“And Faye, did she get any of these benefits?”
“She wasn’t there.”
“You said she was there some of the time. What did he do to—”
He put his hands on her shoulders. “It’s really time for me to be going.”
“But …”
He lifted his hand. “No more, please.”
She nodded. “Sure, I understand.”
Placing his hand on the small of her back, he slowly kissed her. “That’s what I came here for.” He smiled before pulling his keys from his pocket again. “Will I see you in church on Sunday?”
“I’m on call, so there’s no way of knowing right now.”
He opened his car door and paused. “I’m glad Zabeth had you with her for the last two years.”
Without waiting for a response, he got into his car, leaving Hannah to wonder how Vince Palmer could abandon his daughter to her guilt—even if she were to blame. And she wasn’t. It was an accident, an awful one that seemed too heavy for both Martin and Faye. Faye needed her father to look her in the eye and tell her it wasn’t her fault.
She ran her fingers over her lips, the sweetness of Martin’s kiss clinging to her. If he could so easily see his sister drowning and not reach out to her, would he do the same to her if she made a mistake?
The sound of the phone shrilled through the open windows as Mary wrapped the freshly baked muffins with a towel. She hesitated, unsure whether to try to make it to the phone shanty or not. It was quite a jaunt from Mammi Annie’s kitchen to the shanty, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to run—not in her newly pregnant condition.
Deciding not to dash to the phone, she placed the muffins on the table and turned to rinse her hands. The call would be from one of her mother’s sisters. When the phone did ring, which wasn’t often, it was always one of her aunts.
Mary had long ago given up on Hannah calling again, but that wasn’t all she’d given up on. If Hannah didn’t call or write, she wasn’t going to return. And life moved on. Although Mary wasn’t sure it had moved on for Paul. He’d be finished with his graduate degree by summer’s end, but that wasn’t a sign he was making progress emotionally. She and Luke would go to his grandmother’s and see him later in the day. She hoped for his sake that he’d stopped waiting. Hannah had been her good friend while growing up and while Mary was recovering from her injuries, but Hannah had made a poor decision when she tried to hide her pregnancy from everyone. That’s where most of the troubles came in.
Mary brushed a damp cloth down her apron, cleaning off the flour. Mammi Annie entered the kitchen, wiping sweat from her top lip. “Is there a reason why you’re baking instead of planting your garden?”
“Ya, but not one you want to hear.”
Mammi Annie smiled and shook her head. “I’ll tell you what, Mary. You’re too excited about that upcoming baby to settle down and take care of this year’s crop, but you’ll regret that if Luke has to buy food come winter because his wife didn’t do as she should.”
“I’ll get to it next week. Tonight we’re going out visiting.”
“Well, is that really what should come first?”
She knew Mammi was trying to gently prod her to settle her whirlwind emotions, but the garden held no interest whatsoever. It was already the middle of May, and she hadn’t put a seed in the ground yet. As usual Luke was patient with her and listened each night as she prattled endlessly about being pregnant.
“Where are you two heading this time?”
“To Mrs. Waddell’s.”
“To visit with that Paul fella?”
“Yes. He came by E and L a few weeks back and made plans with Luke for us to visit him. Until he came by the shop, neither of us had seen him in ages.”
“You’re not going to tell him or his grandmother of your news, surely.”
“No, of course not.”
Keeping herself from shouting to the world that she was expecting come November was really hard. She knew it wasn’t something proper families told, but Mary wanted everyone in Owl’s Perch to know her good news. Fact was, she wanted to put the information in The Budget and let the whole Amish world read that she was entering her second trimester, according to the midwife. But so far, only the adults in her and Luke’s immediate families knew. Thankfully, her days of nausea were behind her. Because Hannah had explained certain things to her and because she’d longed to conceive, she’d known early on that she was pregnant. She’d used one of those at-home pregnancy tests to confirm her suspicions. Well, actually she’d used a dozen of them over as many months, but finally one had given the positive sign.
After taking longer to conceive than any other girl who’d married during her same wedding season, she couldn’t contain her excitement.
Nor her health concerns.
She pressed her hand down the front of her dress, unable to feel even the slightest bulge through her clothing yet. At night, when she undressed, she slid her hand over the slight bump. It was such a miracle. One day a toddler would play near her as she worked her garden or hung laundry on the lines. One day she’d have a child who had once lived inside her.
“Mary?” Luke was in the driveway sitting in the buggy when he hollered through the screen door. “You ready?”
“Ya.” She grabbed the muffins. “Don’t wait up, Mammi. Paul said something about staying and playing a board game or two.”
Mammi Annie harrumphed. “If that don’t beat all, you and Luke hobnobbing with the likes of that man. You know the gossip spreads like wildfire whenever he is involved.”
“If you don’t say anything about where we’re going, then nobody will know. Ya?” Mary didn’t wait for her to answer before walking to the buggy. “Seems Mammi Annie disapproves of us visiting Paul.”
Luke slapped the reins against the horse’s back. “I can give you a short list of things she does approve of: you and our baby.”
Tingles of excitement ran through Mary. From the day she’d learned she was pregnant, she’d felt like she was soaring with the hawks. Once in a while her conscience still nagged at her, but she’d made it this far without telling Luke the things he didn’t want to know about his wife. She would not share her secret now.
It was a long ride to Paul’s place, giving them lots of uninterrupted time to talk.
“Did you invite Matthew to come tonight?”
“Ya. He’s not in a sociable mood of late.” Luke guided the horse off to the side, letting several cars pass. “All I know is Elle ain’t kept her word that she’d be living here by now, but she hasn’t asked Matthew to release her from her promise to marry him. And he just keeps hoping things will work out.”
“Just like Paul. Waiting and hoping. I hate this for both of them.”
“Yeah, I know you do, but it’s not yours to take on, Mary. Matthew’s building a good business, and if it don’t work out with Elle, then it don’t. I think Paul’s moved on too. I think that Dorcas girl will be there tonight, so don’t be upset if she is.
“I won’t be upset. I can’t blame the man, and Dorcas seems nice enough. I just never thought Hannah’d stay gone like this. Did you?”
Luke shook his head. “Not once.”
She slid closer to him. “I never knew what to think of Elle returning or not, but I always thought Hannah would come back to Paul when her pain and grief eased.” She wrapped her arm around his. “I’ll always be grateful we made it though.”
Luke pulled into the driveway of his old shop. “I wish Matthew would forget about Elle and find somebody worthy of him.”
“Yeah, I do too.”
He helped Mary down, and they crossed the weedy path between the Lapp and Waddell properties.
Paul strode onto the porch and opened the door for them before they had a chance to knock. “Hi.”
“I brought you these.” Mary held out the muffins, noticing how full of life Paul appeared. When Hannah first left, he looked pale, and he lost a lot of weight in the weeks that followed. But tonigh
t he looked robust and self-assured.
“Thanks. These’ll go perfect with the coffee I have brewing. Come on in.” He gestured toward the back door of the house.
As Mary crossed the porch, she saw several people in the kitchen she didn’t know and one she did: Dorcas. For Hannah’s sake, Mary hurt for what her friend could have had if tragedy hadn’t struck.
She covered her stomach with her hand, grateful for what her future held.
Hannah pulled into Faye’s gravel driveway. Her place wasn’t nearly as nice as her brother’s, but then again Martin worked hard and invested wisely. Faye didn’t work, had no investments, and now that she didn’t have Richard to support her or the children, Hannah wasn’t sure what Faye would do. Her need to find work while buried under the grief of losing Zabeth and Richard weighed on Hannah. More important, it weighed on Martin even though he didn’t talk about it.
She got out of the car, crossed the concrete porch, and knocked on the door. Even though Faye was close to no one now that Zabeth had died, Hannah hoped to reach her. She was sure it’d mean a lot to Martin if his sister could find her way free of substance abuse. Plus, Hannah wanted both children enrolled in school this fall. It was absurd for Faye to pawn them off on any available sitter and then refuse to send them to school until it was mandatory. Kevin’s age demanded he go this year, but Hannah knew it’d be good for Lissa to enter kindergarten—mandatory or not.
It wasn’t easy trying to befriend Faye. She used people rather than bonded with them. She never considered returning favors or chatting over a cup of coffee. Her attitude wore on Hannah, and if it wasn’t for Martin, Kevin, and Lissa, she’d bail out of this relationship.
Lissa opened the door. “Hannah!” She squealed and jumped into her arms.
Hannah gave her a long hug.
Kevin came running into the room. “Did you bring us lunch?”
Hannah put Lissa on her hip. “Are you hungry?” She looked around the messy room. “Where’s your mom?”
Lissa covered her mouth with her finger. “Shh. She’s asleep.”
Kevin licked what looked like peanut butter from his fingers. “I was try-in to make peanut-butter sandwiches, but we just got one slice of bread.”
Wondering why Faye hadn’t brought the kids by the house, she held out her hand for Kevin. “I’ll fix you something.”
She took him by the hand and went into the kitchen. A quick peek into the cabinets and fridge said Faye needed a trip to the grocery store. She heated a can of soup and found some crackers to spread the peanut butter on. While they ate, she made a list of items to get at the store, making sure she bought plenty of foods Kevin could fix for them. When they were finished, she sent them outside to play and went to Faye’s bedroom.
She knocked on the door. “Faye?” Calling to her again, she entered the room. “Faye.”
The shades were pulled tight and were taped around the edges to keep out the light. “Faye.” Hannah shook her.
Faye moaned. “What?”
“Get up!” Hannah shook her again. “You cannot leave Kevin and Lissa alone while you sleep. There’s almost no food in the house. The door wasn’t even locked when I arrived. You’re a social services nightmare. Do you realize that?”
Faye took a deep breath and sat up. “Are the kids already up for the morning?”
“It’s afternoon, Faye. I know it’s hard losing Richard and Zabeth, but if you don’t pull your act together, you’re going to lose your kids too.”
Faye pulled at Hannah’s dress. “Don’t turn me in. I’m a good mother. You know that.”
“I know you want to be. There’s a difference.” Hannah jerked the tape off the sides of the black-out shades, peeling paint and fraying the shades at the same time. “Get up, take a shower, and let’s go to the store.”
“Yeah, okay.” Faye staggered to her feet.
“If you ever pull this again, I’ll take the children from you myself. Got that?”
She nodded. “I’m trying, Hannah. I swear I’m trying.”
“Why didn’t you bring them to me like you usually do?”
“I … I took a few drinks and …”
“Didn’t drive.”
“See, that’s a good thing. You should be glad for that part.”
“You don’t drive because you don’t want to get a DUI. What lame excuse would you like to give for not calling me? What you’ve done this morning is dangerous, Faye. Your children were hungry, and Lissa opened the door for me without even knowing who it was. Kevin was trying to figure out how to turn on the stove. He’s six years old! Do you get that?”
Faye sank onto the bed holding her head.
“You’re depressed too. You need help, Faye, professional help.”
“Oh good grief, Hannah. That makes Zabeth a whole lot smarter than you. Open your eyes. I’m beyond help.”
Hannah remembered well the feeling of being trapped, and she regretted sounding so harsh. “No one is beyond help, Faye—not unless they’re dead. And you’re not dead.” She eased onto the bed beside her. “This is really hard to explain, but I’m convinced it takes two things to survive on this fallen planet. One is forgiveness, because when we forgive, we’re saying what was done to us is not more powerful than God’s ability to redeem us from it.”
Faye stared at her as if her words might be sinking in.
Hannah put her arm around Faye’s shoulders. “You need to forgive yourself. You need to believe what you did is not more powerful than what God can do from this point forward. I can’t see that as I look around your life, and I know you can’t either, but that’s where the faith part comes in. Now you think on those things while you get your shower, and we’ll talk some more.”
Luke pulled the mail from the box and read the return address on each envelope. He looked around the property for his wife and spotted her in the garden.
Walking toward the garden, he opened the letter from her doctor’s office. “Mary Yoder, please be advised that you have missed your last two appointments. We have concerns about your rehabilitation and wellness program and would appreciate it if you would contact our office at your earliest convenience.” Luke mumbled the words and closed the letter.
When he came to the edge of the garden, Mary saw him and stood straight, holding her back. “I’ve been at this all day. But here’s the deal, I’m doing the planting, and you’ll do the weeding, right?”
Luke held the letter out to her. “What’s this?”
She took it and glanced over it. “It … it must be a mistake.”
“It still has you listed as Mary Yoder.”
She nodded. “I saw that.”
“You’re keeping up with those visits and everything, right?”
“Oh, Luke, I’m seeing the midwife now that I’m expecting, and there’s no reason to keep going to those expensive doctors for them just to tell me I’m healthy. Ya?”
“Well, it’s different with you, and I don’t know …”
“Luke, I’m fine. You know I am. The doctor has given me a clean bill of health over and over again. It’s time to forget the days of the accident and live like they never happened.”
“Mary Yoder?” He lifted the letter from her hand and read it again.
“Mary Lapp, thank you very much.” She washed her dirty hands off in the pail she’d been using to water her newly planted crop. Wiping them on her apron, she gazed up at Luke. “Unless you care to change your last name instead.”
Luke scratched his forehead. “It just seems they’d get the name right.”
She grabbed the pail and stood. “It also seems you wouldn’t walk around in wet clothes.”
“What?” He looked up from the paper just in time to see his wife throw water on him. “Mary Yoder!”
She burst into laughter and ran from him. “Who?” She grabbed the hose and held it toward him. “Even my husband calls me by my maiden name?”
“It was a mistake.”
“Ya, and so was this.�
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Water smacked Luke in the face, and he charged her and wrestled the hose from her, all the while enjoying her laughter. She’d shed too many tears afraid she might never get pregnant. This new joy was a welcome thing.
When he had control of the hose, he drenched her good before she slid down on the grass. He dropped the hose and ran to her. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
Laughing, she grabbed a handful of loose dirt and tried to rub it in his face. He pinned her hands to the ground, chortling before they both grew serious as he lowered his lips to hers. “It’s definitely Mary Lapp,” Luke mumbled. “I remember that clearly now.”
With Kevin and Lissa in tow, Hannah entered the church doors, returning a dozen greetings. She made her way to their children’s church classrooms and signed them in before giving them hugs and heading for the sanctuary. The place wasn’t very churchlike from the outside. It had once been a shopping complex, but that was impossible to tell once you were inside the renovated building. The praise music filled the air. A hint of unease clung to her as she maneuvered through the place without Zabeth.
She’d already arranged for Vicki and Nina to get the children after church and take them home. Either she or Martin would pick them up later. She took her seat in what had been Zabeth’s and her spot. Martin was behind the keyboard, totally absorbed with the band. Although she missed a lot of Sundays due to her work at the clinic, she loved most parts of going to church here: the teaching, the music, the prayer time, communion, watching the altar calls, and the friendliness of the members. Other parts she could do without. Actually there was only one other part: the clothing worn by a lot of the women, especially the ones around her age. Jeans, short skirts, and tight tops seemed not to bother anyone but Hannah. But if men came here to worship God, why would a woman dress in such a way as to totally distract them? Wasn’t God allowed one day, in His own house? She just didn’t get it.
Sisters of the Quilt Page 56
