ass did. Even sex was different with her, very different. The woman had no clue. I'd gotten pissed each time she fucked with me. I wanted her to just do what I said without lip. Being around all the women I had those two we
eks made me realize how nice it was to be around someone that was real. I couldn't make up my mind, and it was really getting to me.
I sent a message being honest with her thinking that was the way to go. She'd tell me where she was.
Me: I just need to know you're safe. I wanted to check and see how you're feeling.
Firecracker: I'm fine. All you had to do was ask. I'm safe too. Go on with your night.
Fuck, I yelled out to myself. She was driving me up the wall. I sent back a message demanding to know where she was, but she didn't answer. I couldn't take it. Why did she have to be so damn difficult? You'd think she'd like that someone gave a shit, but not her.
I couldn't take it, so I picked up my phone and called Scott to get my mind off of her and also stop myself from the way I was feeling toward him. I knew if I called him, he'd go on and on about Carrie, and I'd knock the shit off I had going in my mind. He asked about the trip and the games. He said he'd gotten to see a bit of one. Someone in the office had turned it on and left it on in the lobby. It was nice to know he had some fans working for him. I couldn't help but smile knowing someone was wanting to watch us play.
Why couldn't Lucy like the game, I wondered? Then he yelled out that someone had hurt him. Immediately, I heard a woman apologizing. What did Carrie do, I wondered? She was all I'm so sorry, I didn't think it would hurt. Then she said something, and I froze. “Don't ballplayers have damn reflexes or something? Shouldn't you have caught that?” I knew who it was before he even said her name. What the fuck was she doing in Michigan, I wondered? Why was she with Scott? I felt my body relax a bit when I heard Carrie asking about her man. I asked if Lucy was there to see what he would say. He said she'd come to visit them for the weekend. Carrie asked if she wanted a drink, and she said no. I couldn't believe Lucy was turning down a drink.
“Is that Jerry or Josh?” she asked.
“Neither,” he answered. “It's Lance.”
“Interesting,” she said.
“Why's that?” he asked her.
“No reason,” she said.
“Your girl just turned down a drink,” he said into the phone.
“I'm not his girl,” she said. “We're done having fun.”
There it was. She went to visit them to avoid me. What the fuck, I thought? I was so pissed. I went off, and poor Scott was the one to hear it. I don't even think I was making sense to him. I surely wasn't making sense to me. I told him about texting her and then leaving her alone the rest of the time. Then I told him about her reaction that night. What the fuck did she want from me, I asked? He listened and grunted every now and then.
“I don't think she knows what she wants,” he said. “She's been acting a bit strange. You heard her just now. She's not acting like her normal self. You know why she threw that shoe at me?”
“Why?” I asked.
“She was the one watching the game in the lobby, Lance.”
“What?” I asked.
“Carrie sent me a text to go to the lobby. Lucy didn't know I had walked in. Her ass was glued to that spot. You were pitching, and she was yelling at the television. The receptionist was even watching her. Lucy was in her own little world. I was so damn shocked, I just stood there. When she saw me, she pointed her finger at me. It was so damn funny. I asked why she was watching it. She said she had work to do and left. I told her I wouldn't tell you, so do not say a word. When she left, the receptionist told me she'd been out there a few times. You would have laughed, man. If you'd seen her yelling at you about your pitches, you'd have been cracking up. She was jumping around and shit. Carrie said Lucy doesn't do relationships. I think you're confusing her. I think you're getting to her.”
I went on and on about how she was driving me out of my mind. For a minute, it didn't seem like he was even listening to me. I could hear voices for a second.
“Are you in the room with her?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “Do you want to be with her Lance?”
Something had changed with him. The sound of his voice was quieter, and something was different than when he was telling me about her watching a game, which shocked the shit out of me by the way.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you want a relationship with her?” he asked in a serious tone.
“No,” I said automatically.
“Maybe it's best you two are done then. You are both losing it. If you don't want anything deeper with her, you need to stop.”
Before I could say something back to him, he rushed me off the phone. What the fuck was going on? Why was he talking that way? Who did he think he was? Minutes had gone by. I was in bed, more pissed than I had ever been, when my phone buzzed.
Firecracker: Did you fucking call him to tell on me?
I'd had enough. He was acting like she was his to take care of, and she was acting like I was in the wrong for checking on her. She was making it too damn hard on me. I was done.
Me: You were the one talking about inviting him over for dinner that night. I figured if anyone knew, it would be him. I can't believe you left when you knew I would be home. I was looking forward to spending the weekend with you. Have a good time with the people that matter.
I turned off my phone and set it on the nightstand. I'd driven two hours to see someone that didn't give two shits about me. She had her friends, and I was alone. Shit, she even had my friend too. I closed my eyes and tried my best to fall asleep. Maybe I needed to stay off the grid for the weekend, I thought to myself. I needed to get my mind where it needed to be.
Chapter 5
Lucy
I closed my eyes but couldn't fall asleep. Why did it hurt so much, I wondered? I didn't want to be with him. That wasn't where my life was supposed to go. It was working. He was backing off. Why the fuck did it hurt so bad? I looked up at the ceiling. The only light in the room was coming through the window. What did he mean the people who matter? It was like he was saying he didn't matter, and that wasn't it. Shit, I thought. I didn't even know what or who mattered anymore. Everything I knew was changing, and I had no idea what to do or how to deal with it all. What did he care anyway? He hadn't talked to me in almost two weeks. I didn't mean shit to him. He was just pissed that he'd driven two hours to fuck me and I wasn't there. It had nothing to do with me. It was all about him.
I finally fell asleep. The last time I looked up it was three o'clock. When I opened my eyes, James was banging on my door yelling for me to get up. A huge smile crossed my face when I thought about having a little one of my own banging on my door. I sat up to see it was eleven o'clock. The first thought in my mind was of Lance. Had he gone home, or was he at the hotel? It was none of my business. I got up and quickly got dressed. Then I opened the door, and James came at me with open arms.
“Good morning, Aunt Lucy,” he said with a huge smile as he wrapped his arms around my legs.
It was the first time he'd called me Aunt Lucy like that, and it melted my heart. Would my baby call Carrie Aunt Carrie, I wondered? James pulled me down the stairs and into the kitchen. Carrie was just setting plates out with food on them. I looked at her and smiled.
“You look exhausted,” I said.
“You try going to bed that late with this one getting up at seven,” she said.
I burst into laughter, and she just glared back. Scott came into the kitchen a moment later and gave me a small smile before sitting down. James sat next to his dad, and I sat next to James. A few minutes later Carrie sat down and let out a sigh.
“I'm getting too old to stay up that late,” she said. “What do you want to do today, Lucy?”
“It doesn't matter to me. I'm fine with sitting around the house doing nothing. I'm just glad I'm here,” I said.
“Are you okay?” she asked. “Your eyes are red.”
“I'm fine,” I answered. “I feel great.”
We all ate lunch together. Scott took James with him. I'm not sure where they went. James was yelling something about a toy store on the way out t
he door. As soon as that door closed, Carrie was up my ass about Lance.
“Look,” I said. “I don't want to talk about him. I came here to spend time with you and your family. I'll also admit that I wanted to be away from him while he was home. I don't want to sit and talk about him this weekend. This is my time to breathe and enjoy that I have no man to worry about. I had no intention of talking about being pregnant either. I haven't been to the doctor and didn't want anyone to know yet. The only reason your mom knew was that I was telling her how sick I felt and she suggested I buy a test. Not in a million years did I think it would have a positive result.”
“I get it,” she said. “How are you feeling?”
“I've been better the last few days. I'm not getting sick as much. I looked a bunch of stuff up and bought a couple of books. I've even started cleaning out my spare room. I guess I'm doing okay.”
“You're really having a baby,” she said.
“I'm pretty sure,” I said. “I go to the doctor Monday. Then I'll know for sure and can start figuring things out.”
“Figuring what out?” Carrie asked.
“Everything,” I said. “If I'm going to be a mom, I have so much to think about. I'm good though. I really am.”
“What do you think he'll say?” she asked.
“I don't even know when I'll tell him.”
“You're going to, right?” she asked.
It was pissing me off that she was so wrapped up in Lance finding out. That was my decision. I would have liked her to be a bit less, I don't know. How could she think I wouldn't tell him? What kind of person did she think I was?
“Of course,” I said. “I'm not that big of a bitch.”
“I didn't mean it like that,” she said. “How do you think he'll react?”
“I don't know,” I said. “Can we drop it please, Carrie.”
“I'm here for you, Lucy,” she said.
“I know you are,” I said. “Come on, we have some television to watch.”
Playing Hardball: Part 3 Page 4
