He called her number, and when she didn’t answer, he left a message. Short of knocking on her door, and potentially waking her up, there was nothing else he could do.
Leo started for home, then detoured to the grocery store. His fridge likely needed restocking, since he’d been at the hospital so much that week. But before he could park, he received a call from the department. They were short a deputy that night, and Leo agreed to work the night shift.
He doubted he’d be able to sleep much if Felicity had gone dark on him. He might as well keep busy. Changing direction, he realized that today was day seven since he’d met her. He remembered her telling him that her record for dating a guy was six days, and he wondered if that included the first meeting. If so, had Leo already timed out on her clock?
Was this what she did when she cut things off with a guy? Just faded away?
No, he told himself. People got sick all the time. People cancelled plans. Still, the knot in his stomach wouldn’t loosen.
The rest of the night didn’t get much easier, and even though he texted her two more times, she didn’t reply.
The next day, Saturday, after he’d crashed for a couple of hours after his shift, he drove to Main Street to see if she was at the bookshop. When he entered, an older man was at the register. Mr. Smithson was speaking to another customer, and Leo took a quick look around to see that Felicity wasn’t at work today—or at least yet.
So, he decided to do the only thing he could think of. He drove back to her house. Everything looked exactly as it had the day before. Leo climbed out of his car and walked up the driveway. He looked over the gate to see that her bike was propped on the side of the house. There was a good chance she was at home.
Next, he walked to the front door and knocked a couple of times. Instantly, he heard the dog bark.
“General,” Leo said through the door. “It’s me.”
General stopped barking, and Leo waited a moment, but no one came to answer the door. So he knocked again. General barked once, then went quiet.
“General,” Leo said. “Go get Felicity.” Maybe she’d been so sick, she was dehydrated. Or maybe she was out with her friend Livvy, and he was overreacting.
The minutes ticked by, and Leo tried the front door, which was locked. He called her phone, but she didn’t answer. So he did something he hoped he wouldn’t regret. Moving off the porch, he crossed the driveway again and went through the gate that connected to the backyard. He walked around the house and tried the back door. It was locked too.
He could guess which window was her bedroom window, since he knew the general layout of the house. The window was blocked by a curtain, and he knocked on it. “Felicity!” he called out.
General barked somewhere from inside the house.
Leo knocked again.
Finally, the curtain moved.
Leo exhaled with relief. Even if she got mad at him for disturbing her, he wanted to make sure she was all right.
The curtain opened, and Felicity peered out, her eyes wide as if he’d scared her half to death. She opened the window so that only the screen was between them.
“Hey, are you all right?” Leo asked in a soft voice.
She stared at him for a moment with those green eyes, and he could tell she’d been crying recently.
“Felicity, what’s wrong?” he said. “Are you sick?”
“No,” she whispered.
“I’m here to help you—with whatever it is.”
She looked away, then said in a barely-there voice, “I’ll unlock the front door.”
Relief shot through Leo. Whatever was going on, she was at least willing to talk to him about it.
He walked around to the front of the house, where Felicity waited for him with the door open. Leo stepped inside, finding the place dim with all the curtains closed. General nudged his hand, and Leo bent to scratch the dog’s head.
Felicity shut the door and locked it without a word. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch. She pulled up her knees and wrapped her arms about her legs, looking small and vulnerable.
Leo sat on the couch but gave her plenty of space. A bunch of old file folders were sitting on the coffee table with several mugs that appeared to have had hot chocolate in them at some point. There was also a tissue box, and it looked like she’d gone through several tissues. But she didn’t seem to have a cold.
Felicity wore an oversized shirt that had slipped off one shoulder, along with dark leggings. Her feet were bare, and her dark hair was loose and tangled, falling down her back.
Leo scratched General’s head, waiting for Felicity to talk.
“How’s your dad?” she asked, her voice sounding hoarse.
“He’s home and getting settled,” Leo said. “He hasn’t talked much, but he seems to understand everything.”
Felicity’s gaze flitted to him, then away again. “I’m glad. You have a really nice family.”
Leo didn’t miss the catch in her voice. “I’ve been worried about you.”
Felicity brushed at her cheek as tears fell.
“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, scooting closer and pulling her into his arms. He wondered if she’d let him hold her, but she seemed to melt against him.
“Everything’s wrong,” she whispered.
He rubbed her back. She felt so fragile, and her breathing hitched again. He wanted to ask a million questions, but something told him to wait.
“Meeting your family was really great,” she said. “I mean, they talk to each other, they hug each other, they tell each other they love each other. I never had that growing up, and I just thought that families were all different, you know?”
Leo had no idea where she was going with this. She’d told him little about her parents. “Families are different.”
“But when I came home the other night, I realized your family was probably normal,” she said. “It was my family who wasn’t. And then I thought about you . . . because, well, you’re you.”
Leo pulled her closer because his heart felt like it was cracking, and he didn’t know why. “Have you finally figured me out?”
She released a half laugh, half sob. “You have everything. You are everything. And I’m a . . . mess.”
Leo smoothed her hair back. “Hey, why would you say that?”
She suddenly pulled away from him and grabbed a tissue. After wiping her eyes, she stood and paced the room. Both Leo and General watched her walking back and forth.
“I came home that night after meeting your family and realized my entire life was broken.” She picked up one of the folders from the coffee table. “I couldn’t figure out why my parents had never, ever told me they loved me. The only person I remember saying that was my grandpa. He was the only one who ever hugged me too.”
Leo stared at her. Her parents had never hugged her or told her they’d loved her?
“I told you, I’m messed up.”
“You’re not messed up,” Leo said. “No matter what your parents did or didn’t do, you’re still an amazing woman.”
Felicity didn’t seem to be listening, because she thrust the folder toward him. “Read it. They’re guardianship papers. I started looking through my grandparents’ photo albums, and found a box of paperwork in the same closet.”
Leo took the folder and opened to the paper-clipped papers inside. He scanned through the court documents. Mr. and Mrs. Miner had been given full custody of Felicity when she was eighteen months old. Leo turned more pages, finding a death certificate of a young woman . . . who appeared to be Felicity’s mother?
He looked up. “What does this mean? You were adopted?”
“I called my parents to ask,” Felicity said, color staining her cheeks. “After I told them about the paperwork I’d found, they told me the truth about my birth. About my real mom.” Her voice shook as she continued. “My mom was their real daughter—their drug-addicted daughter. She ran away and had me while living in some drug house. When my mom die
d of an overdose, the state contacted my grandparents. There was no father listed on my birth certificate, so her parents were the only known kin. They took me in, although every day they were reminded of their dead daughter who’d broken their hearts.”
Felicity looked down at her trembling hands. “My mom’s name was Rose, so that’s where I got my middle name from. But I was a constant reminder of how they’d failed and all they’d lost. They couldn’t love me if they’d tried, because they’d already been broken.” She met Leo’s gaze, her green eyes dark with pain. “Now I understand why I can’t connect with people. I can’t fall in love. I can’t . . . be there for anyone. I’ve always been alone and always will be.”
Felicity was waiting for Leo to leave. To walk out. Because over the past thirty hours, she had come to the conclusion that Leo deserved someone who didn’t have as much baggage as she did. Someone who had more success and achievements in life than helping a customer find a vacation book. Someone who wasn’t the kid of a drug addict.
Leo saved lives, caught criminals, served, and protected, and Felicity . . . existed.
But Leo didn’t leave. He read through all the paperwork in the folders. At some point, Felicity sat on the couch because she was so exhausted from pacing and crying and having everything she’d believed about her life and family turned completely upside down.
Leo continued reading, flipping pages, and going through each folder. When he finished, it felt like days had passed, but it had only been an hour.
“I’m sorry about all of this, Felicity,” he said, looking over at her.
That only made her want to cry again.
“I can’t imagine the shock you’ve gone through,” he continued. “I’m going to make you something to eat, and you’re going to take a shower or bath.”
“You don’t have to do this, Leo,” she said. “You don’t have to be the hero for everyone, especially me.”
His gaze remained steady, and he didn’t flinch at her words. “I’m not going anywhere. And I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not ready for either.”
Felicity exhaled. Tears burned her eyes, but she was done crying. “What does that mean?” she whispered.
“It means that I’m not going to let you go through this alone,” he said. “It’s not about being a hero. It’s about not abandoning a friend.”
She blinked rapidly, trying not to cry again.
“I can be your friend if you don’t want a boyfriend,” he said in a quiet voice.
She waited a heartbeat, then two before asking, “Is that possible?”
One side of his mouth lifted, but his gaze was sober. “I guess we’ll find out.”
“Okay.”
Leo stood and held out his hand. Felicity placed hers inside his warm, sturdy grasp and let him draw her to her feet. He didn’t hug her or kiss her, simply squeezed her hand and then released it.
“Come on, General,” Leo said. “Let’s make some dinner.”
She watched her dog trot after Leo. How did he do that? Come into her home and fill it with life and energy and hope? She straightened the folders on the coffee table while listening to Leo move about the kitchen, opening and shutting things, and talking to General.
She went down the hallway, then took a hot shower, letting the water and steam cleanse the last of her tears. She scrubbed her hair and rinsed it out. After turning off the shower and drying off with a towel, she stared at her face in the bathroom mirror. Her eyes were puffy from crying. Her skin was pale. But her heart felt better. Yes, she’d found out devastating news, but the news also explained so much about herself. Things that she’d been troubled with for so long.
And Leo hadn’t left.
He was still here in the kitchen. Making her dinner.
Felicity left the bathroom and went into her bedroom. She’d kept her cell phone off, and she now looked at it to see several missed calls from her parents’—grandparents’—phone number. Her throat tightened. What else could they say to her? Anything more would make her feel even worse. Two of the missed calls were from Livvy, along with a handful of texts asking if everything was all right. Multiple calls and texts had come in from Leo too.
The smell of cooking made Felicity’s stomach tighten with hunger. She hadn’t realized how hungry she’d been until now. So, she dressed, then opened her bedroom door. She walked into the kitchen to find Leo sitting at the table, scrolling through his phone. He’d set two plates of food on the table along with glasses of water and forks.
“Omelets?”
He looked up, those warm brown eyes taking her in. “I’m not too creative.”
“No, I mean, that’s great,” she said. “Smells good too.”
Leo watched her sit down. “You look better.”
Felicity touched her damp hair. “I was kind of a mess, huh?”
Leo gave her a half-smile. “A beautiful mess.”
“No wonder all the ladies like you, Officer Russo.”
Leo didn’t laugh, or even smile. His gaze was intense when he reached across the table and grasped her hand. “There’s a reason I’m here with you and not with any other woman.”
Felicity looked down at his hand on hers. “Even after what I just told you?”
“Even after that.”
She swallowed, determined not to cry again. “I can’t promise anything. All I know is that I don’t want to lead you on, and dating isn’t the best idea. I’m sort of a basket case.” She took a shaky breath. “I hope you’re not too heartbroken. I can still make you jam once in a while, because we’ll be friends, right?”
“We’ll always be friends,” he said, though his voice sounded sad despite his smile. “Maybe we can be foodie friends. I make you stuff, and you make me stuff. It’s always more fun to eat with someone else, right?”
Her heart twisted. Why did he have to be so great? “Right.”
“So tell me the omelet is good, and I’ll feel like I accomplished something.”
A smile pushed its way to the surface. She cut off a piece of the omelet and ate it. “It’s great.” She took another bite to prove it.
Leo nodded and took a bite of his own omelet. “Someday I’ll have to make you the Russo special.”
“What’s that?”
“I add a few more ingredients,” he said with a wink. “You were pretty thin in that category.”
“Did you see all the strawberry jam in the pantry?” Felicity asked.
“I did.” He smiled.
That smile of his reached into her heart and made her feel better than she had in the last few days. Maybe things would be all right. Maybe friendship with Leo was exactly what she needed to become whole, normal.
“While you were in the shower,” he said, “Livvy came over.”
“To the house?”
Leo nodded. “She said she’d been trying to get ahold of you, too, and when she saw my car in front, she decided to knock on the door.”
Felicity blinked back a new round of tears. Livvy cared too. She had two friends. “What did you tell her?”
“The truth,” Leo said.
Felicity stilled.
“That you were in the shower and I was making dinner.”
Felicity stared at him, feeling her face warm. “She probably thought . . .” She brought her hands to her now-hot cheeks.
Leo shrugged and took another bite of his omelet. “I figured you could call her and set her straight.” He gazed at her and raised his eyebrows. “If you want.”
She set her fork down. “Um, I need to text her. I don’t want her thinking . . .” She couldn’t finish. Felicity hurried out of the room to grab her phone. She didn’t know if she was ready to spill everything she’d found out, but she didn’t want Livvy thinking that she and Leo were playing house together.
Felicity grabbed her phone. Livvy hadn’t texted in the last few minutes. So Felicity wrote her own text. Leo said you stopped by. I’ve been sick, and he’s just being nice. It’s not what you th
ink.
Her phone rang ten seconds later.
“He’s taking care of you while you’re sick?” Livvy said in an awed tone.
Felicity sighed. It was good to hear Livvy’s voice, but she really didn’t want to have this conversation. “It’s not what you think.”
Livvy laughed. “How can you be so calm about this? I mean, Leo Russo is at your house making you food.”
“I know,” Felicity said, her voice cracking.
Livvy paused. “What’s wrong? Are you upset?”
Felicity shook her head, even though Livvy couldn’t see her. A lump was growing in her throat, and she wanted to get off the phone so she didn’t become a blubbering mess again.
“Felicity?”
She closed her eyes. “I found some things about my past that aren’t pretty. I kind of shut down for a couple of days. Leo came over to find out what was going on.” She took a shaky breath. “So . . . I didn’t want you to think we were, um, shacking up together or anything.”
“Oh, I was just being dumb,” Livvy said. “Are you okay? Can I do anything?”
Felicity took a breath. “I figured out why I can’t emotionally connect with guys I’m dating and why you’re my first real friend.” Her eyes started to burn, but she felt less shaky now. She’d told Leo, and he was still here. Maybe Livvy would take it in stride too.
So, Felicity explained to Livvy what she’d found in her great-grandfather’s files. Livvy listened to the entire, tragic story, asking a question here and there, but not acting like she was mortified or anything.
When Felicity finished, she was lying on the bed, propped up by pillows. The snow had stopped, and the clouds had parted enough so that the orange glow of the sunset had turned her walls into a rust color.
“I can’t even imagine what you’re going through,” Livvy said. “I had a friend who found out as a teenager that her parents had adopted her, but this is a little more extreme. I mean, I’m sorry about your mom and that you never knew her.”
Finding Us (Pine Valley Book 5) Page 14
