by Betsy Haynes
"That's called invading someone's private space," she said. "And you can really push people around when you do that."
"I have to admit it worked on me," I said. I thought about what she had just showed me, and then I said, "But why did your mother show you how to do this kind of stuff?"
Taffy blushed and lowered her eyes. "She started teaching me body language when I was having so much trouble with everyone at school."
I didn't say anything for a minute because I knew that part of that "everyone" had been me. I was glad I had made friends with Taffy now because I could see that she was really a very lonely person. She must have known I was embarrassed because she started the conversation again, telling me ways to stand and walk that would make me look like I was super-important. I was really starting to get excited about trying it out. She taught me a few more ways to be nasty to my FORMER friends, and then she showed me secret ways to send messages to cute boys. She said her mother hadn't shown her that. She had just sort of figured it out for herself.
After that, we listened to records for a while and talked about what we were going to be for Halloween. I felt a little silly telling her I was going to be the Jolly Green Giant, especially after she told me that she was going to be the tooth fairy. Finally she went home. When she was gone I spent practically the whole afternoon practicing body language in front of my mirror. Sometimes I imagined my FORMER friends were there and sometimes Randy Kirwan. I could hardly wait to get to school on Monday to try it out.
CHAPTER EIGHT
"How about making a quick trip out to Southgate Mall to get you some new sneakers?" Mom asked me later that afternoon.
Naturally I said yes. I was desperate for new sneakers, and I loved going to Southgate Mall. Inside, they have big pools with goldfish swimming in them and trees and flowers and stuff growing all around. Sometimes my FORMER friends and I were allowed to ride out there on our bicycles to go to this really neat shop that has forty-five flavors of ice cream. My two favorite flavors are bubble gum and peanut butter and jelly, only I can't stand to look at the peanut butter and jelly. Brown ice cream with purple streaks in it is just too gross.
Anyway, we waited on the corner for the bus marked Shoppers Special that went right up to the front door of the mall. Mom seemed awfully quiet, as if she had a lot of things on her mind. I hoped she and Pink weren't mad or something, but I really wasn't all that interested in conversation myself. I was still thinking about what I had learned that morning from Taffy Sinclair.
We found new sneakers in the first shoestore we looked in. The salesman who waited on us was probably in high school or maybe in college. He was so cute I thought about sending him a message in body language, but I didn't know if I was good enough yet, and I wouldn't want Mom to catch on to a thing like that. So I just stood really still while he put my old shoes into a box and Mom paid for the new ones. Then we went to a fabric store, and Mom bought tons of green felt for my Jolly Green Giant costume.
"Want to get an ice-cream cone before we head for home?" she asked as we walked back out into the mall.
"Sure," I said. I had never refused an offer like that in my life.
Mom ordered a single dip of coconut almond mocha and I eenie-meenie-minie-moed between my two favorite flavors. Peanut butter and jelly won, and I ordered a triple dip. Since Mom knows I always eat it with my eyes closed so that I can't see how gross it looks, she led me to a booth.
"You know, Jana," Mom began just as I took my first lick. "I've been thinking about something ever since Taffy came over this morning."
I opened my eyes and looked at her. I couldn't imagine what was coming.
"I know the two of you have never really liked each other and that you even had a club against her once. I think it's great that you're getting along so well now, but what about your other friends? I just realized they haven't been over or even called for several days. I don't mean to be nosy, but are you girls having problems?"
I closed my eyes and licked my ice-cream cone again. Mom had noticed after all. I didn't know what to say. I just couldn't tell her what my FORMER friends had done to me. I'd be so embarrassed I'd die. I sat there with my eyes closed, licking away on my ice-cream cone for quite a while. I knew Mom wouldn't ask any more questions if I didn't want her to. She was always pretty good about things like that. I wondered if she were still looking at me, and I started to get a lump in my throat. That lump just kept getting bigger and bigger until I was afraid I wouldn't be able to swallow my ice cream anymore. Finally, I looked at her and said, "Mom, what would you do if somebody pointed out something about you, like a fault or something, only it wasn't really true?"
Mom sighed and gave me a sympathetic look. "Oh, honey. Is that what the trouble is? I'm sorry." Then she reached across the table and squeezed my hand. "Well, I guess if someone did that to me, I'd get busy and prove to that person she was wrong. You know, sometimes people get carried away looking for other people's faults and that's all they see. They even see faults that aren't there and miss all the really good points a person has."
"Thanks, Mom," I said, and I gave her a genuine smile. She couldn't know how much better she had made me feel. I was doing the right thing after all. I was proving to my FORMER friends that instead of me being boy crazy, boys were crazy over me. Even my own mom said that's what I should do. I also wondered how long it had been since my FORMER friends had thought about all my good points. They probably never thought about anybody's good points since they were always looking for faults.
After we finished our ice-cream cones, we took the Shoppers Special back home. Not long after that, Pink came to pick Mom up and brought me my deep-dish pepperoni, green pepper, and mushroom pizza, and I spent practically the whole evening practicing body language in front of the mirror again.
When Monday morning arrived, I was ready for my FORMER friends. I could turn my eyes into poison darts in just about half a second, but all the way to school I kept practicing anyway. I also practiced the special smile Taffy had said drove cute boys wild. I would do one poison dart eyes and then one cute boy smile and then one poison dart eyes and on and on like that over and over again. I hoped I wouldn't get mixed up and give my FORMER friends the cute boy smile and look at Randy Kirwan with poison dart eyes, but deep down I knew I wouldn't.
When Taffy Sinclair and I got to the school ground, we stopped and looked around. I was looking for Randy Kirwan or some other cute boys, but Taffy must have been looking for my FORMER friends because she said, "Over there," pointing toward the slide.
Beth was standing there looking lost. I guessed that was how a person looks when she doesn't have any friends, I thought. Anyway, Taffy and I headed straight for her. We even both started off on the same foot the way they do in the marching band. Just as we got even with her, we turned our shoulders toward her and looked at her with our poison dart eyes. Then we stuck our noses in the air and marched away. Next we found Katie and did the same thing to her. Melanie stuck her tongue out when we marched past her, and Christie almost looked like she was going to cry.
Unfortunately, Randy Kirwan was absent, but during the day I got several other chances to send hate messages to my FORMER friends. Once, across the cafeteria, I thought I saw Melanie and Katie talking to each other, and I wondered if they were talking about me. They were probably wishing they hadn't been so mean to me. I didn't care. It would serve them right for always looking for people's faults instead of their good points. Still, seeing them together again gave me a funny feeling that I couldn't get rid of all that day.
CHAPTER NINE
"Here's your chance to practice body language on cute boys," Taffy said as we got to school Tuesday morning. She grinned at me as if we were in on some secret plot and then glanced toward the backstop of the baseball diamond where Randy, Mark, and Scott were standing together talking.
I already knew they were there. I had seen them when we were still half a block away. But surely she didn't think that I should send messages
to Mark and Scott and Randy right there on the school ground of Mark Twain Elementary with every single kid in every single grade looking on. I couldn't do that. I hadn't practiced enough. I wasn't ready. If I goofed up, I'd be so embarrassed I'd die.
"I need to go to my locker," I mumbled, ducking my head and making a sharp left hand turn toward the building.
Taffy grabbed my arm and whirled me back around. "Oh, no you don't," she said. "Are you a chicken or what? It's your perfect chance to send messages to three of the cutest boys in school and—" she lowered her voice as if someone were listening in, "you can do it in front of your FORMER friends. Go on!"
I heard somebody groan. It must have been me. Taffy gave me a shove toward the backstop. I tried to breathe and couldn't. My lungs were collapsing along with my shaking legs. How could I send messages to anyone when I was dying of asphyxiation? It would be all her fault if I passed out and had to be taken to the hospital.
But before that could happen, Randy looked up. He looked straight at me and then he smiled.
"Hi, Jana," he said. He kept right on smiling, and it was the same smile as in the poster beside my bed. For a split second I remembered how many times I'd looked at that smile while I practiced sending him messages. It had always been easy in front of his picture in my room. Maybe I could do it now.
"Hi, Randy." I said it in the sweetest voice I could and opened my eyes really wide the way Taffy had taught me to do. It must have worked because I couldn't believe the next thing he said.
"Come here a minute. I want to ask you something."
My heart was pounding so loudly that I almost couldn't hear him. He had gotten my message, and now he wanted to talk to me. I remembered how important it was to walk sexily and stuck my hip out as I took another step. Swing, step. Swing, step. I felt like I was jerking along instead of swinging. I slowed down. I didn't want Randy to think I was spastic. He was still smiling when I got to him so I flipped my pretend long hair over my shoulder and looked into his eyes.
"I forgot to do my math homework last night," he said. "Can I copy your answers?"
"Yeah, me, too," said Mark.
"Me, too," said Scott.
I had to be dreaming. The three cutest boys in the whole sixth grade had asked to copy my homework. They hadn't asked Christie Winchell or Curtis Trowbridge, and those two were mathematical geniuses. They had asked me, and it was all because I had sent them messages in body language.
When the first bell rang, we went into the building to our lockers. Randy and Mark and Scott were still walking with me when I passed Christie standing beside her locker taking off her coat. I couldn't resist making my eyes into poison darts and looking at her over my shoulder again. I could tell she got my message because she stuck out her tongue.
After we got to class, I sent hate messages to my three other FORMER friends and was just settling down to daydream about Randy during another boring morning of school work when Wiggins struck again. She had written the day's assignments on the board and had sat back down at her desk when she stood up again so fast she looked like a rocket launching into space. She just stood there a minute or two, sniffing the air.
"Chewing gum!" she thundered. "Everybody stand at attention."
Wiggins has this thing about chewing gum. She hates it and swears she can smell it half a block away. Naturally, every so often some kid decides to test her nose. I stood up with everybody else, wondering who it was this time. The routine was always the same. Wiggins would go up and down the aisles, sniffing away like a bloodhound until she found who was chewing gum. Then she would take the guilty kid to the front of the room and go through this big ceremony of having him wrap it up in a tissue and throw it into the trash. The routine was always the same, and she never missed.
Everybody stood as stiff as pokers for the first couple of minutes. I could see Melanie out of the corner of my eye, and I was secretly hoping that it was one of my FORMER friends who had gum in her mouth, but I knew it probably wasn't.
By the time Wiggins got to the second aisle, everybody was beginning to get restless. Kids were starting to grin and pantomime messages to one another. I could see Taffy Sinclair up by Wiggins's desk, and I could tell by the way her hip stuck out that she was sending messages to cute boys. Then I got this great idea. Wiggins was still a long way away. With any luck at all, it would take a few more minutes for her to locate the chewing gum. This was the perfect time for me to practice body language again. After all, I had just proved to myself how well it worked on the school ground. There was no telling what else I could do with more practice. I just had to watch Taffy and do what she did.
I shifted my weight so my right hip stuck out, and I put my hand on it the way Taffy was doing. She was looking around really slowly and smiling at every boy who looked at her. It was the same kind of smile I had given Randy before. I would try it again. I started looking around really slowly, too, and smiling at every cute boy that looked back. I hadn't realized before that there were so many cute boys in the sixth grade. Of course, I goofed a few times. Once Sally Schmidt thought I was smiling at her, and she started pantomiming something about Wiggins and her nose. Another time, I was aiming my smile at Mark Peters and drippy Clarence Marshall got in the way. It seemed like every boy in the whole class looked at me except Randy. I didn't care. He had already gotten one message. Then I decided to stick out my left hip and look over my left shoulder at any cute boys that were sitting behind me. I never should have done that because just as soon as I started, Wiggins came tearing up the aisle from the back of the room. We saw each other at just about the same time.
"Jana, are you having some sort of problem?"
When Wiggins said that everybody in the whole room looked at me, and I was so embarrassed I thought I'd die.
"No, ma'am," I said and straightened up as quickly as I could. Of course, Melanie gave me a dirty look and I gave her one back. Fortunately a minute later Wiggins sniffed out the chewing gum and everybody forgot about what she had said to me. They were too busy watching her march a boy named Andy Crowder up to the trash.
The rest of the morning was pretty boring. I was afraid to send any more messages to cute boys in front of Wiggins. There was no telling what she would do. When the noon bell rang, I hurried to get my lunch out of my locker so I could meet Taffy outside the cafeteria door. She was twisting and smiling as we went in, got our milk, and found a table, and I couldn't help wondering if she talked body language in her sleep.
I took a big bite of my cream-cheese-and-jelly sandwich and was looking across the table watching Taffy break hers into little bitty pieces again when I saw Randy Kirwan coming toward us out of the corner of my eye. My heart nearly stopped. He was heading straight for my table, and I knew why. I tried to chew my sandwich and swallow it before he got close. That way I could smile and talk to him when he sat down.
I was watching Randy come toward me when I heard someone else come up behind me. A hot lunch tray smacked down on the table.
"Hi, Jana. Mind if I sit here?"
I thought I'd die. I knew who it was without looking. It was the nerd of the world, Curtis Trowbridge, and he was sitting down right next to me. He was the last person I would call a cute boy. Next to Randy, he looked like he belonged in Mad magazine. Surely he hadn't thought any of the messages I sent in body language were meant for him. Before I could answer, he sat down. Randy sat down, too, only he sat on the other side of the table next to Taffy.
I was sure he was sitting on that side of the table so he could look at me without being too obvious. He probably didn't want the whole world to know how much he liked me until he had the chance to tell me himself. I didn't want to be obvious, either, so I didn't look up or say anything. Anyway, I had taken an awfully big bite of my sandwich, and I was having trouble chewing it. I tried to be casual as I glanced at Randy's lunch spread out on the table in front of him. He had a bologna sandwich made with whole wheat bread, a package of corn chips, and a piece of chocolate cake. I
sighed. For the rest of my life I would never eat anything for lunch except a bologna sandwich made with whole wheat bread, a package of corn chips, and a piece of chocolate cake. I would become a champion bologna sandwich maker! And my chocolate cake! Randy would brag about my delicious chocolate cake to everybody he knew.
"Want to hear some great news?" Curtis was saying to me. In fact, he was practically shouting in my ear. I tried my best to ignore him and concentrate on my sandwich. I certainly didn't want Randy to think I was interested in Curtis or anything he had to say.
"Hey. Are you asleep?" asked Curtis, poking me with an elbow. "I said, I've got great news."
"I heard you," I said, trying to talk without moving my lips. I'd die if Randy saw me having conversation with him.
"What kind of news?" asked Randy. I glanced up and Randy was looking at Curtis as if he were really interested in what he had to say. I couldn't help sighing again. Randy was really a kind and wonderful person. He would be nice to practically anybody. Then I remembered it had been Curtis who had told me about the plan for the big sneeze. Maybe it would be all right to talk to him just this once.
"Wiggins is going to give a prize for the best costume at the Halloween party," he said. You could tell he felt pretty important.
"How do you know?" I asked.
"I was getting a drink at the fountain by the principal's office and I heard Wiggins talking to Mrs. Winchell. She was telling her all about it, only I couldn't hear what the prize was."
"Gee, that's great!" cried Taffy. "I already know what I'm going to be for Halloween and everything."
I wondered what kind of costume Randy would wear. I thought about how much fun it would be if he would get around to telling me how much he liked me by then and we could go together in special costumes like Romeo and Juliet or something. Of course, Mom had already started making my Jolly Green Giant costume. Romeo and the Jolly Green Giant? I'd be so embarrassed I'd die.
