by Jenner, Kris
I had lost Robert.
Suddenly, I realized everything that was great about my marriage. Robert was the greatest guy in the world. He would never cheat on me. He only wanted the best for me. He encouraged me to find things to do for myself and have new interests. He took me on vacation, bought me anything I wanted, and let me be the best mother I could be. He nurtured our relationship.
Robert made me a better person. He introduced me to a life I would have never known otherwise and encouraged me to be a good Christian. When I lost him, I lost friends, I lost respect, and I lost love.
He adored me, and I treated him so badly. To this day, I still cannot tell you why. Again, it was as if my body had been taken over by demons or aliens. I was really ashamed of myself. But I didn’t try to get Robert back. I didn’t want to insult him like that. I had been so wrong. I had so embarrassed him, humiliated him, destroyed him. Not only that, but my bad behavior had taken a serious toll on our kids, and they certainly didn’t deserve that.
The divorce got ugly. Robert canceled my credit cards and revoked my Gelson’s grocery charge privileges.
“What do you think I’m going to do, charge too many tomatoes?” I asked.
I mean, my kids had to eat. I was paralyzed. One night I took my kids out for pizza with Candace and another friend, and I didn’t have money to pay for pizza. That might have been my lowest moment, when I realized I couldn’t buy my children pizza. If Robert wanted to show me that I was nothing without him, it worked.
I spent the next couple of weeks mourning and taking stock of what I had done. I had been on a kamikaze mission and imploded my entire family along with myself. I was so embarrassed. I had disappointed so many people. These were people who had once respected me, and admired me, and I let them all down.
I continued down this path of emotional instability for the longest time. I couldn’t even perform the simplest tasks or do my errands. I wanted to just shut down, not think, go to sleep. But I wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping. I was so tired. I never saw myself ever in a million years being divorced. I always thought I would live happily ever after and raise this wonderful family with a loving husband and house full of loving kids.
What I put my family through during this time will always be my biggest regret. What it taught me—and what I tell young women going through something similar—is that there are ups and downs and changes in life, but you have to have self-control. You have to understand that relationships have their ebbs and flows, and that life just evolves. It is about love and friendship. It’s not always about passion and heat. I just didn’t understand that. My feeling unfulfilled was valid, but the way I had responded to it wasn’t fair. I struggled through very dark days, accepting what I had done, before I began to see a light at the end of my tunnel.
Eventually, there was light. I knew that I was at a crossroads in my life and I knew that I was not at peace with myself. I was devastated that I had broken up my marriage. I had great guilt. I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself. I had always imagined myself as someone who would only be strong and committed and passionate about my family, my husband, my children. Yet, somehow, this horrific situation had taken over my life, and I had let it happen. I definitely had let God slip out of my life, and I needed to snap out of it and get things back on track.
I was sitting in my backyard one day, and it felt so empty because my husband was gone, my friends were gone, the laughter was gone, the music was gone, the happiness was gone, the peace was gone, and the contentment was gone. So much was gone. My house had become a shell. I was stripped of every emotion I had always relished. I was the one who was always excited or passionate about everything, but my impulsive search for passion had, ironically, stripped me of the passion I once had. You could feel it in our house. I had let everything I loved slip away in exchange for an insane affair.
As I sat there looking at my four kids playing in the pool with all their friends over, I had one of those “Aha!” moments. We had had the fairy-tale life, and suddenly it was over. My kids were living on a battlefield, and that wasn’t fair. That wasn’t what they signed up for, and it was certainly not the way I thought my life would go. I thought, That’s it. This is my life! I am not going to let this destroy my children for one more moment. I made a declaration to myself: You know what, I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning and I’m going to be a whole new girl. I’m going to get up, I’m going to pick up my dry cleaning and get my car washed and get my house cleaned and get my drawers organized and get my kids’ lunches made. I was going to throw every ounce of my being into my kids and our home. I was going to be the best mother and housekeeper and carpool driver. I’m going to do it all, and I’m going to do it really well, because that’s what my kids deserve.
I stood up and went upstairs to my bathroom, and I remember I was so drained. I started splashing cold water on my face, and I remember thinking that this was a cold-water moment, no pun intended. I was going to get back on track. I was going to go to church. I was going to pray about my situation, and I was going to pray for my children, and one day I hoped I would live long enough to make it all up to them.
That day, I decided from that moment on I was going to be the best Kris possible. I was going to be a woman who always tries to live the truth.
CHAPTER SIX
Meeting My Match
My attorney, Dennis Wasser, was indeed the best in Los Angeles. He had everything under control. “You’ll probably get your house,” he said. “Stick to the plan. Everything’s going to be okay.”
In June of 1990, Dennis went into court for some emergency relief, and soon I was getting a monthly allowance. I was able to pay my bills. I was far from being whole again, but everything was going along okay. Robert and I shared visitation with the kids. I don’t think they fully grasped what had happened, and Robert and I both tried very hard to keep things as normal as possible for them. We stuck to their routines: school, lessons, summer camp, and summer school. We kept things moving. I think because we kept them busy, they were kind of okay. We put on a happy face, and I don’t think they understood everything going on at the time.
Finally, I went on a blind date, a really lousy date that a friend talked me into. I came home that night and began thinking about what to do next. It sure didn’t include dating. The regret and remorse of what I had done had begun to subside, and I was getting back to the hard work of making things better. I went back to the business of being the best mom that I could be. That was my priority. I had destroyed my marriage, but I didn’t want to lose my kids. I didn’t want my kids to have that as their memory of me.
The next morning I vowed to forget about dating and spend all of my time and energy on my new life with my children. I made my kids lunches, I took them to school, I went to the dry cleaners, I did my errands. By the time eleven o’clock rolled around, I got a call from Candace Garvey.
“How’s it going?” she asked.
“It’s going fine.”
“Well, I’m up here in Alaska, and the greatest thing happened. I’m here with a guy named Bruce Jenner. Do you know who Bruce Jenner is?”
Candace and Steve were shooting an outdoors television show up there, and Bruce was one of their guests. He was up in Ketchikan alone for a small celebrity fishing tournament. Candace noticed that Bruce wore sweats pretty much every day; she had first thought of asking me to help him spruce up his style. Candace always dressed like a Ralph Lauren model. In Alaska, she was sporting the kind of vest with all the little pockets that fishermen wear, khaki pants, and a really cute shirt, her hair perfect and her face gorgeous. Bruce remarked on how great she looked.
“If you think I look great, you should see my friend Kris,” she said. “Kris really knows how to dress; she really knows how to shop,” she told him. Then she stopped mid-sentence, struck by an idea. “Oh, wait a minute, Bruce,” Candace continued. “This is perfect! Kris would be great for you to go out with!”
Candace immediately switched
from the personal-shopper idea to being utterly convinced that Bruce and I would make a perfect match. That’s Candace for you. Bruce, of course, who wasn’t into shopping, especially when it came to clothes, didn’t immediately warm to the idea, to say the least.
“Oh, yeah, that’s just what I need, Candace,” Bruce replied. “A professional shopper.”
When Candace called me, I was hesitant from the start. “Yeah, I know who Bruce Jenner is,” I said.
“Don’t you think he’s adorable?”
“Yeah, he’s all right. Why?”
“Well, I want to set you guys up on a blind date.”
“What?”
We talked for thirty minutes about why I should go on this blind date with Bruce Jenner.
“Candace, I don’t want to ever look at another guy for as long as I live,” I said. “I’ve given up guys. I just want to be a mom. The last thing I want to do is to go out on a blind date.” She went on and on and on about all of the reasons why I should go out on a date with Bruce Jenner. I just repeated, “Hell no.” I didn’t want to go out with anybody, especially somebody whom any of my friends knew. It would just be too much. But Candace wouldn’t give up.
“Come on, Kris, come on, Kris, come on, Kris,” she said.
If you know anything about Candace Garvey, you know that she is persistent. I knew she was never going to give up unless I agreed to go on the blind date.
“Okay, okay, okay, I’ll go out with your friend Bruce when you guys get back from Alaska,” I told her.
I figured she’d call me in two weeks and then I could get out of it. Candace came home a few days later, and the minute they landed at the airport she called me. I was minding my own business, trying to be Mother of the Year, when the phone rang: a conference call with Candace, Steve, and me.
“Let’s all go to dinner together tomorrow night!” they shouted in unison.
“Tomorrow night?”
“Yes! Steve and Bruce are playing in the Michael Jordan Golf Tournament at the Riviera Country Club,” said Candace. “Meet us there and we’ll all go out to dinner afterward.”
“Oh my God, Candace, please—”
She cut me off in the middle of my excuses. Again, nobody says no to Candace Garvey.
“Okay, okay, all right, I’ll meet you there.”
I hung up and immediately found a babysitter for the next night, doubting everything all along the way.
The next morning Candace called.
“Are you excited about tonight?”
“Not really. I really don’t want to do this. I’m doing this for you.”
“You’re perfect for each other,” she said. “He’s got four kids, you’ve got four kids. It’s going to be great. You could really use a good guy. And Bruce is a great guy. He’s not dating anybody. It’s perfect timing. Where do you want to go?”
“I’ll meet you at the country club, because I’m not going out with this guy by myself. Let’s go to the Ivy at the Shore.”
“Okay, great,” said Candace.
I brought my nanny, Tracy, with me on the blind date. My housekeeper was staying with my kids, and I told Tracy that I wanted her to come with me so that I didn’t have to get into Bruce’s car with him alone. I never wanted to be put in the position on a blind date where I was in the guy’s car by myself. I don’t know why I felt like that, but I did. So Tracy came with me to the Riviera Country Club.
As I walked inside the clubhouse, Bruce Jenner was walking out. He was wearing golf clothes—red golf shirt, khaki pants—and he had long, shaggy hair and a big smile on his face. He looked adorable.
“You must be Kris,” said Bruce.
“And you must be Bruce,” I replied.
“Oh my God!” he exclaimed, and he came running over and he threw his arms around me and picked me up into this big bear hug.
“Finally, I’m in the arms of a real woman!” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“You have four kids, I have four kids. This is amazing!” he said.
It was way forward, but I had to admit: he was so cute. He was an adult. After dating somebody ten years younger than I was, it was nice to see an adult who was happy and really thrilled that I had a brood of kids and that I was a mom and a family girl.
“Come on, let’s go inside and find Steve and Candace,” he said after putting me down.
I turned around, looked at Tracy, and tossed her my car keys.
“Bye, Tracy, see you later,” I said.
We went inside. It was really strange, because I knew so many people there. Everybody was like, “Hi, Kris. Hi, Kris. What are you doing here?”
“Everybody knows who you are,” Bruce said.
We had a lovely thirty minutes in the clubhouse, having a drink at the cocktail party after the golf tournament. Then Bruce, Candace, Steve, and I drove in two separate cars to Ivy at the Shore for dinner. Me and Bruce went in one car, talking all the way. At the restaurant, I ordered swordfish and Bruce ordered meat loaf. (Now, every time we go to Ivy at the Shore, we have to order the same things. Sweet, right?)
After dinner, we went to Candace’s house. I was going to spend the night there so nobody would have to drive me home. The last thing I wanted was for Bruce to drive me home. I just didn’t want any awkwardness between us. I still felt very vulnerable. So Bruce drove me back to Candace’s house and we sat and talked for the longest time there. We had one thing in common: we had both gone off track with our lives. We talked about me and we talked about him, especially about how his life had derailed after his huge success in the Olympics, with two divorces and various disappointments in starting his business career. I couldn’t help but feel compassion for him. I also found myself thinking that I might want to be the person to help Bruce find his way again.
“I had the best time tonight,” he told me before he left. “I’d love to see you again. I’m leaving town tomorrow, but can I call you when I get home?”
“Sure,” I said. “Call me when you get home.”
He called the next morning. “I have to go to Florida,” he said. “Do you want to meet me there if I send you a ticket?”
“What for?” I asked.
“I’m in this boat race, and then I have a golf tournament, and I’m giving a speech, and I have three or four days in Florida,” he said. “Would you like to visit me there? No hanky-panky. I’ll get you your own room.”
It took me a second to say, “Sure.”
We had a great time. Bruce was such an exciting guy. He never seemed to sit still. On our first morning in Florida, he hopped into a Cigarette speedboat, racing at 100-plus miles an hour in a professional boat for a major sponsor. It was intense and dangerous. The next day he jumped into a race car at a NASCAR race, again at 100-plus miles an hour. A day or two after that, he was playing professional golf in a major tournament. I kept thinking, WOW! This is someone who grabs life by the tail with such an incredible level of energy. Like me, he got out of bed running, going a million miles an hour with an agenda that would frighten most people. I had finally met my match.
From then on, Bruce and I became inseparable.
The first time Bruce ever picked me up for a date when my children were home, a couple of weeks after our trip to Florida, he was taking me to a private cocktail party for Ronald and Nancy Reagan. He was wearing a jacket that was as old as he was, with a huge hole in the shoulder. I thought, Oh, boy, this guy needs a little help! He needs someone to love on him a little bit and get him back in the game. He had been living alone too long, and he was depressed and didn’t care about his appearance.
At the same time, Bruce was absolutely endearing. I loved how honest and sincere he was, and we had something huge in common: we both loved our children more than anything else. Before we went to the cocktail party for the Reagans that night, Bruce went straight upstairs to where my son, Rob, was going to bed. All the kids were in Rob’s room, hanging all over the bunk beds and watching Bruce say good night to Rob.
Except for Kourtney, who stood off to the side and gave Bruce a skeptical look, they all started giggling with delight. It was very endearing.
He was so into the kids and how they felt about him. I thought that was amazing. Here’s a guy who’s sensitive to what is going on here, I thought. I had such a great love for him just for that, and I loved the fact that he had four kids too. This was definitely a fabulous, serious, real kind of love, different from the secret, shady relationship I had just been through with Ryan. We just loved each other from the start. I loved everything about Bruce. I loved his sense of adventure, his spirit, and his love of kids, especially my kids. I loved that he loved me, and he let me be me.
The courtship was fast and furious. Bruce and I were having so much fun, and it was so unexpected. As I mentioned before, I had given up guys. Right? Forever. Right? Until this big surprise named Bruce Jenner came along. After the Reagan event, Bruce was called out of town, and each time he went somewhere he invited me to go with him. Sometimes I went; sometimes I didn’t.
After he left on one trip, I told Bruce I was having a tenth birthday party for Kim at the Tower Lane house. He was playing in a golf tournament in which O.J. Simpson was also playing, but he made a point to fly home for Kimberly’s birthday party, which really meant a lot to me. There was more to it than that: his coming home for my daughter’s birthday was a milestone. I realized this guy was serious. I wasn’t dating a twenty-year-old; I was dating an adult. He made me feel special, and he made sure that I knew that my kids mattered to him.
That was October 1990. The holidays were approaching, in a fast and furious rollout: first Kim’s birthday, then Halloween, Thanksgiving, and then Christmas, my favorite of all seasons. As always, we had the most amazing Christmas. Bruce got so caught up in it that he got the Ninja Turtles dressed up as Santas to come over and entertain the kids. Bruce was as excited to have me in his life as I was to have him in mine.
