“Absolutely.” Matthew nodded before he shook his head. “Not.” The three of them laughed. “If you want no pranks pulled, be vigilant yourself.”
Luke opened the door for Mary, muttering about the difficulties of having Matthew Esh as a partner.
The camaraderie between Luke and Mary made him miss his girl even more, and he wondered when his and Elle’s friends would get to prank their wedding night.
Hannah tapped her pen on the form in front of her. It was an application for a loan for nursing school. The entrance exam wasn’t until next week, but she needed to make sure she had funding before she took the exam. If she borrowed money, she’d probably be the first in her family for hundreds of years back. In this case the idea of being the first at something wasn’t consoling.
But that was only part of what was bothering her—a large portion, to be sure. The real snag, however, seemed to be that if she took this step, she was locking her life into a definite path for the next two years.
Two years?
Zabeth crossed the room one slow thump at a time. Her frame had a little more weight on it than when Hannah had arrived nine months ago, but the heart condition caused a lot of swelling as her body fought for oxygen. She eased into the kitchen chair across from Hannah and set her cane to the side. “You’ve been in that chair for nearly two hours, Hannah-girl, and you’re not one little dot further than you were before you sat down, are you?”
Rolling the pen between her hands, Hannah sighed. “I … I’m not sure about taking out a loan.”
Zabeth folded her arms on the table. “We have other sources. I still have some money put back. You’re more than welcome to all I got. Vince, Faye and Martin’s dad, would give or loan money gladly, and he’d not miss it any more than dropping a penny on the ground. Martin doesn’t have money like his dad, but he could pass you the ten thousand you need without it making much difference to him.”
Hannah thought about Zabeth’s offer, but it just affirmed that the loan wasn’t what was bothering her. So what was the problem?
“Hannah-girl?”
Hannah stared at the forms. “Hmm?”
“What ails you?”
“Luke and Mary’s wedding was today. I read about it in The Budget a few weeks back.”
“I didn’t realize you were reading the Amish-Mennonite newspaper.”
Hannah shrugged. “Dr. Lehman subscribes to it, and I …”
Zabeth reached across the table and placed her hands over Hannah’s. “It hurts to miss the events of loved ones. I know.” Zabeth’s swollen and slightly blue fingertips rubbed Hannah’s hand. “Is that all that’s bothering you?”
She brushed Zabeth’s hands before pulling away. “Remember me telling you about Paul?”
“Yes.”
She pushed the papers away from her. “While I was at a hotel the night before my trip here, I called his apartment. Some girl answered and promised she’d give him the message and phone number. I was in that hotel all night and half the next day, waiting for him to call me back.” She tapped the end of the pen on the table, slid her fingers down it, and flipped it over.
“And now you’re not sure he got the message.”
“I shouldn’t care. I know that. He deserted me, no questions asked. He took all the money from the bank. He …” Hannah sighed. “Oh, I don’t know.”
“I do.” Zabeth slid the cell phone from its spot on the kitchen table toward Hannah. “You should call him. Be sure he got the message. See if he had a reason you weren’t aware of for moving your money from that account. Find out if what you had was real or if you’d do better to build a life here.”
“But you need me.”
“Oh, Hannah-girl. I love you, but Vince Palmer would hire round-the-clock nurses if I asked. I want you here. But I don’t need you. And now that we know each other, you could come back to visit anytime.”
Although her words sounded nice, Hannah doubted if Zabeth had ever directly asked for anything from Vince, Faye, or Martin. Still, she couldn’t see arranging her life to be fastened to payments and schooling for the next two years without making sure how Paul felt.
“He’s always at his grandmother’s the day before Thanksgiving, helping her get packed to go to his parents’ place in Maryland.”
Zabeth brushed her unruly, curly locks of black hair away from her face. “That’s just next week.”
“What if he really doesn’t want anything to do with me?”
“Then you’re no worse off. You can’t wonder the rest of your life if you left too soon. I knew I hadn’t. Remember, I told you I stayed for a long time even after being shunned. I knew for sure when I left everyone behind, Hannah. Do you?”
“I’m pretty sure.”
“But not positive.”
“I don’t know if I can stand being rejected by Paul a third time.”
“Third?”
“The night he left, when he never returned my call, and now this.”
“I thought you were ready to move on without ever looking back, and I quote, ‘to the likes of Paul Waddell again.’ ”
“I was … I mean, I am …” Hannah paused, unable to understand the multitude of emotions assaulting her. Paul had betrayed her, yet here she sat, longing for life to be different. Still longing for him.
Zabeth gave an understanding nod. “You’ll find he doesn’t have the power to hurt you as badly this time. It’s the way things work with loved ones. The question is, who are you, Hannah Lapp Lawson? A young woman too afraid to find out the truth? Or a young woman who’d rather suffer the hurt and be sure of her path?”
Hannah laid the pen on the forms and set them to the side. “There’s a lyric in one of the songs you sing with the band. It says when we wind up lost and alone, that’s when we find ourselves … or something like that.”
“Close enough for now. And I think that’s true. Bumps and hard places make us both find and face ourselves.”
She knew she’d rather suffer humiliation and hurt than hide from her destiny. And she had eight days to find the courage and the right words. The sun was rising as Matthew rinsed the razor under hot water and stared at himself in the mirror while shaving. Luke would be shaving only part of his face today—his mustache area and his high cheeks, that’s all. He’d grow the beard that told all the world he was married. Aching to be in that position, Matthew wondered about his own future.
Through the closed window, he heard a car horn toot. He lifted the green shade and peered out.
Elle.
He wiped the shaving cream off his face, pulled his suspenders on, and finished buttoning his shirt. When he came out of the bathroom, his Daed was putting on his housecoat as he came out of the bedroom.
“It’s Elle, Daed.”
His Mamm eased around his father, dressed and weaving a straight pin into her hair and Kapp. Concern showed in her eyes in spite of the motherly smile on her face. “I’ll have breakfast ready in twenty minutes if you want to invite her to stay.”
Grabbing his coat off the rack, he answered, “We’ll see.” He slid it on and buttoned it as he went down the steps and out the front door.
His first glimpse of Elle was not reassuring. She had on blue jeans and a red coat.
She came toward him. “I’m sorry, Matthew. You gotta believe me. I intended to be here.”
“What happened?”
She placed her palms over the breast of his coat. “Don’t be mad, please?” She tilted her head, half flirting and half pleading.
“I’ll ask again, what happened?”
She played with the button on his jacket. “See, this fantastic opportunity to assist at a photo shoot came in. And I thought I’d be done in time to get here by midafternoon.”
“You said you’d be here by noon.”
“I know, but …” She pulled her coat tighter around her. “Can we talk in your shop?”
“Sure.” He signaled toward the shop, and she turned to walk with him.
T
hey took several steps before she stopped in midstep. “Wow, Matthew. We never made it by here the last time I was home. Look at the additions to your shop. They’re amazing.”
“We created each shop like a separate building, but they all have either a doorway or covered walkway into the old shop. More like a minicomplex.”
She laughed. “A minicomplex? That’s a bit too fancy for the Plain life, isn’t it?” She grabbed his hand and ran toward the closest building. “Come tell me all about them.”
Matthew allowed her the change of topic and showed her each shop and the stacks of orders that kept coming in.
She ran her hand along a row of shelves filled with handmade buggy parts for all the fancy carriages the Englischers were ordering. “Sometimes when you’re talking, it’s like you’re not the same guy who fell off the roof of the schoolhouse the day we met.”
Matthew propped against the workbench. “Nor do you look like the Amish teacher I met.”
She glanced at her clothing. “I know.” She moved in closer. “I hate that I missed yesterday. I’d looked forward to it for weeks. It’s my fault. I thought I could squeeze everything in. I drove to Pleasantville, New York, for a photo shoot.”
“You drove to New York? How long did that take?”
“About four hours. I assisted at a formal wedding and didn’t finish until too late to get here.”
Matthew wished he knew what to think, wished he could see into their future and know if he was waiting for her to return or if he was playing the fool. He hoped for the first one, but he was beginning to think the second one was laying a trap for him.
Elle walked to him and stood just inches away. “I know you’re not pleased with much of anything about us right now.” She looked into his eyes. “But try to see this from my point of view. You get to do this business for the rest of your life, but once I become a wife and mother, stretching my wings is over, Matthew. I look forward to that time—I do. But I need you to understand that you’re learning new things and using all your passion to pursue what you want without limits. It’s not like that for women, Amish or Englischer. I’ve found something I can hold in my heart and know for the rest of my life I was really good at it. And I’m hoping you’re the kind of man who can understand my needs.”
“It makes little sense that your father asked for six months, and ya offer to give him a year and a half.”
“He’s changing, Matthew. His heart is becoming more tender toward you and me as I stay longer.”
“Sid is gettin’ just what he wanted to begin with, so of course he’s becoming more pleasant. Ignoring that, what’s happening with us is because of your choices. You’re the one who picked going to photography school. You’re the one staying so busy that your letters are just plain-out sparse.”
“Yeah, okay, but look at it this way. I missed this year’s instruction because my dad wanted time with me. There isn’t one next year, so our plans have to follow the schedule laid out by the community. All that’s different is I’m not living here while the time passes. That’s all.” Her warm hands surrounded his face. “Wait for me, Matthew. Give me my time now, and I’ll give you the rest of my life.” She placed her lips over his.
Every frustration melted, and Matthew wrapped his arms around her, making up for every kiss he’d missed while she’d been gone. Slowly he pulled away. “I’ll wait.” He sighed. “But you knew that before you arrived, didn’t you?”
Her eyes clouded with tears. “I hoped. You won’t regret it. I’ll make it up to you … if we have to have eight children.”
Matthew laughed. “Girls or boys?”
“Yes.” She gave him a quick kiss. “How was the wedding?”
“Luke and Mary both glowed. I bet their Christmas present to each other next year is their firstborn child.”
“Well, we can’t match that, not by next Christmas anyway.”
Matthew reached behind her and tugged her ponytail. “I guess I can understand your need to do a few things before the childbearing begins. Just visit more often.”
“That’s not a good idea, and you know it. Your family is almost as tolerant as the Zooks, but I’ll not traipse in and out and tax your parents’ tolerance before I join the family.”
Matthew didn’t like it, but he knew she was right. Because of her heritage, they’d accept her as an Englischer friend or as an Amish prospective wife, but she couldn’t maintain regular visits while living in both worlds at the same time.
“Ya, I guess you better save that taxing my parents’ thing until after we’re a couple. Just don’t take too long out there among the Englischers, okay?”
“I won’t. I’ll be living here by next fall. Promise.”
That seemed so far away. “Mamm invited you to breakfast.”
“I picked up drive-through on the way here.” She glanced at her watch. “I’m going to be late opening Dad’s store if I don’t skedaddle.” She grabbed his hand. “Walk me to my car.”
Drive-through? Matthew walked with her, trying to shake off his discomfort at the gaping differences that separated them. All he could do was hope the canyon didn’t grow so wide a bridge couldn’t be built.
Pacing the length of her now-desolate garden, Hannah pressed the numbers on her cell to call Gram, stared at the digits written across the screen, and closed the phone without hitting the green icon. Her palms were sweaty, even with the November air so chilly she had on her woolen shawl. She drew a deep breath and redialed it. Again she closed the phone.
Tired of the game, she punched the numbers one last time … she hoped. A nervous tingle ran through her as she hit the connect button. Gram’s phone rang.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
“Hello,” a young female voice answered.
Was it the same one who had picked up at Paul’s apartment? She didn’t know, but she wasn’t going to identify herself this time.
“Hi. I’d like to speak to Paul, please.”
The girl paused before asking, “Hannah?”
“Yes.”
“Have … you reached him … before now?” The stranger’s voice quivered.
Hannah didn’t think it was any of this woman’s business, but she answered, “No.”
“Please don’t do this. He’s just now out of the straits with our church leaders. His mother has finally stopped crying herself to sleep over him caring for …” She inhaled. “He’s repented for being stubborn in his own ways and has agreed to stick to the ways of his people. Please, just let us alone.”
The way she said us, Hannah knew there was more to her being at Gram’s the day before Thanksgiving than just coincidence. It had been her and Paul’s day, one of fun and laughter after being separated from late August until Thanksgiving every year.
“Are you and he …”
“It’s what I want, what I’ve always wanted, and his family is completely behind this union, as is our whole community.”
Union?
“Please.” The girl sobbed. “He didn’t return your call the first time. He’s made his choice. It has taken time, but he’s happy and content. To hear from you now will only cause more turmoil, but his decision will be the same. He’s had to make some changes to line up with our beliefs, but he’s glad for the changes—all of them.”
Hannah gazed at the cabin, smoke coming out of the chimney, pre-Thanksgiving foods in the oven, and a life that was begging to be chosen. It held love and freedom, but why was it so hard to let go of what was clearly dead and fully embrace what lay before her? It was foolishness. That’s what it was. She’d been idealistic beyond reason where Paul was concerned, hoping for a life that was not hers. Even if he’d once shared that dream, it obviously had died an easy death for him.
The girl lowered her voice. “Can’t you see? You’ve left your family. You’ve got nothing else to lose, but he’ll have to break every relationship to be with you.”
Hannah felt warm tears slide down her cold cheeks. �
��Yeah, okay.” She disconnected the call.
“Hey, phone girl,” Martin called to her.
She was in no shape to turn around. The back screen door slammed shut, and each footfall caused leaves to crunch. The barren trees swayed in the wind. Zabeth had told her he was closing his office today at lunch, but she hadn’t realized that meant he was coming by here.
“If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him,” Martin asked, “is he still wrong?” He touched her shoulder. “Hello?”
She turned to face him, and his smile disappeared. “Not now, okay?” She looked at the phone in her hand before sliding it under her shawl and into her dress pocket.
“Yeah, sure. But since Zabeth hasn’t felt like getting out much the last few weeks, I’ve invited the gang to set up the band here tonight. I thought I’d forewarn you.”
“For when?”
Martin pushed the sleeve of his leather jacket off his wrist and glanced at his watch. “Um …ten minutes ago not enough notice?”
She laughed and wiped her cheeks.
Martin gave a half smile, watching her intently. “With those hedges, a whole fleet could arrive out front and you’d never know from back here. I brought plenty of snacks, and I knew the place would be spotless, but I guess I didn’t figure on everything.”
She cleared her throat, demanding the tears to stay at bay. “Me either.”
“Anything I can do?”
She looked out over the barren fields, dreading another winter. It felt like just yesterday that she’d survived her first winter’s night here in Ohio. “I hate cold weather. I didn’t used to.”
“The propane tank is full, and there’s nearly a cord of wood in the shed. You can burn both at the same time, and if you need more before winter’s out, I know who to call.”
His sincere concern eased her anxiety. Whenever he tutored her, they always skimmed general topics and shared a dozen laughs, but the need to share her hidden side nudged her. She knew the relationship wasn’t one-sided. They tag teamed certain areas of life, like covering Zabeth’s health needs, handling Faye, and even managing Kevin and Lissa. On more than one occasion, his Civil Engineering Reference Manual in hand, Hannah quizzed him for the professional exam he’d take in two years. She knew she could share her insecurities with Zabeth, and she had begun to feel she could share them with Martin too.
Sisters of the Quilt Page 51
