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Copyright © 2018 by Jennifer McGaha
Cover and internal design © 2018 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover design by Jason Gabbert
Cover images © Vlad Klok/Shutterstock; Ruslan Gi/Shutterstock; Elena Lyadova Sergeevna/Shutterstock
Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.
This book is a memoir. It reflects the author’s present recollections of experiences over a period of time. Some names and characteristics have been changed, some events have been compressed, and some dialogue has been re-created.
All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names of their respective holders. Sourcebooks, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendor in this book.
Published by Sourcebooks, Inc.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: McGaha, Jennifer, author.
Title: Flat broke with two goats : a memoir / Jennifer McGaha.
Description: Naperville, Illinois : Sourcebooks, [2018]
Identifiers: LCCN 2017015544 | (pbk. : alk. paper)
Subjects: LCSH: Farmers--Appalachian Region--Biography. | Autobiography.
Classification: LCC S417.M45 M34 2018 | DDC 630.9756/8--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017015544
Contents
Front Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Chapter One
Nostalgia Pesto
Chapter Two
Citrus Chicken Marinade
Chapter Three
Cajun Shrimp
Chapter Four
Taco Soup
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chipotle Chicken Burritos for a Crowd
Chapter Seven
Mamaw’s Cornbread
Chapter Eight
Snow Cream
Chapter Nine
Homemade Yogurt
Chapter Ten
Smoky Poached Eggs with Chickpeas and Feta
Chapter Eleven
Molasses Cocktail for Finicky Goats
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Spicy Crock-Pot Chicken for Chicken Lovers
Chapter Fourteen
Prenatal Piña Coladas
Chapter Fifteen
Arugula Salad for a Snaky Picnic
Chapter Sixteen
How to Milk a Stubborn Doe
Chapter Seventeen
Post-Surveillance Gazpacho
Chapter Eighteen
Goat Cheese
Chapter Nineteen
Ringneck Season Mojitos
Chapter Twenty
Lemon Whey Pie
Chapter Twenty-One
Goat’s Milk Custard
Chapter Twenty-Two
Pasta with Goat Cheese, Sun-Dried Tomatoes, and Broccoli
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cajeta
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Goat Milk Soap
Reading Group Guide
A Conversation with the Author
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Back Cover
For my maternal grandparents, Hubert and Adeline Boyd, whose love continues to sustain us all.
A mountain keeps an echo deep inside itself. That’s how I hold your voice.
—RUMI
Chapter One
I was upstairs folding laundry when I heard the horn. From the wide porch window, I watched a blue car with a flashing yellow light on top ease around the bend—the mailman. Our mailbox stood next to the main road, almost a mile away from the house, and because our driveway was full of holes and bumps and sagging telephone wires, most delivery people left our packages there, wedged against the mailbox flag. In fact, since our move here to the woods, we had only had one other group of unexpected visitors, Jehovah’s Witnesses who sprang from their car, stuck a leaflet on a window ledge, and were gone before I could get to the door.
So I knew the mailman’s presence meant only one thing: certified mail. And I knew that certified mail meant only one thing: bad news. Still, I might as well get this over with. I threw down the towel in my hand and headed outside just as two of our five dogs, Hester, a yellow Lab mix, and Reba, a lanky Carolina dog, sprinted down the driveway. Yapping and snarling, they lunged at the mailman’s tires.
“Man,” the mailman said, surveying me, the snarling dogs, the ramshackle house, the old outhouse, the pieces of scrap metal and scrap lumber strewn everywhere. “I feel like I’m in a Chevy Chase film.”
Don’t we all, I wanted to say. Don’t we all.
I supposed he meant Funny Farm, the 1988 film where Chevy plays a New Yorker who moves to rural Vermont in search of rest and solace and instead finds mayhem. At best, it was a generous interpretation of our circumstances. We had lived here, in this century-old cabin in the mountains of western North Carolina, for six months. Still, in that moment just after I woke in the mornings, before my conscious mind was fully engaged, I often pictured myself back in my sun-soaked bedroom in the spacious Cape Cod–style house just a few miles from here, the house we had lived in for eight years, the house with finished ceilings and floors, where I had not once seen a venomous snake, where mice were an occasional occurrence rather than an everyday hazard.
I signed for the letter the mailman handed me and noted the name on the return address, an attorney in Asheville. Of course, I knew what it was. I had been expecting it for weeks, so now that it had finally arrived, it was, in a way, a relief. No longer was the foreclosure something that was going to happen. It was something that was currently happening, something I was already getting through, which meant, somehow, I might emerge, perhaps not unscathed but stable, sane, not a total wreck of a person. So I took the fact that I shushed my dogs and helped the mailman turn around in the drive to be a good sign, an indication that I would survive this, that someday, we would refer to the time our house was foreclosed in the past tense. It would be something that happened long ago, something barely worth mentioning. The house we lived in before the financial collapse, we would say. The home we lost just before things got better.
I had experienced this same kind of numb acquiescence several years before when my grandfather was dying. For months, I had been so consumed with grief and worry over his failing health that when he was actually lying in his hospice bed, his breaths low and raspy, the air filled with strange, acrid scents, something in me released. All those months of trying to keep him alive, of holding out hope that he might suddenly spring up and walk out of the hospital vibrant, spiri
ted, whole, were over. As I sat next to his bedside, talking to my children, eating the casseroles people brought, grading student papers while he oscillated in and out of consciousness, I had thought, Maybe, just maybe, I can get through this.
During the Great Recession, millions of Americans lost their jobs, and millions of families lost their homes, so David and I were hardly alone in our circumstances. The greatest financial calamity since the Great Depression, the recession had struck rural Appalachia particularly hard. Here, many of us remained only one or two generations removed from the sort of hand-to-mouth existence our forebears had experienced.
Though the recession officially lasted less than two years, the ramifications continued long after that time. Jobs were scarce. Unemployment and underemployment were rampant, and real estate sales were virtually nonexistent. Three years after the official end of the recession, the year our home was foreclosed, foreclosure notices continued to splatter the local newspaper. Somehow, though, knowing we were not alone did not make our situation any easier. Instead, the thought of all those empty homes—all those lives interrupted—compounded my loss, filled me with a greater sadness, the sum of all those broken parts.
Inside the cabin, I opened the envelope from the attorney. The papers outlined everything I already knew, skipping a few of the more salient points, such as how irresponsible and short-sighted we were for entering into a contract where our friends, Jeff and Denise, had owner-financed our home. Our kids—their daughter and son and our three children—had grown up together. Their daughter, Jacqueline, and our older son, Aaron, had been particularly close. They met in kindergarten, back when Jeff and Denise still lived in the house we would later buy, and they had been good friends for the past fifteen years—three-quarters of their lives. Denise and I became friends too, in the way people do when their lives necessarily intersect, in that “it takes a village” sort of way people in small towns raise their kids. We emailed regularly, lunched sometimes, occasionally spent weekends with all of our kids at their summer cottage in nearby Montreat.
Together, Denise and I worried about Jacqueline’s difficulty reading, my younger son’s attention issues, our older children’s crowd of friends. We shared carpool duties and recipes and jokes about the more eccentric members of the Episcopal church we both attended. We baked each other Christmas cookies and exchanged gifts. Our families celebrated special events together at their new home, a rambling, circular house in a gated golfing community. We consoled each other when the young daughter of a mutual friend died of brain cancer and again when our kids’ fifteen-year-old classmate fatally shot himself in the face.
When David and I bought Jeff and Denise’s house, the arrangement had seemed ideal. The Cape Cod–style house looked out over wide pastures and expansive cornfields. The two-acre property had at one time been an apple orchard, and from our front porch, we could look over the cabins and trailers and farmhouse and see where the fields ended and DuPont Forest began—dense woods of pines and hardwoods. The setting was rural, quiet, ideal for us, our three children, and our dogs, who were disturbing our next-door neighbor in town. Jeff and Denise built the house themselves, and it had already been on the market for a couple of years when we looked at it. One factor making the house hard to sell was that the water pipes were made of polybutylene, a type of material known to corrode. We knew this might pose a potential problem for us down the road, but at the time, we were ready for a change and willing to take the risk. We would deal with the pipes later, we said. If a problem occurred.
After we moved in, however, we soon realized the house had other issues. The upstairs bath leaked through the ceiling onto the kitchen counter. The porch wood had not been properly treated, and it soon rotted and fell apart. Within the first few years, we had to replace all of the wood outside—the back deck, the door frames. And then the roof began leaking in multiple places. One morning, I woke to find boxes of our family photos full of water. Eventually, we set a metal mixing bowl beneath the largest leak in our bedroom. At night, the pinging of the water was so loud, we folded a washcloth and tucked it into the bowl to mute the sound. We needed a new roof, but there never seemed to be enough money left over after paying our other expenses. We would make do until we had some extra cash, we thought. Surely, that would be soon.
Still, we enjoyed the abundant sunshine and the quiet pace of country life. I grew basil in pots on the front porch, tomatoes in a bed out front. We fenced in the spacious backyard for our dogs, and in the midst of the old apple grove, David grew peppers and okra and corn and squash. My favorite thing about the house, though, was the sunroom. It was large and full of windows, and we had all our special family dinners there. I loved cooking. I loved chopping onions, smashing garlic cloves, slicing peppers, sautéing spices to bring out their flavors. I loved the way the house filled with the scent of cumin and coriander and chilies, the way my kids, summoned by the smells, clustered around the kitchen island sneaking bites of tortillas, French bread, and pepper-jack cheese. And I loved that moment when dinner was finally ready and all five of us gathered at the long, wooden table in the sunroom. I loved the clamor and chaos of everyone reaching over and around and between everyone else, of our dogs barking and begging for food, of the incessant banter of my children.
I would do anything for those few moments a day, for that hour or half hour at the dinner table with my family, so I cooked with a sort of primal ferocity, as if the safety and sanctity of my family depended on it. In the winter, I made soups and stews and homemade bread, lasagna, tostadas, enchiladas, shrimp and grits, barbecued spare ribs, cream-cheese braids, fondue. In the summer, I made gazpacho, corn chowder, squash casserole, stuffed peppers, Thai lettuce wraps with three different sauces, homemade pesto. On hot summer nights, the neighbor’s children Hula-Hooped on their roof, and while we lingered at the dinner table over wine and angel-hair pasta with fresh pesto, we watched the hoops spinning around and around, the effect both dizzying and exhilarating.
Pesto was simple to make, but something about it always felt extravagant, perhaps because we only ate it at the height of summer when we had our own crop of fresh basil, perhaps because it tasted so fresh and bright, like summer itself. Even today, the bright scent of basil, the evening sun slanting through the apple trees, and the sounds of my children’s voices merge together in my mind, one seamless, three-dimensional snapshot.
When we bought Jeff and Denise’s house, our children were still children, our sons, Eli and Aaron, ten and twelve, our daughter, Alex, fifteen, a freshman in high school. By the time the house was foreclosed, eight years later, Aaron and Alex were in college, and Eli was eighteen, a high school senior. My kids walked into that house one moment as children and left the next as adults. Maybe under other circumstances, it would have seemed different, a more natural letting go. As it was, when we lost the house, I was filled with a strange yet pressing sense that I was deserting my children, simply walking away and leaving them behind. Later, after we moved to the cabin, I would think back on those years at the Cape Cod house with a critic’s eye, dissecting every moment, looking for affirmation that I had, in fact, been a decent mother, that my kids had had happy childhoods.
We had debt, even then, but David was making well over six figures a year as a private accountant and part-time real estate agent, and the house payments were manageable—so manageable, in fact, that we decided to send our kids to a private school in Asheville for middle school and high school. David and I had both gone to the local public schools, and our experiences there had not been good overall. We wanted better for our kids. Though the school in Asheville was pricey, our kids received generous amounts of financial aid, and we paid only a couple of thousand the first year our daughter went there. However, when our boys began attending as well, the total price tag got higher and higher until the amount we were paying for all three kids was about the cost of the average public college tuition. And then there was the cost of gas for the ho
ur-and-a-half daily commute.
Still, we loved the school community, which was, in many ways, much more diverse than the public school in our own community. Maybe our kids would avoid some of the challenges David and I had faced in high school. Maybe the other kids would be more ambitious than many of our peers had been. Maybe their ambition would rub off on our children. Maybe our kids would be challenged more academically and, as a result, get into better colleges and secure better jobs. Maybe their lives would be easier than ours had been, their success more readily ensured. Our decision seemed logical enough at the time. Plus, we had every reason to believe our upward earning trend would continue. When the kids are older, we’ll start saving, we said. When the kids are older, we’ll pay off our debts.
Each year at the private school was more costly, however, and eventually, we needed to borrow more money to keep up with our expenses. We got a second mortgage, then a third until our monthly mortgage payments totaled over three thousand dollars. David worked long hours, sleeping little, drinking tons of coffee. Although at the time I assumed he preferred the calm chaos of his office to the outright chaos of a home full of kids and pets, I now know he was desperately trying to keep up. And then the country sank into the second greatest economic crisis in history, and, like millions of other Americans, we sank right along with it.
David’s accounting business relied heavily on building contractors and other laborers who were soon out of work, and his real estate commissions came to a sudden and definitive halt. His income was quickly cut in half, then in half again, and my adjunct teaching positions contributed little to our family income. All those years of overspending, of thinking we would pay things off next month, next year, start a savings plan sometime in the future, finally caught up with us. Though David had been the eternal optimist, adept at always staying one step ahead—borrowing from A to pay B, borrowing from C to pay A—our lives had at last become one meandering, nonsensical equation. We were more than $350,000 in debt. Our credit cards were maxed out. Our cars were old and in desperate need of repairs. And, even worse, we had a tax problem. A major tax problem.
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