I walked into the house and found that I was tired already and I just wanted to sleep. I walked down the hall to the guest room and collapsed on the bed. Mom came in to ask if I wanted anything, but I was already half asleep. I slept for the better part of the day and only woke when I heard my door open. I looked over and saw Alex standing in the doorway.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. I just came to see how you were doing.”
I was sure I was dreaming because last I checked, Alex didn’t seem to give a shit about me.
“I’m fine.”
I didn’t mean for it to come out so harsh, but I wasn’t ready to let my walls back down yet. I needed to protect myself until she decided what she wanted. She looked down and nodded.
“Alright. I’ll let you get some rest.”
She backed out the door and I cursed myself for being an asshole. She had been through something horrible and couldn’t remember anything. I had no idea what that felt like. She was putting up a brave front, but it had to be killing her. I was going to have to fix things between us. I couldn’t just walk away from her. I told myself when I met her that I would help her get better, that no one had walked away from me and I wouldn’t do that to her. Then all this shit happened and I got mad and walked away. God, I was a shithead.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I needed to just sit down with her and have a normal conversation with her. She didn’t know me and needed to form some kind of friendship with me before we could move forward. Our last relationship was built out of need. She was in trouble and I was there. Not that it wasn’t real, but she wasn’t in that situation now. I laid in bed for a few hours and formulated a plan to get back in her good graces. Tomorrow I would start implementing my plan.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Alex
I had been at this house for close to a week and I felt no more at home here than when I first arrived. Patricia was great. She took care of me like my own mother would and didn’t seem to care at all what was going on between her son and I. His dad was nice, but I didn’t really see him all that much. I was mostly in my room and Patricia said that he was usually working in his shop.
At first I was glad Cole had left. I didn’t like the pressure I felt around him. Then, that night, I had some of the worst nightmares I could ever remember having. Patricia came into the room that night and held me to calm me down. After the third time it happened, I decided that I wouldn’t be going back to sleep. I put on a movie and forced myself to stay awake. The funny part of all that was that I don’t know exactly what my nightmares were about. They were completely terrifying, but what’s the most scary was the anticipation of what was going to happen in them. I saw figures of people, but never actual faces and the details of the dreams were always suggestive. It’s kind of like watching a scary movie and you know something bad is going to happen. Your heart pounds and you know someone is going to die, but you don’t find out right away what will happen. That’s what my dreams were, suspense and terror with no actual details.
So for the past three nights I stayed awake and watched television and then took cat naps during the day. I still had nightmares, but they weren’t as bad when I had sunlight in the room. The dreams aren’t quite as scary and I could easily calm down after I woke from one. I felt bad for keeping Patricia up the other night so I told her that I was fine and if she heard me wake up, just to let me go back to sleep. She’s trying to be nice, but I couldn’t stand to be more of a burden than I already was.
When Patricia ran out of the house the other day and said she had to go see Cole, I felt a little bad because he wouldn’t have left if it wasn’t for me. He should have had his family helping him recover and instead I was the one being taken care of. Then she called from the hospital and asked his dad to come to the hospital. He explained that Cole had collapsed and wasn’t doing well. He asked me if I wanted to go with, but I didn’t think I would be welcome. I had royally pissed Cole off and was probably the last person he wanted to see. He ended up in the hospital for several days and the guilt ate me alive. If Cole had stayed here, he probably would have been fine. He would have had help and someone to make sure he took his medication and got the rest he needed.
When he came home, I spent the better part of the day trying to work up the courage to go talk to him and when I did, his face was closed off to me. Where I had first seen all his emotions on his face, now I couldn’t read a thing he was thinking. He was short with me and I knew it wasn’t the time to push it. I’d try again tomorrow and maybe we could come to some sort of understanding. I spent another night staying up watching movies to avoid the demons that were trying to get to me. About midnight, there was a knock on my door and I was shocked to see Cole standing there.
“Whatcha watching?”
I sat there stunned for a moment. Partly because he was actually talking to me, but mostly because he didn’t have a shirt on and I could see his delectable chest. He was in really good shape and I was in a trance staring at him. I snapped myself out of it and brought my eyes up to meet his.
“Um…The Long, Long Trailer.”
He smirked at me and came further into the room and looked at the television. “We sat around one day watching I Love Lucy.”
“We did? It doesn’t sound like a show you would watch.”
“I used to watch it with my grandma when I was a kid. My favorite was the job switching episode.”
“I like the vitameatavegamin episode.” There was a pause as we both watched the screen. “Do you…do you want to watch with me?”
“Sure.” He answered so quickly that I was a little surprised. Where was the surly man from earlier in the day? He climbed up onto the bed and I pulled back the covers so he could climb in. We didn’t snuggle or even sit that close to one another, but it was comfortable. We sat in silence watching the movie and I felt my eyes starting to drift shut. I was so tired from not getting enough rest at one time and I desperately wanted to sleep, but I was afraid that Cole would leave and then I would have nightmares.
“Mom says you haven’t been sleeping at night. She said you were having nightmares. Do you want me to stay so you can sleep?”
I nodded and snuggled further into the comforter. I felt him slide his fingers in-between mine and I fell asleep with him holding my hand.
In the morning, I woke to something tickling my nose and opened my eyes to see I was lying on Cole’s very sexy chest. My hair was hanging in my face, so I pushed it out of the way and then moved slowly away from him. I didn’t want Cole to wake and see me sleeping on his chest. He would read into it and even though we slept in the same bed last night, I wasn’t ready for more.
I felt more rested than I had in days, but felt like I could sleep longer. My bladder was screaming at me for release, so I made my way to the bathroom and then came back to bed. It was only six and I had gone to sleep some time after midnight, so I was still pretty tired. I fell back asleep in no time and when my eyes opened again, it was after ten. Cole wasn’t in bed any more and I decided that I wasn’t going to spend the day in bed. I needed to get up and move around because my back was getting stiff. I took a shower, doing the best I could with my hair and then got dressed in comfy clothes.
There was a knock on the door and then I heard Patricia’s voice.
“Honey, are you awake?”
“Come on in.”
She opened the door with a smile on her face.
“How are you feeling today? You look better.”
“I’m doing much better. I think I’m going to try to get out for a walk today. I’ve been lying in bed too long.”
“Hmm. Cole said he needed to go for a walk also. Maybe you two could go together so that I don’t worry about you being alone. Although, I suppose neither of you would be much help to the other if something happened.” She let out a little laugh and I smiled.
“That sounds good, actually. I’ll talk to him and see if he wants to go with me.”
“Would you mind helping me brush my hair really quick? It’s in knots and I can’t get them out.”
“Of course, honey. Ya know, if you need help with washing your hair, we can always wash it in the sink.”
“Maybe tomorrow. I think I did a good enough job for today.”
She came over and brushed my hair, then we headed to the kitchen to eat some food. Cole was already sitting at the table eating what looked like a Christmas breakfast. There was scrambled eggs, pancakes, sausage, bacon, breakfast potatoes, and fruit. Something niggled at my brain, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Something was familiar about breakfast, but of course, I had eaten breakfast before so I guess that’s why it seemed familiar. I shook it off and sat down at the table, filling my plate with food.
“So, your mom says that you’re going on a walk today. I was thinking of going on one also. Can I go with you?”
“Sure. There are some paths through the woods that are pretty flat and easy to walk through. We can do some exploring.”
“Just not too far, you two. I don’t want to be worrying about you,” his mom said, pointing a spatula at us.
We finished up breakfast and got on shoes and jackets. The air was chilly, but it felt good. We walked in silence for a while and it was comfortable, but I wanted to know some more about our time together. If I was going to give him a chance, I had to understand what we had together.
“What was it like when we were together?”
He seemed taken aback by my question and just looked into my eyes for a minute. I saw them soften a little and hoped that meant that he would open up to me again.
“When you first came to stay with me, you mostly slept and healed. You were in pretty rough shape and you were scared to be alone most of the time. I stayed with you a lot and we shared a bed the whole time you were with me.”
I stopped at that and turned to look at him. “Did I just sleep with you right away?”
He laughed lightly. “No. You had a lot of nightmares and you were fine when I was with you.”
“That explains a lot. The only time I’ve slept well is when you’ve been in bed with me.” I flushed in embarrassment at my announcement. He already knew it, but it was still hard to admit.
“When you were feeling better, we mostly watched movies and hung out around the house. We talked a lot. I told you about my time in the military, and you told me about your parents and what you had been doing since you aged out of foster care. We cooked a lot of meals together and it was just…comfortable. We were very comfortable with each other.”
We started walking through the forest and I looked up at the sky through the trees. It was very peaceful here. I could hear the birds singing and the leaves rustling in the breeze.
“I think maybe we should talk about some of the things we talked about before. I know you’ve already had these conversations, but maybe it will trigger a memory for me.”
“Sure. Maybe I can recreate some of the things we did before.”
My cheeks heated thinking he was talking about sex and I quickly looked down.
“That’s not…maybe we should save that…”
I stopped talking when I heard him laugh. “I’m not talking about sex. I was thinking we could make a meal together or watch some of the movies we did before. There was one time I made us dinner and then we danced.” He shrugged. “Maybe it will spark something.”
We started walking again and he started telling me about his time in the military. Mostly he told me about his brothers and funny stories about the guys. We walked deeper and deeper into the forest and it got darker under the heavier canopy. I felt my heart start to beat faster and I couldn’t pinpoint why. I glanced nervously around the forest, looking for what? I didn’t know, but I felt like I had to be on guard. Cole noticed that I was starting to get nervous because he grabbed my hand.
“Hey, let’s head back. I think we’ve gone far enough.” He turned to walk back, but I was frozen where I stood. I was starting to breathe faster and my vision was blurring. Images of me running through the forest flashed in my mind. I could feel the pain and fear of running from something. My fear increased tenfold when I started envisioning the cellar that I was kept in. I could smell the urine and feel the terror as rats and spiders crawled on me. I grabbed my hair, pulling at it, hoping to pull the images out of my head.
“Stop! Just stop!” I screamed at no one. The images came faster now, though none of it made sense to me. I could hear Cole in front of me talking, could feel his hands on my shoulders trying to hold me steady. Tears clogged my eyes and I started struggling to get away. I wanted to run, just like I was in my visions. Cole hoisted me up and was half-running through the trees. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in the crook of his neck. I couldn’t stop crying and I didn’t even know what was happening.
As we left the forest and got closer to the house, I felt my panic lessen. I noticed Cole had slowed to a walk and was probably hurting from carrying me. I tried to push away from Cole to signal that I could get down, but he tightened his grip on me as he finished the walk back to the house. By the time we reached the house, my breathing was almost normal and I felt a little more in control of my body.
His dad must have seen us coming because he was waiting on the porch for us. I buried myself further in Cole so that his father wouldn’t see what a mess I was. Cole told him he would talk to him later and carried me right through the house to the bedroom. He sat down on the bed with me still in his arms and held me for a minute.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what had happened.
“I can’t explain it. I had a feeling that I shouldn’t be there, but I don’t know why. Then visions started flashing in front of my eyes, images of me running through the woods. I felt the panic and fear, but I don’t remember it.”
“It sounds like you were remembering.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s like I know that it was something I experienced, but I don’t remember any of it. It’s almost like it was a movie reel showing me what had happened.”
He sat there for a minute running his fingers through my hair. I took in the smell of him, sweat mixed with some kind of aftershave. Then I remembered and leapt out of his arms.
“Oh my, God. Your side. Did I hurt you?” I knelt down in front of him and pulled at his shirt, which I could now see was sticky with blood. I was about to pull it over his head, but saw that it hurt him to raise his arm that high.
“Just leave it. I’m fine,” he snapped. I immediately stepped back. I felt like an idiot. I’d had a meltdown and he had to carry me back to get me to stop panicking. I did this to him.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He shook his head and huffed out a laugh, his eyebrows furrowed. “You think I’m mad at you about this? I’m pissed because you shouldn’t be worrying about me right now. I’ll be fine, but I can’t stand to watch you lose it when you don’t even know why. You should be able to take a fucking walk without freaking out. I hate what that asshole did to you and I would do anything to change that.” He stood and walked away from me, then turned and faced me with a fierce look. “I was supposed to protect you and I failed, so don’t apologize to me when you’ve done nothing wrong.”
I wasn’t expecting that and I wasn’t quite sure what to say. He was most definitely a warrior and protector. The way he spoke about me radiated his love for me. I could feel it. It wasn’t flowery and romantic. It was fierce and indefatigable. I could see now how I had been so drawn to him before.
I nodded my head in acceptance and walked towards him, placing a hand on his chest. I pushed up on my toes and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you.” Our eyes locked and understanding passed between us. He couldn’t giv
e up on me and I wasn’t yet ready to give him everything, but I understood more now and was ready to open up to him.
“I’ll go get the first aid kit from your mom. I’ll be right back.”
I turned and walked out of the room and headed towards the kitchen to find Patricia. She was sitting at the kitchen table with a worried look on her face.
“Cole opened up his stitches. Can I have the first aid kit and some scissors?”
“Sure, honey.” She stood and went to the sink, retrieving it from underneath. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. I had some visions or something and freaked out. Cole had to carry me out of there, but I’m okay now.”
She nodded and handed me the kit and scissors. I walked back to the bedroom and saw Cole lying on the bed with his left arm resting over his eyes. He looked exhausted and I would make sure to help take care of him after all he had done for me.
“I think we should just cut the shirt off. It looks like it’s ruined.”
He moved his arm and looked at me. He was really pale and I felt horrible all over again, but I brushed it off and set down the supplies on the bed. I cut his shirt and started to move the cut pieces to the side. My fingers grazed his perfect chest and I felt a zing shoot through me down to my nether regions. I hadn’t felt anything like that for a man in years, maybe ever. I could definitely see how I had gotten involved with him. He was gorgeous and oozed sex appeal from every pore on his perfectly honed body.
I must have been touching him for too long because when I looked up, his eyes were on me, sparked with curiosity. I cleared my throat and got to work cleaning his wound. It wasn’t too bad. It looked like only one stitch had come out and the bleeding had stopped. When I was done cleaning it, I placed a gauze pad over it and taped it in place. My hands lingered on his body, not wanting to stop touching him yet. I didn’t know how to tell him though. How do you say I want to keep touching you, but I don’t know if I’m ready for more? It sounded selfish and I didn’t want to give him the impression that I was going to fall into his arms and we would suddenly be this wonderful couple.
Cole: A Romantic Thriller Novel (For The Love Of A Good Woman Book 2) Page 17
