by Kate Sundara
‘I’ve changed so much since being out here,’ she says. ‘Through the people I’ve met, the stories I’ve heard, the lessons I’ve learnt the hard way… and you. You’ve changed me. Before, I could never let anyone close, but I trusted you from the start. Before, I was uptight, but with you, my defences came undone. You were the first person I cried with, when I hadn’t cried in years. I even slipped into the water with you when I was out of my depth. I wish I could tell you more about it, how much you’ve helped me, but…’
‘When?’ Wil looks at her hopelessly and she can barely look at him. She turns around, pacing up and down, biting her nails, hot-headed with turmoil; Wil asking her to stay triggering a memory of Zak asking her to stay on the island, and she knows her affliction is the same it’s always been: love. The simple desire for love. When is love ever simple?
She pauses at the end of the jetty, holds her face to the sky, ‘Send me a sign!’
Out of the blue comes the howl of a wolf to the fading moon. It holds Mia to the spot as it shoots up and out of her body, a cool cry slicing through her hot itching unrest, herself and the wolf banding then disbanding as the animal leaves her, replaced by a deep down knowing. She’s free from the wolf, just as she’s free from me. We were helpers she held onto. Helpers she won’t need now she’s healing, she’s healed. To Mia there couldn’t be a clearer sign.
‘I’ve had to let go of so many things…’ she says. ‘There must be something I’m allowed to keep…’ She turns and looks to Wil. ‘Do you remember you once told me about the nature of the wolf?’
Wil appears mystified; she’s about to leave him and she wants to talk wildlife?
‘You said they’re wary of humans, hard to catch. They aren’t naturally meant to be alone, but now and then you’ll get one who strays from the pack: the lone wolf. The lone wolf was me. For so long I’ve been that creature – travelling great distances, out of my own, warding everyone away. And I could carry on, I could live my whole life like that. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid to belong.’
‘What are you saying, Mia?’
‘That I don’t want to be alone anymore. Not because I need to be with somebody, but because I want to be. I’ve run so far. I’ve had enough. The flip-side of being free is being lost. I don’t want to be lost. I don’t want to lose you.’
Wil daren’t step any closer. He’s transfixed, eyes on her, super-alert.
‘Maybe I’ve found my pack out here,’ she tells him. ‘Maybe this is all meant to be.’
A micro-expression on Wil’s face, a tiny glimmer of hope in the honey-glow of his eyes.
Tentatively he checks her. ‘You mean you want to stay?’
‘I know it’s impossible. But just to know that this is possible – what you and I have, that it exists – it’s amazing!’
They stand still as statues, then Wil’s face changes.
‘What is it?’ she asks.
‘Maybe it is possible,’ he answers, seemingly occupied with whatever has just sprung to him.
‘Huh?’
‘I think I’ve just figured out that way I mentioned.’
‘There’s a way? How? How?’
‘We go up to Canada.’
‘Canada?’
‘You get ninety days in America – Canada’s a whole other country. I’m a Canadian citizen, Mia – was born there, remember? I grew up right next to Tess’s, where we went on the road-trip!’
Mia is staggered by the suggestion. She laughs in disbelief.
‘I mean, I’ve just graduated! I’ve got no clue as what to do with the rest of my life – why not extend the adventure! Let’s go together, just you and me. We can cross the border, leave today!’
‘Wil, that’s insane!’
‘Like the rest of your trip hasn’t been?’
‘True.’
They laugh together as it registers.
‘Are you for real?’ she asks him.
‘Why not! And it’s not so far for those guys to come visit.’
‘Compared with Europe, you mean.’
‘Exactly! You liked it there, didn’t you – Canada?’
‘Of course!’
‘Well… what do you say?’
‘I don’t know what to say!’ Her heart’s racing at a hundred miles an hour, she’s so excited she needs to halt herself – not as a guard against Wil, but rather in honour of all that she’s learned on her journey – about self-hood and wholeness. She needs a moment to digest his proposal.
She stands before him and, after careful consideration, says, ‘Just so you know, I wouldn’t be staying because I need you to complete me. It’s more that, whenever I’m with you, I feel I’m already complete.’
Wil looks at her, listening like he always has. He nods, seeming to understand – or at least to appreciate – her avowal.
‘So are you in?’ he checks cautiously, after a moment of suspense.
‘I’m in,’ she tells him gladly. They move towards each other, faces glittering with anticipation of their life to come as he scoops her up in his arms, warm against the morning.
I leave her by the water with which she’s made her peace.
Finally, I walk into the light.
Acknowledgements
My heartfelt thanks go to the abundance of friends and family who have supported me on this long and arduous journey, for your encouragement, feedback and for humouring me as I travelled and redrafted my way through four continents, reaching out to you from afar.
Thanks to my amazing agent, Laura Williams at PFD, for your love of this novel from the get-go, for your steadfast guidance, dedication and for ‘getting it’. I’ll always be grateful to you for rescuing me from the slush-pile.
Thanks to everyone involved at PFD, Canelo and Ipso Books for your belief and boundless enthusiasm about The United States of Us, for all your hard work and for coming together so cooperatively in order to get this out there.
Thanks to all those who started as strangers, you sparkling souls I met on the open road, who are the inspiration for this book and who I now know as teachers and kindred spirits.
You are all magic.
First published in United Kingdom in 2015 by Canelo
Canelo Digital Publishing Limited
57 Shepherds Lane
Beaconsfield, Bucks HP9 2DU
United Kingdom
Copyright © 2015 by Kate Sundara
The moral right of Kate Sundara to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN 9781910859209
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places and events are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
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