He didn’t answer me. I watched emotions war over his features as minutes ticked by, each feeling like a miniature eternity. My tears began in earnest, running down my cheeks in little rivers. I couldn’t even put a name to what I wanted and what I felt I needed, all I knew was that it consumed my being--this wanting, this desire. Only to touch him…just once, the feeling overwhelming my senses so, bordering on obsession.
I think it would be best if I go. He searched my face, his form vibrating. He leaned forward, the ghost of his fingertips gliding on my cheeks to wipe my tears away, and they disappeared into who knows where.
“Please don’t leave me,” my voice cracked as I cried out, reaching for him.
He squeezed his eyes shut, the war on handsome face waging on. “Okay, Krystal,” he sighed, his eyes glowing with intensity. “You win.”
But before I could even ask what he meant, I could feel him touching me. He wasn’t cold, not at all, he was warm causing my skin to tingle in response. And pressure, I could feel the weight of his hands, and could sense his hands had once been calloused. His touch ran through my hair, as I felt him gently push me back, laying me down. He fanned my hair out onto the pillow.
So beautiful, nothing in all of Heaven and Earth can compare…Abel breathed into me, filling my lungs, warming me from the inside out.
Beautiful? It felt so different when Spiral had said those same words; the way he had said I was beautiful made me feel unclean. But when Abel said I was beautiful, I could almost believe it.
Abel traced the outline of my face, rubbing my lips in a circular motion with what felt like his thumb. I could feel his caresses moving all over my body, even in places where I rested against the mattress. His fingers licked up my spine causing my back to arch up uncontrollably in response, a little moan escaping my lips. His touch found places that I hadn’t realized existed, places never before explored. Love radiated from him like rays of light from the Sun. My breaths began coming in tiny little gasps as I could feel something unknown building up within me. I could feel the weight of him as his hands continued to work over me, teasing, testing my limits.
“I always want you. Always,” he whispered in one ear. “How could I not? You hold me powerless in your grasp,” he breathed in the other.
I could feel butterfly like kisses all over my face and mouth, each one making me feel greater desperation. Suddenly, my eyes flew open in surprise, and I cried out, powerless to hold anything back, my body trembling as waves of pleasure rolled through me. I felt drawn into him, our energies intertwining as I floated away into sweet oblivion.
“Stay with me.” I could tell he was about to say something akin to a no. “At least for a while? Please?”
“For a little while then.” He gave me a lopsided grin. He looked so young in that moment, but there was sadness in his eyes.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” In the blink of my eyes, he appeared next to me and sat down, taking my chin in his hand. He looked deep into my eyes.
You did nothing wrong. Now, you should go to sleep. Morning will be breaking soon.
I snuggled down under my quilts, reveling in their warmth and the warmth overflowing from my heart. Soon I began to drift off, and the realization of it all hit me. Love. I was falling in love, and it was the most delicious feeling of my life.
“I think I love you, Abel,” escaped my lips without my meaning for them to, not that he wouldn’t know anyway. My happiness overpowered any embarrassment, and I knew I must be grinning like a fool, even half asleep. As I felt myself being drawn away into slumber, way down into Alice’s Rabbit Hole, I could feel his kiss on the middle of my forehead.
I already know I love you, Krystal. I always have.
I burrowed deeper into my warm bed, not yet ready to face the day, savoring the sweet memories of the night before. I relived every single touch, every caress, and each kiss. My body trembled with longing. Abel. I couldn’t wait to see Abel. Or feel Abel, they were almost one in the same. Excitement balled up in my stomach, and I knew I’d be unable to go back to sleep, even though I’d probably only gotten a few hours. I sat up and took a look around my room. I didn’t see him, or sense that he was there. Everything in my room still looked the same as it had yesterday, which seemed strange almost because I knew things would never be the same again. At least for me. I whispered his name, calling him to me and waited.
I laughed out loud when I looked down at myself and saw that I was wearing the ugliest ass flannel pajamas ever. Had all that really happened, and I was wearing granny pjs? I chuckled, throwing myself back onto my pillow. My smile felt like it was about to split my face in two, but I couldn’t help myself.
I leaned up onto my elbow, glancing at the clock. Five minutes at least had passed since I’d called out to Abel. It had never taken so long for him to show before.
“Abel?” I said louder this time. I knew I didn’t really have to even say his name aloud, that he’d hear me even if I just called him in my mind, but it just felt better to me to use my actual voice.
I heard a little whoosh, and all of a sudden my granny was standing at the foot of my bed, her spine stiff as a board. Someone’s in a bad mood, I noted, but still I smiled up at her.
Where’s Abel? I thought to her since I began to hear stirrings of my mom out in the kitchen.
Abel, it seems, has had a brief lapse in judgment. He will not be returning until he understands befitting behavior of a Spirit Guide.
“What? He didn’t do anything wrong,” I stammered forgetting about my mother and the thin walls of our trailer. “It’s all my fault, I made him do it.”
Indeed. My granny gave me a stern look. Your mother heard you. She is standing out in the hallway wondering whether or not she should wake you from a bad dream.
My body shook, not from excitement anymore, but from the anger beginning to well up inside me. Why? Why would you let them send him away?
Krystal, it is ultimately not up to me, though I do agree with the decision. You are confused right now, and I’m afraid Abel’s actions have furthered these feelings of confusion you are experiencing. Please understand, this is truly in your best interest.
Sobs erupted from my body, I made no effort to stop them. “But I don’t understand. I just don’t understand,” my cries bordering on hysterical. “I love him, and I think he loves me. I am not confused,” I added punching my bed.
He thought if he gave your body the release you desired, you would be better able to focus on the tasks at hand.
“Oh.” So it was done out of pity then. My tears were bitter as they fell. I felt my grandmother put her hand on my shoulder.
Spiral Spider and I will be working with you until Abel is able to return, her words echoed in through my brain, but I could barely take them in as my cries escalated. I heard my granny’s frustrated sighs as my mother knocked on my door before cracking it open.
“Everything okay in here?”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, mom. I just had a really bad dream, is all…”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really, mom.” But I wish I could. I saw the hurt in her eyes, so I called out after her.
“Mom… I love you.”
“Love you too,” she whispered back, gently closing the door behind her.
I want to be alone right now. I sent to my grandmother.
Alright, my dear. And, Krystal, she gave a thoughtful pause as she took in the anger on my features. You will be okay.
I pulled up my knees to my chest in a little ball, waiting for her to leave before I let the tears fall again.
Chapter 20
The black trash bag was more than half full by the time I finally reached the remaining casseroles pushed to the back of the refrigerator. The smell was something awful, and I’d been forced to pull my baggy tee shirt over my nose and mouth or face the consequences. And if the rolling of my stomach told me anything of certainty, it was said consequences wouldn’t be pleasant. Strange furry
things were growing in many of the dishes, some white, others various shades of black and green. Mold. I wrinkled my nose in disgust and continued to chuck each one with as much muster as I could manage, wishing just a little, that I could aim them at my grandmother’s haughty face.
Maybe it wasn’t fair of me to blame her. But I did. I’d tried to reach Abel numerous times during the day, every hour, twice during some, and now as the late afternoon sun shone through the lacy aged curtains, announcing that this Saturday afternoon would be soon coming to a close, I could feel my heart steeling against her, even in this place of all places where I should have felt closest to her.
My God, what did you do?
I jumped a little, and mentally chastised myself. I gave a sideways glance over my shoulder as I tossed in the last two mutant casseroles.
“You think I’d be getting used to that by now.” The words just seemed to slip out.
He was sitting in the middle of the dining room table just like he belonged there. His laugh was rich and full, making his dark eyes glow.
“I’m sorry, I’m not really in the mood right now. What did you want Spiral?”
He gracefully leapt off the table and peeked into the trash barrel. He shuddered.
That is absolutely horrid.
I found myself grinning up at him as I leaned over to tie the bag up. Necessity forced me to take the leaden bag out immediately. It was so heavy that I couldn’t hoist it up onto the bed of my mom’s pick-up. Spiral suddenly appeared next to me, and giving me a wicked wink, single handedly tossed it onto the rusty truck bed.
“I could have done it myself,” I said, lifting the tailgate in place. “But, thanks, I guess.” It came out mumbled; I didn’t want him to think I needed any of his favors.
“So, I’m going to ask you again. What do you want?” I turned to face him. For the first time, I realized how short he was for a man, only half a head or so taller than myself, but his body was so proportionate he didn’t feel short.
Just checking on you, my darling.
The way he studied me with his eyes made me blush, and as I felt the heat rising high in my cheeks, and I turned away, sighing in frustration with myself. I had to admit, I was a little flattered, and that little bit of flattery made me feel a great bit guilty.
I know what happened last night. And I know what happened about what happened last night.
I stopped in my tracks as he laughed his rich laugh again, and I knew my face must be turning ever darker shades of red.
“Wonderful.” I looked him over this time, taking in his well-muscled features. “At least someone is amused.”
I’m not amused. Just concerned really.
I was startled when he just vanished from my sight. I spun on my heel in tiny circle, looking about the yard, which I couldn’t help but notice was going to need to be mown at least one more time before winter.
I turned back to the house. I wanted to wipe down the refrigerator and lock up so I could head on home and spend the evening with a good paperback.
My foot was in midair, reaching for the first step when he appeared right smack in front of me.
“Damn you, Spiral,” I yelled, my voice full of vinegar. “It’s not nice to do that to people.”
I may be dead to you, but I still have a sense of humor.
“Granny said you could be a tricky one,” I felt a pang in my chest when I mentioned her. “Seriously though, you nearly gave me a heart attack, and I’m only seventeen,” and I stomped my foot, honest to God.
Sit with me. He lowered himself down to the top step of the back steps, waiting for me to join him.
“Spiral, don’t take this the wrong way,” I paused. “Actually, I really don’t care how you take it to be honest, but… I don’t think I want to work with you.” I don’t trust you, I added in my mind. “I just want to have Abel back.”
You should give me a chance to earn your trust before writing me off. I’m not here to take Abel’s place in your heart. Knowing your history, I will never be able to do that, despite my own desires, he shared frankly, his eyes aglow with lust. But I am here to help you, to teach you. This has been the plan whether or not Abel is here. Until he returns, I will be taking a larger role in your education, and that is all. No more, no less, unless you want differently.
“What do you mean, our history?” I finally gave in and sat down next to him, careful to leave a healthy space between us.
I thought your grandmother told you already.
“She said the three of us were in ancient Carthage together at one point, but that was about it.” My eyes traveled over the various tattoos covering his physique. I felt compelled to trace my fingers along the tattoo on his shoulder, but I knew that would give him the wrong idea. “That was the last time you lived?”
This tattoo here represents strength. He pointed to the tattoo I had been admiring. And I needed all the strength I could get to deal with my head strong wife. He closed his eyes and smiled, like he was savoring the memories. Apparently, some things never change. He reopened his eyes, staring intently into my own.
I broke his lingering stare, choosing instead to look across the overgrown backyard to the woods, not really seeing anything as I tried to make out the weighted meaning of his words. I inched away until I was on the edge of the step.
Abigail, your grandmother, believes firmly in leaving past life experiences in the past. And for some, this is the best course. But other times, past life knowledge can be a useful tool for healing and helping to understand oneself or to overcome phobias or irrational behaviors stemming from past incarnations.
“Phobias?” Why were we talking about phobias?
This is just an example of how much a past life experience can effect a current life experience. Phobias almost exclusively stem from a past life. By acknowledging the event the fear stems from, most individuals are able to successfully move on and continue in the current life, free of the fears that plagued them.
“Okay, that makes sense, I guess, but what does this have to do with me, exactly?”
In your case, I will not deny you knowledge of your true self. Personally, I believe it will only benefit you. You wanted to know why you feel the way you do about Abel? I am going to show you. Once you understand, I hope you will be able to move on and let the past be past. Then you should be able to do the work you were meant to do.
“You mean now? I don’t even know if I can trust you yet, Spiral, and you want to take me somewhere?”
I only have your best interests at heart and that of the greatest and highest good. You have nothing to worry about. We will go in Spirit. Tonight. You know when.
Of course I did. “All the magic seems to happen around 2:00.”
The veil is thinner then. He kissed me gently on the middle of my forehead.
I pulled away but still couldn’t help but notice the rippling muscles of firm stomach as he leaned over. When Abel came back, I was going to have to talk him into going shirtless for a while.
Until then, darling.
Chapter 21
“So, is this what you wanted to show me?” I finally made myself bite out the words as I looked around again for at least the tenth time since we’d found ourselves in this midst of a big fat nothingness.
The darkness was such a deep black with no stars or moon, it was truly an absence of any light, and it stretched out into infinity as far as the eye could see in every single direction. Its richness made the black abyss seem alive with a texture I imagined would feel like plush velvet. I almost ached to touch it but somehow knew that the hungry darkness would swallow me up within itself, and there I’d go, becoming one with the Universe.
No, we’re waiting for someone.
“Who?” I asked as I stared transfixed at my feet. I wasn’t sure what, if anything, I was actually standing on. I shuffled my feet in place trying to figure out the puzzle.
Spiral noticed and gave me a warm smile. You’ll see, and you don’t have to worry, you wo
n’t fall.
“So where are we? Is this the In-Between too?”
No, this is what we call the Void. I believe your scientists call it Dark Matter. It is from which all the physical springs forth into being.
“Huh.” I vaguely remembered hearing the term Dark Matter before, probably from school, but I felt like the Void was a pretty accurate description for the place. “So how does this work?”
Abracadabra, dear Krystal, we create something from out of nothingness. His eyes pierced into my own. Choose your words and your thoughts with great care, my darling, for from them your reality is born, and it is from here which they spring forth. Before I could say anything, he pointed deep out into the abyss. Here she comes.
The Spirit Who Loved Me: Spirit Whispers Book One Page 15
