by Claire Adams
We had worked through things and she had apologized. Well, she had done more than apologize, but I wasn’t going to tell them about what else had happened between us. It was very early in the morning for them to be there and I instantly felt bad that I had called them so quickly when we arrived back home.
“Jordan,” I heard Ana’s voice say from the kitchen as she ran to the front door and swung it open quickly.
“Hey, Ana, you look great!” Jordan’s voice had a kind of surprise in it as she looked at me.
I stood in the living room and watched the whole scene as Ana hugged Jordan and then Chase. Jordan was right: Ana looked amazing. Her hair was freshly washed and she had hint of makeup and a huge smile. Her hands weren’t shaking at all and she looked relaxed and happy. It was so far from what she had been like the day before that I couldn’t wrap my brain around what was going on.
I kept looking at Ana and trying to figure out how she looked so good in the morning, yet had seemed so totally out of it the night before. Something wasn’t right, and I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
“Hey, man,” Chase said as he came over to stand near me. “She looks better than I’ve ever seen her. What’s up?”
“Your guess is as good as mine.”
Chase and I stood in awe watching Ana hug and laugh with Jordan. She was full of energy and smiling like I had never imagined was even possible for her to do. My first thought was that she was high on something. Old habits die hard, and I had seen plenty of my friends go back to using and drinking after they had tried to get clean. It was the only explanation I could come up with for the drastic change in Ana.
“You look really good, Ana,” Jordan said again as the women hugged some more and then went into the kitchen.
My skepticism was high, but I followed the women anyways. I wasn’t use to having any woman around my house, but the mood swings with Ana were of epic proportions and it was difficult understand.
Women weren’t my strong suit. I was skilled at seeing threats from miles away and protecting people. That was what I got paid to do. In my work life and when I had been in the military, my job was simple; protect people. When I got sent out on assignments, I had a very clear set of guidelines of where I was picking a client up at and where I was bringing them to. Sometimes it was in the middle of a war zone, other times it was simply a dangerous city or town; but the rules were always clear.
With Ana, the rules of engagement weren’t clear at all. I felt myself constantly wondering what I should say to her or how I should say it. Then she kissed me. That had put my head into a spinning whirlwind that still hadn’t stopped.
The rules of how to deal with Ana certainly weren’t anywhere near clear enough for me, but I couldn’t help but feel a little happy that she was looking so much better that morning. I hoped it was going to be a new change for her, but deep down I thought that she was putting on an act for her friends so they wouldn’t worry about her. I had done a similar act when I first got out of the military and pretended I was really happy with the choice. But I wasn’t all that happy with leaving the military and didn’t find happiness again until I got a job in private security.
The night before I certainly felt something between us, but I hadn’t met a beautiful woman that I could resist, so it didn’t seem all that unusual for me to be aroused by her. But as she placed her bare hand onto my chest and moved her lips to mine, I knew I was in trouble. I couldn’t stop myself. My brain was screaming that this woman didn’t really want to be kissing me. She was in desperate need for security and my presence was giving her that. My brain knew it, but my body reacted all on its own.
The smell of her body still lingered for me and I closed my eyes while in the kitchen and remembered her touch. It had taken every last bit of my energy to pull away from her and send her back inside the house. She didn’t want me. It was a stress reaction to all that she had been through. No matter how badly I wanted her, I wouldn’t take advantage of her when she was vulnerable.
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep so I got up early and worked out, took a shower, and baked these little, mini quiche,” Ana said with a wide grin on her face.
“A little sleep deprived mania seems to be doing her well,” Chase snickered as he stood next to me.
I wasn’t at all happy to hear that Ana hadn’t slept, but I wasn’t going to make a scene with Chase and Jordan there. Instead, I would go along with her act just until they left, but then we were going to have a serious talk about what she needed to do if she actually wanted to start feeling better.
“Yeah, she’s in a much better mood,” I added. “So are you serving us this delicious breakfast you made?”
My voice cut through the kitchen and the smile on Ana’s face instantly froze. She didn’t look at me at all, but turned and grabbed a plate and filled it up. The quick move to total silence was strange and Jordan gave me a look like I had done something wrong. I hated that look, and when it came from Jordan I hated it even more. Jordan had turned into the mother figure of our little group and I didn’t want to do anything to disappoint her.
I shrugged my shoulders. I had no idea what I had done that had Ana unwilling to look at me or talk to me. It was she who had kissed me and I simply put a stop to it. If anyone should be embarrassed, it would be me for actually stopping such a beautiful woman’s advances. If I had been a lesser man, I would have let her continue. I would have kept her hand wrapped around my throbbing cock and maybe even brought her inside to my bed. But I was better than that and Ana deserved better than making out with me in my makeshift gym.
“Can you hand that to Nathan, please?” Ana asked Jordan softly without looked toward me at all.
“Sure.”
I saw Jordan’s eyes staring me down as she walked over and handed me the plate. I continued to shrug and tried to figure out what the heck I had done. Let’s be honest, I thought I had done something for sure. As a soldier, I was very observant, as a private security guard as well, but as a man around a woman, I couldn’t figure out a damn thing.
Chase laughed and covered his mouth as he watched Jordan chastising me with her eyes. He seemed particularly amused by the trouble I was in. Chase and Jordan were so perfect together it made me sick to my stomach sometimes. But not because I hated it; I wanted what they had someday, I just didn’t know how long I wanted to wait before I went after that domestic lifestyle.
“What did you do? Why does Ana hate you?” Chase whispered.
“Let’s go out to my shed I’ll tell you.”
I finished eating the quiche as Jordan handed Chase his own to eat. The silence continued and the level of awkwardness that filled the room made it like a thick cell that we all wanted to escape. Chase could hardly keep a straight face as he finished his food and tried to get out of the kitchen without getting into any more trouble with the ladies.
“Hey, how’s the gym going out back?”Chase offered up as a reason for us to leave.
“Let me show you. It’s looking real nice. You ladies enjoy catching up; we’re going to head out back.”
As quickly as possible, Chase and I made our way out of the house and toward my workout shed without looking back. Chase was almost buckled over with laughter by the time we made it to the building and I couldn’t hold back my own laughter at the sight of him. He hadn’t seen me get into trouble with Jordan before and it was causing some pretty hilarious laughter in both of us.
“What did you do?” Chase asked accusingly. “You slept with her didn’t you?”
He didn’t look particularly disappointed at the idea that I would have slept with Ana. She was a beautiful woman and I would have been lucky to have her in my bed. But I absolutely wouldn’t take advantage of her like that. She had so much healing still to do and I would just cause more harm than good if I got involved with her.
“No!”
“Why did you just look away when you said that?” Chase exclaimed. “I know all those facial recognition things too. I’ve read th
e books. You’re lying to me. Why did you look away?”
“I didn’t. Hey, I’m the one with facial recognition experience. You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
But clearly he did. My years of harping about what liars look like when they lie had obviously soaked in and Chase knew that something was up. Certainly I wasn’t lying to him, but the fact that I looked away when he asked the question showed that there was much more to the story than I was letting on. As much as I didn’t want to tell Chase what had happened, I knew it would be easier to just cave in and tell him now.
“Okay, well there was a kiss,” I added.
“You sly dog. She’s sexy as hell. I say go for it. Give her something to be distracted by,” Chase joked with me and punched my arm.
“No, she kissed me!”
“What? No way.”
“Yeah, first she yelled and screamed at me after having a dissociative event and cutting her hand. Then she came out here and kissed me.”
Of course there was much more to the story, but I didn’t feel like Chase needed to hear all of that. I just wanted to fill him in on the basics of what happened. But it really didn’t give any clues to why Ana wasn’t looking at me at all while she was in the kitchen.
“Shit, what happened before she kissed you? That seems odd.”
“I was just trying to be nice to her and told her what happened when she spaced out. Then she touched me.”
Chase again started to laugh like he was a teenage boy. We hadn’t had a good talk about my love life in a few months; it felt good to have my brother there to chat with. I only wished that our brother, Jeremiah, was around too; he always loved a good makeout story. Jeremiah went on to become an actor and I swore that it was because he would get to makeout with different women and get paid for it. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he had become a porn star, but was much happier with the plan of being an actor.
“She touched you in a bad spot?” he teased.
“Stop. It’s serious, Chase. She’s not in any position to be fucking someone. I put a stop to it and now she won’t even look at me.”
“She’s just embarrassed. Girls hate being told no.”
“How would you know, Chase? You’ve never told a girl no before,” I laughed hysterically.
“So you want her to come stay with us still?” Chase questioned me with a smirk.
I could see it in his eyes that he thought I had ulterior motives. I really couldn’t blame him. He knew me well. I certainly hadn’t established myself as the relationship type of guy or the sweet, sensitive guy that would give up a night of sex with any woman. But things were different with Ana.
Ana had been through so much already; I couldn’t be the person who took advantage of her. She didn’t even know how to care for herself yet after all she had gone through. I also wouldn’t be the person who sent her away at the first sign of trouble. I could control myself around her, even if she wasn’t able to.
My philandering was always with women who knew exactly what we were getting ourselves into. Women from the bars who practically threw themselves at me so I would take them home. Those women were nothing like Ana. I didn’t feel bad about screwing them on a one-night stand because I knew nothing about them. But I knew about Ana and I wasn’t about to do something I would regret with her.
When I was around Ana, I was a different man than I was around any other person on the earth. Everything about her made me want to be a better person and I liked that about her. I wanted to be a better man and less of an asshole to her; it wasn’t something she asked for, though, it was just how I wanted her to see me.
From the moment I carried her out of Stephano’s home, I felt something for her. It was a connection, a need to protect her. I wasn’t about to go against that feeling. Whatever was coming in the future for Ana and I wouldn’t come until she was better and I felt like she knew what she was doing. Because at the moment, it felt like Ana was whirling through life on autopilot with no control over her actions.
“I don’t think she wants to leave, but we can ask her. If she wants to stay, I’m fine with it. Does she have a counselor or someone to talk to? I feel like she needs someone.”
Chase noted the serious tone in my voice and he didn’t continue on with the teasing. He and I were close enough that he knew when I was ready to move on. Chase could tell that I really did care about Ana’s wellbeing.
“I’ll have Jordan and her work something out. How long until you head out on your next job?”
“No idea. I haven’t returned anyone’s calls.”
“Are you ready to start your own thing? I’d be happy to invest.”
Chase knew I had a business plan to start my own private security firm. I was so sick and tired of deploying to dangerous locations with crappy intel and poor supplies. These suits that ran my current company didn’t understand how much safer the jobs could be if only they would hire an analyst to work up the areas before we arrived. Currently the intelligence package we got about locations was so old that often we didn’t even have an accurate map to work with. That intel information was crucial for being able to protect the big named senators, celebrities, and executives that I was hired to work with. Sooner or later, a big event was going to happen all because of the crappy intelligence they had.
Plus, they often sent us to locations with nothing more than a couple handguns. These were dangerous places where the rebels had grenades, missiles, and night vision, and we had nothing to protect ourselves. Most of the guys who worked with me had all purchased their own bulletproof vests to give their families some sort of reassurance that they had protection, but it was a minimal effort against some of the rebels we encountered.
“No, I think I’m going to have to wait a couple more months. Two of the guys who want to come work with me are in contracts until then. I’d also like to pull away one of their big clients, which means I need to do one more job for him. Prove that I can handle his work.”
“Where’s the job?”
“I’ve heard he has an office in Damascus, Syria that he’s trying to close down and get his people out of. He’s got a new, billion-dollar facility in Dubai that he’s moving everyone to.”
“Syria? Shit, that’s dangerous.”
“I know. He’s been trying to get people and their families out slowly, but it’s tough. I think that’s the job they’ve been calling me about. But to be honest, it scares the hell out of me. Not because it’s Syria, but because my employer won’t make it a very safe job.”
“What isn’t a safe job?” Jordan asked as we turned and saw her and Ana standing in the doorway.
“His next assignment is in Syria,” Chase added.
“Syria? Why would you go there? That’s way too dangerous. You should tell them no,” Ana voiced her concern. “I was there with my family ten years ago; it was dangerous then and it’s much worse now.”
“You were there?” I asked.
This tidbit of information about her past was about all I knew so far. Jordan had been pretty busy with her life with Chase and I hadn’t tried to be too pushy to find out. All I knew was that Ana had accepted an invitation from Stephano to come to the United States from Liechtenstein.
“Yeah, my father had a job over there for a short period of time. Luckily he got out though. Most of the men at his company were murdered by rebels in the area a few years later.”
“Nate works as a private security guard for an oil tycoon over there.”
“Thanks, Chase, for that commentary,” I joked with him. “I don’t know if I’m going to take the job yet. I haven’t returned a call to the office in a few weeks.”
I noticed Ana’s hand started to shake and she grabbed onto Jordan and whispered something in her ear. The two women turned toward each other and Chase and I watched as they were deep in conversation.
“We are going to head back inside,” Jordan said and wrapped her arm around Ana’s waist and walked away.
“I can’t t
ake that job and leave Ana here,” I said.
“Well you can’t stop working for the rest of your life to take care of her either. She’ll be fine. Give it a week or two and then take your job. Jordan can come stay here, or Ana can just come and stay with us. We will take care of her.”
“Chase! Nate! Come help!” Jordan screamed from the house.
Her voice seemed frantic as we both took off running toward the house. When we got close enough, we saw Ana on the ground with Jordan standing over her. Ana was pail and appeared to have passed out but was coming back to us as she opened her eyes.
“What happened?” I asked as I kneeled down next to her.
“She was hyperventilating and as we walked up the steps she just collapsed.”
I couldn’t believe my eyes as I saw her lying there on the ground. She looked so fragile and I instantly remembered what she had looked like while sitting in the corner of the room at Stephano’s.
“Does anything hurt?” I asked.
“No. I’m fine,” Ana said as she started to stand up.
“I don’t think so. I’ll get you inside to your bed.”
I scooped Ana up into my arms as Jordan held the door for me so I could carry her into the room. She was light, barely heavy enough for me to struggle with at all. I flashed back to that night when I picked her up from a back bedroom at Stephano’s house. She had been so scared, so innocent, and so out of it.
“Put me down you big oaf. I’m perfectly capable of walking,” Ana said as she slapped my chest.
“Ouch.”
She sure was a handful when she was conscious, I laughed to myself. But it was serious that she had passed out. Normal, healthy people didn’t just pass out for no reason and I thought we should probably take her to the doctor to get checked out, but then I knew she wouldn’t agree to that unless it was an actual emergency.
