I saw legs coming towards me, but I suddenly couldn’t move. I tried, but nothing happened. I looked to the side and saw that I was tied to a tree. When did that happen? I was panicking as I saw him emerge from the fog. He was carrying a large knife and his face contorted into an evil grin. His teeth were yellowing and he seemed to be missing a few. Either that or they were rotten. His hair was long and shaggy. It looked like he hadn’t washed it in several weeks. He wore all black and the cold look in his eyes made him the most terrifying person I had ever come across. He came up to me and slid the knife along my throat, just lightly trailing it over my skin. I could feel it knick certain spots and I hoped that he wouldn’t cut any major arteries.
He leaned in and whispered in my ear. I could feel his hot breath on my neck and it made me shiver in revulsion.
“Ready to play, sweetheart?”
I started panicking at the endearment and I couldn’t figure out why. His face morphed into a familiar one and I realized it was Cole, but he was still holding the knife at my throat. Cole said we were in love. Why was he doing this to me? He took the knife and slammed it to the hilt in my stomach. I couldn’t even cry in pain, I was so shocked. I went numb all over and couldn’t process what was happening to me.
“Time’s up, sweetheart. I win.”
I jerked up in bed and immediately regretted it. My stomach roiled from the pain in my ribs and I leaned over the side of the bed and vomited. With every heave, a sharp pain tore through my side. Finally, when the nausea subsided, I laid back in bed and tried my best to regain some clarity. I was in the hospital and there were doctors and nurses all over. I was safe and no one would be able to get me here. Still, I would feel better if someone was with me. I called the nurses station and asked for help and they said someone would be here in a minute.
“What can I help you with, honey. Are you feeling okay?”
The nurse started to round the bed and I practically shouted at her.
“Don’t step there!” She stopped suddenly and looked down at the floor. My cheeks heated in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. I had a bad dream and it made me sick.”
“Oh, honey. Don’t worry about a thing. We’ll get this cleaned up in no time. Do you want some water to rinse your mouth out with?”
“Thank you. That would be great.”
I momentarily thought of asking her to see if Cole was awake, but then I remembered my dream and I couldn’t help but wonder if it had some truth to it. They say dreams are based on reality. I decided against it and asked her to stay with me for a few minutes while my nerves calmed. She told me some stories of her kids and what kind of trouble they got up to and soon I was laughing. It hurt and I had tears running down my cheeks as I held my side, but it was totally worth it to get the images out of my head.
When she left, I turned on the television and watched reruns of I Love Lucy. I couldn’t fall asleep after that and I stayed awake most of the night trying to forget my nightmare. I thought about a conversation I had earlier with Cole. He had told me that there was a possibility that I was pregnant. I had asked to speak with a doctor and he informed me that he had checked my blood work and hadn’t seen anything to indicate I could be pregnant, but that it was still early. Though he did tell me that because I was so malnourished, more than likely my body would not have been properly cycling and a baby was unlikely. One less thing to worry about.
Exhaustion started to set in around four in the morning and I finally allowed my eyes to drift closed. I woke several hours later to a nurse telling me I could go home today. A woman stepped into the room and introduced herself as Patricia. She was Cole’s mom and she was everything that I would have hoped my mom would have been like.
She helped me to the bathroom to get cleaned up and helped me dress. Then she went on and on about how I was going home with her and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. She said I needed my rest and some good meals and that was something she could do for me. As we waited for the nurse to come in with my discharge papers, she settled me back in bed, fluffing my pillows and making sure the blankets were covering me.
“Thank you so much, but shouldn’t you be doing this for your son? I mean…you don’t even know me.”
“Honey, my son can take care of himself. He’ll get plenty of spoiling when we get home. Besides, he would yell at me if I was in there taking care of him and leaving you here with no one. I would have been here sooner, but the nurses kept giving me a hard time about being in here. I came a few times while you were sleeping, but they found me and told me I had to leave because you needed your rest.”
She shook her head like it was the most asinine thing she had ever heard.
“Anyway, as soon as the nurse comes, we’ll get you home and all set up in a nice, comfy bed. You can rest without having people come in to prod at you at all hours of the night.”
She patted my hand and tears pricked my eyes at the care she was giving me. It had been so long and I desperately longed for a mother to care for me. I knew she wasn’t mine, but I would take it while it lasted.
Cole and I were discharged about the same time and we headed down to the car. Cole hobbled along beside me because he threw the biggest fit about how he didn’t need a wheelchair and he could walk himself out to the car. The nurses argued about hospital policy, but in the end, he just turned and pushed me to the elevator, not listening to the nurse’s protests. He was winded by the time we got to the curb where his dad was waiting. He really looked like he needed to sit down, but he just looked down at me and grinned. Stubborn man.
When we got back to the house, Cole came around to my side and helped me inside. I could tell that he was doing too much, but he insisted on being the one to help me. We stopped in the living room to rest and his mother came in with some water for us.
“Now, I’ve put the two of you in the guest room on the other side of the house. It has a king size bed and I figure it will be easiest to care for the both of you in the same room. Plus, that room has a bathroom attached so you won’t have to walk as far.”
She turned and started carrying stuff down the hall to what I assumed was where we were staying, however, I saw the sly grin on her face as she left. I smiled at the way she was interfering. She obviously cared a lot for her son and felt she needed to help give me a push.
I was a little uncomfortable with the sleeping arrangements, but a part of me wondered if it would help me sleep at night having someone next to me. I hoped it would because I desperately needed a good night’s sleep. As if Cole had read my mind, he stood and offered his hand.
“Come on. Let’s go lie down for a little bit. I think we could both use the rest.”
“What are you tired from?” I teased.
“Well, I was helping to carry this woman the size of an elephant around..”
I gave him a playful shove, but regretted it as my ribs pulled. I was scared of Cole when I first met him, mostly because I had no clue who he was. He was talking about me like he was my husband and it freaked me out. His dark eyes sometimes bore into me and he can come off as cold and unfeeling at times, but that’s usually when he’s trying to hold back his anger. For the most part, the few hours that we spoke, he’d been very open with me and I wonder if he had always been like this with me or if it’s because of what we went through.
He walked me over to my side of the bed, holding onto my arm, and eased me down to the bed. Then he surprised me by kneeling down and removing my shoes. He lifted my feet onto the bed and helped me lie down. He was being so gentle with me and he had to be hurting himself.
“Maybe you should lie down. I don’t need you to do all this for me.”
He didn’t look at me as he spoke, just continued to settle me into bed.
“I need to do it. I didn’t protect you like I promised, so let me do this for you.”
I couldn’t contradict him because I couldn’t remember, but I really wanted to. He was really beating himself up over this and I didn’t like seeing the pai
n on his face. He went over to his side of the bed and laid down slowly. I studied him as he got comfortable and noticed that he looked pretty pale. Everything he was doing was taking a toll on him, but he was being stubborn and I wasn’t sure how to make him stop.
He scooted over until he was right next to me and his arm lifted behind me. He started to pull me in closer to him and I started to panic a little.
“What are you doing? I’ll hurt you.”
“Just trust me. Come here.”
I hesitated for a minute, but then decided that maybe this would help to trigger some memories. I lifted my head and allowed his arm to wrap around me and pull me in. I laid in his arms stiff and uncomfortable. This didn’t feel right to me. I didn’t know him and I didn’t like being pressed up against him when we were strangers. I started to pull away, but he just held me tighter.
“Let your body relax. I’m not gonna do anything. We’re just going to sleep.”
I tried to relax my body, but was still finding it difficult. He took my hand and set it on his chest, covering it with his own. I felt his strong body beneath my fingers and could feel his heart beating steadily. I started to calm down and found that his heartbeat settled my nerves. I was soon drifting off to sleep and the last thought that ran through my mind was that I could get used to this.
We slept the whole day and only woke to go to the bathroom and when his mom brought us dinner. Neither of us had gotten much sleep in the hospital with that staff coming and going. After dinner, he put on a movie for us to watch and we snuggled in for the night. He placed a pillow on the right side of my body so that my ribs didn’t pull as I laid with him. I fell asleep about five minutes into the movie and slept the entire night without nightmares.
The next morning I woke to fingers brushing my shoulder. I was warm and completely comfy, not wanting to move a muscle. I cracked my eyes open and saw Cole staring at the ceiling. He looked perfectly content to lay there all day, his jaw relaxed and a peaceful look on his face. He must have sensed me looking at him because he looked down at me and smiled.
“Good morning, sweetheart. How’d you sleep?”
“Great. I didn’t have any nightmares and I slept the whole night.”
“That’s good.” He leaned down to give me a kiss and I pulled away from him. I saw the hurt look that crossed his face and I felt bad, but I didn’t want to lead him on. It was one thing to allow him to hold me, but I couldn’t let him kiss me. Not yet. I wasn’t ready for a ready made relationship. Maybe I sent the wrong signal by letting him hold me last night.
“Uh.. I’m sorry. I’m just not… We shouldn’t…um. I can’t do this.” I stumbled through the words sounding like a complete idiot. Then I took it further, rambling on so fast that I was sure he couldn’t understand half of what I was saying. “I think we should stay, ya know, not in the same room. I don’t want to confuse you here. I didn’t mean to make you think I was okay with this. I just don’t know you and it was great to stay with you, but we just shouldn’t.”
I got up as quickly as my body would allow and went to the bathroom before he could say anything. I leaned against the door and took a semi-deep breath. Staying here was sounding less and less like a good idea. I went to the bathroom and decided I’d take a shower. I slid the glass door open and turned on the water. When the temperature was right, I stepped inside and started rinsing my hair. I washed my hair with one hand, as I couldn’t lift the other. Then I closed my eyes as the shampoo rinsed out of my hair. It didn’t feel like I had done a great job, but it was better than it had been.
I opened my eyes and immediately screamed. There were spiders and rats everywhere. The door flung open and I backed myself against the shower wall. Cole was standing in the doorway with panic written all over his face.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
I looked around and nothing was there. My breathing was ragged and I took a minute to calm myself. What the hell was that?
“Alex. Are you okay?” My eyes snapped to his face and I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I wasn’t quite sure what to say.
“I’m fine. I just…I could have sworn there were spiders and rats in here, but then they were gone. It doesn’t make any sense.”
His face turned to stone and his jaw was locked so tight, I was afraid he would break a tooth. “It’s a memory.”
“A memory? I was in a shower with rats and spiders?” I was shrieking and beginning to flip out a little at the words coming out of my mouth.
He opened the door and reached in to shut off the water. He held a big, fluffy towel out for me and I stepped into it as he wrapped it around me. I hadn’t finished showering, but the images were burned in my brain and I had no desire to be in there anymore. He led me back into the bedroom and grabbed a robe for me. He held it in front of him so my body was blocked and I dropped the towel and pushed my arms into the sleeves. He led me over to the bed and sat down with me.
“So do you want the long or the short version?”
“Maybe just the short version for now.”
“Basically, you were held captive for five months and there were spiders and rats. Your captor found you and snuck them into the house and then you had a flashback in the shower. I’m guessing that’s what you experienced, the memory of being in the shower when you had the flashback.”
I stared at him in shock. This couldn’t be my life. It sounded so unrealistic. Laughter bubbled up in my throat and I couldn’t keep it down. Cole stared at me as I laughed at the ridiculous statement he made.
“I’m sorry, but that just doesn’t seem realistic at all. I mean, what? He came back to terrorize me or something?”
When he didn’t smile and just gave me a grave look, I knew that he hadn’t made it up. My laughter died and I forced a smile on my face.
“Well, thank God I can’t remember it then. It sounds horrifying.”
He didn’t seem to care for the fact that I was making light of the situation. He stood and walked to the window and stared outside. I couldn’t read him and I didn’t know what to say. He had all these insights into me and how we were together and I was just learning about him. I decided that I was going to have to make the effort to get to know him if we were going to be staying together. I could certainly choose to leave when I was healed, but for now I had to stay. I had nowhere else to go and no way to provide for myself.
Another thought crossed my mind as I watched him. He was trying to pick up where we left off and be a couple and I already had one foot out the door. How did we make this work? It became clear to me that I couldn’t just walk away when I was better. He loved me and had a life planned for us and it would be cruel to rip that away from him without giving him a chance. I didn’t have to suddenly become his girlfriend, but I did need to give him a chance and try to get to know him.
I walked over to him and laid my hand on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to brush off what happened, but I can’t remember and I don’t know how to react to anything right now.”
“It was worse than being in war. When I was in the military, they were my brothers and we all knew what we were getting into, what we had signed up for. This was different. Someone was trying to take away the person I loved.” He continued to stare out the window as he talked. There was no emotion in his voice as he told me what happened. “He kept getting closer and he was playing mind games with us. We had no leads on who he was, so we had no hope of catching him. After he broke into the house, I took you away with a security team and he still got to us. I don’t even know how yet. We escaped, but as soon as we got to our new location we realized he was there waiting for us. Part of the security detail wasn’t responding and the only other person stayed with us. At that point, it was too late to leave.”
His fists clenched and it was the first sign of the anger he was feeling. “This guy was good. He had a whole plan in place and he got to you. He had you and…it could have been so much worse.”
He finally turned to me and I felt like he was looking for me to recognize him or remember something. Here he was reliving a living nightmare and I was just blank.
“I don’t ever want you to remember because you don’t need to have that in your head. I want you to just go on living life and be happy, but the selfish side of me wants you to remember. I need you to remember me, remember us. I’m afraid….I’m afraid that you won’t and that you’re going to leave.”
He swallowed hard and looked down. I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn’t give him what he wanted. I couldn’t remember and I didn’t want to stay just to continue to live in a life we created, but I couldn’t remember. I had to admit that he made me feel safe and comforted, but it was already suffocating to have expectations of a future with him and it had only been a day.
“I can’t say whether or not I’ll remember and I don’t know that I want to. What person would want to remember that even if there were good times mixed in? My childhood was hard enough to get over. I don’t know what this would do to me. As for my future with you…” I broke that thought wanting to make sure I chose the right words. I could feel his eyes boring into me, waiting for what I would say. “I can’t promise you anything. I can try to get to know you, but I can’t just stay here with you forever. When I’m healed, I need to get a job and some place to stay. I’m sorry, but I can’t stay and live out a pretend relationship.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. To me, this wasn’t real, but to him, I was the woman he loved. It was insensitive and my lack of memory didn’t excuse that. His face turned hard and cold. He was shutting himself off from me. He had treated me very well since I woke up and I was hurting him. I couldn’t help the way I felt and I think he understood that, but I wasn’t doing a very good job of explaining myself.
“I’ll have mom set up the other room. You can stay in here.”
Cole: A Romantic Thriller Novel (For The Love Of A Good Woman Book 2) Page 15
