by L. P. Maxa
“Would you say your number is higher or lower than Wilt’s?” Part of me wanted to tell my brother to shut it. And part of me wanted to know, a teeny-tiny small part. Either way, both parts of me felt sick to my stomach.
“No one’s number is that high. I doubt Chamberlin’s number was even really that high.” Mason’s voice sounded annoyed. Not defensive. That was a good sign, right? “And this is not something I’m going to discuss with my girlfriend’s brother.”
My mouth dropped open. Well that was a ballsy use of the word. Where was that Mason three months ago? “Ex-girlfriend. And why not? It’s not like we’re ever getting back together, what’s the harm, friend?” Obviously now I was pissed off from the girlfriend statement. Which had to be the only reason I was going along with this ridiculous conversation.
“So…lower? By how much?” Parker had his back turned to us, loading the dishwasher like he didn’t have a care in the world. “Lower than five hundred?”
“What? Of course.” Mason’s tone told me he thought that was a ridiculous amount, which made me feel pretty good. Although there were a lot of numbers between four hundred and ninety nine and my personal count, which was six.
“Lower than three hundred?”
“Yes.” Mason was speaking through gritted teeth at this point.
“Lower than two hundred?”
“We aren’t having this conversation. There is no reason—”
“The answer is no, huh? I mean, if it was another yes you’d have had no problem answering.” Parker was facing us again, leaning back against the counter, wiping his hands on a dishrag.
Paxton walked back in with Katie, his smile disappearing when he noticed the weighted silence in the room. “Uh, what the hell happened?”
“Parker thought it’d be fun to discuss how many girls Mason’s slept with.”
Parker held his hands up. “Hey, you were on board, Pay. If you’d have told me to stop, I would have.”
He was right. Curiosity killed the cat, and then brought it back to life and killed it all over again. “For like five seconds I thought I wanted to know, but…”
“If you wanted to know, if you wanted to have that talk, we could have. Just you and me, without your brother being a dick in the background. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Always.” Mason reached over and put his hand on my thigh and stared right into my eyes.
The love, the honesty that I saw in them rooted me in place. And for a brief few seconds, I reveled in his touch. In his gaze. But just like two nights ago, I pulled back before I could feel too much. “It doesn’t matter now, does it?”
His hand dropped to his side, but his eyes stayed locked on mine. “I don’t know, baby, you tell me.”
I shook my head, standing up to get away from him. “Don’t.”
Paxton glared at Parker, interrupting me. “What got this stupid discussion started anyway? What are you three? Frat boys?” He seemed annoyed with all of us.
Mason leaned back in his chair, taking Katie from Pax, who handed her over. “Wilt Chamberlin.”
Paxton’s glare turned to a smile as he addressed Parker, jerking his head in Mason’s direction. “What number did he start to get fidgety?”
“Lower than two hundred.” Parker shrugged.
Paxton put his hands on the table, leaned forward and got close to Mason’s face. “Do you even actually know your number?”
“Nope.” They were whispering, like they were telling secrets and we couldn’t hear them.
“Yeah, me neither.” Paxton looked at me, frowning. “Don’t let Park get in your head. What does he know? His number is higher than all of ours and he can’t help but cheat on every girlfriend he’s ever had.”
“What the hell does that have to do with anything?” Parker was wearing a what the fuck face. “We’re talking about the shithead who broke our sister’s heart, not me.”
Paxton pointed at Mason. “That shithead went back on tour, surrounded himself with women who would literally give their lives to suck his dick, and still didn’t cheat. That’s saying something in my book.” After that Paxton walked out, like, drop-the-mic style.
I followed after him. “Pax, wait.”
“Can’t, gotta get dressed. I’m picking up this chick at eight, since she apparently needs to be wined and dined before she’ll bang me.” He slapped the top of the doorframe on his way. “If she wasn’t so hot, I wouldn’t bother.”
“Ew.” I wrinkled my nose. There had been way too much talk about my brothers’ sex lives tonight. “Why are you being so nice to Mace?” When he didn’t stop walking, I stood in his doorway while he changed shirts.
“I’m not.”
“We both know you are.” They seemed to have a couple inside jokes, and Paxton didn’t hate him the way Parker did. Not to mention the other morning, when Pax made it sound like he’d been the one to tell Mace to get up in the middle of the night with Katie and me.
“I just kind of feel for the guy, I guess. His whole life changed in the blink of an eye. He freaked out, and he bailed. He’s not the only guy in the world that got spooked at commitment. Hell, he’s not the only guy in this house, you know? If you two plan on raising Katie together you’re going to have to forgive him. There’s just no other way around it, Pay.”
“Forgiving him and taking him back are two very different things.” My arms were crossed over my chest and I made my glare hard.
“He’s in love with you.”
“He’s in lust with me, and he hates being alone.” I didn’t want to budge.
“The man who hates being alone left, alone, to go back on tour. And he did it for two reasons. One, he had people depending on him. Two, he was afraid of loving you. He was afraid of not being good enough.”
I nodded, slowly, in that scary way we women have. “And he extended the tour because…?”
“Fear. At that point he was afraid to face you, afraid of the consequences, and afraid of knowing he’d lost you for good.” My brother held his finger is the air. “But. He did come home. He faced his fears. And that little weak-ass bitch is doing everything he can to make things right.”
“How do you know all this? Have you talked to him? Is he confiding in you?”
He slipped off his flip-flops and pulled on some gray Chucks. “He’s a dude, I’m a dude. I know these things.”
“Why are you helping him? Why don’t you hate him like Parker does?” Pax wouldn’t joke around with Mason if he didn’t like him. He wouldn’t insult him. He’d simply ignore him and pretend like he didn’t exist.
“Parker doesn’t hate Mason. Parker hates himself, and he sees parts of himself in Mason. Parker cheats, Parker lies, and Parker is terrified of anything resembling happily ever after. Park would never want you to be with an asshole like him, and he thinks he and Mason are cut from the same cloth.”
I raised an eyebrow, somewhat blown away by the things Paxton was saying about Parker. “And you don’t?”
“Mason hasn’t ever cheated on you. He’s basically begging for your forgiveness. The poor guy is throwing around words like co-parent and family every chance he gets. And he hasn’t once flinched when I’ve called you Katie’s mom.”
I was the only female Katie had ever known, and if Mace was telling the truth about raising her together I really was going to be her mother. But I’d never called myself that, and neither had Mason. I decided to leave that comment alone and go with one a little more superficial. “How do you know he didn’t cheat?” He’d told me he hadn’t, but I wasn’t really in a trusting place when it came to Mason these days.
“Have you ever seen Parker look at a girl the way Mason looks at you? Because I haven’t. I’ve never followed anyone around, just trying to be near them. He came back to you, Pay, it doesn’t matter how long it took him. Eleven weeks? In the span of a lifetime it’s nothing, it’s a blip.” He put his large hands on my shoulders. “You need to think of your future. You need to think of what you want your life to
look like down the road. It’s still Mason that’s standing beside you in the end.”
“Pax.”
“Payton, we both know you’re going to forgive him. We both know you’re going to take him back. You two weren’t together long, but the amount of life you got through while you were? That’s saying something, Pay. There are decades-long marriages that wouldn’t survive what you two did. You haven’t wanted to move on because he’s the only one for you. And it doesn’t matter how big he messed up, that’s never going to change. It’s up to you how much time you waste making him earn it.”
***
“Hey. Can I talk to you a minute?” I closed the folding glass doors behind me and made my way across the patio to sit next to my other brother. Tonight was a night a lot like the first night I’d come to the ranch. It was clear and warm, and there were a million stars in the sky.
“Of course. What’s up, Pay?” Parker was leaning back in a lounge chair, his computer open on his lap. He closed it as soon as I lowered myself to the chair next to his.
“If I ask you something, will you be completely honest with me? Like one hundred percent, no-holds-barred honest?”
He smiled and turned toward me, planting his feet on the ground and giving me his undivided attention. “Always.”
“Do you think Mason deserves another chance?” Parker and Paxton were two very different people. They had different views, different opinions, and different thoughts on life and love. But they were both my older brothers and they’d never steered me wrong before.
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t think he deserves another chance. I think he hurt you and I think he screwed up. Big-time.” He gave me a small smile. “But I think he needs another chance. I think you owe it to yourself, and to Katie, to try and move past this.”
“Really?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I can’t stand the guy, and given the chance I’d knock him out. But in the end, all I want, all any of us want, is to see you happy. To see you and Katie being loved and taken care of.” He reached out and patted my knee. “You’re a mom now, Pay.”
“He told me that you and Pax could stay, you know? The day he came back, he asked me if I wanted you guys here. And when I said yes, he said you could stay.”
He chuckled. “I know.”
“How did you know that?” I’d never told my brothers what Mason said that day. And they’d never asked. I figured both of them were simply following my lead.
“We’re your big brothers, Payton. We were straight-up eavesdropping.”
Chapter Forty-two
Mason
Fifteen weeks and six days old (almost four months)
“Mason. Wake up.”
I opened one eye to see Paxton standing over my bed, his face close to mine. I jerked back. “What the hell, man?”
“Payton is up with Katie.”
I squinted at my watch. “What time is it?”
“Around one in the morning.” He pushed at my shoulder. “Get up.”
“Already home from your date? Geez, you need me to give you some tips?” I wiped at my eyes and then fell sideways again when he frogged me in the arm.
“Like you could teach my anything I don’t already know.” He pulled me back into a sitting position. “Come on, get up. Payton is up with Katie.”
I sighed. “Look, that didn’t go very well last time. We decided to take turns like we used to.” There was no way I was going out there and ruining what little headway I’d recently made.
“No, man. I think Katie is sick.”
I threw back the covers and shoved past him. I passed the nursery to see all the lights on, and then finally found them in the living room. Payton had her cell to her ear and was bouncing a fussy Katie on her shoulder. “Hey, what’s…?”
She held a finger up, silencing me. “Okay. No, I got it. We’ll do some of the Tylenol. Thank you.” She hung up her phone and tossed it down on the couch. Katie was crying quietly, her little face looked red.
“Is she sick?”
“She has a small fever and she’s pulling at her ears. I talked to the pediatrician on call at the hospital and he said to just give her some Tylenol and bring her in tomorrow.”
I held my arms out and took her from Payton. “Come here, Katie Bug.” I followed Payton as she went into the kitchen and pulled out a tub I’d never seen before. It was full of medicine bottles and first aid stuff.
She measured out purple liquid, and I held the baby while Payton helped Katie take the medicine. “There you go, Bug. That’ll help.” She patted Katie’s back and she laid her head down on my shoulder.
“Why don’t you go back to sleep? I’ll stay awake with her.” I wasn’t offering because I wanted to melt her heart. I was offering because Katie was my baby and I was worried. I didn’t want to be too far away from her.
“Oh, no, that’s okay. You go ahead, I’ll take the first shift.”
I smiled. “You don’t want to be away from her either?”
“This is the first time she’s been sick and I just really want to make sure that her fever goes down. I mean, she could rupture an eardrum or…”
“It’s okay, Payton.”
She let out a big sigh. “I know. It’s crazy that I’m so worried, right? I’m a NICU nurse. I can handle something as small as a possible ear infection.” She shrugged. “I guess what they say is true. It’s different when it’s your own.” Her eyes went wide as soon as those words left her lips. “I, uh, I’m sorry I—”
“She is yours, Payton, please don’t apologize.” I kissed Katie’s cheek. “Look, the bed in my parents’ room is huge. Why don’t we let her lay down in there with us? That way we can both stay with her.”
“Okay, yeah, that would be good.”
I was excited that she said yes. But my concern for Katie was overshadowing everything else at the moment. I was grateful that Payton was here, that she’d known what to do. Would I have had the right medicine in the house? Would I have known to call the pediatrician? No. I had no clue how to take care of a sick baby. Had my dad known these things when I was younger? Or had he learned like I would have had to without Payton? The hard way.
She followed me down the hall, her footsteps soft behind me. I took Katie into my parents’ bedroom and Payton stopped off in the nursery, turning all the lights out. Katie was still kind of fussing a little, so instead of lying down, I started to sway with her in the corner of the room.
“It’ll take another fifteen minutes or so for that medicine to start working. She should start to calm down soon though.” Payton sat on the edge of the large California king–sized bed. “Have you cleaned anymore out?”
I kissed the side of my little sister’s warm head. “No. Not since you were helping me the other day.” I looked around the room and took in what Payton was seeing. The heavy, dark wood furniture, the thick drapes, the rich warm colors of the bedding. “I need to finish though. It’s time.” It was time that I made this my room. As much as it hurt, like a knife to the chest, my dad and M Kat were gone. But like Jacks had said, Payton and Katie were still here.
I was a lucky man, and it was time I made this house our home.
Chapter Forty-three
Payton
Fifteen weeks and six days old (almost four months old)
I’d been right. Another fifteen minutes and she was sound asleep on Mason’s shoulder. He came over and laid her on the mattress between us and then climbed into bed next to her.
“I’ll run her up to the hospital tomorrow so they can check her ears.” I rested my hand on her tiny tummy.
Mason peered across Katie, meeting my gaze in the dark. “You need me to come with you?”
“Nah. If I just take her up there by myself it’ll go faster. I can just slip in and out, use the employee elevators.” I smiled. “I’m not famous or anything.”
His smile fell. “You will be.” He ran his hand over Katie’s head, checking to see for himself that her fever had gone down.
“Eventually the press will get pictures of us together, they’ll get your name. They’ll assume we’re together.”
“You sound so sad.”
He nodded. “I am. I hate that for you and Katie. She didn’t ask to be born Johnny Cadence’s daughter. She didn’t deserve the tragedy that surrounded her birth. And she didn’t get a say in who her parents left her to. An easily recognizable rock star.” He sighed. “She’ll be followed her whole life. Every picture of Katie Cadence will bring in money.”
I licked my lips because they were dry, not because I was trying to turn Mason on. But his eyes still drifted down anyway. “Why don’t you change her last name? Make it Maxwell, or give her Kate’s last name.”
“Maxwell is actually my middle name. Mason Maxwell Cadence. I’ve gone by Mason Maxwell for so long that sometimes even I forget. And I thought about giving her Kate’s last name, but I don’t think she would have liked that, you know? Kate loved my old man with everything she had. She’d want Katie to be proud to grow up a Cadence. Like her dad and her big brother.”
“Well then, we’ll just do our best to give her a childhood away from the spotlight.” I reached out and put my hand on his where it rested on the bed. “We’ll live at the ranch, we’ll send her to a small school. We’ll prosecute any and every photographer that tries to snap a picture of a minor.” I smiled. “If Kate wanted her to be a Cadence, then we’ll raise the best damn one yet.”
His smile came back full force. “We.”
I bit my bottom, lip, letting my gaze stay on his longer than it had in a long time. “We.”
“I really want to kiss you right now.” He looked at my lips again.
I snorted. “One step at a time, friend.”
“Is that to remind me or you?”
“You. Definitely you.” I closed my eyes so he would stop talking. I couldn’t watch him stare at my mouth anymore. He was gorgeous with his wild blond hair and sun-kissed skin. His green eyes were doing things to my insides, even in the dark. I was still drawn to Mason; nothing about that had changed or diminished. And lying in this bed with him right now? Was kind of driving me crazy.
