by Karen Booth
“I’m sure it does feel terrible. And I’m sorry. But I think you and I both know that this wasn’t going to work out. You were suspicious of me all along. You just told me as much. So I think it’s best if you just go. Go back to Chicago and live your life. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
Alex got up from the couch, looking around the room. He didn’t know what to do. He was still reeling.
“Just go, Alex. Get your things and leave.”
The money clip was still in his hand. He wasn’t sure he could ever look at it again. “Here. Take this back.” He tried to hand it to her, but she wouldn’t take it.
“No. I don’t want it. I’m about to get paid. I’ll get my grandmother’s necklace back on my own.”
“Joy. You’re being ridiculous.”
“I’m not. I don’t want your charity. I bought you that money clip because I cared about you. You should keep it to remind yourself that somebody did. Maybe someday you’ll be ready to accept that from someone.” She crossed her arms and walked to the other side of the room, facing the windows, looking out at the snow.
He didn’t know what to say. Was that true? Had she really cared about him? If they could rewind and undo her lies, would she have said yes to the trip? Would she have said yes to not wanting it to end? Now he would never know.
He ran upstairs and gathered his things, put on his shoes. She wanted him out and he wanted the same, if only to clear his head. He’d arrived last night with so much hope in his heart and now it was filled with nothing but black clouds and misery. He had to leave. He had to go home.
Downstairs he went. He took only one step into the living room before Joy turned to him.
“I’m going.” His voice was only a trace of its normal strength. He was too hurt to muster anything with more force. “For the record, I never said I wanted things with any woman to be easy.”
She closed her eyes then turned away. “Well, then, you got your wish.”
Twelve
Alex left for Chicago Christmas night.
He couldn’t spend another hour in Colorado. He’d normally call for the corporate jet, but there was no time for it to get to him, so he flew commercial, snagging a first-class seat on the last flight out of Denver. There was no reason to stay in Vail. There were only painful reminders of Joy there and that was the last thing he needed. The wound was plenty deep. He didn’t need to claw at it. Maybe he’d just sell his place there. Or let his brothers use it. He couldn’t fathom wanting to go back anytime soon.
The lights in the cabin were off as the plane began to descend. Alex stared out the window, watching the city below, pin dots of light scattered on an inky black canvas. Somewhere down there, somebody was happy. They’d had the best Christmas they’d ever had. Certainly there were children being tucked into bed, exhausted from the most incredible day they could remember. Even though he’d only had the chance to do so for a few days, he’d held out a lot of hope for this Christmas, that it would finally be the kind of day he’d always imagined—filled with love and cheer. It had certainly started out promising. He just hadn’t known how badly it would crash and burn.
“Mr. Townsend. Your coat.”
Alex turned to see the flight attendant handing him his jacket. She was wearing a Santa hat and jingly earrings, with long brown hair similar to Joy’s. As if he needed more reminders of how much this Christmas had sucked, or of how badly his heart had been broken into two. Again. “Thank you.” He took it from her and laid it across his lap, returning his sights to the city. Soon enough he’d be home.
The next day was Wednesday and Alex was up with the sun, unfortunately. Sleeping had been impossible. He just rolled around in his bed, unable to keep the thoughts of Joy out of his head. Had he been too hard on her? His gut was telling him that he hadn’t. He’d been duped before, and he’d sworn to himself he would never, ever let it happen again.
He stepped on the scale after brewing a pot of coffee. He’d gained two pounds while he was away. Scone weight. He really should’ve been working out more while he was in Colorado. You’d think all that sex would’ve burned off some calories. Apparently not.
Luckily, he had a home gym in Chicago. He hopped on the treadmill and ran until he couldn’t run anymore—more than an hour, listening to loud music in his earbuds, just trying to get out the anger and pain and resentment built up inside him. He sat on a weight bench when he finally gave in to exhaustion, rubbing his wet hair with a towel and sucking down water. He didn’t feel any better, and all his stupid mind wanted to fixate on was what Joy was doing. At least he was fairly certain he’d sleep that night.
After a shower, he went into the office to prepare for his meeting with his father, even though no one was expecting him for another day. Striding into the offices of Townsend & Associates Investments, he knew that work was the only way to get through this. He had to put in the hours. Bury himself in numbers. He needed to blow his dad’s expectations out of the water, continue to wow the world of finance. In a few months, people could gossip about him, try to guess what had gotten into him and given him such superhuman strength when it came to work.
He’d never tell a soul that it had all been fueled by a broken heart.
“Morning, Barb,” he said to the receptionist.
She was on the phone, so she nodded and gave him the cursory smile. He was the boss and most people were afraid of him, so he didn’t tend to get much more than that. He might need to see about changing that, too. Maybe if he spent more time with the lower-level employees, he could create an even tighter company culture. His father would be horrified by the sheer idea.
It was relatively quiet as Alex walked down the hall to his corner office. He’d given many of their employees the option of taking off the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Another initiative his father did not like, but this was a slow time of year. Best to have everyone up and running at full strength after the holidays. Alex unlocked his door and got straight to work, answering emails, typing up ideas for initiatives for the new year. A little after ten, Paul poked his head into his office.
“Hey there.” Paul knocked on Alex’s open door.
Alex didn’t believe in keeping his door closed unless absolutely necessary. It made him feel like a caged animal. He sat back in his chair. “Have a seat. How was your Christmas?”
Paul had a huge grin on his face. A mile wide, no exaggeration. “It was fantastic. I got my grandson that action figure we were talking about. I have never seen a kid so happy in my entire life. My wife loved her gifts, and she was in a great mood because both kids were there. She and our daughter made this pastry on Christmas morning that my wife hasn’t made since the kids were little, a Swedish tea ring. Have you ever had one?”
Alex shook his head, while visions of scones and muffins materialized before him. “No. I haven’t.”
“It’s delicious. Like a giant cinnamon roll. The whole house smelled amazing.” Paul nodded and laughed quietly to himself. Surely he was recalling some happy moment from Christmas that he didn’t feel needed to be shared. “So? How about you? What happened with that woman you wanted me to check out? Joy Baker?”
Thankfully, Alex didn’t need to sugarcoat things with Paul. He could just come right out and tell him. “She lied to me about her name. It’s not Baker. It’s McKinley. And she’s from Ohio, not California.” He didn’t quite know how to read the expression on Paul’s face—it almost looked like remorse.
“I am so sorry. I should’ve dug a little deeper. So she’s not a baker, either, I take it.”
“No. No. That much was true. And she worked in Santa Barbara for a while, so that was where she’d lived most recently.”
“How did you find out? See her driver’s license or something?”
“She told me. On Christmas morning, no less. I’d bought her tickets to Fiji. That’s
the thing that’s so pathetic about this whole story. I really liked her. I wanted to take her away. She saw her fake name on the ticket and started to cry and she told me everything.”
Paul drew in a deep breath through his nose. “Wow. That’s tough. I’m so sorry. Did she say why she’d waited to tell you?”
Alex shrugged and rocked in his chair. “Well, she knew I was leaving the day after Christmas, so I guess she didn’t see the point. I was coming home to Chicago. She wasn’t sure where she was going next because she doesn’t really have a place to live.”
Paul lowered his chin and looked down his nose at Alex. “So she’s homeless.”
“Sort of. Not really. She was staying in the house of her former employer and she lied about her name because she didn’t want me to know. She couldn’t afford to go anywhere else.”
“Sounds like a real mess.”
“Yes. Exactly. Thank you. Her story steamrollered from there. One lie basically led to another lie, until I didn’t know what was what anymore. The whole thing is a disaster and just hits way too close to home. I know you know what I mean.”
“Can I speak freely?”
“Of course. You know that. I trust you. What?”
“I know you have no idea what it’s like to be poor. And I’m not blaming you for that, but let me tell you, I do know. I know it very well. My family struggled when I was a teen. I had a hard time making ends meet in my twenties.” Paul spoke in his characteristic calm voice, but it was even more measured than usual. “It’s not fun to live your life feeling like you’re up on a high wire about to fall off. You definitely reach a point where you will pretty much do anything to keep your life together. That’s why it’s called a survival instinct.”
“So what are you saying? That I was wrong to be upset about being lied to?”
Paul shook his head. “Absolutely not. Of course not. You had every right. I’m just trying to give you some perspective, because I have a sneaking suspicion that what you were thinking in that moment when she told you the truth was that this was Sharon all over again.”
“Well, it is. Isn’t it?” It had felt just like Sharon when Joy had told him the truth. Although, he had to admit that he’d gone straight to feeling sad much more quickly than the first time.
“Did Sharon confess? No. I had to find out about it and you had to confront her. And what did she do when that happened?”
“Denied everything.” Alex could see where Paul was going with this, but he wasn’t convinced he was right. Alex had been lied to and there was no good excuse for it. He didn’t care for explanations.
“Then what?”
A grumble left Alex’s throat. “She stole stuff out of my apartment and tried to say that I had given it to her.”
“Is that how it went down with Joy?”
“No. Not at all. She even apologized. But that still doesn’t change the way I felt. That still doesn’t make what she did okay.”
“Of course it doesn’t make it okay. And you were justified in being upset. But now that you’ve had time to cool down, maybe you should at least try to think this through.”
Paul scooted forward to the edge of his seat. This was as close as Alex would ever get to receiving fatherly advice. “Obviously, I don’t know this Joy woman. But let me just say this. That last time I talked to you, you were genuinely happy. I could hear it in your voice. And you were never like that with Sharon. Never.”
“I was happy then. I just had a lot of stuff going on at work. It was a stressful time.” Now he was even more confused. “I sort of thought I was happy.”
“And this isn’t a stressful time in your life, Alex? You’re running the company now, for God’s sake. The buck stops with you and you turned your phone off for twenty-four hours. You want to know what that says to me? That stress was the last thing on your mind. You met someone who was enough to take your eye off the prize. Which makes me think that she might be the real prize.”
“You don’t even know her.”
All Alex could think was that the words he’d uttered would not have the intended effect. The truth was that he would love for Paul to meet Joy. He would love to know that he wasn’t crazy, that there was a spark between the two of them that other people could see and feel. He wanted someone to tell him it was real.
“No. I don’t. And there’s a chance I’m totally off base.”
“That doesn’t help me. At all.”
Paul got up out of his chair. “Look, I didn’t come into your office to play psychiatrist. But I don’t like what Sharon did to you. And I think you’re still processing some of it. It’s not fair to this other woman that you’re making her pay for someone else’s lies, especially when those other lies were designed to hurt you.” Paul knocked his knuckle against Alex’s desk. “Intent is important.”
What had been behind Joy’s lies? She’d been trying to protect herself. She’d been trying to survive, in a world Alex had never had to live in. “What do I do now? About Joy? I said some truly awful things to her. Terrible things.” His stomach hurt just thinking about it. He’d accused her of stealing. Could he ever come back from that?
“You’ll figure it out. You’re a smart kid.”
“I’m a few months from thirty-five, Paul. And I’m your boss.”
“Hey. To me, you’re still that pimply thirteen-year-old you were when I started working here. I’ll always worry about you.”
Alex shook his head in disbelief. How Paul could see so much was beyond him. He only knew that he did.
And now, Alex had to figure out what to do about it.
* * *
Joy had given herself one day to be sad, but now she had a sad hangover. She was also more than a little bit pissed off at herself. She had quite literally done everything she’d sworn she would never do again. Why did she keep putting herself in these situations? How did she have such a talent for creating her own unhappiness? She wasn’t sure. She only knew that she couldn’t allow herself to live like this anymore. She’d thrown away what she had with Alex, and he might have been the best thing that had ever happened to her. That mistake would haunt her forever. No more doing things that she couldn’t stand to live with.
First thing on the day after Christmas, she called Natalie. “Hello? Joy?” Natalie sounded more than a little sleepy.
“Natalie, hey. I’m sorry if I woke you. I just figured you were up and at ’em like I am on a day off.”
“Not usually, no. But I do have some stuff I need to do today.”
“Okay. Well, I need to tell you some things. And I need a couch to sleep on.”
Joy then launched into the entirety of the truth—where she was living, why she shouldn’t be living there anymore, and that she needed help coming back down to Earth, where she belonged.
“I’ll call my brother and have him come up to look at your car. I’ll get him to fix it for free. You’re welcome to stay on my couch for as long as you like,” Natalie said.
“You’re not mad I lied about the house? I asked you to drop me off at a house that I wasn’t even living in. I feel horrible.”
“No, I’m not mad. I don’t judge people. We all have to do what we can to survive and I’ve been in a few jams in my life. I know you’re a hard worker, a talented baker, and a good friend. You’re definitely the most fun person I’ve ever worked with.”
“We do have fun, don’t we?” Joy smiled to herself. Natalie was a blessing she was so thankful to have.
“Rolling dough all day long.” Natalie laughed. “Okay. Let me get some coffee and we’ll get this show on the road. Text me the address.”
“Will do. But you’ll know it when you see it. It’s the house you never would’ve believed I belong in.” Joy hung up and got to work, collecting her things from Elana’s closet, washing bedding and making the beds
, cleaning the kitchen and the bathrooms, even sweeping ashes from the fireplace. She was careful to put everything exactly as it had been before. And to think she’d spent so much time worrying that Mariella Marshall would find out she was living there and would end up kicking her out. In the end, Joy was evicting herself. She never should’ve come here in the first place.
With every task complete, she waited to feel closer to closure, but the feeling wouldn’t come. Perhaps it was because the Christmas decorations were still up. She managed to remove the first few ornaments from the tree before she started to cry. The tears streaked down her face, she gasped for air, but she kept going. Every pretty glass bauble was returned to its box, the tiny tree all packed up, and along with it, her memories of Alex.
Her tears weren’t about sentimentality over the things that they’d done together—those were nothing but good and pleasant memories. The remorse was for what might have been—a chance at happiness. She’d fallen in love with him. Someday, he might’ve fallen in love with her. She’d had no idea he’d wanted more. She’d never expected it. And she couldn’t stop asking herself why she’d never dared to think it. But now, she was starting to see the answer.
She’d doomed them from the start. She’d lied. With that first untruth, she’d made it impossible for them to ever have more—what person could ever see past that? She’d taken one look at his perfect face, his finely tailored wool coat, and his expensive car and decided they were from different worlds and that meant there was no reason to treat him with anything other than wariness and skepticism.
She’d let her circumstances harden her and turn her into something she wasn’t, all because she was afraid. When things got bad, she was allowing herself to feel just as small as Ben used to make her feel. Just as small as Mariella Marshall had made her feel. She needed to stop reacting that way when life pushed against her. Everyone had their trials. She needed to do a better job of standing up to hers. Alex would have to be the one who got away—it would always hurt. No amount of time would remove him from her head or her heart.
