“Why?”
He gets smug and says, “Because it means you’re finally mine.”
I avoid his sentence and sit down at the table. Looking at the cake, even seeing how beautiful it all is, doesn’t sway me from needing to ask questions. Especially about earlier. “William why did you kill those people?”
“It was your birthday present. You will never have to think about them again. Your past doesn’t have haunt you anymore.”
What am I supposed to say to that? I look at him and give him the words he expects.
“Thank you, William.”
“Now blow out your candles and make a wish.”
Smiling, I think of a wish but then soon shut it down. Wishes are for fools and I am no fool. I know most people would want to run away right now. No one wants to be sitting across the table from the devil himself. In the two years I’ve been here, I have seen him kill three people and know beyond a shadow of a doubt, he killed Stella. He might be a devil but the day I walked into this house, he became my devil. So, with knowing the price has to soon be paid, I blow the candles out without a wish of ever escaping.
He then slides papers across the table and tells me to sign them.
“What are they for?”
“They are for our arrangement.”
“Arrangement?”
“Yes, Catherine our marriage.”
“Will you tell me the reason why you really want to marry me?”
He falls back into his chair and lets out a gruff sound. “I need a wife and children. Like I’ve told you before, I saw you and knew I had to have you. You’re damaged. Damaged enough to realize what I’m offering you. I need you to parade around as my wife. The refined Catherine Stern will be a woman deserving of a man of my status. You will know your place and the role you are to act out. Subservient to only me.”
He pauses for a brief moment trying to study my reaction. “I need children, it’s a must in my line of work to have heirs. You will help me grow my legacy and empire. You will spread your legs for me whenever I want, and you will give me as many children as I want.”
William leans on the table, getting really close to me. “I don’t want your love, do you understand? You will do as you are told and asked of you and nothing more. If you can live like that then sign the fucking papers. If not, we will have a serious fucking problem.”
“What kind of man are you?”
“I’m not a good man Catherine, but you know that already. So, don’t play stupid. You know exactly what I am asking of you. Another reason I wanted you was because you have no other option but me. I took you off the street, I had you educated, and I’ve killed people for you. I will continue to if needed. All you will ever need will be given to you from me. All accept love. I’m yours. I will give you my lifestyle, in return, you will give me what I require.”
Glancing at the papers, I pass my hands ever so slightly over them. This is my debt the devil requires. Could I make good on the payment? I look off through the windows knowing what’s out there for me, that is if he would even set me free. Thinking about all I’d been through and all that awaits me, the certainty of it all overwhelming me. My eyes then drift back to the devil himself and again the certainty of my fate stares back at me. Without any more questioning, I reach for the pen and sign.
Reaching into my drawer I pull out the pen I used that day to sign my life to the devil. I’ve kept it hidden after all these years. The ink is probably all dried up now, but it stands as reminder of my death sentence to a man there would never be an escape from.
The next day we were married here in the mansion. The only witnesses were Jeffery and Paul. After, he brought me straight to our new large master bedroom. I was scared to death of what was coming. Of course, I’ve had sex before but not in the last two years and I never enjoyed it. It’s was either rape or a means to eat. I told William, I wasn’t comfortable with having sex and I really didn’t know how to please a man. He laughed and said he didn’t require for me to enjoy it as long as I was able to produce an heir. But if I were honest with myself, I was scared because of the first time we had kissed I did feel something. Pleasure, and that was something I had never felt before. Something I wasn’t equipped for. I remember walking through the bedroom door on our wedding night.
He closes the door behind me as I take in the surroundings of our master suite. It’s large and dark. The colors are rich but there is still a coldness about the space. It makes me feel small and insignificant, too posh for a girl my age.
“Do you like it?” I hear him ask.
I lie and nod my head.
William dims the lights and a chill runs through my body as I feel him brush my shoulder to get around me. He removes his jacket and tie. As I watch him, I’m wringing my hands so much so that it causes discomfort. He notices but only gives me a crooked smile. No words of comfort or touch that will help me relax. Standing there, staring at me, he opens his mouth and tells me to strip.
Strip? It’s his only order as he stands there unmoved. Scared and nervous, with trembling hands, I begin removing my dress slowly. It must be too slow for his liking because he walks behind me. Then with a hard tug that causes me to lose my balance, I hear the sound of my dress ripping as he tears it off me. I don’t try to stop him or grab the dress to hide myself. He’s my husband now and this is what I agreed to.
William makes a sound I really can’t decipher but I close my eyes, hoping it’s from appreciation. This is the first time he’s seen all of me. Maybe I shouldn’t care but I do.
The room is quiet, when I feel one finger then two as he slides them down my spine slowly.
“You’re so damn beautiful, Catherine.”
At the end of my spine he returns them slowly back up my back to the base of my neck. I can feel the tickle of my loose hair as he twirls them between his fingers, causing every hair on my body to raise in chills. Suddenly, my eyes open as William takes ahold of my throat and tugs me back against his chest. His hand slides up my throat to my chin, forcing my head up, as he looks down upon me. Still not saying anything, his other hand comes around from my collar bone and slides down to my breast going further down. Still scared, my body tenses and I reach out trying to stop his hand from going any further but his hand around my throat tightens. My eyes go wide in fear as he whispers in my ear,
“Don’t move.”
Shutting my eyes, I concentrate on the feel of his hand going between my legs.
“You’re dry Catherine.”
William starts kissing my neck, finishing at my ear when I hear him say, “Should I care? Do you want to enjoy this?”
“Yes” I whisper. It’s true, I want the same feeling he gave me the first time we kissed. I want his touch.
“Are you ready to give yourself to me? Are you willing to say the words?”
The words. Those fucking words. They snap me out of any want I might have for him. I could give them to him. I could tell him I’m his, but I feel it’s the last thing I have left. If I give him those words, he will own me. I stand my ground and tell him, “No!” Turning off any desire or feelings I have in me.
He chuckles then tells me to get on the bed. I do as he asks and stare at the ceiling, praying he’ll be quick. Sounds from him stripping come next. Then I feel the pressure of his body laying over mine. There’s no foreplay, not even a kiss. He enters me hard and dry, without any more concern for my feelings. I continue to stare at the ceiling, forcing my mind to go somewhere else. With all my strength, I hold back every tear threatening to fall. When he realizes what I’m doing, he becomes angry. He starts saying filthy things to me. When I still don’t give him a reaction, he stops, and slaps me across my face,
“I waited for this! I know you can’t be this frigid?! I will own every fucking inch of you! You hear me, Catherine?! You will give into me!”
He flips me face down and enters me hard again. “You will give me something, Catherine. I promise you. You either start acting like a wife or I will make life a living
hell, do you hear me?”
Grabbing ahold of my hair, he pulls me up, forcing me to take every inch of him.
“I told you, please. I told you I don’t know what you want!” I cry out.
“You know what I want Catherine and you’re going to give it to me!”
His hand tightens around my hair, pulling harder, forcing my body to raise. My back hits his chest and his other hand comes around, going between my opened legs. He starts playing with me and no matter what I do, the feeling comes. Feelings of pleasure. I can feel my body betraying me as he continues to work my clit and thrust in and out. Moans I’ve never made before start leaving my mouth. Breathy pants overcome me as I climax.
He laughs in my ear and growls out his own release. Pumping one more time inside of me he whispers,
“You will learn Catherine, or you will pay the price. I will own every inch of you.”
Sliding out of me, I fall forward as he immediately stands and begins dressing. On his way out of the room he turns back and tells me to get out and return to my room.
That was our wedding night. No romance, no emotion, just shame and guilt. I would love to say that my husband never gave me pleasure, but I would be lying. He did, but it was always on his terms. Since that night, it became his new game. Withholding pleasure from me was him letting me know he was always the one in control. Starting with our wedding night, he proved he could take and give whatever he wanted, when he wanted. I remember, I laid there for a few minutes, hating it was that easy for him. Then I got dressed and ran to my room like a child and it’s where I stayed for two days after hearing the door lock from the outside. I soon learned even as his wife, my freedom still came from him and it had to be earned. I also learned, the master bedroom was for one reason only. Sex. It was never meant to be for the both of us. William didn’t even sleep in the room. He saw me only when he wanted me and then I was always sent back to my room and not let out until I was demanded upon again.
As time went by, I knew something was changing. I started watching him more, studying his ways. I would catch him staring at me from across a room. I knew he treated me like a possession but now there was something else I was noticing. It all started one day when I caught him watching me. He hadn’t noticed I had looked up yet. For a brief moment, I saw admiration. He watched me the same way I saw Billy look at Laura in the beginning. I questioned, was he in love with me? He couldn’t, could he? If he was, then why was he still so rough with me?
It seemed the more I refused him his words the rougher he became. One night, he had me meet him in the master bedroom again. Positioning me down on my knees, he forced himself viciously down my throat until he came, making me swallow. When he was done, I watched him sit on the bed with his head down and a bottle of whiskey in his hands.
I’m fighting my memories, needing to focus, but old conversations keep slipping through.
“You know you do this to me, don’t you? You make me this way.”
I stayed on my knees watching, not saying anything.
He looks at me and says in an almost caring way, “Come here.” But, when I don’t move, his voice becomes angry. “I said, come here!”
Crawling to him, he touches my face. “You’re so fucking beautiful. Tell me you’re mine.”
Knowing he wanted those words more than anything, I refused to give them to him, again. He let out a chuckle and knocked me to the floor.
“You’re lucky you’re beautiful.” He continues to repeat himself, “The most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. You think I don’t see how men watch you? I see. I see all of them. If they only knew that’s all you had going for you. Count your fucking blessings Catherine because without your beauty, you would be nothing. You hear me? Nothing!”
That night he had sex with me again and begged for me to tell him I was his. I still remained silent. When he finished, he passed out, holding me. It was so strange being in his arms after so much cruelty. But then he started talking in his sleep. I heard my name. He just kept saying how beautiful I was. Everything had always been about my beauty. However, there was something else that night. I heard him say the word love and I froze. The man who said he didn’t want love, was now talking about love in his sleep. It didn’t last long though as I felt his hands tighten around me and then his next words were about his possession. Possession of me. “You’re mine, Catherine, mine.”
The next morning, I woke before him and left the room. Later he came and told me, “Get dressed. I’m taking you out.”
“Where?”
“I’m going to make sure I get your worth out of you, one way or another.”
This is when he started prancing me around his businesses and social events. He took pride in every word spoken about my beauty; wore it on him like a badge.
Something had to change. Maybe if I would have satisfied him in the bedroom, he would have gone easier on me. Maybe we could have had more of a chance. I tried. He loved me, and I needed him. Was I capable of more? Was he?
In effort to learn all I could to please him, I watched and studied the women at various events. I watched as they used their seductions to get what they wanted. I had done the same with Stella, but these women were different. It’s hard to explain, Stella was overly sexualized, but these women used their sensuality in a subtler way. Subtle but effective, with just a glance they expertly got the attention of every man in a room.
One of William’s associates was hosting an auction for charity. We attended, and boredom had quickly taken over until I saw a woman. She was tall, beautiful and confident. I watched her as she seduced a man into buying her a large diamond bracelet. I wasn’t even looking at the jewelry. All I was interested in was her. She was caressed his lapels and whispered in his ear. She even kissed his cheek. Suddenly, she was wearing the bracelet. William broke my concentration,
“See anything you want?”
“What?”
“The jewelry, Catherine, do you see anything you want?”
“Sorry. no, I’m fine.” My eyes return to the woman and that time William took notice.
“I see what you’re looking at. She’s a whore. Don’t stare.”
“A whore?”
“Yes, an escort. She has nothing on your looks, but she could teach you a thing or two.”
Laughing, he turned talking to someone else. His words were exactly what I was thinking. I watched as the woman took the man by the hand and walked away. Making sure that William was occupied, I started walking in the direction of the couple. They entered a room and closed the door. I started walking faster, with a need to find out what they were doing. With my hand on the doorknob, I turned it as lightly as I could and prayed it wasn’t locked. The door gave, allowing me to crack it open just enough to watch them. The woman was undressing, dropping her dress in a way that demanded his attention. She then started to walk… no she prowled over to him. She was in charge of the whole situation. Slowly she started removing his clothes. Like a choreographed dance, I was hypnotized by her every move. His eyes never left hers, as she removed his jacket and started unbuttoning his shirt. She then made quick work out of his pants and dropped them to his ankles.
Doubting myself on what kind of person watches, I had thought of leaving but stood my ground. I was just as captivated by her as the man she had in her grasp. Every move she made was deliberate and held so much power. Guilt weighed heavy on me as I watched her fall to her knees. Her eyes never closed demanding him to watch her as she took him further in. The moans she made, I could tell were driving him crazy. Not once, did I work a man like that. She was an expert and it showed. As I continued to watch my envy grew. Not because I wanted her, but I wanted what she had. His undivided attention. If I could please William like that, then maybe things would get better.
She released him with a pop, and climbed on the desk, spreading her legs, inviting him in. My focus remained on her face as she expertly moaned out in pleasure to stroke his ego. Upon his release, he buried his face in her n
eck as she smiled and held her arm out, admiring her new, very expensive bracelet. It was all a game and she won. If that’s all it took, then that’s exactly what I would do.
My eyes close and take me back in time again.
Later, when we get home, I decide to try. As William fixes a drink at the bar and I walk into the room passing my hand over the back of the sofa. He laughs and says,
“What are you doing?”
“Can I have a drink William, a whiskey?”
“A whiskey, maybe you should stick to the wine and champagne.”
“Please, I want to try it.”
He laughs and says, “Fine, come on.”
He pours my drink and takes a sip of his as he watches me stroll over to him. I’m making slow movements just like the woman did, but he doesn’t look at me like the man did her. He raises his brow and tells me as I get to the bar,
“Sip it slow, it’ll burn your throat going down.”
“I’m not a child, William.”
Instead of listening to him, I take a gulp and start coughing and choking. He leans on the counter holding his whiskey. “You were saying.”
Shit, this is all wrong. Maybe I am still a child and that’s what’s wrong. Maybe he doesn’t see me for the woman I am.
Once my coughing fit stops, I lean on the bar, running my fingers over William’s hand. He looks down at what I’m doing then looks at me.
“What are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
Deciding to move forward, I walk around the bar. Taking him by surprise, I reach up, kissing him on the lips. His brows scrunch in confusion. Still feeling insecure, I continue on, I look deep into his eyes as I slide my hands under his suit, slowly gliding across his chest. One shoulder at a time, I pull his jacket off, letting it fall to the floor. Suddenly, he grabs one of my wrists, holding it tight.
“Why are you playing me?”
I try to break free of his hold, but he refuses to let go. Wanting to follow through, I slide my other hand down to find his hard bulge in his pants. Knowing I caused it, I start to feel powerful until he sees my smile. That was my mistake. He saw my advantage and needed to take it from me.
Art of Survival: Part One (A Stern Family Saga Book 5) Page 10
