I realize this as soon as Daddy falls to the floor, and the rest of it is a blur.
We manage to wake him up, propping him against a wall and making him drink some ice cold water. He tries to reassure me by joking around and laughing, but my heart is beating a hundred times per hour. I'm scared.
Finally, when Daddy feels a little bit better, Jax helps him to the living room and I cuddle next to him on the couch, feeling so scared I can't breathe. I want to know what's going on, but at the same time, I'm so afraid. I wish I could live in blissful ignorance, in a world where nothing is wrong at all.
Daddy clears his throat and I snuggle closer to him. He's stroking my hair absent-mindedly while Jax stares out of the window, his gaze hard and unrelenting. Valerie is sitting on Daddy's other side, holding his hand lightly, as if he might break.
My Daddy won't break! I want to shout at her angrily. He's strong, stronger than anyone else. He can still lift me and carry me on his back, just as he did when I was a kid ...
"The reason we left this week was to see a doctor," Daddy admits with a heavy voice. "And all these days when I've been gone for hours on end, I've been getting chemotherapy."
He smoothes his bald head with a bitter smile. "Good thing I've been shaving this baby for years, eh?"
Tears start filling my eyes, and it takes every effort I can manage to keep them at bay. Finally, Daddy starts to speak again after the most excruciating of pauses, and all my hopes and dreams shatter with four simple words.
"I have terminal cancer," Daddy says. I whimper.
"I found out six months ago," he continues. His voice is tired, but I can already tell he's accepted this fact, and that makes me fucking furious. I want him to fight this, because I know he can. I know he has it in him.
Daddy looks at Valerie and smiles fondly at her. "I looked up Valerie the day I found out. You kids don't know this, but we went to the same high school when we were teenagers, for a year or two."
"We were high school sweethearts," Valerie admits shyly.
"And then I moved away," Daddy nods, looking at me fondly. "I will never regret that, because I met your Mom then, Rubi, and she gave me you."
I give him a weak smile, pretending to be as strong as he is, even though I'm breaking inside.
"But when we divorced, and when I got the diagnosis... I found Valerie on Facebook, and we started chatting. I was upfront and told her all about my... illness. We met up. And the rest, as they say, is history."
His smile is soft and unrelenting, but I am becoming more bitter with each second that passes, realizing what he is saying. Realizing I may not get to be a Daddy's girl for much longer ...
"I knew what would happen," Valerie says quietly. "But I wanted to spend more time with Tony. After the death of my husband, I was lonely ... I needed to feel loved, even if it was for the last time in my life."
They're holding hands, and Daddy's strong arms look pale and old in comparison to Valerie's. How did I not notice? Am I really so blind? Did I really ignore all of this ... the signs of sickness, the coughing, the weight loss, in favor of my own goddamned, inappropriate crush?
The first pang of guilt shoots through my body, slicing through my flesh like a blade. It may be the first one, but there will be many, many yet to come.
"I am sorry I didn't tell you," Daddy admits. "I wanted to, so badly. But I didn't want to ruin this summer..."
The last summer we'll spend together, I realize in my mind. The last summer I'm with my Daddy. The summer of forbidden things, the summer that reeks of death and sorrow.
I get up from the couch. I cannot take this any longer. It hurts too damn much.
"Rubi ..." Daddy says weakly.
"How much?" I demand to know, feeling the all of their gazes upon me.
Valerie, a stranger whom I already love.
Jax, my stepbrother. My forbidden love.
Daddy. My rock, my soul, my everything ...
"How much do you have left?" My voice is shaking, breaking with every letter of the words I am speaking. I know I'm on the verge of breaking down.
Daddy swallows. "About a month, give or take," he admits. "Until the end of summer."
I'm shaking. I want to scream. It's fucking unfair.
Instead of reacting like I know I should – comforting him, giving him a tight hug – I make a run for the door. Because that's my default. Something goes wrong, and I run far, far away from it.
"Rubi!"
I hear their voices shouting my name on my way out. I stumble, hitting the wall and I feel someone trying to pick me up, but I resist furiously, slamming the other person into a wall.
"Get off me," I whisper.
"Just let me be."
I open the door. I leave it gaping open, like the hole they just made in my heart.
And then I run.
* * *
I don't know how I get there, but I end up at the beach. I'm barefoot, forgetting my shoes in my rush to get away from the beach house, which will now forever be the house of death for me.
I know I'm avoiding what I'll have to face sooner or later. I'm floating, and I'll have to hit cold, hard ground any moment now. But I'll take it for as long as I can ... close my eyes for a while, make myself believe I didn't hear any of that.
I wander the beach aimlessly, my feet digging into the wet sand. It's an ugly day, the first one since we got here. Up until now it's been all sunshine and rainbows, but now it seems like there is a storm brewing. How appropriate, I think sarcastically.
"Rubi?" a voice interrupts me, pulling me away from my reverie.
I look up from the sand, my eyes landing on a figure approaching from the mist. I can tell it's a guy, but I don't know who until he takes a few steps closer and comes into better view.
Adrian.
I don't need this right now.
"Let me be," I say weakly just as he reaches me. He's much taller than I am, and even though I don't want company right now, it feels strangely reassuring to have him close, like he's a rock I can hold on to if the sea tries to wash me away.
"Are you okay?" he asks, and I can tell there's genuine concern in his voice. "Is something the matter?"
I look up at him.
Everything. Everything is the matter, and nothing will ever be the same. But maybe, if I chooose not to see it, I can be Rubi for just a moment longer. Because as soon as I come to terms with what's going on, I'll see myself for who I really am.
A fucking bad daughter.
A girl who chose to hunt down her stepbrother, let him fuck her and enjoyed it while her Daddy was slowly fading away. And she didn't even notice.
"Sure," I say bitterly, forcing a smile on my lips. I'll do it. I'll pretend. "What are you doing here, anyway? Looks like there's a storm brewing."
We both look up, trying to see the sky through the heavy mist that has settled over the ocean. It's dark and cloudy, and I can feel thunder rumbling in the distance.
"I was just walking," Adrian shrugs, but his eyes are still full of concern for me, and I fucking hate it, because I don't deserve the smallest sliver of it. Thankfully, he doesn't voice his thoughts. "Do you need me to walk you home, Rubi?"
"No." I shake my head furiously. Home is the last place I want to be. "I'd rather go for a walk with you."
The words are just spilling from my mouth, and I can't control them. Anything that will get me away from that house and the people in it. Those liars.
And I can't help but think that maybe this is the way it's supposed to be. The whole thing with Jax ... it was a stupid daydream, a relationship that could never happen. I'd been deciding whom I liked more – Adrian or Jax, and I think I made the wrong decision.
"Okay," Adrian says softly, and I land back in reality. "Come on, we'll go to that café near the harbor."
I nod and follow him, my steps slow and unsure. I feel like I'm going to fall down, and I guess Adrian shares this sentiment, because he reaches for my hand, holding it in his strong and ca
pable one.
I feel reassured.
I know it's wrong, but that's the way it is. And right now, my mind is too preoccupied to worry about that, too.
We're walking, seemingly to no destination, because the fog is heavy in the air. His hand clutches mine; my heart is slowing down, beating steadier.
"So, where's that brother of yours?" Adrian asks, and it's like he just punched me in the gut. I gasp for air, and he gives me concerned look, asking if I'm okay. I shake it off and nod, knowing I have to answer him soon.
"He's at the house, I guess," I say softly.
"What's going on between the two of you?" Adrian cuts straight to the point, and I look at him out of the corner of my eye. I don't know what he means – does he know about what happened between us?
My blood freezes in my veins, and I shrug to cover up my discomfort. "I think he's okay," I say softly.
"Oh yeah?" Adrian laughs. "I'd say you're getting along more than nicely."
I stop abruptly, pulling my hand from his, realizing how stupid I am acting. "Why don't you get lost, Adrian," I say angrily. "I don't need your judgment on top of everything else I've got going on."
He raises his hands as if to say he gives up. "Sorry, Rubi. Just wanted to let you know you should be careful. He may not be the person you think he is."
As stupid as this whole situation is, at least it's gotten my mind off my Dad.
I furrow my brows, giving him a hard look. "What the hell do you mean?"
Adrian sighs. "I don't think you wanna know, Rubi."
"Tell me." I step closer, jamming my index finger in his chest.
He gives me a guilty look, sighs heavily and starts talking. "Well, we saw you at the beginning of the summer, on the beach, remember? Jax told me you were his stepsister, and I saw he was attracted to you."
I try not to blush, giving him an encouraging look. I'm both afraid and excited at what he's about to tell me, since I have no idea what it is. "Go on."
"Well ..." he gives me a guilty look. "I don't mean to be a prick, Rubi ... And I'm well aware you probably won't want to see me after I tell you this, but I have to come clean."
He sighs heavily, and I can see the inner turmoil he's going through in his troubled eyes. "We made a bet, Rubi," he admits, regret coloring his words.
"A bet?" I look at him, feeling confused, and Adrian ruffles his hair, looking more than a little embarrassed.
"It was a goddamned stupid idea," he tries to convince me, but I'm already shaking my head impatiently, desperate to hear the whole story.
"Just tell me." I can't wait any longer. I need to know, even though I already suspect what Adrian will say next. "I have the right to know."
"You do." Adrian gives me a heavy look. "Jax said I wasn't allowed to make a pass at you unless I won the bet. Which was, he had to sleep with you by the end of the summer."
I'm quiet for a long, long moment.
I had thought I'd reached rock bottom, but I've hit a new low. I feel like I've cracked my head on a rock, it's pounding so goddamn hard, yet I do not stop, do not let myself catch a break. Instead, I torture myself further.
"What was the prize?" I ask curiously.
"My Lexus," Adrian laughs nervously.
So that's how much I'm worth. A shiny new car. A bet. Nothing more.
"Rubi."
I hear his voice. I know he's caught up to me. I knew he'd come after me, but let me cool off first. Jax is standing right behind me, and there's a bigger than not chance he just heard my entire conversation with Adrian.
And because I'm sick, I try to avenge my dignity. Because there's nothing else to do here, is there?
So I step closer to Adrian, pulling on his shirt to bring him closer to me, until his lips touch mine. He's surprised at first, but it doesn't take long for him to respond to my kiss.
It's empty, full of nothingness.
My heat is turning black.
And then Jax strides between us, throwing Adrian off me until he hits the sand with a thud. I'm left alone, shivering in the cold summer day as lightning roars above us.
"Get lost," Jax says to Adrian, who gives me a quick look and scurries away.
I refuse to look at Jax, not that he's making any effort to look at me, anyway. He just stands a few feet away, kicking at the sand. And suddenly, I'm so fucking angry. I'm fuming.
Because this guy had me believe he actually had feelings for me. That he actually cared. But in the end, he betrayed me worse than the rest of them.
"Congratulations," I can't help but saying sarcastically. "Looks like you got yourself a new ride."
Chapter 20
Jax
I heard them talking. I heard Adrian tell her about the bet. And this was bound to happen, but of course it took place today of all days, on the occasion Rubi needs me the most, even if she doesn't see it herself.
She congratulates me angrily, and my heart actually stops for a second. I'm hurting. I'm actually hurting deep inside, a feeling I've never experienced before, the guilt already eating away at my insides.
"Rubi, it didn't mean shit," I say somberly. "It was a goddamn bet made to keep him away from you... I didn't want his filthy hands all over your body."
"Oh, you'd rather be the one to touch me?" she asks angrily, laughing the most painful laugh I've ever heard.
I'm not good with words. I'm good with my lips, my tongue, my cock. But I don't know how to tell her how I really feel, the words lodged in my throat and desperate to get out. But I can't fucking do it.
"I would never hurt you intentionally," I say lamely, and she rolls her eyes. It's the truth, but I know it doesn't seem like that.
"I want the best for you... I want you to be happy," I say, more desperate now.
She marches closer to me, looking me straight in the eye, and for a long moment I'm sure she'll kiss me. She'll tell me we can put this all behind us, spend the summer with her Dad – shit, her Dad – and then go on from there.
But instead, she delivers the harshest of blows.
"Then you'll do what I ask of you?" she says, and I'm quick to nod, desperate to do anything that would fix this between us ... whatever it is that we have.
“I want you to go.”
I look into her eyes. She doesn’t mean it. She can’t be serious. She wouldn’t throw all of this away, she has to know how special we are … together.
"What do you mean?" I ask, looking at her hard, hoping I'm getting this wrong.
"I want you to leave Daddy and me, and Valerie, too. I want you to give me peace of mind and let me be with my Daddy until he's gone. I want you gone."
“I’m not leaving,” I say, my voice shaking despite the threatening words.
Rubi’s eyes are filling with tears, and I’m fucking going to break down. I’m going to fall to pieces, crumble to the floor right this minute, because of this goddamned girl.
I don’t care if it’s been a couple of weeks, a year, or a day. She is it for me, all that I want and need. And I will not fucking leave her. I won’t let her do this to herself – to us.
“Remember, Jax,” she says, her voice breaking over the two simple words. “You promised me. Anything for me. You would do anything I asked of you.”
I remember.
And I fucking hate myself for being the fool that I was, because I never, in my wildest dreams imagined she would ask me to leave. I saw a future with the two of us together.
Now, she’s breaking it all. Smashing it to pieces, protecting herself from getting hurt worse than she already is. And it’s all my goddamn fault.
I take a step closer.
She takes a step back.
“Don’t,” she warns me. “Don’t come closer. I’ll run.”
And once again, she’s moving away from me, and I’m the one struggling to catch up. My sweet Rubi, my stepsister, my love … I’ve lost her once and for all.
I want to fight so badly, but I remember my promise. I know she’s broken, and all I’ve done
is contributed to that fact. She’s going to fall apart if I don’t do this.
The realization dawns on me slowly, like a lazy sunrise.
I need to let go.
As soon as the thought is clear in my head, I know it will fucking break me. It will tear me apart to let her go, now that I’ve just realized what kind of a man I can be when I’m with her. And I’ll go right back to being the prick that I was. The cheating, lying bastard I’ve been all my life.
“Okay,” I say. Her shoulders sink as I say the word, even though she’s the one demanding I do this. She’s holding the knife, and I’m slicing us apart. “I’ll go, Rubi.”
I feel my own eyes filling with tears. I haven’t cried since I was a kid. And I won’t do it now, because it might change her mind, and to change her mind is to destroy her.
I turn the other way and patiently wait for my eyes to dry up. Then I face my sweet little Rubi again, the girl who will be mine for a couple of moments longer.
“Let me have one more kiss, Rubi,” I beg her. It’s the last thing I’ll allow myself, one more taste of those full, pouty lips before I go – even if it destroys any relationship I might have in the future. And I fucking know it will, because even though I’m twenty-one and she’s eighteen, this is the best I’ll ever have.
She looks at me with fear and confusion in her eyes. She wants to say no, but she craves it, too. Call it closure, call it hope. It is what it is.
I step closer, and she stays glued to her spot. So I walk over to her, my steps deafeningly loud as my heart pounds in every cell of my body.
I take her in my arms, not wasting another second, knowing it might be my last.
Rubi is staring at me. Her face is blank, a premonition of what is about to come. I know that without me, she’ll go right back to being her angsty, furious self, not letting anyone in. But it’s the way it has to be.
I crush my lips against hers.
Sweet. She’s so sweet.
Thunder crashes above us, and I'm sure we'll be hit by it. But we don't spring apart. We keep our lips locked in our last kiss, even as the rain starts to fall, coming down heavy on our shoulders.
Score - A Stepbrother Romance Page 46
