I remember the funeral. I was dressed all in black as hundreds of people showed up to pay their respects. I was stoic, void of any emotion. It was raining like it’s about to now, I remember thinking how funny it was that the raindrops hitting my face gave the illusion of me crying. There were no tears, no nothing. My children all stood beside me, not crying either. I kept thinking, shouldn’t there be one person crying for this man, but not one was. Even the women I knew had slept and had affairs with William came but showed no emotion.
The more people came up to me the more I felt like exploding. I could feel it burning, wanting to come out. Even knowing Theo was there I refused to look up at him for comfort. I watched them put my husband in the mausoleum and seal it. Then one by one people started to leave, and I still stood there like a statue. All that was left was my children and Theo standing nearby. I asked him to take the boys home. I would have my driver bring me. For some reason I needed time alone. He didn’t ask any questions, he just took the boys and left.
Alone, I stood not moving from my spot until I had enough courage to walk inside. But once inside my anger got the better of me and I screamed over and over all the filth I had been holding in for years. I let all my rage out. Screaming how much I hated him. But once the anger left me, I fell to my knees crying. He was gone. What was I supposed to do now? No matter what, I had been with him since I was sixteen. He was all I knew. Yes, I hated him, but he was a part of me and I just didn’t know what to do. I was alone and scared. I’m not afraid to admit it. I was scared. It sounds stupid but again with all the fear he provoked in me, he was there. He was constant. He was my husband. All the years I prayed I would have enough strength to kill the man, I still was not prepared for his death. Hate him as I might, there was still a part of me that loved and needed him. Now I found myself alone in a world that was never meant to be mine. Raising sons in a world that would need them to be the ones feared. I had to now find a way to face it all alone and I did. In some ways he has never left. I thrived off the things he put me through, using it like a weapon.
As I start walking to the mausoleum, the thunder starts to roll. It doesn’t distract me though, I keep heading straight for William. Upon my arrival, I see and feel the power it holds. William had this monstrosity built to be a homage to his life. It’s dark and ominous, demanding attention among the rest. The name Stern is engraved in large lettering front and center on the black marble, so everyone knows exactly who resides here. The devil himself, my devil. Entering, each step I make is a reminder to me that one day I will also rest here.
Going straight for the candles, I light them with a lighter from my pocket. Then turning my back to them, I stare at William’s stone. His name is written boldly, “William Anthony Stern.” I take the few steps to the stone and slide my hand over his name. Looking up, I see the writing he had etched into the stone above. I read it out loud, “Death is nothing more than an illusion.”
I let out a small laugh, “Is that true William? Are you still here? You know, I feel you sometimes. You haunt me, don’t you? I know you’re waiting for me. It won’t be long. I beg you to have mercy on me. I’m tired William and I don’t know if there is any fight left in me anymore.”
I lean against his stone and continue to talk,
“That’s the real problem. I have been fighting all my life and I just don’t know if I have it in me to fight anymore. This cancer will kill me, William. I know it will. So, is it worth the fight? I always said when the grim reaper came for me, I would go. I would pay my debt for it all. But they want me to fight William. Our children want me to stay. That’s why I’m here.”
I start to laugh a little. “You should see Gabriel, William. You would be so proud of him. He is the man we always wanted him to be. Liam, has too much of me in him. You were always right about that. I should’ve been harder on him, but he was the baby, my baby. And after the vile way we conceived him, I wanted him to be nothing but joyful and light in all our darkness.”
“Even Vincent grew into a fine man, beyond all you tried to do to him. He is a good man. I blame myself not only you, for the hell he went through. I should’ve put an end to the demons he would live with because of you. You gave the boy no choice William, so I want you to leave him be. Blame me. When I see you again, you can take it all out on me.”
Turning to the side, I lay my face against the stone with my hand over his name. “I didn’t want it. I’m sure you know that now. I tried to stop him and if I could have saved the both of you, I would have. But I had to make a choice. He was a child. He still had a chance. He wasn’t like me and you, not yet.”
“Then Zander, you knew, I know you did even after I thought I had you convinced that he was your son. You knew. You see William, the night I took my revenge on my rapists, I didn’t stop there. I took revenge on you too. I slept with my true love and became pregnant with his child. I begged Paul to help me hide the fact that Zander wasn’t yours, but I saw it in your face every time you looked at him. You knew he wasn’t yours and I used to laugh inside. You wanted me to have children and I did. I gave you two, but I also forced you to raise another man’s son. I took pleasure in it. You thought the whole time he was Richards child. That’s why you only hit him once. You were scared of Richard’s wrath. I’ll let you in on a secret William, Zander’s not Richard’s. He’s Theo’s son. That’s right. Your loyal soldier, the one you trusted the most.”
“If you only knew how many times I had to stop Theo from trying to kill you.”
I go on explaining, “I kept the secret of Zander from Theo too, scared you would kill him and his family. Eventually he found out. He saw him and knew right away. When Theo learned I had his son, he hated me so much. I thought I would never feel his love again. The revenge I sought after, backfired. I wasn’t sure if I could go on seeing him hate me, like you did. But I regained his love and still had my revenge on you. After he came back, my revenge was even sweeter. Because now my son had his real father in his life; all my sons had him. It all happened behind your back because you were too stupid and blind to see it. Theo was the best influence on them all. And Zander, grew up to be just like his father, a gentle giant. William, I made sure none of them are like you. I survived you my love and so did they.”
Taking a few steps away, I sit on a bench constructed on the side.
“You know William, there was a time I did love you. But it was a sick love, one that you desired, not a true one. I loved you because you whittled me down to nothing. Over and over I was convinced I needed you. Hell, some part of me will always have you in my heart. I’ve never admitted that to anyone, not even you. Oh well, you went and ruined it. How could I not have some love for you even after all you put me through? You made me, you took a scared naïve girl off the streets and made her into the perfect woman for you. There was a time I would have done anything for you. I needed you like you needed me. That was the problem though, wasn’t it William? You made me into a woman you couldn’t resist; someone you craved more than even the fucking drugs you put into your body. And that made you hate me as much as you loved me. I was your weakness. I knew and every chance I had, I used my power over you. I used what you taught me, against you. The love you felt for me I would use and destroy you with it and I did.”
Taking a deep sigh, I go on, “But I’m afraid I destroyed us both in the end. Do you know that I can still feel you pulling me towards you? I still feel your ownership, your fucking possession of me. I hate it. You hear me? I hate it!”
After a minute of reflection, I start laughing again, and say, “You remember Laura, don’t you? I used your teachings to turn Laura’s daughter into the perfect woman for our son Gabriel. She is his weakness. But unlike you, he doesn’t see her as such. He treats her like a treasure. Together they have our first grandson and he is adored. The woman you helped to destroy, because of what?! Jealousy?! Because she was part of my life before you that you didn’t own?! Well William, Laura and I will always be connected. She is
now part of our family through her daughter and our grandson. Funny don’t you think?”
“When you died William, I did what was necessary. I tended to our family then I tended to the business. I went and killed everyone that was loyal to you. I killed them all, me. I did it myself. I proved to the rest that I was the boss now. You were with me though. I felt you. I used the hatred and anger I had for you as my strength. Katie was pushed aside after that night. You thought you killed her off before. But you hadn’t, not all of her. That night and the weeks after with every drop of blood I spilled, I am the one who nearly killed her. I became the Catherine you always wanted me to be.”
“I see glimpses of her now and then, but only when I’m in Theo’s arms. He’s the one who refused to let her die. He loves that side of me. The side you hated. I allow Katie to come out and love him. Because your Catherine doesn’t love like she does. Your Catherine destroys.”
“The sad part is, I know I still belong to you. I know I have no chance of being with Theo in the afterlife. He’s too good. You made me William. I am yours and I will be in your arms once again, but while I’m alive, leave me be and give me some peace. You owe me that! I stayed by you. I did what I agreed to do! I took every fucking thing you dished out. Every slap, every punch and every mean word you ever spewed. I might not have been faithful, but I was fucking loyal to you! Because if I didn’t have any love left or if I weren’t loyal, I would have killed you myself long before Vincent did.”
Taking a much-needed breath, I stand laying both hands back on his stone, bringing my face close and tell him,
“Remember that William for when you see me again. I know you’re smiling down there, enjoying the show. You’re probably the one who orchestrated the breast cancer. I can hear you now, “Take her breast, take everything from her that was appealing.” Like so many stories go, my beauty was my weapon. You want me weak when you see me again, don’t you? You want me powerless, you son of a bitch. I’m going to tell you something, husband. I came here with an agenda. I needed to feel your power again. I needed the hate to strengthen me. I’m going to fight William. I am going to give it everything I have left in me. Death, you and the devil can continue to fucking wait. Because Catherine Stern is not finished yet. God help me, I am going to try.”
Turning away from the stone, I walk to the door, seeing the rain pouring down. It will wash away all the filth and dirt piled up in my city and make things anew. If only it could wash away my sins too.
“There is something that I want to tell you. Since your death, I, not you, grew this family’s power. I made us unstoppable. We are bigger and stronger than you ever could’ve imagined. The little, naïve girl became the fucking Queen and she did it all without the King.”
I give my husband’s stone one more look before leaving.
“One day my fate will come but it won’t be today. Today, and tomorrow I will live. I will try to be happy. Until I take my last breath William, I won’t think of you again. Until then my love.”
With a smile on my face, I run out into the pouring rain and let it wash the day’s events off me. If only it were ever that easy.
When I leave the graveyard, I drive around until I end up at Theo’s strip club. It’s late but there’s a few patrons left inside. I see his car, so I know he’s here, but I decide to sit and wait for the last one to leave.
After about an hour, I see the last person get in their car. Slowly, the rest of the employees leave the parking lot one after another, until the only car left is Theo’s. I knock on the door, but nothing. I start banging making sure he can hear me. He rushes to the door, cursing, yelling at whom ever could be out here in the rain. When the door opens, I see his beautiful face.
“Theo.”
“Catherine? What the hell are you doing?”
He grabs my arm and pulls me through the doorway.
“You’re soaked. What are you doing out by yourself, at night in the rain?”
“Theo, I had to see you.”
He goes behind the bar and fetches me some bar towels. Handing them to me he stands tall and says,
“Catherine, I don’t think it’s a good idea. You know…”
Not needing to hear his words, I stop him mid-sentence by reaching up on my toes, kissing him stopping the argument. He opens up to me, kissing me back. Through our kiss I start telling him, “I need you. Please Theo, just for tonight. I need you more than you know.” Both his arms wrap tightly around me, making me feel his love again.
“Make love to me.”
His kiss stops, and he looks deep in my eyes, seeing my need for him. He releases his hold on me and with my hand in his, he brings me to the old room where we first made love. Once inside I take over. I can’t stop myself, the urge to have him is too great.
“Katie, slow down. We have time.”
God, I hope that’s true. I take two steps back from him and start removing my wet clothes. His eyes start roaming my body from head to toe. Then he starts to remove his belt and begins sliding his zipper down. When it comes to his shirt, I walk back to him and shove his hands away like on our first night. This time, I want to unwrap him. I never lose eye contact as I slide his shirt over his strong shoulders. Then finally I have him all of him. He picks me up and carries me to the bed.
“I love you Katie.”
“I love you too.”
He kisses down my neck and down my chest, but I stop him. “I want you to make love to me Theo. Like before, all of me. No cancer. Just you and me like it should’ve always been.”
His kiss lands on my lips, first slow and tender then he gently slides down my body, making me start to quiver. One by one he takes each of my breast into his mouth and hands, loving all of me, like he always has. When I can’t take anymore, I roll him over and take charge. Kissing my way down until I feel him relax, I slowly climb on top of him and place him where I need him. Sliding down, I take my time adjusting to the fullness then start grinding back and forth, hitting my clitoris for my full pleasure. A woman of my age knows exactly what it will take. Theo’s big hands land on my hips, squeezing from his growing need. I start to let him move me like he desires as I slide one hand down, working my swollen clit, while my other hand plays with my nipple. Theo watches in fascination. He always liked this side of me. The side that he taught me. To know my body and be comfortable with it. We’ve always enjoyed the slow aspect of love making but sometimes the urge for each other is too much. My head starts to roll as I yell out his name.
Once I start to subside from my orgasm, Theo pulls me down on top of him by holding the back of my head and twisting my hair in his fist. His other hand slides down my back as he applies pressure near my tailbone keeping me pushed down as he pushes into me from underneath. My mouth opens in ecstasy and he thrust up harder, keeping me where he wants me. He’s hitting my g spot every time he thrusts, and he knows it. “Uh, uh Theo, fuck!”
“You cum for me Catherine!”
My face shows shock, he never calls me Catherine while making love to me. But he continues to drive into me causing me to scream out my moans. Then I feel his hand slide even further down as he pushes a finger into me. I scream but he keeps pushing.
“This is why you’re here isn’t it? You want to keep punishing me for loving you?”
“Oh God no! No, Theo. Oh my God stop I can’t take anymore.”
“Yes, you can! You’re here. I’m going to give you what you need. Cum again for me.”
Lord help me I do. I cum so hard and for so long, I nearly pass out. When I come down, I can barely catch my breath. He doesn’t move or even say a word. He called me Catherine. I know he’s not happy. With him still inside me, I look up at him and start kissing him. But Theo’s not responding.
“I’m here for you. Not to punish you. I love you Theo, you know that. I love you so much.”
When he doesn’t respond, I start moving over him, trying to bring him to his release. He stops me though and quickly rolls us over to my back. His
hand is still in my hair holding me tight. But he starts to move again as he stares at me. He’s hard and fast at first, until I reach his face, holding him between my hands.
“Theo look at me, I’m your Katie, yours.”
He slows, and I begin to feel him return to me. Now the anger is leaving him, and he starts making love to me. Sweet love the only way he can. When I feel him tense, I cover his mouth with mine as we both cum together.
His head falls into my neck and he kisses me tenderly as I pass my hand through his thick hair.
“I’m sorry, Katie. I didn’t mean to…”
“You didn’t, shh, I’m here.”
We roll over and start to fall asleep in each other’s arms. I wake sometime after and think how I’m hurting him. Maybe coming here was a punishment for him. But I didn’t want it to be. I just needed to feel him one last time. I slowly rise and dress, trying not to disturb him. He’s restless though so I work fast. When I’m done, I take one more look at my love and walk out the door.
My yesterdays are gone and with it my story has been told. Tomorrow things will change. I will fight the good battle, praying it’s enough.
The End
For Now
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Art of Survival: Part One (A Stern Family Saga Book 5) Page 24
