I felt the brush of fingertips along my smooth cheek, capturing the lonely drop, startling me. I opened my eyes, my vision blurry from unshed tears waiting to spill, to see a watercolor vision of Abel standing before me.
We reached for one another exactly in the same moment, molding one into the other, and I felt a wholeness only being with him could bring. I could feel the pressure as he embraced me, the warmth. He kissed the crown of my head over and over, as if he couldn’t get enough, and I obliged him. He looked down into my face, wiping away each tear as it fell, and we danced, pressing into the other. I barked out a laugh as I imagined what a passer-by would see from the road—a lone girl swaying along as if in a daydream. A questioning glance passed over his face then understanding dawned on his features, and he smiled.
Since when did you start caring what others think? Hmmm? And he swept me round and round across the front porch, my hair swaying behind me.
I have always loved you with every ounce of my being, with all of my soul. And I always will. There is no force in all of Heaven, nor in all of Earth, that could keep me from you.
The song ended, and we paused in our dance. He cupped my face in his, rubbing one of his thumbs across my bottom lip and leaned in, kissing me fully and utterly, so completely, I was filled with a sensation of his becoming one with my body.
My breath was long and drawn out as I inhaled all of Abel, my chest lifting upwards from the invisible force. My back arched as I dangled, head thrown wildly back. My toes barely touched the wooden planks as I levitated, my hair tickling at the backs of my thighs.
And I knew with certainty it was true, if only for this moment, we were meshed as one. My soul, and I knew it was greater than any human wanting, was soaring, such was my joy, my utter delight, and if there was only this, this feeling of wholeness, I would have been content to stay in our state of oneness forever.
Ever slowly, I could feel his reemergence from my body as we separated, and my body slumped to the floor boards. Already my soul was mourning his loss. As Twin Flames, it was a curse, I decided in. We could only truly be happy as one; separate, we longed so for the other so much it bordered on suffering. I wondered if the soul from which we had been spilt in two would chose to do this again if given the chance. I knew I wouldn’t, but I had a different perspective since I was actually living out this choice.
Sometimes, I don’t know if I would want to do it again either. But then I look at you, and your vision takes my breath away. And I know that even in my deepest and darkest of recesses, I would always choose you and this path.
I rolled my eyes. “Listening in again I see.”
Just can’t help myself, he winked.
“What are you doing back here, anyway? I thought you were like expelled or something.”
After last night, Spiral was terribly concerned about your well-being, so he appealed to Metatron on your behalf, as did Saraphina. Abigail is not, he paused in his thoughts. Abigail is not pleased right now. He looked to me. Let’s leave it at that.
“That was, um, awful nice of Spiral to do.”
He absolutely adores you. Before the time our soul split, we were what is popularly termed as soul mates.
“What? That doesn’t make any sense,” I said, curling my lip in mild disgust.
I would liken it to what you call “peas in a pod.” Like your relationship with Tammy, for example. A soul mate could be anyone: a father or mother, a best friend or sibling.
“Ew, that’s gross,” I interrupted.
I know the popular belief refers to soul mates as lovers. Allow yourself to be more open. When you are with a soul mate, you feel perfectly at ease and content. You are on the same wavelength. It really is like a soul’s best friend, but most souls have more than one.
“This is starting to make my head spin.” I knocked my knuckles on the porch, unsure of my words. “I think you should know in case Spiral didn’t tell you, but I have decided not to do this, whatever this is called, anymore?” My statement ended up sounding more like a question by the time I got to the end of it. Abel watched me, his silence enveloping me.
“Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”
Abel placed his head in his hands, and I knew whatever he was going to say, when he finally got around to it, wouldn’t be sunshine and roses.
I wasn’t planning on letting you know this, at least not yet, but when Spiral and Saraphina went before Metatron, they asked to have you released from this contract. Spiral knows you met a breaking point last night. However, Abigail argued strongly in opposition, and in the end, they were unable to convince Metatron to break or change your contract. Through their insistence, Metatron did agree to reinstate me as your Master Guide.
“I don’t understand. If I don’t want to do something, then I’m not gonna do it. End of story.”
Abel took my hands, holding them tightly within his own. I need you to fully understand this, but if you insist on exerting your free will in this case, and you can, this incarnation will come to an end in the near future. Your soul will take a period of rest and will allow itself to be reborn to conquer what your soul will see as a failure to learn a particular lesson important to its growth in your current life.
“Are you saying that if I don’t do what Abigail wants me to do, then ya’ll are gonna kill me off?” I laughed, snorting through my nose. “That’s freaking ridiculous.”
Abel sighed. It is more what your soul wants to do. This was Abigail’s argument, that it was you, your soul that begged to go on this journey. In fact, you were most enthusiastic about taking this journey, if I do remember. Despite my own misgivings, I might add.
“I saw. You didn’t look too happy in the round table meeting room when I took a sneak peek.
Indeed. He kneeled in front of me, his eyes pleading. You’re already here. Please, let me help you. Let us all help you. Me, Saraphina, Spiral, and your grandmother. Let us help you get through this. We’ll be with you every step of the way, and you won’t have to come back to this again. Please, Krystal.
“Why would I want to? And for goodness sakes, the last person I really want to see right now is my grandmother.”
She only has your best interests at heart, just because she is not in agreement with your angel and Spiral, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. She is trying to be true to your soul’s desires as opposed to the desires of your human ego.
I rose to my feet and walked over to the railing, gripping it tightly in my hands. “What about me? Don’t I matter?” My questions came out as barely there whispers, and I could feel him behind me and the heat he threw off as his arms wrapped around me. I looked down only seeing nothing and sighed, wary. “I would never choose this, Abel.” I motioned with my hands. “I want to be loved, truly, wholly, fully. Real, honest to God, love.” I looked down to where I could feel the gentle touch of his arms. “A love that I can see.” I thought for a moment. “All the time.”
Ah, but can you really? Love is like God, always present, yet intangible all the same.
“Oh, stop talking in riddles. You know what I mean, I know you do. I want to have a chance at a real life with someone.” I turned around and looked up where I thought his face should be. “And how can I do that when I love you? My soul may have said once it didn’t care about families and romantic entanglements, or whatever, but I do care.”
Ever slowly, his face appeared in front of me, seemingly solid and he held my face in his hands. Krystal, I will not stand in your way to love others. That’s the magnanimous state of love, there is always enough to go around.
“What? You’re giving me your blessing to screw around with other guys?” My voice was incredulous. “That’s just wrong!”
Jealously is a human emotion and one of lower level entities. I have risen above jealously lifetimes ago as have you. In fact, if it makes you feel any better, you used to practically throw women my way when you were my guide.
My mouth fell open, but nothing would come out. The
world began to spin and suddenly the late October chill overwhelmed me. I staggered over to the closest rocking chair and fell into it, rocking precariously forward and back. I took in the ever fading light around me.
“I’ve gotta get home. Gotta get home,” I mumbled in my state of overload. What was I was supposed to do again? I tried to force my brain to remember. The leaves, oh yeah.
Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. Abel breathed deeply and released his air, and it whooshed all around me.
I watched as leaves and dirt flew from the old porch. I felt so disconnected from my surroundings, as if I were watching a movie on T.V. “Um. Thanks.”
Abel furrowed his brow. Can you walk to your car?
“Huh?” I glanced over to the driveway. The white Buick sat smack in the center. I must have driven over.
I stumbled out of the rocking chair and probably would have fallen down the front steps if Abel hadn’t been steadying me. He opened the car door and dutifully I sat in the driver’s seat waiting.
Hmmmmm. I think it would be safer for me to drive.
I started to scoot over to the passenger seat.
No, no. Just stay where you are.
The key turned in the ignition and the white beast roared to life. I watched in childlike fascination as the wheel turned as we did a three point turn. We rolled down the gravel drive. Slowly. I looked out the windows.
Can you face forward so it at least looks like you’re driving?
Within moments, we were turning down my mom’s driveway next door. I checked the speedometer. We were trucking away at little over 5 Mph. “Oh, you speed demon,” I laughed, the giggles becoming close to hysterical in my current mental state.
Forgive me, his sarcasm bleeding through. It’s been quite a while since I’ve driven.
Now listen carefully to me, he said as we pulled in front of the sagging trailer. Don’t speak to me while your mother is present. If you need to, send me your thoughts instead. Your mom is looking out of the kitchen window, and has been waiting for you to come home. He was silent as I gathered my phone and wallet. You should probably tell her you’re not feeling well. Eat if you can, you need the grounding.
I opened the car door, slamming it behind me. “Oopsey,” I giggled when it was much louder than I expected.
Focus, Krystal.
My first few steps were heavy, my feet like lead. I felt him all around me as he lifted my weight, so I was only doing half the work to get my body across the drive and up the steps.
Clumsily, I opened the front door, and sure enough, my mom was in the kitchen, wringing her hands in an old dish towel.
“That was an awful long time to sweep up some leaves. I was just about to call you.”
I pulled a chair out from the kitchen table, my mom cringing as it scraped loudly on the linoleum. I laid my head on the cool wood. “I don’t feel so good, mom,” my words jumbled.
She walked over and placed her palm against my brow. “You don’t feel feverish. Would you like some cool water?”
“Sure, Mom. That’d be great.” I closed my eyes. I could hear her opening up the cabinet to get me a glass, the faucet running. When I heard her place my glass on the table with a gentle thud, I opened my eyes again and forced myself to sit up. The cool water felt lovely going down my parched throat. “Thanks, mom. Do we have any leftovers?”
“You regret skipping dinner now, don’t ya?”
“Maybe that’s why I’m not feeling so good,” I offered. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten come to think of it.
Within minutes, compliment of my mother and a microwave, a plate of warm chicken, green beans, and potatoes were sitting in front of me. I started to tear up as I looked up into my mother’s face, overwhelmed with love and gratitude for her. “I love you, mom.” She leaned down, kissing me on the crown of my head.
“What’s gotten into you today?” She laughed, walking back into the kitchen, no doubt to put the rest of the leftovers back in the fridge. “I love you too.”
I ate what I could, which regrettably wasn’t much. I felt guilty about wasting the food, so I wrapped it up with plastic wrap, and going through the motions, placed my plate in the fridge for later.
“Mama,” I called down the hallway. “I’m going to my room to lay down, ‘kay?” I couldn’t quite make out her answer, but it sounded close enough to an affirmative.
My room was stuffy and laced with heaviness. I figured fresh air might help and went to open my window, but it wouldn’t give way. “Damn it,” I swore under my breath as I tried to muster the strength to unstick that bitch.
Let me help you. And before I could even say “get lost,” the window slid open like a hot knife through butter.
“Fine, thanks, I guess.” I looked around trying to figure out where he was. “I’m no damsel in distress, and I don’t want your help all the time ya know. If I want it, I’ll ask.”
I laid on my bed, and just as I zoned out on the popcorn ceiling, I felt the mattress sag under Abel’s weight as he sat down on the corner of my bed. I rolled my eyes.
Well done in front of your mother.
“Okay. Abel, I think I need some time alone.”
I don’t believe we concluded our conversation from earlier.
“Oh, that.” I ran my fingers over my faded quilt to steel my nerves in an effort to force out my words. “I love you, Abel. I can’t help myself. But it hurts, too.” I placed my hands over my heart, every beat causing my chest to ache. “When I’m with you, all I want is to be with you, but I can’t help but feel that I’m sacrificing a chance at really living. And it hurts even worse knowing you’d be okay with me being with someone else. It just seems, so, so, well, just freaking nuts.”
“You want me to be jealous?” His whisper came in my ear, not my mind, and shivers licked up my spine at the sound of his voice.
I bit my lip. “God damn it, yes! Yes, I’d want you to be jealous.” I could feel the rush of heat rising in my cheeks. “I wish you could want me the way I do you.”
“SSshhhhh.” He stroked my hair from around my face. I always want you. I always love you. My soul’s greatest joy is to be in your presence.
“But this is just all wrong. You say that, but yet, you’d still be okay with me being,” I cut myself off, the flush of my cheeks glowing deeper, “intimate with others.” I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the thought.
Be happy. What you need to do is allow yourself to be open. He leaned over me, my breath catching deep in my throat, and he tapped the middle of my forehead. Humans are judgmental by nature, allow your ideas and thoughts to come from a higher state of being.
“Abel, why don’t you go now?” I looked at him through the curtain of my eyelashes, saw his uncertainty.
Care if I join the party? Spiral sauntered into my room from out of nowhere.
I propped myself up on my elbows. “Don’t any of you know how to knock?”
Forgive me, my sweet, Spiral smiled, bowing slightly in my direction. I noticed his lip curl slightly when he looked over Abel, as if he couldn’t help himself. Did you fill her in yet?
I just getting around to telling her.
Sure you are. Spiral looked from me to Abel, who sat back down, finally resting his eyes on me. Happy to have the old man back? Spiral asked.
I raised my brows, but chose not to answer.
Well, you’re welcome. Let’s hope I don’t have to go bothering Metatron about this, he gestured between Abel and I, twin flame gibberish again, hmmmm?
“No worries here,” I grumbled. I forced my mouth into a line and motioned to Abel. “What were you supposed to tell me?”
We need you to be present for the Halloween party you’ve been invited to, and it would be in your best interests to have your friends come as well, if possible.
“That might be a problem since I haven’t been invited to…”
The bonfire at the Tramping Ground, Spiral interrupted. I would certainly consider that a party.<
br />
I made myself wait to speak, I just didn’t trust myself not to, well, blow-up. I counted in my head, one, one thousand, two, one thousand, and so on, up to ten.
The Spirit Who Loved Me: Spirit Whispers Book One Page 18
