by E. L. Todd
I thought about what they said for a long time, going back and forth. I felt horrible for even thinking about it. Monnique was the only person in my life for so long. I didn’t even think about other girls. But she did hurt me….she did break my heart. Maybe I should just try and see how I feel.
I went to Monnique’s apartment because I thought this was something we should discuss in person. I dreaded this conversation. My stomach was full of acid and I felt dizzy. I hated hurting her. I hated it more than feeling pain myself.
She opened the door, surprise on her face. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
“I just wanted to talk.”
“About what?” she asked.
“Umm…can I come inside?”
“Sure.” She stepped out of the way.
I stepped inside and inhaled her natural scent. I could recognize it anywhere.
“What’s up?” she asked. Bowls and pans were going on the stove. She must be cooking dinner. She turned them on low then faced me.
“I…I wanted to talk to you. This isn’t easy for me to say.”
I expected her to react to my words, to start crying or cover her face. She did neither. She held my gaze firmly, with confidence. “I’m listening.”
“Everyone thinks it’s a good idea if I go on a few dates…just to see what happens.”
Monnique still didn’t react. If she was falling apart, I couldn’t tell. Her face was a dam that held back all her emotions. “Everyone thinks this is a good idea, but do you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know… You just hurt me so much and I guess I keep going back and forth. I thought maybe dating someone would help me see clearly.”
She nodded. “To see if I’m really the one you want.” Her voice contained no emotion. She said it simply.
“I don’t mean to hurt you…”
“It’s okay.” Her eyes didn’t well up with tears. “I think you should do it.”
“What?” I blurted. “You do?”
“I know I’ve really messed things up, Cortland. If you don’t want to be with me, you shouldn’t. And if you have any doubts, we shouldn’t be together. If dating will help you see what you really want, you need to do it.”
I played out this conversation a hundred times in my head and never once did it go this way. “I didn’t expect this reaction…”
“Time apart has given me some perspective.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I love you very much and I want you for the rest of my life. But I’ve made mistakes that I can’t take back. I’ve hurt you and really ruined things between us. I want to get back together, but only if you want to be here. If you have any doubts about us, then this obviously isn’t something you want anymore.” Her eyes coated with tears for just a second and she blinked them away. “I want you to be happy, Cortland. Even if it isn’t with me.”
Those words hurt me more, for some inexplicable reason. She was giving up on me.
“Cortland, I’ll wait for you until you make your decision but I won’t fight for you. This is entirely up to you. If you walk away, I won’t chase you. I’m sure there’s someone out there that wouldn’t be a stupid as I was. And you deserve the best—even if it isn’t me.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat while I thought about her words. “I’m just going on three dates, nothing—”
“Cortland, it’s none of my business.” She stepped back slightly. “And frankly, I don’t want to know.” The moisture was back in her eyes. “Just come back to me if you want. If you don’t, that’s fine. But there is one thing I want.”
“What?” I whispered.
“I’d like to be friends. I know I already lost you, but I don’t want to lose you permanently.”
I sighed. “Monnique, I could never cut you out of my life.”
She breathed heavily for a second. “I had a really great time at the movies. I know we didn’t talk much or even say anything that interesting, but it was nice just to be with you again. Just to do something normal and watch a movie, no drama and no fighting.”
“It was nice…”
Silence fell on the room. I could smell Spanish rice from the pot. Whatever she was making, it smelled good. I missed her cooking. I missed coming home to her after work and seeing her smile when I walked through the door. I missed sleeping with her every night. I missed everything. “I hate this…”
“I know.” She looked at the ground.
“Well, I should go.”
She nodded. “Have a good night.”
“You too.”
She opened the door for me and waited for me to walk out. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah.” I stopped and stared at her for a moment, suddenly mesmerized by her face. I wanted to take her face in my hands and kiss her like I never had. But I didn’t.
Tired of waiting for me to walk away, she shut the door in my face.
I listened to her bolt the lock before I finally walked away.
2
Mike
I was still pissed about Cassandra’s parents’ even weeks later. I knew it was irresponsible of me to get her pregnant when we weren’t even together, but I had no regrets. I wanted to have a baby with her. I wanted to marry her and give her the world. So why did that make me a horrible person?
Even if I didn’t have money, I gave Cassandra everything I had. She had every part of me. I wasn’t even me anymore. I was just an extension of her. She owned me, had every piece of me. I was hers.
I was in my office, staring at my desk and thinking about Cassandra, when Sean walked in.
“Huh?” I asked.
“We need to plan Ryan’s bachelor party.”
“Right this second?” I snapped.
“It’s not like you’re working,” he jabbed.
I rolled my eyes. “We don’t even know who the best man is.”
Sean shrugged. “Isn’t it me?”
“Why the hell would it be you?”
“Because I’m practically his brother…” Sean gave me a look like I was the dumbest person alive.
“Wouldn’t it be Cortland?”
“No,” Sean said immediately. “I’m married to his sister. Come on. It’s going to be me.”
“He doesn’t even like you.”
“Yes, he does,” he said defensively.
“Whatever,” I said. “Why are we planning this now? It’s not for months.”
“But it’s a surprise bachelor party. He’ll never suspect it if we have it now.”
“When did we become a bunch of girls?” I snapped.
“Why are you in such a bad mood today?” Sean asked. “You’re being a dick.”
I knew exactly why I was being a dick. “I met Cassandra’s parents…”
“Did you slap her mom’s ass or something?”
I glared at him.
He sighed. “What happened?”
“They hated me.”
“They did?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah. It was going fine until she told them about the pregnancy. Her dad basically said I was a piece of shit with no respect.”
“But isn’t that true?” he teased.
“Not now,” I said seriously.
He came closer to my desk. “Who cares what they think, man. I know Cassandra doesn’t.”
“I still wanted them to like me. And, I don’t even see what the big deal is. So what if I knocked her up? I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. Shit, I’m more excited than she is.”
“Well, her family doesn’t know you that well. But they’ll realize that eventually.”
I sighed in frustration. “Then I acted like an asshole and told them how much money I make. I guess I wanted to make her dad feel like shit for being poor.”
“They didn’t know that before?”
“No. Cassandra didn’t want them to know.”
“Then I don’t understand why they’d be upset,” Sean said. “Wouldn’t any girl’s parents be happy if their daugh
ter was knocked up by a millionaire?”
I shrugged. “They didn’t get a chance to respond, so maybe that did change their attitude. Honestly, I don’t care. I just hated being accused for not being able to take care of her. I’m doing a damn good job of it.”
Sean eyed me, watching my muscles tense in frustration. “Fuck them, Mike. You’re the greatest guy I know. If they don’t see that without knowing how much is in your bank account, then forget about them. I know you’re going to be an awesome dad and a great husband. Don’t let them bring you down.”
“Yeah…” I still felt like shit despite the praise I just received.
He patted my back. “The opinion that really matters is Cassandra’s. And I can tell she thinks the world of you.”
“She just thinks the world of what’s in my pants,” I teased.
He rolled his eyes. “I knew you couldn’t stay serious for long.”
“So, where are we going for the bachelor party?”
Sean shrugged. “I don’t know. I figured we could just stay in the city. There’s lots of things to do here.”
“We should plan this with Cortland too. And whoever else is going.”
“Yeah, I’ll invite him over later,” Sean said. “But we need to find out who the best man is.”
“I thought it was you?” I jabbed.
“Well, I’m pretty sure it’s me but you never know.”
“My money is on Cortland,” Mike said.
“By the way, do you have any single girlfriends?”
I raised an eyebrow. “What? I don’t have any friends that are girls. Why?”
“Cortland is going on a few dates. I’m trying to hook him up with someone.”
“What?” I asked. “He and Monnique broke up?”
“Yep,” Sean said. “I know you missed a lot of it since you were MIA, but they did. They are still sorta together in a way…I don’t know how to explain it. He isn’t sure if he wants to be with her or not, so being with other women should help him make a decision.”
“Wow.” I didn’t know what else to say. “I always thought she was the one to him.”
“I think she still is,” he said sadly. He headed to the door. “I’ll let you know about our secret meeting.”
“Don’t call it a secret meeting. It makes us sound gay.”
“You’re gay.” He walked out then let the door slam.
After Cassandra and I hit the gym, we went home and showered. She was almost three months pregnant and she was looking damn fine. Her stomach was bigger and it was noticeable in almost anything she wore. Since she was so petite, it was hard for her to hide it.
My hand moved across her stomach while I stared down at her, feeling the warm water soak our skin. Her arms were hooked around my neck, anchoring me to her.
“I love this.” My hand was still resting on the curve of her stomach.
“I do too.”
“What do you think it’s going to be?” I asked.
“A girl.”
“Really? Why?”
“I don’t know. I just do.” She smiled as she placed her hand on top of mine.
“And what would you like to name her?”
She thought for a moment. “I don’t know. I haven’t given it much thought. I love the name Madeline. We could call her Maddie.”
“That is cute.” I moved her hair off her neck then kissed her gently. I always had the urge to kiss her in random places, to treasure her body with my lips. “What about for a boy?”
“I don’t know. I like Nate.”
“No,” I said. “I don’t like that one.”
“Ren?”
“No.”
“Then do you have any names?”
I’ve never thought about the names of my kids. It was something I never thought I’d have to deal with. But I knew a name was important. It had to mean something, and there was one name in particular that meant something to me. “Andrew.”
Her eyes softened. “You want to name him after your father?”
“If that’s okay…”
“I love that idea.”
“Really?”
She nodded.
I held her in the shower for a while, feeling her warm skin against mine. There was nothing else I’d rather be doing then holding her. I love sex, but I loved this more. It somehow felt more meaningful.
After we dried off, Cassandra searched for clean clothes to wear. “I’m running out of supplies.”
I tossed one of my shirts at her. “Wear this. You look hotter in it anyway.”
“Because you don’t let me wear bottoms,” she teased.
“Yep.” I dried my hair with a towel then pulled on my shorts.
Cassandra ran her fingers through her hair then flipped it a few times. It was already almost dry. She pulled on jeans and a t-shirt.
“Going somewhere?” I asked.
“I need to swing by my apartment and grab a few things. I thought we’d be living in our new house by now so I’m running low on everything.” She grabbed her purse on the counter.
“I’ll go with you.”
“I can handle it on my own,” she said. “I know you’re tired from work.”
“I’ll go with you,” I repeated, the command in my voice.
“I’m just going to run there and come back.”
“And I’ll go with you.” I was practically yelling.
She rolled her eyes. “Get a grip, Mike. I can take care of myself.”
“I’m aware of that,” I snapped.
“Then don’t tell me what to do.” She glared at me before she headed to the door.
Our tender and beautiful moment quickly escalated into a fight. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back into the apartment, slamming the door at the same time. I was pissed with her attitude.
Almost a foot shorter than me, she looked up and glared at me, not intimidated by me.
“You will do as I ask.”
“Fuck you.”
My eyes widened. “Look, it’s one thing to let you go there by yourself, but it’s a completely different ball game when you’re carrying my child. The two of you are my responsibility and I will take care of you. So if I ask you not to go anywhere alone, you will do as I ask, at least for these nine months. And if you think I’m letting you go to your old apartment where your psycho ex knows where you live then you must think I’m a shitty boyfriend. I’m not letting that happen. I go with you or for you. That’s it. You can throw a hissy fit and yell at me. I really don’t give a shit.”
Her anger dimmed slightly. “What are the odds he’s even there since I haven’t been living there? None.”
“I don’t play with odds when it comes to my family,” I said darkly. “Now let’s go.”
She walked out and I followed behind her. I was pissed so I didn’t hold her hand. I shouldn’t have to yell at her every time I wanted to protect her. It was getting old really fast.
She glanced at me as she walked beside me. “Zander used to boss me around all the time and I don’t have a tolerance for it. I’m sorry if I take it a little too far sometimes.”
I sighed, letting my anger disappear. “It’s okay. I understand.”
“I know you’re just trying to protect me. I lose sight of that sometimes…”
I grabbed her then pushed her against the wall, needing to kiss her right then and there. She responded to my passion immediately, her fingers digging into my hair. I was devouring her as I pressed her into the wall, wanting her to understand just how much I loved her. Words would never explain it. “I’d give my life to protect you.” I gave her a serious look then stepped away.
She was still winded, her cheeks flushed.
I took her hand and we left the building. The heat sparked between us. My cock was hard and I wanted to get back to her apartment as fast as possible so I could get inside her. I knew she was thinking the same thing.
When we reached her apartment, I saw Zander standing in front of the door, trying to pick t
he lock. The brute side of me came out. What I saw was enough to make me kill him. What if she was still living here and we never got back together? What if he broke into her apartment and…I couldn’t even finish the thought.
“What the hell are you doing?” Cassandra yelled.
Zander flinched and dropped the knife. His eyes widened when he saw us. “You haven’t been home and I got scared…I didn’t know what happened to you.”
“So you break into my apartment?” she asked incredulously. “You are so pathetic.”
I grabbed him by the throat and squeezed. “I told you not to come back here.”
He heaved as he tried to breathe. I was about to choke him to death but I didn’t care. I wanted this fucker to die by my bare hands.
“Mike, let go,” Cassandra said.
I didn’t. I squeezed harder.
“Mike,” she hissed. “Now.”
I growled then loosened my hand.
He fell to the floor, trying to gasp for breath.
Cassandra moved closer to him so I moved as well. This guy wasn’t going to touch her.
She lifted up her foot then stepped on the fingers I’d already broken once.
“Ahh!” He brought his fingers to his chest and cowered.
“You’re such an asshole.” She spat on him.
I smiled while I watched her.
“I just want to talk,” Zander said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You better not,” I threatened.
“Please just give me a second to talk.” He gave her a pleading look. “Please.”
“I’m listening.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
Even though he was on the ground, I moved in front of her slightly. He had no way of getting to her now.
“Alone?” he asked.
I stepped on his other hand, making him scream. “That better be a joke.”
“Fine.” He brought both hands to his chest. “Your mom told me you were pregnant. Is that true?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Why was my mom calling you?”
“She said they weren’t very fond of…” He glanced at me. “Him. And they asked if there was any way we could work out our relationship.”
I accepted that her parents didn’t like me. I even accepted that they hated me. But I did not accept them asking her ex to go back to her. That just pissed me the fuck off.
