by Kate Sundara
She goes to the window, watching from where she can’t be seen. Living with Zak has made her an expert. She stares at him through the downpour, but he doesn’t go to the horses, he goes beneath the corrugated shelter, grabs a log with his gashed arm, starts sawing away with the other. He’s pissed-off angry – she’s never seen him like this – all sweat and muscle, steaming breath against mad grey sky. She finds this side of him such a turn on; that she’s found the secret fire in the man.
High on bluster, the horses are going loopy in the paddock, whinnying and charging, wind billowing through their manes. Wil looks up, throws the log down. Mia laughs at that.
Be brave. I urge her. Go for it…
She runs barefoot from the house and into the stable, rain thundering against the iron roof. From there she watches Wil out in the paddock as he whistles through the downpour, both horses cantering around him. Something in this wind is spurring Mia on, carrying animal musk from the mountaintops, fever from the forests, her nerves vibrating like an instrument strummed.
The pretty mare plods towards Wil. Masterfully he reins her in. Stroking her long nose, he calms and steadies her, looking into her eyes. Mia’s jealous. She wants Wil to grip her, to look her in the eyes. Entering the barn with the horses, he sees her standing on the hay. He has no smile for her, not a word this time.
‘Need a hand?’ she asks.
‘Told you, I got it.’ He puts the horses in their stalls.
She knows she’s pushing him, but needs to push him more; the brewing storm’s making her bold – she’s alive, she’s electric. ‘You going to miss me, Dutch?’ Her heart’s beating hard against his clothes, she’s peeling the label from her alcopop.
‘It’s too bad you gotta leave,’ he concedes. The metal clunks as he shuts the gates.
‘Is it? I wasn’t sure.’
He looks at Mia, eyes finally meeting her eyes and locking there. The wind is rising.
‘It’s funny,’ she says, dizzy with daring. ‘Something I noticed: everyone else hugs each other – all of the Dale crowd – and you hug them. But you and I, we’re the only ones. Other than that day on the forest floor, you never touch me.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Sorry for what?’
‘For lying on you in the forest.’
‘I liked it,’ she says.
‘Mia–’
‘Just kidding.’ She breathes a laugh with a leap and a gallop of pulse.
‘Nate and Ramsey will be back soon.’ His face is blank, he’s restraining himself…
Full of fire and feeling she walks to him. Backed up by his body-language, Ruth’s conviction and all their chemistry, how could she be wrong about this? Reaching up, she rises on tip-toes and kisses him right on the mouth.
‘Mia…’ Wil stands there, looking down his nose at her. He didn’t return her kiss. She was wrong. And, as he arches back, it becomes clear: it’s not because he’s into her, but because he’s trying to pull away. Ruth had been projecting, Mia had been dreaming. Wil’s face fills with all sorts of sorry. Rebuff, refusal.
Devastated, she turns and rushes from the stable like she’s rushing for a midnight pumpkin. Stupid, stupid fairytales – when will I learn…?
Red Riding Hood innocence slipping off her, she becomes the lone wolf again.
The sky’s turned purple, wind thrashing the trees, the lid of a trash can spins off into the dark. Mia stands in the swirling hay. Wil steps out of the stable, he holds no glass slipper, just apologies in his eyes. He and Mia both glisten in the downpour, the way that only the living do.
‘I’m Zak’s friend!’ Wil yells through wind and rain.
Her mind and ego are a fury of confusion, anger she felt at him for knowing about Zak – temporarily mitigated by more appealing emotions – now hurtling to the forefront.
‘About that!’ she shouts at him. ‘You told me he’d had a trauma!’
‘You said that. I went along with it,’ he yells back. ‘He has a chemical imbalance.’
‘Well I know that now! I found the meds. You should’ve just said!’
‘And blurt out everything he confided in me? I’m a guidance counsellor, part of my job’s protecting privacy. I’d never have lied to you if I had a choice, but I didn’t have a choice. I wanted to tell you on the church steps that day, but I couldn’t.’
‘You let me think I was going crazy!’
‘What else could I do? I steered around the facts – not only for myself. I tried to do the right thing by everyone, to make sure you were okay. What d’you think was with the coincidental run-ins, all the trips out, all the times I asked you over?’
‘What?’ she asks, aghast. ‘That was all because…?!’
‘I told Zak to tell you what was going on but he wouldn’t. I couldn’t see another way!’
Wil’s outspokenness and her outrage create a friction like two sticks being rubbed together. With this many sparks flying, they ignite.
‘You threw me off the scent!’ she barks with wolfish ferocity. ‘If you hadn’t said what you did I’d have unearthed the truth sooner. You pulled the wool over my eyes!’
‘And you unravelled the whole thing anyway!’
‘The whole thing? So you knew about the rest of it, about his mother…?’
‘I knew he was searching, that his imbalance threw everything off. Including you! Don’t you get it? Zak dropped you before you dropped him.’
‘What? How dare you make those assumptions about me!’
‘His words, not mine. Think about it, could you really have kept up that relationship?
‘If I’d known the facts we could’ve figured it out.’
‘Is that what you want? Who you still want?’
‘No! Not anymore. Too much has happened, too much has changed…’
‘It’s okay to realise your limits, Mia. You’re brave and strong but–’
‘You’re so… so… Are you trying to provoke me?’
‘I’m trying to be straight with you!’
This isn’t about Zak now, it’s about Wil, and her transition between the two, and the thing she’s so vehement at him about is the very thing she most cherishes: his honesty and strength of character, that which makes him noble and able to keep confidences. If Wil hadn’t just spurned her, her rage may not have resurfaced, for her rage is, ultimately, at his rejection.
‘I couldn’t divulge details,’ explains Wil, ‘but you were all shaken up and I had to let you know that whatever was going on wasn’t really about you, that you weren’t alone. I didn’t want you to leave for England like you were saying you would. I panicked!’
‘Why wouldn’t you want me to leave? Why would you panic?’
He doesn’t answer, doesn’t say anything, just searches her eyes.
‘What?’ she urges him, ‘What!…’
‘We can’t all be ‘Brents’, Mia…’
‘What’s that supposed to–’
‘Dammit! What do you want?’ he spits out. ‘Do you even know?’
‘What do you want?’ she shoots back.
‘Just when I thought I might stand a chance with you – that you might look at me that way – you go hook up with Brent! I’m just the ‘geeky guy’, huh? The one who always comes out with some dumb-ass fact. The one who actually gets you.’
She stammers. ‘What are you talking about? You weren’t interested, not in that way. You’re into that ungettable girl, the one who’s into someone else. You told me!’
‘YOU! I was talking about YOU…!’
The shouting stops. Mia’s heart stops. She’s lightning-struck. She can hardly hear his words for the ringing in her ears, for the reel of realisation…
She sees the fire in his eyes turn into a different kind of passion and the atmosphere reverberates with the most exquisite tension, like the strain directly before a launch, like something wound up so tight that any second it has to… Wil grips her hands in his hands against the wall, his tongue on her tongue, his heat on h
er face. Rain in her eyes, the bulk in his denim hardens as he presses it against her body. Flushed with colour and burning desire, she wraps herself around him. He picks her up, carries her back inside the barn, rolls her down on a bed of hay, his weight finally upon her again.
* * *
I step inside a bright white light shining through all things broken. The streets of River Valley are littered with fallen branches and debris from the storm that ripped through town last night.
Mia hot-foots it all the way to Chokecherry Shack, her lightning feet flashing through air. Rosa’s place is standing perfectly fine. Mia knocks on the door, goes round the back, peers into Rosa’s bedroom. It’s dark, she can see through to her empty rocking-chair. She rattles on the window, calls her name.
Rosa appears around the corner through the mist. ‘Mia,’ she greets her.
‘Oh, I’m so glad you’re okay. Creature of habit! Been on a dawn walk?’
Rosa smiles, looking happy to see her. ‘One heck of a storm.’ Their breath makes clouds in the air. ‘Many others are awake too, stumbling around, assessing the damage. Are your friends alright?’
‘Yes, thankfully. Wil text them.’ She pauses. ‘So I’m leaving tomorrow. Ruth’s throwing me a party tonight. The other reason I came by is to invite you along.’
Rosa smiles, light in her eyes. ‘As it happens, I have other plans for this evening.’
‘Zak?’
‘We’ve arranged to meet.’
‘That’s amazing!’
‘Thanks to you.’
‘I was just the cosmic link, the go-between. Will you let me know how it goes?’
‘Of course I will.’
‘It’s the start of a new journey. It seems like you really need each other right now.’
‘Divine timing,’ smiles Rosa.
Mia has a hundred questions but honours Rosa’s privacy – she’s played her part.
‘I’ll swing by here tomorrow on my way out of town. To say goodbye before I leave for good.’ They hold each other’s gaze the way they always have.
‘I’ll always have this to remember you by,’ says Mia, touching the feather talisman at her neck. ‘I’ve worn it every day since you put it on me. My special gift.’
‘That’s not the gift,’ says Rosa.
Mia looks at her enquiringly.
‘Stories were one of the greatest gifts my ancestors passed down to me. I’ve carried them a lifetime. You came here a writer without a story. That journal you’ve been keeping, there’s your story right there.’
Mia looks down at her journal, poking out of her string bag.
‘You’ve still so much to do in life, so many stories inside of you. You wished for a story. This one wrote itself without you realising it. You came all this way. You got your story.’
‘I came all this way for Zak.’
‘A dream is what brought you out here. The thing about dreams is that we wake up from them. Dreams,’ says Rosa, ‘even broken dreams, can lead us to our greatest awakenings.’
Mia takes her hands in her own.
‘I gave you this talisman to help you find your path. It looks like you’re on track. Keep going. Many people wear cynicism like a medallion, as if it’s an accomplishment. It is not. You’re a believer. Your eyes have been opened. Just dream with your eyes open.’
‘I will.’
‘Something’s changed about you,’ adds Rosa.
‘I think a lot of things have changed about me, being out here.’
‘I mean since I last saw you…’ Rosa’s eyes twinkle with suspicion, and Mia thinks she must be referring to Wil, but no–
‘There’s been a letting go,’ detects Rosa. ‘There’s an upliftment all about you.’
Mia understands that she’s talking about me.
‘It’s almost complete,’ says Rosa.
‘Almost,’ Mia agrees.
* * *
Mia braces herself for farewells, stood with Ruth outside the busy bar, packed with their friends.
‘Thank you for organising this, Ruthie. I feel so lucky, everyone here.’
‘Couldn’t let you leave without a party. Zak not coming?’
Mia shakes her head. ‘It’s alright. Everything’s as it’s meant to be.’
‘I’m really gonna miss you,’ says Ruth.
‘Me too. So much.’ Hugging hard, when they pull apart, Ruth’s face has changed, she looks into Mia with warm watery eyes. ‘Don’t!’ Mia warns her.
‘Wow… Guess it’s only just hit me you’re actually leaving.’
Mia flashes her a grin, being playful to avoid the opposite. Ruth just stands, gazing at her.
‘You’re not going to kiss me are you, Ruthie?’
‘Has he kissed you yet? Wil?’
‘Ruthie…’
‘It’s okay, I can take it. I encouraged you, remember, gave you my blessing…’
‘We made out. We haven’t… you know…’
‘Would you stay for him?’
‘Ninety days, Ruthie. That’s all I had. Tomorrow’s my ninetieth day. Besides – visas, work, money – and Wil’s just graduated, he’s got his future to figure out.’
Corey shows up, giving Ruth a squeeze. Mia leaves them catching-up and goes into the party.
Mia still gets butterflies whenever she sees Wil, even more so now. He sidles up to her at the bar, with a smile, his pupils huge; he looks inebriated, or in love. She loves looking at him. She wants to kiss him, but can’t. Not here. He grits his teeth, comically, she peels the label from a bottle, the spark between them amped up since their fusion in the storm, but they’re still new and private, and sensitive about not flaunting their coupling, especially not in front of Ruth.
Wil goes over to say hi to Corey. A few minutes later, when Mia turns around with the drinks, Wil’s stood behind her again. ‘It’s your last night,’ he tells her. ‘What do you say to one final adventure?’ Jangling keys with a subversive smile, Wil makes an unlikely candidate for a joy-ride. ‘Corey’s brother has an empty lake house in the mountain. Ruth suggested we take the party up there. Awesome views all across the valley. It’s beautiful. What d’ya say?’
Mia looks over at Ruth, leaning into the arch of Corey’s body, his arm around her shoulder, his lips pressed against her forehead. Ruth holds up her thumbs, implying that the lake house party would be fun. ‘Well… I guess… yeah, why not!’
‘Ruth says we should go on ahead, they’ll arrange getting everyone else up there.’
* * *
‘Stop!’ shrieks Mia, laughing. ‘I’ll have stubble rash all over me!’ She and Wil are alone up at the lake house, fooling around in the master bedroom of the most beautiful pine cabin.
Wil laughs, ‘I can’t help it. You any idea how difficult that was tonight?’
‘What about in the parking lot? Amber spotted us. You should’ve seen her face! I like you like this, all dishevelled…’
Wil gently bites her neck.
‘And this is the most amazing place! I want to live here, Wil!’
‘We will one day.’
Mia’s laughter fades, she sits up.
‘Where are you going?’ he asks as she pulls away.
‘We should make the bed,’ she mutters, smoothing her hair.
Words. Wil didn’t mean any harm by them. He doesn’t know how prone she is to promises, doesn’t realise how much hope could hurt her. He can’t see the scars she’s gathered on her journey, hers aren’t visible like his bear scar.
‘No sign of the others,’ reports Mia, watching out of the window. It’s a warm starry night and the town of River Valley, half-hidden by evergreens, twinkles in clusters in the distance below. ‘There were a few nasty bends driving up the mountain. It’s been a while, I don’t see any headlights…’
Wil doesn’t speak. As Mia turns around he steps down from bedroom to lounge, wearing a look of doubt, and it dawns on her… ‘They’re not coming, are they?’
Nothing.
‘W
hat is it? What’s going on?’
‘C’mon, we should get going,’ he insists.
‘Going where?!’
‘Surprise,’ he grins. ‘You’ll love it. Trust me.’
‘I do trust you.’
He reaches for her root beer, takes a sip and hands it back; the ease of his gesture turns her on, the familiarity of sharing without need for asking. They’ve become intimate.
Together they go on their way.
‘Are you at least gonna tell me what’s in the bag?’ she asks as they trudge through moonlit mountain meadow. Wil takes her hand and her heart speeds up. Startled by sudden loud bangs, every colour lights up the sky. Mia looks to Wil half expectantly.
‘Now I wish I could say that was my work…’ he says laughing.
‘Well good. I’m relieved. Fireworks? That’d be so cliché!’
They watch parachutes of colour explode way up above. She can’t believe they’re stood here together, glowing beneath the sparkles. ‘Why do they call it the lake house? I don’t see any lake…’
Wil gives her a sideways smirk and they duck through a hedgerow and come out the other side. ‘Well… what d’ya think?’ He looks to Mia but she’s speechless. A galaxy of stars shimmer across a stretch of still water. It’s like nothing she’s ever seen before.
‘Why… why have we never come here before? It’s beautiful!’
‘It’s private. Corey’s brother owns this land. It’s thermal too – touch it!’
A light steam lingers over the lake’s surface. And then it occurs to her – with dread – that they’re here to swim…
‘Shall we?’ he suggests.
Haywire sensations course through her body, threatening to ruin the most romantic gesture anyone’s ever made for her – still, all because of what happened to me.
‘We can’t,’ she jabbers, already feeling her palms begin to sweat, a queasy feeling in her stomach, nausea on her tongue.
He looks at her curiously.
‘Don’t have… swimsuit…’ she retaliates. Wil laughs casually. ‘Hey, who needs that?’
