“Sorry, man,” Noah says. “I’ll pay to have it fixed. Give us a minute, would you?”
Nathan nods, and I can’t help wondering if he’s figured out why Noah’s so upset that he punched the wall. “Sure. No problem.” He gives me one last look before he leaves.
“This isn’t about sex,” Noah says. “You know that, right?”
“I thought I did, but just now…What was that? Why were you suddenly groping me? You’ve never pushed me like that before.”
“I kind of lost it. When you took the necklace off…” He opens his bloody fist. The necklace is still clutched in his palm. “I thought you were trying to show me you wanted to get over him. That you wanted me. I shouldn’t have assumed it meant you were ready to sleep with me.”
I step toward him, trying not to focus on the necklace. “I’m not ready. I don’t want to regret anything we do, and if that happened now, I would regret it because one or both of us would end up getting hurt. I don’t want that.”
He lets out a deep breath. “I don’t either.” He holds the necklace out to me. “I don’t want you to wear this anymore, but I don’t want you to give it to me either. Put it away somewhere.”
I take the necklace and put it in my pocket. I have no idea where it will end up once I get home, but I can’t think about it now. This moment is about saving what I have with Noah. “Will you please let me get your hand cleaned up?”
“Bathroom’s this way.” He motions down the hall, and I follow him. I run his hand under cool water, rinsing his cuts, which aren’t as bad as I thought they’d be. Then I carefully dab his knuckles with a washcloth from the closet. I find some Band-Aids, but Noah shakes his head. “Guys don’t do Band-Aids. I’m good.”
“I didn’t know Band-Aids weren’t manly.” I’m trying to lighten the mood any way I can.
“Come here.” He picks me up by my waist and sits me on the counter next to the sink.
“What are you doing?” I ask, still feeling a little uncomfortable with what’s happened between us.
“Shh.” He leans forward, his lips inches from mine. “I’m trying to be the guy you found irresistible.”
“You never stopped being him.” Not entirely true. This jealousy over Ash did make him put his fist through the wall and go a little postal, but I’m trying to stroke his ego.
“Then why are you still talking instead of kissing me?” His minty breath tingles my nose.
I drape my arms around his neck and pull him to me so his body is between my bent knees. “This any better?”
“Now you’re just teasing me.”
Crap. Guys and their hormones. “Sorry, should I—” His lips find mine. This time the kiss is much more controlled. He’s calmer. I relax and give in to the moment.
“Hey, you guys in here?” Nathan calls.
Noah groans, and we both turn to look at Nathan.
“Come on, man. That’s my bathroom.”
“Relax, Nathan. We’re not doing anything,” I say, hoping I didn’t lose Noah any points with his friend by admitting how innocent the kiss was.
“Yeah, well your friend is here, so you two should come out and join the rest of the party.”
Grayson’s here. Another mess I need to fix.
Nathan turns to leave, but he hesitates in the doorway. “Oh, and my dad called. He’s majorly pissed about the wall. I told him you’re going to pay for it, but you can expect a nasty call from him in the near future.” He walks away, and I pull Noah’s face back to mine.
“No more punching walls when you’re mad at me, okay?”
“I wasn’t mad at you. I was mad at the situation.” He puts his hands on my waist and helps me down from the counter, not that it’s a long way down or anything. I’m guessing it’s an excuse to touch me. “But, so you know, I’m ready when you are.” I’m not sure if he’s talking about us getting closer emotionally or physically at this point, so I nod, hoping that’s enough for him.
I take his good hand, lacing my fingers through his, and we head back to the party. Grayson is with her doubles partner, Leanne. Something about her bringing a friend along makes me feel uneasy. Is she so mad at me that she wouldn’t come to the party without bringing someone?
“Go.” Noah raises my hand to his mouth and kisses my fingers. “Fix this. You two need to talk.”
I smile at him and walk up to Grayson. “You came.”
“Yeah. I hope it’s okay that I brought Leanne.”
Leanne gives me a little wave.
“Yeah, sure. Of course. You guys want something to drink?”
“You and Noah look pretty tight,” Leanne says, ignoring my question.
“Um, yeah.”
“So things are getting serious? Even though you and Ash were so close before?” She’s grilling me, and I can’t help thinking these are really Grayson’s questions, not Leanne’s.
“Leanne, could you excuse us for a second? I really need to talk to Gray.” I tug on Grayson’s arm, but she pulls free.
“I think this was a mistake,” Grayson says. “Let’s go, Leanne.”
“Wait, Gray. You just got here.”
She stares at me like I’m a total stranger, not her best friend. “Yeah, but it’s obvious we’re done.” She turns and walks out. Leanne shrugs and follows her.
She’s done. Done being my friend. First Ash and now Grayson. The two people I love the most. Gone.
Chapter Twenty-One
I spend the entire weekend with Noah, trying to forget everything that’s wrong in my life and focus on him. It works for the most part. That is, until Monday morning arrives. Noah holds my hand as we walk into school. Now that tennis is almost officially over, I have no desire to be at school at all. As far as I’m concerned, senior year can just end. Mail me my diploma.
“She’ll get over it. Keep trying to talk to her, okay?” Noah turns me around to face him when we get to my locker. I can’t help noticing Ash walking by. Only Liz isn’t with him. She must be absent. Noah follows my gaze and frowns. “Seeing him will get easier, too. Of course that would happen a lot quicker if you’d focus on us.”
Ash is still within seeing distance, but I reach for Noah’s face and kiss him. “Like that?”
“It’s a start.” His dimple surfaces, and I run my finger over it.
“Photography. That’s when I’ll make up with Grayson. She has to have her project finished by now. I’ll make her talk to me, get this all out.”
“Sounds like a plan.” He leans down and kisses my cheek, my neck, and then my ear, sending chills down my body.
“Noah, we’re in a crowded hallway.”
“I know.” He does it again.
“You’re driving me crazy.”
“I know.” He pulls away with a devilish grin. “See you at lunch?”
I pull his waist toward me, not wanting him to go. “What about in between classes?”
“I have to go to a student council thing this morning. I won’t be around between classes. We end at lunch.”
I’m disappointed, and a huge part of me is happy I’m disappointed. Noah is getting to me—in a good way. Maybe I can forget about Ash after all.
“I’ll miss you,” I say, tugging on the belt loop of his jeans.
He kisses me again. “Emma’s going to keep you company for me.” He turns to leave and Emma’s already there. Did they plan that? Is this the Meg babysitting service?
“Hey,” Emma says with a smile.
“Hey.” Noah’s group has welcomed me in, but I’ve never walked to my classes with anyone but Noah. This feels a little weird. I put my stuff in my locker and grab my literature book. “I’m this way.” I point down the hall toward Ash’s locker.
“I know a better way.” Emma loops her arm through mine and pulls me in the opposite direction. She stays a half step ahead and is looking through the crowd of faces. She’s looking for Ash. She doesn’t want me to bump into him. Is this her idea or Noah’s? And are they trying to help me, or are t
hey trying to keep me from being around the one person standing in the way of me getting closer to Noah? Ash is still at his locker. I can just see the top of his head over the crowd.
“You know, I could use a touch up and so could you.” Emma pulls me into the bathroom. “Making out with Noah before class, I see.” She smiles, but it doesn’t distract me from the real purpose of this bathroom break. She doesn’t want me around Ash.
“You can’t protect me from him.”
“From who? Noah? You don’t need protection from him. He—”
“I’m talking about Ash.” I fix my hair in the mirror to have something to do other than look at Emma. “I can handle seeing him. I’m going to have to. You really don’t have to walk me to my classes today. Tell Noah I’m a big girl and I’ll be fine on my own.”
“But—”
“Have a good day, Emma.” I turn and walk out. She’s right on my heels.
“Meg.” She grabs my arm. “He’s worried.” So is she. About Noah.
“Do you like him?”
Her eyes widen. “What? God, no.” She lowers her voice. “He’s my cousin.”
“Your cousin? Really?” I keep my voice low since this doesn’t seem like something she wants anyone to overhear.
“Yeah. I was a nobody until Noah told people to hang out with me. We don’t tell anyone we’re cousins because it would be like I’m popular by relation and nothing else. Don’t tell anyone, okay?”
I nod, but I can’t help wondering what else I don’t know about Noah.
“Don’t blame him. I asked him not to tell people. He really cares about you, Meg. A lot. I’ve never seen him like this. He wants to put Ash behind you guys. You won’t regret being with him. I promise.” Her eyes are pleading with me. “Please, stay away from Ash. Don’t talk to him.”
I thought Emma was trying to keep me from seeing Ash and bringing up hurt feelings. But she’s worried I’ll talk to Ash. I can’t help wondering if Liz really is absent. Could they have broken up? Is that why Emma doesn’t want me talking to Ash? So I don’t find out he’s not with Liz anymore?
“Meg?” Emma reaches for my arm. “You’re not still in love with him, are you?”
If I answer that, she’ll tell Noah, and then I’ll lose him for good. I’m not sure how I feel right now; if Ash being single would even change anything. “I’m with Noah.”
“Okay, good.” Good thing Noah didn’t send Lindsey to watch me because I know she wouldn’t let me off this easily.
I let Emma walk me to class to avoid any more uncomfortable conversations. She smiles at me and says she’ll meet me here after class. This is going to get annoying really fast. I step inside and watch Emma walk away. Liz comes down the hall, her eyes red and puffy. I know that look. I’ve had that look. Ash broke up with her. My stomach clenches. I don’t really feel sorry for Liz. I feel…I’m not sure. I’m just glad Ash isn’t at his locker, which is visible from my class. If he was, I might run over to him, looking for answers.
Maybe Noah does have a good reason for having Emma watch me while he’s at student council.
***
My head is a mess by the time I get to photography. Grayson is sitting with Leanne and the two of them are talking like they’re…well, like they’re best friends now. I can’t blame Gray for getting close to Leanne, but I want to be the one who’s there for her. I want to be her best friend again. Once the class is left to work on our projects, I walk over to her.
“Hey, Gray.”
She looks up briefly. “Hey.” Her eyes go back to the pictures laid out in front of her on the table.
“Can we talk?”
“I thought we tried that Friday night.”
“Gray.” How can she throw away years of friendship just like that? “Please. I don’t want to lose you.”
Leanne gathers her photos and stands up. “You should’ve thought about that before you dumped her for some guy, Meg.”
“Could you stay out of this, please?” I don’t want to get in a fight with Leanne, but I can’t have her making things worse either. “I want to talk to Gray.” I look at Grayson, my eyes pleading with her.
She sighs. “Fine. Let’s go to the bathroom. I don’t want to talk here.”
I nod and motion for the door. Mr. Crisman doesn’t make us ask to use the restroom. I follow Grayson into the bathroom right by our classroom. She stands in front of the mirror, fixing her hair and ignoring me.
“Grayson, why are you so mad at me?” Might as well jump right in.
“Because you’re acting like an idiot!” Her face turns red, and her hands are balled into fists at her sides. “Ash didn’t cheat on you. He only started dating Liz because you decided you weren’t interested in him anymore.”
No, that can’t be true. “He liked her while we were still together. I know he did.”
“What proof do you have? They were friends, yes. But that’s all.”
“She had a thing for him. It was so obvious.”
“Maybe, but he was with you.”
“He admitted that he was talking to her about me, complaining about me.”
“So? He had a right to be upset about you hanging out with Noah. He didn’t do anything with Liz. Damn it, Meg. He’s not Derrick. You need to get over it.”
My throat closes, and hot tears sting my eyes. How can she be so cruel?
Gray shakes her head and reaches for my arms. I don’t want her touching me right now, but I can’t move. I’m in too much pain to move. My heart is shattered. All I can see is Derrick humiliating me, kissing Stacy in front of my locker. He knew I’d catch them. That’s what he wanted. He was done with me and didn’t have the balls to break up with me like any decent guy would. He let his lips do the talking all right—all over Stacy Leeman’s face.
“Look, Meg, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to come out so harsh, but you need to snap out of this. Ever since Derrick cheated on you, you haven’t been the same. You’re weaker, like you aren’t fully here anymore.”
A broken heart will do that.
“When Ash came along, I thought you were getting better.”
I was for a while.
“You were even ignoring me to be with him, and as much as I hated that, I liked seeing you happy again. But it’s like you pushed him away. Did you think he’d hurt you like Derrick did? Were you trying to beat him to the punch or something?”
Or something.
“And of all the guys to turn to, why Noah? He almost looks like—” Her eyes widen as she pieces together the puzzle. “That’s why! He looks like Derrick!”
Yes, I’m royally screwed up. I break down, letting the tears stream down my cheeks. Grayson’s right. I am broken. I’m shattered into a million little pieces. But not because of Derrick or Noah. Because of Ash. I love him, and I pushed him away—all because I was too scared of getting hurt again. Ugh, I’m such an idiot. Ash would never hurt me like Derrick did. Instead, I hurt him. Maybe I didn’t make out with Noah in front of Ash’s locker, but I may as well have. I put Ash through hell. The same hell I’ve been trying to claw my way out of since sophomore year.
My insides churn and twist until I feel sick. I push my way into the first stall and double over in front of the toilet, spilling my breakfast. My tears overwhelm me to the point I can’t breathe. Grayson grabs my hair, holding it away from my face.
“God, Meg, you’re a mess.”
I know, and I don’t have a clue how to fix this. I need to get Ash back. I need to tell him I’m sorry for hurting him. I need to make him see that I love him and no one else. But what about Liz? I’m not sure if they really broke up. I’m only guessing. They could’ve had a fight and are about to patch things up. They might stay together for the rest of the year, go to prom. The thought sends my heartache, on the heels of my breakfast, into the toilet. This is all my fault. I created this. I pushed them together all because I was afraid it would happen. Stupid self-fulfilling prophecy!
“Come on.” Grayson p
ulls me by my shoulders and walks me to the sink. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror. I look like hell. My eyes are red and puffy. My skin is pale white. Still, I don’t look as bad as I feel.
Grayson grabs a handful of paper towels and runs some water on them, making them damp. She dabs them under my eyes. After all I’ve done, how crappy a friend I’ve become, she’s taking care of me.
The bathroom door opens and two girls walk in, giggling and lost in their own conversation.
Grayson storms over to them, blocking their view of me. “This bathroom is occupied. Find another one.”
“What?” they protest, but Grayson pushes them out and locks the door.
“Thanks. For everything. I don’t deserve you.”
She playfully raises a shoulder. “I know, but you did help me make the team, so I owed you one.”
“You’ve more than paid me back. And, Gray,” I meet her eyes, “you made the team because you worked hard. I didn’t have much to do with it.”
“Probably.” She smiles to show she’s kidding. “What are you going to do, Meg? You can’t go on like this. Do you like Noah or Ash? You need to decide and get back to being you.”
“I like them both. That’s what’s killing me. Noah is amazing. He’s not at all how I thought he’d be. He really cares about me. I’m afraid he’s falling in love with me.”
“Afraid? Why?”
“Because I still love Ash.” There I said it. I got it out, admitted it to Gray.
“Crap, Meg. Please, don’t be the girl who strings two guys along while she figures out who she wants.”
“I’m not stringing Ash along. We don’t even talk.”
“He broke up with Liz.”
They did break up. My chest tightens as I try to figure out what that means for me.
“So, now you have to ask yourself if that changes anything between you and Noah. Is Noah really who you want if you have the chance to get back with Ash?”
“I don’t think I do have a chance with Ash.” I lower my head. “But I’m not sure I should be with Noah either. This isn’t fair to him. I don’t want to hurt him.”
Perfect For You Page 14
