by Nicole Hart
The wind started to blow and I opened my eyes. The headstone was gone.
"I'm always here. Daddy and I are always with you baby. We love you so much honey" I heard in the distance. Then raindrops started falling.
"We're always with you." She repeated as the rain started to pour.
My eyes fluttered open. My face felt stiff, from dried tears and my pillow was soaked. The dream replayed in my mind. Every time I dreamt of my parents, I always woke up in a panic. But I wasn't shaking this time. I wasn't hyperventilating. I was just sad. I missed them. But I was thankful for this dream.
There was a quiet knock at my door.
"Come in" I said.
"Hey" Sam said quietly and laid down on the bed beside me. "You ready to talk? I've been sitting out there waiting for 3 hours, you're killing me smalls" She elbowed me and I couldn't help but give her a sad little smile.
Jase. My dream distracted me from the pain for a few minutes. God, I couldn't do this. I needed to talk to him. I needed him to see my reasoning.
"Lainey?" Sam said.
I gave Sam the short version of Jay. I didn't want to go into too much detail. I didn't want to betray Jase by sharing too much. Even though I was pretty convinced he felt betrayed anyway.
"So when he called I just answered. I wanted to help. Was I wrong?" I asked Sam.
"Well I mean I see where you're coming from. And I don't know Jase real well, but he seems pretty even keeled. I mean if he got pissed about you answering then he's not ready to face it. Honey, you can't make him deal with something he's not ready to deal with."
I started to tear up again. Damn it!
"I know Sam. But I just want to help. I mean, I'm going to be his wife." And then I looked down at my ring "Or I was. God! I can't deal with this. I don't want to lose him. I can't. He was so mad though, he wouldn't even look at me."
"Don't jump the gun girl. Just give him time. I'm sure he will call or something. I tried to get Moon to go over there and see what was going on but he didn't want to get in the middle of it. Fucker."
"I don't know Sam. You didn't see his face" I said trying to fight back the tears.
"Look, you're not going to lay in this bed all night. I'm gonna start dinner and you're going to get up, go wash your face and come into the living room."
Sam stood and walked toward the door.
"Up" She said when she saw I wasn't moving. There was no arguing with her, so I sat up.
"Good girl." She said as she walked out the door.
I wish Moon would go check on him. I needed to know he was ok. I needed to know if it was over. I needed to talk to him. I needed Jase period.
Without thinking, I grabbed my phone.
ME: I'm sorry.
I waited for a response. But it didn't come. Nothing.
Sam made us dinner and although I couldn't eat, I was grateful for her effort and her company. I was miserable, there was no getting around it. But Sam being there kept me from crawling into a ball in the corner. I kept my phone right beside me, waiting for Jase to respond. He didn't. I was laying on the couch trying to watch some TV show but my mind couldn't concentrate. The look on his face was burned in my memory. "Go Home Lainey" kept running through my mind, over and over. I didn't even realize Sam had walked outside until she opened the front door. The look on her face told me she knew something.
"What?" I asked, my voice full of fear.
She let out a loud exhale but just sat down on the couch.
"What?!" I repeated. Oh my God, what if something happened to Jase? What if he had a girl over there? What if he told Moon it was over? My mind was racing.
"Moon was outside in the barn and heard glass breaking in the guest house. He ignored it at first but then he heard it again. He got nervous so he went over there." Oh my God, Oh my God.
"The door was locked" She continued. "He kept banging but Jase wouldn't answer. He had an extra key so he went in. "
"And?" I asked, knowing my eyes were wide with fear.
"He was hammered on whiskey and just flipping the fuck out. Moon tried to calm him down, but he wouldn't listen. Moon said he broke everything he could break. They got in a scuffle but Moon finally got him settled down."
"Shit. Are they ok? Are they hurt?" I asked. I couldn't believe this was happening. Jase wasn't much of a drinker, especially whiskey.
"I think Moon has a black eye. But he's ok. And he said Jase' hands are all cut up. Apparently Jase broke the picture of you two that was on the bar. Once he noticed what he did, he tried to put it back together, glass and all. Moon said he was really fucked up."
"What about now?" I had to know.
"He's passed out now. Moon said once he calmed down he was out. He drank almost a whole bottle of Jack. Moon's gonna stay the night over there, just in case he wakes up or something."
"Moon's a good guy" I told Sam. "Tell him thank you for taking care of him. I wish this didn't happen. I don't know what to do next."
"You give him time, Lainey. His dad obviously has his head all fucked up. He needs to figure it out."
"But I'm the one he's pissed at"
"Sweetie, you're just the one who forced him to face what he's been burying all this time" Sam said, her voice full of sympathy.
"What if he doesn't face it? What if he kicks me out of his life too?" I asked, hoping to God that wasn't the case.
"He loves you Lainey. Just wait, I'm sure he'll come around. I don't know what else to say." Sam said as she shrugged her shoulders.
But I wasn't so sure he would come around. He had been avoiding his dad for years. Jay had been trying, for years and Jase wouldn't budge. What if he did the same thing to me? What if he just walked away and never looked back?
"Wine?" Sam asked, breaking my thoughts.
"Yes, please. My nerves are shot" I said.
We went through two bottles of wine. Enough to calm my nerves so I wasn't shaking anymore. Not enough to take away the sadness. I was physically and emotionally drained. I crawled in my bed around midnight hoping for sleep. The faster the night went, the faster it would be a new day and hopefully Jase would call or come over or text. Something. But sleep didn't come easily. I tossed and turned all night, constantly checking my phone. Nothing.
The next morning I woke up and didn't move. I wanted to call Jase. But I couldn't. I wouldn't be that girl. I wouldn't beg him to talk to me, even if it killed me. Because I wanted to beg. I wanted to plead with him. But instead I would wait. Who knew how long I would be waiting, but that's what would do.
Sam tapped on my door as she walked in with a cup of coffee.
"Bless you" I said to her and took the cup.
"Jase is awake."
"And?" I asked.
"He just apologized to Moon but didn't say much else. Moon went home once he knew Jase was ok."
I looked down at my phone for the hundredth time. Nothing.
The day was dragging. I managed to take a shower but that was about it. Other than that, I just moped around all day. It was early evening and still no word from Jase.
"You know what would make you feel better?" Sam asked.
"What's that?"
"If you made me cupcakes. I think it would help" She said and gave me a wink.
I couldn't help but give a pathetic little giggle.
"Baking is your stress reliever." She laughed.
"Fine" I said and got my depressed ass off the couch.
It didn't really relieve my stress but it did occupy my mind a little. Sam even offered to help. And by helping, she meant taste testing. We were standing in the kitchen when I heard the beep of a text message. My stomach did a flip flop. Please be Jase. But then Sam grabbed her phone off the bar. It wasn't mine. Damn it. The nausea in my stomach started once again. This sucked so bad.
"Lainey, I need to run an errand." Sam said. It was probably Moon.
"Ok" I said trying not to let myself tear up. I wasn't going to be a baby. I could be home alone and not break down. Cou
ldn't I?
A few minutes later Sam emerged from her room with her purse and keys in hand.
"I'll be back soon, ok."
"K" I said and kept stirring the frosting. I heard the front door shut and put my face in my hands. My eyes started to fill with tears again. But then the door opened back up and I tried to get myself together. I had tears in my eyes, I wasn't going to look at Sam.
"Did you forget something?" I said with my back turned, trying to keep my voice as even as possible.
I felt his arms wrap around me from behind.
"I'm sorry baby. I'm so sorry." Jase said and just squeezed me tight. I didn't move. I didn't reach for him. I stayed still. I think I was in shock. But then the tears started to fall. I turned around and fell into his arms. Thank you God.
"I'm sorry too" I said through shallow breaths. The ugly cry was right around the corner.
"No, Lainey. Listen to me. It's not your fault. He makes me fucking crazy."
"I shouldn't have answered the phone, I was only trying to help" I said into his chest.
"I know" He said and kissed my head. "We need to talk" Oh no. I hated the sound of that.
"Do you want to go to my room? I'm not sure when Sam will be back" I said.
"Come on" He said and grabbed me by the hand. We walked into my room and he shut the door. I laid down on my side and he laid down facing me. He put his hand on my waist. We didn't speak for a couple of minutes. I was trying to keep my tears back and I knew if I spoke they would start up. Jase just stared at me.
"You were right" He finally said.
"I was?" I whispered.
"I should have at least answered his calls, especially when he wasn't going to give up. But I was so pissed at him for the way he changed after my mom died. But this morning, when I woke up, my house was a fucking disaster and I was alone. It finally hit me."
"What did?" I needed to know what he was thinking.
"If I lost you Lainey, if I didn't have you, I would lose my fucking mind. And I know that's what happened to him. He lost her. She was the love of his life and she was gone. I can't even imagine. That doesn't excuse the way he treated his kid, but I get it. And I know you were just trying to help. I'm sorry for pushing you away. Please baby, please forgive me."
"Baby, I love you. I'm just sorry for butting in when I shouldn't have."
"You're about to be my wife" He said and rubbed the pad of his thumb down my cheek. "You're supposed to butt in" He gave me that crooked smile.
I couldn't help but laugh a little. God, I loved this man.
"I called him back" He said with his eyes looking down at the bed.
"You did?" I said in shock and sat up on my elbow
"He's been clean for four years. He wants to see me" He said quietly.
"What did you say?"
"I agreed to go to Midland and see him"
"Oh Jase, I'm so glad." I said and wrapped my arms around him. "But are you ok with going?"
"I need you go to with me"
"Of course, when?"
"This weekend." He said.
"Whatever you need Babe, of course. I love you so much."
"Thank you Lainey. I love you more." He said and gave me a kiss "God, I missed you. I hate being away from you if I don't have to."
"Let's not do that again." I said with my lips touching his.
"Definitely not" He said as he started kissing my neck. "I love you so much baby"
"mmm" It was my only response.
"Wait just a minute" Jase said "Don't move" He jumped off the bed and hurried out the door.
I didn't have time to wonder what was going on because he was back in about five seconds. With the bowl of frosting.
"What's that for?" I asked with a devious smile.
"My two favorite flavors. Chocolate and Lainey. I need to see how they taste together. "He said as he grazed his teeth across his bottom lip and kicked the door shut.
Chapter 14
We headed to Midland after I got off work on Friday. The drive was a long one, but just being with Jase made it better. I could tell he was nervous by his facial expressions though, his jaw kept flinching and he was biting the inside of his cheek.
"It's gonna be ok" I tried to reassure him.
"I know" He said, although I'm not sure he believed his own words.
I ran my fingernails along his hairline and the back of his neck, trying to get him to relax.
"Thanks for coming" He said and squeezed my knee.
"Whatever you need babe, I'll do it" I said. And it was the truth.
"I love you" Jase said. The fight had really taken a toll on both of us. The thought of losing one another had really freaked us out. I know I couldn't handle a life without Jase, and he had let me know that he felt the same way.
"Love you more" I said and put my head on his shoulder.
"Nope"
We pulled into a steakhouse for a late dinner. We were both starving. It was a Friday night but since it was so late, it wasn't too crowded.
"This place has the best fried pickles" Jase said as he led me inside the restaurant with his hand on the small of my back.
"Good, I'm starving."
We were seated at our table and started looking over the menus when Jase let out a loud exhale.
"Alright, I got a serious question" He said.
Oh God, I was nervous already.
"Ok. Go ahead" I said nervously.
"Can I wear my hat in the wedding? I know most guys probably don't but babe I hate not wearing a hat. If you don't want me to I w...."
"Babe" I interrupted him. "Stop rambling" I said with a laugh.
Jase just laughed and raised his cocked his eyebrow waiting for my answer.
"Do you think I expected you to go without your hat?" I shook my head
"You don't care?"
"Babe, you can wear whatever you want. I don't care. I just want to marry you." I said and leaned across the table with my lips puckered out waiting for a kiss. Jase leaned in and then I heard an annoying high pitched screech.
"You've got to be shitting me." Jase mumbled and leaned back in the booth.
"Well look who came back to town?" I heard a high pitched female voice and looked over in that direction.
She was tall with blond hair and her shirt was too tight. She had on too much make up and I'm not sure how she was walking in those heels. She was the complete opposite of me. I knew right then who it was. The Slut. And she was headed right for our table.
"Jase Foster! How the hell are ya?" She said and leaned in and gave him a hug. A hug Jase didn't return. She didn't even look in my direction.
"I'm good. Misty, this is my fiance Lainey. Lainey, this is Misty." He said with apologetic eyes.
I didn't even have a chance to say anything when The Slut gasped.
"Engaged? You didn't tell me you were getting married Jase." She said with her hand still on his shoulder.
This disrespectful bitch. My jealousy was about to kick into overdrive.
"That's cause I haven't talked to you in months." Jase said without even looking at her.
"It has been a while Jase" She said with a flirty little giggle. I hated the way she said his name. I hated everything about her.
"Not long enough" Jase mumbled.
"Why don't you give me a call sometime sweetie and we can catch up."
Fuck this bitch!
"Listen, Sweetie" I said sarcastically. "My fiance and I are about to order dinner so why don't you just move along. And I suggest you get your hand off his shoulder before I snap that wrist of yours." I said in my sweetest voice.
"You heard the lady" Jase said.
The Slut just stood there for a second with her mouth gaped open. So I shooed her away with my hand and then picked up my menu. I was completely calm on the outside but on the inside I imagined myself leaping over the table and scratching her eyes out.
She let out a huff and walked away. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she m
ade her way out the door. Thank God.
"Come here" Jase said.
I looked up and he motioned for me to come over to him. I got up and sat on his lap.
"My little badass" Jase said and nibbled on my neck.
"I'm a little protective over what's mine." I admitted and kissed his lips.
"That's why we're perfect for each other" He said. And I knew he was exactly right.
The next day we pulled into Jay's driveway around noon. We were both nervous. Jase didn't admit it, but he didn't have to. When he killed the ignition, he let out a long exhale.
"You can do this." I reassured him.
"I know." He said.
"You wanna give it a minute?" I asked
"No, let's get this over with" Jase said and opened his door. I followed right behind him when he hopped out. Jase squeezed my hand and kissed my temple. "Thanks for coming with me"
"I'm right beside you, no matter what." I said and squeezed his hand back as we started to walk to the door.
When Jay opened the door, I had to hold back a gasp. Jase looked so much like his dad. The same height, although Jay was thinner. The same dark hair, but Jay had just a touch of grey. And those emerald eyes. I see where Jase got them from. But the difference was Jay showed a lot of age around his eyes. He looked a lot older than he should. But when he looked at Jase, his eyes lit up. He beamed.
"Jason" Jay whispered and put his arms around Jase. Jase was stiff for a second and then he finally returned the hug. My eyes immediately filled with tears. Not now Lainey.
When Jay pulled away from Jase, he kept his hands on his forearms.
"Let me look at you" He said, with tears in his eyes. I was about to lose it.
"Son, you look so good. I'm so glad you came." He just stared at Jase for a second before he continued. "Sorry, come in, come in." He said and stepped aside so we could walk in.
It was a modest, older home, but very well taken care of. It definitely had a woman’s touch to it. I looked at Jay's hand but didn't see a wedding ring.
Jase still hadn't spoken.
"Please sit down" Jay said.
We both sat down on the sofa and Jase grabbed my hand. His hand was shaking. It wasn't bad, but I definitely noticed. I squeezed his hand.
"Thank you for coming. Both of you" Jay said.
