Eli was still on one knee, gazing at her, waiting for an answer.
She wanted to say yes. Oh, how much she wanted to say yes. But she knew she couldn’t. She had to let him down easy. She had to make this easier for both of them.
Finding her voice, she murmured, “We hardly know each other.”
He squeezed her hand. “I know this is fast. Yet I feel like I do know you. And I think I know you very well. I know you like cream in your coffee with a dab of sugar. I know secretly you like cats more than you like dogs. I know that although you complain about them, your family is important to you, and that Claire is probably your best friend. I know that you like to cook, and you like to be kissed on the nape of your neck. I know you can drive a stick shift, and you prefer boots with a fleece lining.”
He was still smiling, and she knew she had to wipe that smile away. She knew she had to disappoint him, and that by disappointing him, she might be turning away a future with him. But what choice did she have? No one knew her secret. Absolutely no one. But she had to tell Eli and hurt them both.
She cleared her throat and tried to take all emotion out of her voice. “You do know those things about me. But you don’t know everything.”
“What else could I possibly need to know?” he teased.
“You need to know that I’ve been married before.”
Eli’s smile faded into a frown. His brows drew together, and she knew he was trying to decide what to say. Finally, he asked, “Why didn’t you say anything before now?”
Feeling defensive, feeling as if the bottom were falling out of her world, feeling as if everything she’d hidden for so long was going to be made public, she said tersely, “We haven’t known each other all that long. I didn’t feel it was necessary.”
At that Eli got to his feet and sat on the sofa beside her. He went silent.
She knew what he was thinking. He disapproved. Maybe he thought she’d never been seriously in love. Possibly he thought she was still in love with her ex. She could certainly disabuse him of that notion, but what good would that do? He disapproved, that was obvious, and he didn’t even know the worst of it yet. But why tell him the whole sorry tale? Why humiliate herself further? How could she ever admit to Eli how badly she’d been duped by Justin? He’d know then she was a poor judge of character. He’d know then that her impulses had gotten her into a peck of trouble. He’d realize even further that she wasn’t the woman he thought she was.
Sparing herself the indignity of admitting all of it, she rose to her feet. Her coat was still lying over the chair where he’d put it last night. She went to it, picked it up, then pulled her purse from the end table.
She knew her voice was stilted when she said, “Eli, thank you for my Christmas celebration. I do appreciate it. I really do.” Then she swung around, headed for the door and left. She practically ran down the hall, and she knew she was going to keep running until she reached Bozeman.
* * *
When the door closed behind Hadley, Eli felt as if he were in shock. She’d been married?
Restless, unsure what to do next, he paced around the suite studying the remnants of the night they’d shared—the tousled sheets, the condom wrappers on the nightstand, the empty wineglasses.
Then he spotted what made him saddest of all. Hadley had left the nightshirt that he’d bought for her, the one embroidered with the dog in the Santa hat.
She’d been so cool when she’d left. Had he imagined last night?
His mind raced. Part of his mind had told him she was too good to be true. This was like the other shoe dropping. This was like Elaine saying she was moving to Chicago. This was like—
This was like he’d fallen and Hadley hadn’t. Maybe she was still in love with her ex-husband. Maybe he was a fool for thinking he’d really known her. Worse yet, maybe he was just plain stupid for making her into something she wasn’t. Did she even care for him? That blank expression when she’d left—
He’d never seen her look like that before. An ex-husband? How long had she been married? Was this the guy who had dumped her? Had he served her with divorce papers on Christmas Eve?
Eli had questions, and he needed answers. But first he had to figure out what was real and what wasn’t.
* * *
Hadley had put in the morning with Brooks, going through the motions, letting her training and experience guide her, doing all the right things at the right times. But she’d really just been biding her time until she could leave. When she made a promise, she kept it, professionally and otherwise. So she hadn’t wanted to let Brooks down. But when he’d said she could leave at noon, she’d taken the opportunity to do just that.
At the boardinghouse, she was so glad that everything seemed quiet. Everybody was busy doing Christmas errands, all except for her grandmother, who was working on reservations for the new year.
She told her grandmother she had to get going today instead of tomorrow and she’d be down to say goodbye as soon as she’d packed. It didn’t take long. As she said goodbye, her grandmother tried to delay her with a question. “Is everything all right?”
Hadley assured her it was and made her way out, till she ran into Old Gene. He took one look at her and asked, “What’s the matter?”
“I’m fine. I just want to get back to Bozeman and take care of things since I’ve been away.”
Gene scrutinized her more carefully. “You were gone last night. How’s Eli?”
She couldn’t prevaricate with her grandfather. “Eli is fine.”
“Too much fine going around,” Old Gene said. “Why are you rushing off today instead of tomorrow if both of you are fine? Shouldn’t he see you off or something?”
All right. So she had to tell him. “Eli and I probably won’t be seeing each other anymore. Now I really have to get going, okay?”
“Your sister is going to be calling you,” he warned her.
And she knew what that meant. He was going to tell Claire exactly what she’d said and Claire would probably tell Tessa. But for now, she just had to escape. So she gave her grandfather a kiss on the cheek, climbed into her SUV and headed for Bozeman.
The drive didn’t do much to calm her. Too many times she found tears rolling down her cheeks and she swiped them away. At her apartment, she gathered up all the mail that had accumulated on the floor when the postman had slipped it through the mail slot in the door. She sorted through it to give herself something to do. Nothing of importance there. She unpacked in sort of a daze, still thinking about Eli down on one knee...still thinking about last night...still thinking about the way he’d held her and kissed her and touched her.
So she was startled when her cell phone buzzed. She saw the caller was Tessa and thought about letting the call go to voice mail. But she’d have to deal with her sisters eventually.
After she answered, Tessa asked, “What happened with Eli?”
“We...broke up,” Hadley said lamely. Then she murmured, “It was never that serious.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Not my problem,” Hadley shot back.
“Yes, it is if you aren’t being honest with yourself,” Tessa said. “Every relationship has bumps. Work things out with him.”
“There’s nothing to work out,” she insisted.
“What did he do?”
“He didn’t do anything.”
“Then why did you break up? You know, Carson and I faced troubles, and we got through them. Claire and Levi have certainly had theirs. But their marriage is stronger than ever. You and Eli are a perfect couple.”
“Tessa—” Hadley’s voice broke.
“Tell me,” Tessa prompted.
Eli knew now. Maybe it was time everybody knew. “Three years ago I got married.”
“You what?”
“I met Justin at a veterinary convention in Las Vegas. He was a pharmaceutical rep. We had a few meetings together, sat in on workshops, had lunch together every day. More than lunch. We were so attracted to each other. I came back to Bozeman, but we were on the phone together every day. We were just so hot for each other, so I flew back out to Las Vegas. We got married in one of the wedding chapels. I should have known something was wrong when Justin convinced me we shouldn’t tell our families until we could meet them in person.”
“So you were secretly married,” Tessa repeated slowly.
“Yes, and it was thrilling. The sex was phenomenal. But when I said we should fly back together to tell all of you the happy news, Justin just kept postponing that. Finally, one night after he’d made another excuse, I went online and searched him.”
“You Googled your husband?”
“I should have done it before he became my husband because then I would have found out he was already married to someone else.”
“Oh, Hadley. What did you do? Did you press charges?”
“Press charges? All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and die. I couldn’t understand how I’d been so stupid. But I had a life to live and a job to keep, so I hired a discreet attorney and was divorced. But I haven’t trusted a man since. You know, I keep suspecting they’re not what they seem. At least I didn’t trust anyone until Eli.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to beat up this jerk or have him arrested?”
Hadley knew Tessa was probably only half kidding. “No, it’s over and done.”
“Sis, you can’t let your past determine your future. What did you tell Eli?”
“All I told him was that I’d been married before. That seemed to be enough of a shock for him. I couldn’t tell him the rest. And I don’t even know if he really loved me or just said he did.”
“He told you he loved you?”
“Well, not in so many words, but he asked me to marry him.”
“Hadley. You’ve got to tell him all of it.”
“No, I don’t. It’s embarrassing and it’s humiliating. It’s bad enough it was a shock that I told him I was married before. To tell him I was married to a bigamist?”
“Mom and Dad don’t know about this?”
“No one knows about this. No one. And I want to keep it that way. Promise me you won’t say anything to Eli or the rest of the family.”
“It’s going to come out, Hadley.”
“Maybe, maybe not. Please, just don’t tell anyone.”
“I can’t promise.”
“You have to promise.”
“Let me tell Claire.”
“If you tell Claire, she’ll tell Levi. If you tell Claire, she’ll let it slip to Grandmother.”
Tessa was silent for a few moments. Then she said, “I’m going to give you a few days to think about this. But I hope you’ll change your mind. I hope you’ll let me bring it all out into the open because that’s really what you need to do.”
“I’ll think about your advice,” Hadley said, knowing she would. And that’s the way they left it because they were sisters...because they trusted each other...because they would always have each other’s backs.
* * *
Eli checked the app on his phone the following Friday evening. The map said he was here. According to Tessa, Hadley rented the first floor of a two-story Federal-style house in Bozeman. He’d been miserable since she’d left...since he hadn’t stopped her from leaving. And why hadn’t he?
Because he had a past, too, and apparently, just like Hadley, it was affecting his future. Tessa’s call had made him bump up right against that. They hadn’t had a long conversation, but essentially she told Eli if he wanted a future with Hadley, he had to fight for it.
He’d done a lot of thinking over the past week. He hadn’t been wrong about his feelings for Hadley. And he suspected she had feelings for him but was afraid of them. Tessa had said as much. She hadn’t told him any more of Hadley’s story. She said that was for her sister to do. But if he’d judged Hadley from the moment she’d started to tell him that she had been married before, that’s why Hadley had run.
Had he been judging her or himself? He hadn’t meant to judge her. He’d just been so shocked. But before making this drive he promised himself he would not be shocked again, no matter what Hadley told him. Because whatever her romantic history was, it simply didn’t matter. He loved her, and he had to make her see that. He had to make her see that they both had to fight for what they wanted.
As he strode up the walk to the door, he realized she could still be at the veterinary clinic where she worked. After all, she said she was covering for her boss.
He rang the bell, not knowing what to expect. When Hadley opened the door, her eyes went wide and her mouth rounded in an O. She was wearing a red sweater and green leggings with black boots and looked delicious.
“I didn’t know if you’d be home,” he started.
“I just got home,” she said.
“May I come in?”
She looked embarrassed for a moment, but she backed up and motioned to her living room. It was comfortably furnished in blues and tans and yellows. But as he looked around, he got the distinct feeling Hadley didn’t spend much time here.
“Tessa called me,” he said.
Hadley turned and walked away from him. “So you came because Tessa called? I’ll strangle her.”
“No need to do that. She just decided to give me what-for, that’s all.”
“I don’t understand,” Hadley said. “She doesn’t know you.”
“No, but she wants to get to know me because she asked me a very important question.”
“Which was?” Hadley inquired.
“If I love you enough to fight for you.”
At that, Hadley’s whole body stilled and her gaze set on his. She studied his face as if she’d never see it again.
“You look as if you haven’t gotten much sleep,” she noticed.
“I can say the same about you. Maybe we’ve both been suffering needlessly. I tried to let you go because I thought I made another mistake. I thought you didn’t care like I did. Your sister didn’t say much. She just said we needed to talk face-to-face, and I realized how true that was.”
“Let’s sit,” Hadley said, going to the sofa. “Or do you want something to drink first?”
He followed her and sat. “Nothing to drink. I want you to tell me whatever you need to tell me.”
She must have been nervous about doing that because she inhaled a very deep breath. “All right,” she agreed, blowing it out. “For three years I’ve kept this secret. My family doesn’t know. I just told Tessa everything, and she probably told Claire. Next I’ll have to tell my parents and my grandparents.”
“Hadley, nothing can be that bad. They love you.”
“Yes, they love me, but I didn’t want them to think less of me. I’m humiliated and embarrassed by what happened.”
Eli unbuttoned his jacket and shrugged out of it. He wanted to give her the plain message that he wasn’t going anywhere, no matter what she had to tell him. “I’m listening,” he said, reaching for her hand and holding it.
But she pulled away, obviously unsure of what his reaction would be. Somehow he had to reassure her that he loved her. That would come.
“It’s not really complicated,” Hadley said. “I married a bigamist. He was already married when he married me.”
That wasn’t something Eli had expected. “Is he in jail?” he asked angrily. “How could he do that to you?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted.
Eli fought the urge to reach for her hand. Instead, his eyes pleading with hers, he said, “Tell me what happened.”
And she did. She ended with, “So we kept up a l
ong-distance marriage until...until I finally got suspicious...until I did some research...until I found out he was married.”
Eli couldn’t help reaching for Hadley now. He took her hand and wouldn’t let her pull away. “What did you do?”
“I just wanted out. I found an attorney who handled it all discreetly. Actually, I think he threatened Justin with public humiliation and jail time. I didn’t care. I just wanted to be free of him. And I was. And nobody knew about it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you enough to tell you. But I didn’t know where we were headed...or how you felt.”
“That’s my fault. I can’t even imagine how much pain the whole thing caused you. Because of it, I can certainly understand why you turned down my impulsive wedding proposal. I can wait as long as you need me to wait to be convinced we have staying power. I’ll move to Bozeman or St. Louis if that’s what you want.”
She looked totally shocked, totally amazed, totally radiant. “Oh, Eli, you don’t have to move to Bozeman or St. Louis. I already turned down the partnership with Greg. That just wasn’t right for me. But I did something yesterday.”
“What?” Eli asked, because she sounded hopeful.
“I spoke to Brooks about coming on staff in Rust Creek Falls permanently. Or there is another option. I could buy his dad’s practice. I don’t know if I can pull together enough money.”
“Yes, you can, because I’ll help you if that’s what you want. Are you sure Rust Creek Falls is where you want to be?”
“It would be great to be near Tessa and Claire and my grandparents. And I’m not that far from my parents in Bozeman. And, of course, I need to be near you. I love you, Eli. I really do.”
Eli drew her into his arms then. As he kissed her, he realized all of his dreams could come true.
When he carried her to her bedroom and made slow, sweet love to her, he knew they could live anywhere and it would be home. Would Hadley feel that way, too?
The Maverick's Snowbound Christmas Page 18
