by Bree Dahlia
My eyes skimmed his face, trying to decipher it. I kept telling myself that I shouldn’t care what he thought… yet, I did.
His lips were hard on mine and completely unexpected. Fingers twisting in my hair, drawing me in, taking my breath. I tried to fight the building arousal because I knew it couldn’t lead anywhere. Not tonight. “Chase,” I spoke softly into his mouth when he let me come up for air. That only instigated another kiss, his tongue taunting me, making me hate my ex all the more for showing up and keeping that expert mouth away from the rest of my throbbing body.
He broke free, and I wanted to crumble. I so badly did not want him to leave. It was then that I noticed the living room light out. Did Mike go back to sleep? He better not have. I needed an explanation why he was there, and if it wasn’t a damn good one, I’d string him up by his balls.
Chase touched his forehead to mine and stroked my hair. “Just so you know, Jillian, you may not get jealous, but I do.”
I watched Chase leave, and then I braced myself to go back inside and rip Mike a new one. I stormed up the steps, threw open the door, and immediately switched on the light. He wasn’t sleeping at all. He was sitting up straight.
“Thought you said he’s a friend.”
“He is.” My blood started to boil. “Were you spying on me?”
“Friends don’t kiss like that, Jillian.”
He was spying on me, the asshole. That’s why he turned off the light. “Why don’t you just tell me what you’re doing here. And I think it’s time you gave me back that key. You don’t live here anymore, and I can’t have you popping in whenever you feel like it.”
“Little young for you, don’t you think?” I closed my eyes. I did not need this conversation. “What, are you one of those pumas now?”
“God, Mike. It’s cougar. How do you not know that? If you’re going to insult me, at least get it right.”
“It’s not a word I thought I’d ever use, especially not with you.”
I stomped into the kitchen and opened the fridge. If he drank even one of my beers, I’d lose it. All six were still there, but when I eyed my vodka sitting on the counter, he’d definitely tapped into that. I grabbed a bottle and popped it open.
“Once again, why are you here?” I said when I came back into the living room. “You said you’ve been here awhile. Don’t you have patients to see?”
“Not at this hour.”
I snickered. That’s not what he would have said toward the end of our marriage. He had no problem keeping his office open for late appointments then. Fortunately for Candace, Mike was a skilled shoulder surgeon. She’d come in with a torn rotator cuff and left six months later with a shiny new muscle in the form of Mike’s dick.
“Something funny?” he asked.
“Nope.” There was nothing even remotely humorous about any of this. And I had to remind myself there was no evidence that he cheated on me, so I couldn’t be a bitch about it. But I had every right to be one about other things. I plopped on the opposite couch. “Dammit, Mike. You can’t just show up uninvited whenever you want. How’d you feel if I did that to you?”
I was ready to lay into him, but his entire demeanor changed, and he slumped back down. “I know. I won’t do it again, I promise. And you’ll get your key back.”
“Mike, why are you here?” I asked in a softer voice.
He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I think Candace might be screwing around on me.”
I had to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from laughing. Now that was funny. I took a lengthy swig. Damn, his long face sucked all the joy out of it, though. I wanted to gloat, throw ‘what goes around, comes around’ back at him—even though I had no proof—but I wasn’t cruel.
“Why do you think that?”
“Well, what I should have said is that I’m worried she’s going to.”
I swung my head back, banging it against the wall. “That’s hardly the same thing.” He crashed my orgasmfest for that? Because he’s insecure and paranoid?
“It’s just that… I don’t know what to do, Jillian.” He raked his hands through his hair. “She’s pressuring me hard to get married, wants to start a family before it’s too late. If I don’t give her what she wants, what if she goes elsewhere?”
“The family thing is understandable, Mike.” I estimated her to be around my age, maybe a little older. It was hard to tell from her face because her lips got in the way. Be nice, Perry. But regardless, her eggs were ticking down. “And as far as marriage goes, it has been… uh, over a year.” Or more.
“I know all that, but I’m not ready for any of it. I don’t think I even want to start over again.”
“So, tell her that.”
He shook his head. “And I have a feeling that Daniel doesn’t like her too much, but he probably wouldn’t like anyone who isn’t you.”
I knew he didn’t, but I didn’t mention that. It wasn’t my style to kick a man when he was down. “You have to tell her how you feel, Mike. Don’t string her along just because you’re worried she’ll find someone else. That’s not right.”
“I don’t know why things can’t just stay the same. I let her move in with me. Isn’t that enough?”
“Apparently not. And she’s the one you should be asking these questions to.” Headlights sliced through the room when a car passed the house, making me think of the cherry red one in my driveway. “Is that her car you have tonight?”
He nodded. “Mine’s in the shop.”
“Where does she think you are?”
“At a friend’s.”
“Probably not the best to lie, don’t you think?” For both our sakes. I didn’t know Candace too well. What if she was a raving psychopath? Combine that with a scorned woman and you might as well start looking for a bodyguard right away, long before the dead bunnies started showing up on the front porch.
“That’s not a lie. Are we not friends, Jillian? Well, maybe not your definition of a friend….”
And here we go again. “We are not talking about this, Mike. Chase is none of your concern.”
“I disagree. He is because of Daniel.” I opened my mouth, but Mike cut me off before I could speak. “They’re the same age, Jillian. The same age. How would that look to Daniel? You have to think of him.”
I thrust my body forward and waved my bottle around. I wanted to thrash him upside the head with it. “Don’t you dare, Mike. You have no right to ever say I’m not thinking of our son. That’s all I’ve ever done. I raised that boy while you were gone all the time. I was more a part of his life than you were. So, don’t you dare.”
“I was going through residency, building my practice. I was working, Jillian. It’s not like I was cavorting around town.”
“You think I don’t know that? But to have the gall to say I need to think of him?” God, I was going to burst a vessel soon. I was so angry my eyes were crossing.
Mike raised and lowered his hands as if to tell me to calm down. I shot him death glares for it. “I’m sorry, I am. That all came out wrong,” he said quietly. “I couldn’t have done any of it without you, Jillian. I couldn’t have asked for a better mother for Daniel. No matter what, I’ll always love you for that.”
I felt myself deflate a bit, then drained the rest of my bottle. Everything was so fucked up. How could I be so attracted to Chase? What was wrong with me?
“I get it. I really do. It’s nice to have a distraction, and I know how much you miss Daniel.”
“That is not—”
“Please. I’m not attacking you. I promise.”
I crossed my arms. Why bother defending myself when he’d probably just cut me off again? Daniel was not the reason I liked Chase. Perry and I already went over that with the milk and cookie test. I did not want to mother him. I did not want to tuck him in at night and sing him lullabies. I did not want to change his diapers. I liked Chase for one reason and one reason only: Sex. Lots and lots of hard-pumping, breath-taking, toe-curling, slam-you
-on-your-back-and-make-you-scream sex.
“It’s just that I care,” he continued. “I don’t want you to get in too deep. You know whatever you’re doing can’t last. It’s not long-term, and if you forget that, you might get hurt.”
“I’m going to bed.” I stood up and smoothed down my hair. “You can sleep it off on the couch. After that, I’d like you to leave.” I headed down the hall toward my room.
“Jillian—”
“Goodnight, Mike.”
I awoke to the sound of a car door slamming. I checked the time: 1:30 a.m. Rolling over, I watched the lights magnify through my window as Mike pulled out of the driveway. I was suddenly wide awake; it’d probably take me another good hour to fall back asleep.
The middle of the night was the worst for racing thoughts. They had nowhere to go except Crazytown. I couldn’t stop replaying all the events over the last three weeks. I met a guy who made me feel things I’d never felt, and he was all wrong.
Mike was right, and I knew that even during the time he was pissing me off so badly. I flipped to my back and stared at the ceiling. Chase and I weren’t meant to last long, and I didn’t want that anyway. I did need to consider what Daniel thought, although that went without saying. As far as getting hurt when it was all over, that would only happen if I cared. No problem there. Sure, I’d feel an emptiness between my legs, but when it came down to it, there were other cocks on the block.
Ding. My body jerked at the sound, and I scrambled for my cell. Another thing that wasn’t compatible with the middle of the night: phone calls. They always made me panic.
Fortunately, it was a text, so I didn’t sweat too hard, but there were multiple ways of delivering bad news. I grabbed my phone and peeked through one eye, as if that would soften the blow.
Chase?
Can’t sleep. Taking a chance that you can’t either.
I smiled, then scolded myself for the warm, fuzzy feelings. Did I get struck by a rock in the past thirty seconds? I needed to get back to my previous mindset.
I’m awake.
Are you alone?
Man, did he think I was a total sleaze? I had every right to sleep with dozens of other men if I wanted to, but still….
I’ll answer that just as soon as I kick these two guys out of my bed. My hands are a little full.
Jesus, Jillian. I only meant if you were still talking to your ex. Not if you had someone in bed with you.
Okay, maybe I jumped the gun on that one. I tapped the phone on my chin. Ding.
And that was NOT funny.
Sorry.
Just don’t say shit like that again, okay?
I didn’t owe him an explanation, but I wanted to reassure him that I wasn’t going to be collecting diseases like pennies off the street and dropping them in his cup.
Okay. But just so you’re clear, for as long as we’re having sex, I’ll only be having sex with you. That’s how I roll, so no worries there.
So it’s just sex?
Of course, I replied. And speaking of… Thank you for dinner, but I can’t do it again. I tried it your way, but it didn’t work for me. There’s no reason for a purely physical relationship to ever leave the house.
It was as to the point as I could make it. If he wanted to continue sleeping together, I’d be there with bells on. If he wanted more, I was fine with ending it right now. He took so long to respond I thought he’d fallen asleep. I was just dozing off myself when… Ding.
Okay, Wild Horses. We’ll play it your way.
Chase kept good on his promise, and I had the sore pussy to prove it. The next two weeks were a blur of being fucked six ways to Sunday, licking, sucking, screwing until I could barely see straight. His stamina was relentless, and the orgasms kept on coming. I’d never felt better.
Twenty-three-year-old men had the best cocks.
I still managed to have a life during this time; I made sure of it. I still landed accounts, and I still made it to the family meals, even if I had to walk funny to get there. Perry wanted to know everything, of course, but there wasn’t much to tell. My body was being used hard, and it was thanking me for it.
I scheduled Chase in blocks during the day and early evening, planning around whatever we each had going on. It worked beautifully. Short periods only, and never too late; I didn’t need him falling asleep and staying over again.
Who’d have thought penciling in sex like dentist appointments could be so hot?
One time, I’d even gone to his place when his roommates were out. It was your typical rented house blocks away from UWM. The same kind of pad I’d been in many times during my college days. It brought me back, but I’d never been fucked in one like that before. Hats off to Chase.
What are you doing?
I was lying on the loveseat swing on my back porch. The sky was black, and the air was hot and muggy. A delicious ache permeated from my core; even my inner thighs were tender.
Still feeling you inside me, I texted back. He’d just left less than a half hour ago.
And I can still smell you on my fingers.
I can taste you on mine.
My screen flashed to an incoming call, and I tabbed over to answer. “Hello, Chase.”
“I want to come back over.” It sounded more like a growl, and I almost considered it. My body responded to him like a finely tuned Stradivarius.
“It’s too late.”
He let out a loud exhale, and I didn’t know if he was preparing to argue his case. Aside from those two period days—thank Heaven for short menstrual cycles—we’d been at it every day, and he’d never asked for more outside the allotted window times.
“Then I want to hear you come for me again, right now while I listen.”
“Chase, I’m outside.” Trees only provided visual coverage, and there were no fireworks tonight. I couldn’t depend on the chirping crickets to mask my moans.
“It’s either that or I’m coming over.”
I slipped my hand down between my thighs and under my skirt. I hadn’t bothered to put my panties back on after he left. Either I’d produced a whole new batch of wetness from hearing his voice, or I was still soaked from earlier. It was impossible to tell; my arousal all ran together like watercolors these days.
“Are your fingers inside you?”
“Yes.”
“Suck on them.”
I brought two to my mouth and slid them over my tongue, closing my lips tightly before pulling them out. “Mmm… They remind me of you, Chase.” The taste of his lips, the scent of his body—it was all a part of me. I didn’t know where he began, and I ended. I repeated the motion over and over, thinking of him.
“Fuck, Jillian. I can hear you.”
I traveled my fingers down my body, imagining they were his. As if I hadn’t received enough from him. As if I weren’t tired and swollen and sore. “I’m touching my pussy now,” I whispered. “I’m going to make myself come, just like you wanted me to.”
I heard him say softly, “I want a lot of things.”
His breathing increased as mine did, as I manipulated my oversensitive clit. There was slight pain; it was raw, but it was a pleasurable discomfort. Images of Chase flooded my mind as I fantasized him there with me. His hardness taking me deeper, more within. Making me teeter on that line between just enough and too much.
“Come for me.” His voice sounded way off in the distance as the ripples increased to waves, and I gave myself one more time.
A layer of sweat coated my skin, and I brushed the hair from my face. I was utterly spent. Sleeping outside seemed not only a plausible idea but a necessary one; I didn’t think I could get up without falling back over.
“You there, Jillian?”
“Mmhmm. Are you coming over tomorrow?” I scanned my mental Rolodex, searching for the time we’d planned. “At noon.” I didn’t know if I could handle it, but I still wanted to try.
He laughed quietly. “You only want me for my body.”
“Fact.”
I curled into the swing, my eyelids too heavy to hold up any longer.
“Good night, Wild Horses. Sleep well.”
“Night, Chase.”
Chase didn’t come over the next day or the next or the next. He’d canceled without an explanation, and although I had the sense that he wanted me to ask, I didn’t. We didn’t have that type of arrangement. If he couldn’t make it over for our sex sessions, that was his business, not mine.
It was the morning of the fourth day, and I was hurting. My body was going through withdrawals, and I was moody and irritable. I’d never realized how much stress relief a good orgasm brought until it was denied. I could have picked out something from my bedroom drawer to bring a little relief, but somehow it wasn’t the same anymore.
Damn you, Chase.
I waved to my neighbor, Michelle. She was walking down the street with her little poodle mix, heading in my direction. I picked up the paper and the mail from the day before, then waited at the end of my driveway for her to arrive.
“Morning, Jillian.”
“Good morning. Perfect day for a walk.” I should be getting my butt out to do the same, but as always, the phone calls weren’t going to make themselves.
“Yep.” She took a drag off her cig. “Hey, I see you’ve landed yourself some fresh meat. Good for you.”
“Excuse me?”
“The pretty thing that’s been hanging around. Doesn’t stay too long, does he?” She winked, and I felt my face get warm.
“Oh, that’s no big deal. Just a friend of mine.”
Michelle nodded and smiled, and I knew she didn’t believe me worth a damn. She knew we weren’t having book club during those hours.
“Would you like to come in for a bit? I have that cream I need to return to you.”
“Sure.” We went up toward the house, Sasha trailing behind. “How’d that work out for you?” I gave her a look. Was she talking about Chase again? “The DermaIce.”
“Oh! Unfortunately, not very well. It must have dried up on me weird; it made my face white and flaky.”
“You used too much; that’s all. Gotta get that right balance. Why don’t you keep it, try it again?”
